I'm writing this before I finish my homework because it's seriously getting to me and I'm about to cry.
So, a few years ago, I cut my hair into a pixie cut. I've loved it, but ever since high school started, I began getting comment likes:
"I could tell because of the gay haircut."
"You look like a boy." (from friends)
"You look emo."
"Grow it out." (from a family member)
& of course people just assuming I'm a guy in general. Or that I'm lesbian. And today was club picture day. The stupid photographer kept referring to me as 'the dude in the hoodie' or just outright 'guy in the hoodie, girl in the hoodie...whatever...' which was embarrassing as hell. Especially when people laughed.
I get so upset about stuff like this. I can understand mistaking me for a guy, because more often than not, I woke up that morning feeling lazy and didn't do much other than sweep my bangs to the side and throw on a comfy hoodie and jeans, and that's...whatever. I'm used to it. I don't really care anymore.
But recently it's taken a serious blow on my self-esteem. I went from feeling really confident to really ugly extremely very fast. I hate that, when I finally was able to wear my hair the way I want, people keep saying stuff and it's getting to me. Sometimes I wish it would just magically grow back overnight so I wouldn't have to deal with all the bullshit it brought along with it.
In retrospect, cutting my hair was liberating as hell. I loved the feeling when I first went from shoulder-length to above ears. But as soon as high school started, I've been feeling like it's not even worth all this crap. I don't wear makeup, and since it's getting colder where I'm at I don't want to wear more feminine outfits. I would if it were warmer, and I tried doing it a few months ago.
I wore something unusual for me: ripped jeans, Doc Martins, a light blue bra and dark blue tank top. I felt powerful, amazing, and feminine for once and I loved it. I loved it so much I started buying and experimenting with different styles. I started trying out tighter shirts that are actually a lot comfier than I'd imagined. Skinner jeans. Just stuff like that.
But now that it's colder, I've been wearing hoodies lately. This week, it feels like, I've been absolutely miserable because I've been thinking that it doesn't suit me.
To hell with that. I think it's because all girls who like to wear their hair short have a specific cut that they suit perfectly. Maybe I just haven't found it yet.
Another thing that sucks is that I never get compliments on it when I cut it. A lot of times, since money's tight for my family, I have to wait to get it cut until it's at the Awkward Stage. All of you who have short hair knows exactly what it is and how it feels. Once it's cut, I feel so much better.
But no one ever compliments it like they used to when I had my hair at shoulder length.
Over time, it's gotten to the point where I don't even care; I'm always just glad it's cut.
Whatever. To hell with society, I like having short hair. That doesn't mean I don't like people who have long hair...in fact, I secretly get jealous over your cute lil ponytails that you can just whip around. Whoosh, whoosh!
I posted this because I feel like I'm not the only one who goes through this kind of crap.
Anyways. That's all. I feel better now that I got that off my chest. You all are beautiful people and if I could hug you I would. Drink water. Take care of yourselves. I'll see you later.
