Disclaimer: I do not own Reign!
A/N: This oneshot takes place after 2x05 "Blood for Blood" when Francis and Mary have their fight and Francis says some heartbreaking words! Ah, my Frary heart was crushed! Anyway, I wrote up this one shot that just pretty much describes what Mary and Francis were feeling after that moment. Hope you enjoy!
MARY'S POV
My nightmare had become a reality.
All that I had feared...was true.
I didn't know what do in that moment. The tears came immediately, and I could not prevent them from streaming down my face even if I tried. The pain and the shock at learning the truth of Francis' feelings was too much to bear.
Does it bring us closer for you to know that your failure disappoints me beyond words?!
The one person who had always believed in me and was my greatest supporter had lost faith in me. He no longer wanted me to rule beside him as an equal.
I immediately ran from the room after he uttered those words. I couldn't handle his disappointment. I had to get away. I went straight to my old chamber and sat on my bed. Bringing my legs up against my chest, I laid my head on my knees and continued to cry. The tears came faster and harder with each passing moment.
Just a few days ago, he said I was his light...but in reality, I'm a dark cloud that brings shadows over his hopes and dreams.
Ever since we were married, all I have ever wanted to give him was a child, even multiple children. I want to give him an heir so his family legacy would live on. I want children so they could represent the love we share together...they would have his blond curls and my brown eyes and symbolize our loving marriage. But most of all, I want to have children to raise them together with him. I want to go through that next phase of life with him and experience the joys of parenthood alongside him.
And now he does not believe that's even possible.
The only thing in the world I have ever truly wanted to give him and is my duty to provide...I cannot give. I truly have failed him.
With his belief that I'll never be able to give birth to a child, I can't help but wonder if our marriage can survive this. Does he even love me anymore? Am I no longer worthy to be his wife? Will he even bother to love me physically anymore, or will he see it as simply pointless? Perhaps he will pursue other women for children, and our union will dissolve just as it did for Catherine and Henry. He'll have no choice but to leave me hanging around since he can't divorce me as it would go against the beliefs of the Church and the Catholic nobles.
The thought of him loving other women leaves me unable to breathe. I can not even comprehend how Catherine was able to put up with Henry's affairs.
I suppose I'll be staying in here to sleep tonight. His anger and frustration with me seemed to make that clear.
I clutch my pillow to my chest and use it to absorb my constant streams of tears. How could my world crumble so quickly around me?
FRANCIS' POV
This is all a nightmare.
I did exactly what I personally swore I would never do...I hurt my wife.
Your failure disappoints me beyond words.
I lied to my wife. It was more than just a mere lie. It was the worst lie I ever could have told her. I couldn't look at her after I said those words. I could tell my false words pained her deeply, so I had to turn my attention to the fire instead. I mistakenly decided to look at her again, and it felt like my heart had completely shattered when I saw the tears falling down her face...tears that were the result of my words.
When she left the room, it took every ounce of my strength not to follow her out of the room and run after her. I so badly wanted to grab her, embrace her, smother her with kisses, and tell her that it was not true. None of it was true.
But I couldn't do that.
It is because of my love for her that I can't do that. She can never know how my father truly died...she can never know that it was because of me. When she started asking about why I was being distant, I didn't know what I could say. And then she herself provided a possible reason for the way I've been acting...and I foolishly went along with it.
I had hoped to share this secret of mine with her weeks ago, before the plague came...I wanted someone to share the burden with me. But after leaving her to rule alone while I went after my son when the plague hit, she doesn't deserve to have such a burden placed upon her. I must suffer alone.
But now Narcisse knows, and the burden is even heavier to carry since it is now being used against me. If I tell her, there is also the chance that Narcisse will share my secret with all of France, and many will assume she also conspired to kill the king. If that happens, she will be executed. I can't allow that to happen. I will not have her die because of me.
I've been lying down in our bed for over an hour and she still has not returned. I am unable to fall asleep, knowing she is so upset. Our conversation keeps haunting me, replaying in my head over and over again:
"Does it bring us closer for you to know that your failure disappoints me beyond words?!"
"..You told me you hadn't lost hope."
"I lied."
"Mary, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...I wish…"
I had almost revealed that everything I had said was untrue. But then I realized that if I ever told her how I killed my father, now only is there the risk that she would be executed, she would never look at me the same way again.
She would probably view me as a murderer...a monster. A monster who could've been the father of her child if she hadn't miscarried. She would probably think I wasn't the man she thought I was.
And the news would probably disappoint her beyond words.
I only want to protect her. She doesn't deserve to feel that pain. Only I deserve to drown in this misery and guilt alone.
But she is the light of my life who will help get me through this darkness simply with her presence, and I can't risk losing her. I need her near to keep me sane. My words to her tonight may have put a strain on our relationship, but at least she'll still be with me. If I had shared the truth with her, I am not certain that she would stay.
However, I need to ensure the emotional torment I've caused her tonight is only temporary and that it doesn't severely damage our relationship. I decide it's finally time to get out of bed and find her despite the late hour.
Taking a lit candle, I leave the room and start heading down the hallway to her old room. I assume that is where she would most likely be and pray that she will in fact be in there. As I get closer to her chamber, I realize that I am not even sure what to say to her. I hope I'll be able to find the words when I do see her.
When I enter her room, I breathe a sigh of relief when I see she is there. However, she appears to be sound asleep in bed.
As I approach her sleeping form, I discover that she is laying on top of her blankets. Looking at her face, I can see her tear-stained cheeks beneath the candlelight. I am tempted to stroke her face, but refrain from doing so for fear she would awake. I also notice that the pillow she is laying on looks like it is wet from her tears, and I feel even more regret over my words to her tonight.
I head out on a search through her room for another blanket for her, knowing she'll eventually feel cold during the night. I manage to find one for her and cover her with it.
As soon as I do that, I crawl into bed beside her. I can't bear the thought of spending the night in a bed without her.
As I lay there for a little while, her back suddenly presses up against my chest. I automatically put my arms around her and lock her in my embrace.
Having her so close relieves me of the current nightmare state of my life. With her in my arms, I am calm enough to finally begin falling asleep.
A/N: Thanks for reading :) Please review.
