Chapter one : Never Meant to Belong…

A/N: This story is inspired by a Gintama episode. Or more like I stole some lines there like I did with my other fics. Please enjoy, even if you couldn't please force yourselves.

Criticisms are welcome, but unnecessary flames are not needed.

Disclaimer: I do not own the series.

Looking at the starry dark sky gives me a strange calmness or more like lightheadedness, like how the clouds get dragged by the wind with no resistance. I wanted to close my eyes and feel the serenity the atmosphere offers but I am afraid that if I did, reality will come to haunt me. Quite the opposite of how things should be. Hah!

I caught some movement not so far away from me, a young man and woman are chatting cheerfully with their smiles sparkling like diamonds under the moonlight. Seeing people this happy, I can't help but smile too. But that smile disappeared the moment it started to tug the corners of my lips upward. Before I knew it, I was glaring at the two figures, and it didn't surprise me when thought of ripping them apart for being too happy. It disgusted me, the way they stare at each other needing no words to convey whatever they feel for the other. It made me sick, the way they hold hands or embrace, and worst, the way they kiss, so light but so affectionate. I stood up clutching my churning stomach, and walked away before I puke. I loathed everything I saw, I wished they would just disappear. I could cuss and spit all I want but I cannot escape the excruciating nostalgia that coursed through me while looking at them. Because I was like watching myself back then, when I've always thought that everything will be alright, with him around me.

I was running now, along the rooftops, with no idea where to go. I settled down a tree, panting, with tears streaming down my face. I sat on a robust branch, resting my head on my hands. Closing my eyes and heaving in a huge amount of air, hoping it would calm me down and stop the sobbing, was a mistake. It did help steady my breath but it also slapped the image in my face, the picture I've been running away from all these months. It stabbed my heart like a million needles, it stung the corners of my eyes and then fresh tears came oozing out again. This time I didn't bother to tone down the sniffles. It hurts.

"The sky was so clear so I decided to go stargazing. I didn't anticipate rain and *snot assaulting this place so soon." A voice under the tree suddenly blurted out.

It startled me, I didn't realize I wasn't alone. How careless of me. How embarrassing. I looked down and saw a man sitting there, looking at the sky. He turned his head to me and gave me a small smile.

"Sai!" I gasped.

This guy is the last person I'd want to run into, with me like this. His indifference and his lack of tact aside, his sharp tongue is an arrow straight to the heart. Like pouring peroxide on a wound. Who knows what he's gonna say. I jumped down and sat beside him, wiping my eyes in the process. He offered me a hanky.

"You could have given me that three minutes ago." I snapped at him but still took the handkerchief, though the gesture surprised me, and blown some snot into it. That relieved my stuffy nose, better.

"Keep it." He said with a slightly disgusted look in his face. Under normal circumstances, my fist would have met his mouth by now but tonight I just don't care anymore. I know he knew about my situation.

"Why won't you do anything about it?" he asked. He's full of surprises tonight though I think it's just his way to strike up a conversation, as awkward as it is. I hesitated, 'cause I know what he meant by it. I bit my lip, how am I supposed to answer that?

"Once a flower has withered, it cannot bloom again," I replied and gazed at the stars.

I felt his eyes on me so I looked at him. His expression is a mixture of confusion and empathy, understanding.

"It's not that easy," he agreed, "but not impossible. It's just a question of whether you want to or not. Stop clinging to-"

"Of course I know that. I wouldn't be like this if I wanted to forget!" I barked, cutting him off. Irritation filled me, not because of him, but because what he said was true. I am desperate. "You didn't have to say it! I know it already," my voice broke.

Not missing the sadness in my voice, his face softened. He turned away, stared up the sky again, my eyes followed.

"Do you want to talk about it? I am kind of an outsider when it comes to these things, well I know about your relationship but I didn't know what exactly happened. I was surprised when I heard about the separation. I tried to ask Naruto but he's seemed as clueless as I am."

"You really talk too much tonight. Are you really Sai? Is this a Transformation Jutsu? I wouldn't burden Naruto with these petty things."

He stood up, patting invisible dirt from his pants.

"I will not waste my chakra just to talk to some brutal female in distress."

"What was that?!" I stood up, too, clenching my fist. Oh now he's done it. I am so going to break his stupid mouth. Of all the things I said, he caught up on that? I stepped in closer, ready to pounce, but then he spoke again.

"The offer's still on, you know. If you want to share, I'm all ears. Why don't we talk about it over some bottle of sake? After that, you may feel better even just a little. You can go back to being annoying and loud and ugly and brute and ugly again. 'Sakura' and 'disheartened' never meant to belong in the same sentence, after all."

I was stunned, my trembling fists stopped. Is this his way to cheer me up? I was touched with his consideration. I was about to smile, and then it hit me, like a bus overspeeding.

"Is that what the title was about?! So random!" I retorted.

"Of all the things I said, you caught up on that?" he asked as he turned around and started walking.

Mind reader! I thought as I started to follow him. I just realized that we were on the mountain behind the Hokages' heads, I ran pretty far. We walked, or more like hopped, towards the village. We arrived into a 24-hour restaurant and settled into a seat in the corner, as far away as possible from the other customers. We sat across each other. I ordered lots of meat and sake, if I am going to spill my guts out it's better to do it drunk. The waiter returned with the goods. I snapped my chopsticks apart and started to grill, while Sai poured his cup of sake and gulped it down immediately.

"Won't that upset your stomach? You haven't eaten something yet." I asked.

"This is the way I do it. We will eat as we go on anyway," he responded. I just nodded, seeing his point I poured myself a cup of sake and drank it. Sweet, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I poured another cup, and then another, and then another. I was done with my first bottle when I remembered the meat. I glanced at the grill nervously and found a new set of meat being cooked. Sai must have replaced the cooked ones, or ate them whatever. I sighed and reached for another bottle.

"Are we going to talk about it or just eat and drink until the sun rises?" Sai said after a pregnant silence. Something about his way of speaking seems off, but I couldn't point it out cause his face is as stoic as ever though his pale cheeks are kinda flushed.

"Well give me a sec to get ready."

"What kind of simple talking takes a 30 - minute preparation? We're not going on a mission here, oi."

I looked at him, horrified beyond belief. Was that a comeback just now? He accidentally tipped an empty bottle of sake and I glanced down at the table. He has already chugged down three. What a dreadful weapon! To make a straight-faced person into a *straight man altogether! I guffawed shamelessly at the unlikely situation. I leaned my head on the wall to get comfortable, I cleared my throat and started to narrate.

To be continued…

*snot = Double meaning. Snot as in Sakura's snot from her nose obviously because she's crying, and snot as Sakura herself, being a rude and annoying person.

*straightman = A person who throws comebacks. Refer to tsukkomi.