"Loki Palmer's Madhouse Kitchen"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Any other universes I decide to use belong to their respective creators.

Some time ago, an old Fanfiction friend of mine, DZ2 sent me a PM about a challenge he posted, a challenge entitled "Let It Go" (after that awesome song in "Frozen"; if you haven't heard it before, check it out.)

Mulling over this challenge, it occurred to me that he's got the right idea with his Den of Delights, and so was born this collection of one-shots, called Loki Palmer's Madhouse Kitchen. Some may turn into full stories, others may not. Whether I will give permission for my fellow writers to use any of these ideas remains to be seen, but I will reserve the right to deny such permission, capisce?

Another friend of mine, Ben (not a fellow Fanfiction writer), thinks it's funny that I would use cooking as a metaphor for my writing process when I can't cook on a stove. I've joked that if I was cooking on a stove, you would need the Fire Department on speed dial! LOL. Then again, like the idea of me cooking on a stove, my fanfics can be explosive too – explosively hilarious, that is!

(For the obvious sake of safety, I do all my cooking in a microwave. The stove cooking metaphor works for me, though, so that's what I use to describe my process.)

So, my welcome to fans old and new,

Have I got some stew for you!

To complainers who like to whine and flame,

Go shag yourselves if that's your game!

If my madness you can bear,

Enter my kitchen – if you dare!

[Manic laughter.]

Chapter 1

King of the Outcasts

Harry breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing that Cedric Diggory was the Hogwarts Champion. "Whew … maybe I will have a peaceful year after all …"

"Wonderful!" said Professor Dumbledore. "Now that we have our three Champions …"

Great was the shock of the assembly in the Great Hall as the Goblet of Fire spewed out a fourth parchment, which Dumbledore caught; greater was the shock when he read the name on it:

"Harry Potter … no, this can't be right. Harry Potter?"

Harry could not believe his ears either, and sat there in shock.

"HARRY POTTER!"

Hermione gave him a small shove. "Harry, get up there!"

"But Hermione –"

"Just go already! We'll talk about it later!"

As he stepped forward to meet the Headmaster, he heard voices all around him say:

"He's a cheat!"

"He's not even of age yet!"

"How did he get his name into the Goblet?"

When he arrived at the Goblet, he spun around to face his accusers, his glare murderous. "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST SHRED OF EVIDENCE!" A loud thunderclap shook the Great Hall as Harry raised his wand. "Upon my magic I swear that I did not put my name in the Goblet, nor did I ask an older student to do so for me!"

Everyone gasped, for such an oath, known as a wizard's oath, could strip away the wizard's magic if the person was lying. Either the wizard in question would be a Squib or dead; neither one sounded pleasant from a wizarding standpoint.

"Harry, do you realize what you've done?" said Professor Dumbledore.

"If I have told the truth, Headmaster, I will suffer no ill effects. EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

A bright silver stag exited Harry's wand and went to Hermione. As it nuzzled her, it grew brighter, causing others nearby to shield their eyes, then it trotted back to its master, nuzzled him, and disappeared.

Harry looked at the stunned crowd. "Any questions?"

~KING OF THE OUTCASTS~

She found him in the Astronomy Tower. "Harry?"

He turned around. "Hermione … you seem to be my only friend in this darkest of times …"

She hugged him. "I'm here for you, no matter what. Is it me, or has the temperature dropped around here?"

Harry started to sing [to "Let It Go"]:

"A cold wind blows all through Hogwarts tonight,
Hardly no one to be seen;
A kingdom of outcast rejects,
And guess what? I am their King!
My anger's flowing like this thunderstorm outside!
I just can't clamp it down; God, You know I've tried!
Don't let your anger cloud your view;
Please be calm and you will see it through!
Well, Dumbledore, I've had enough!
I say, enough!"

Lightning flashed around the area as Harry continued singing:

"I'll arise! I'll arise!
As of now, in my darkest hour,
Just like Fawkes, from the ash,
I'll come back with so much power!
Lightning flash, and thunder roar!
Let my darkness rage;
The storm, it don't scare me none anymore!"

What he was not expecting was that Hermione would join in the song:

"Harry, you know I love you, staying always by your side,
With the courage that you give me, I no longer have to hide!
Dear, with my brains and with your power,
Every enemy will have to cower!
Forget their rules, let's make them see:
We're free!
We'll arise! We'll arise!
Thunder roar across the skies!
Powers flow! Dark winds blow!
May they see it in our eyes!
I don't care what the world will say!
Let Our darkness rage …"

Harry sang:

"Can you feel the thunder as it roars for miles around?"

Sure enough, even the castle shook with the thunderous roars. Hermione sang:

"Our enemies will have to cower underground!"

Harry sang:

"No good exists, nor evil, there is only power!"

Hermione sang:

"They will come to rue this night, and this, our very hour!"

Harry sang:

"We'll arise! We'll arise!
Like the break of the sun at dawn!"

Hermione sang:

"We'll arise! We'll arise!
The Boy-Who-Lived is gone!"

They sang together in harmony:

"We could care less what they're going to say!
As we show they're wrong!
The storms, they don't scare us none anyway!"

They had their first kiss under the darkness of the storm, lightning flashing all the while.

"Where shall we go first, Hermione?"

Her eyes sparked with mischief. "How about we go and visit an old friend … you know, the one who is so obsessed with you, you can't help but run into him every year? It's so nice he comes to visit at the end of each year … think what you like about him, he cares for you and your education …"

"Obsessed? You don't mean he's … faygeles or anything? I don't swing that way, Mione."

She gave him a playful swat. "No, you prat, but you do run into him every year …"

"Every year?"

She laughed. "Okay, except for third year, you've run into him …"

"I know the one of whom you speak, Mione. Shall we go, my dear?"

It was thus that, holding onto each other, the new couple vanished in a burst of lightning …

Author's Note: Wow, that was quite an amazing start to this Madhouse Kitchen of mine. More stew to come later! I might very well consider turning this one into a story …

Smiles and laughter,

Loki Palmer