Chapter 1
Dawn Of Delinquency
For over a year, the Power Rangers successfully defended the city of Angel Grove from a rather idiotic villain by the name of Rita Repulsa. Up until now, the Earth was in no real danger, since Rita had a tendency of attempting the same thing over and over again and expecting her same failed plans to succeed each time. However, one day there was a major disturbance. Space and time itself distorted, and a rift into the unknown had been opened. Villainous beings, far more intelligent than Rita and her minions began to pop up, and they were proving to be too much for the Power Rangers to handle.
In an act of desperation, Zordon told his robotic assistant, Alpha 5, to recruit another group of six teenagers to work alongside the Power Rangers.
"Alpha, I need you to teleport six teenagers with attitude problems, no more model citizens. I need a team that can…" Zordon sighed, "fight dirty."
An image on the viewing globe appeared, showing what had to be six of the most troubled teens in town.
"Ay yi yi yi yi! But, Zordon—!" Alpha protested.
"Alpha, you must teleport them to the command center," said Zordon.
"They're juvenile delinquents, Zordon!" Alpha cried.
"Alpha, please! Trust me on this," said Zordon.
"They'll tear me limb from limb!" said Alpha.
Zordon rolled his eyes. "Do you want the world to end?" he said.
Alpha made a sighing sound. "No, Zordon," he said glumly, and hit the big, red oversized 'teleport' button. Seconds later, six trashy, disgruntled teens appeared in the command center, two of whom landed unceremoniously on their rear ends.
Devonte, Teena, Vivica, and Dirk all pointed and laughed at Synthe and Stratter, who had both landed on their butts. Stratter was so completely absorbed into his music (which he had blasting at max volume through his earbuds) that he didn't even notice what had happened. Synthe, however, took offense at being laughed at. Springing to her feet, she launched into a tirade:
"What the fuck do you think you're laughing at?! You fuckin' whores and druggies! And where the hell am I?! What kind of wise-ass joke are you trying to pull?! One of you'd better fess up like, right now or I'm gonna beat every last one of you to a bloody pulp!"
"Ay yi yi yi yi! Such language!" Alpha exclaimed, as Synthe's fierce features pointed in his direction. "You!" she said angrily, "I thought you were dead!"
"W-What?!" Alpha stammered in fright.
"Alpha 3! Where the hell have you been?!" Synthe demanded.
"I'm Alpha 5!" Alpha exclaimed, backing into a control console. He had no clue who this girl was, or why she seemed to hate him. He only hoped that she wouldn't attack him.
"You're a replacement droid?! I freakin' hate you," Synthe hissed.
OOPS, Zordon thought, now recognizing the girl was an Edenoite, and an exiled one at that. "I apologize for not recognizing you, Synthe. I did not even realize that you were living here on Earth," he said.
"I knew she was an alien! Man, no wonder she's so strong!" said Dirk.
"Guess the cat's outta the bag," said Devonte.
"I am so gonna expose you Synthe, and everyone is totally gonna hate you," said Vivica.
Stratter, who had just now realized that he wasn't in Angel Grove anymore, pointed at Zordon and shouted, "Whoa! What's with the big, floating white head in the tube? It looks like sperm in a tube—with a face!"
The others snickered. "Damn, you right, muthafucka! He do look like a sperm-tube!" said Devonte.
"Sperm-tube, that's got a ring to it. I think I'll call you that from now on, sperm-tube," said Synthe.
OOPS. ALPHA WAS RIGHT FOR ONCE, Zordon thought to himself, but it was too late to turn back now. Training the Power Rangers was like teaching puppies how to play fetch. Training these examples of parental absence was going to be more like trying to potty train snakes, and getting them to poop in the toilet and flush afterwards. Letting out a heavy sigh, he told Alpha to give the new rangers their morphers.
Reluctantly, the robot handed out the goofy-looking watches to the six delinquents in the room. When he got to Teena, however, she wrapped her body around him and very rudely put her hand in a rather inappropriate place to stick one's hand, even if the "person" being touched is a robot. The other teens howled with laughter as Teena forcefully groped the poor robot in an attempt to find…certain…parts…
"Robot molester!" Stratter shouted, and Dirk and Synthe fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
"Ay yi yi yi yi yi yi! Stop it!" Alpha shouted in protest, "Whatever you're trying to find down there, I don't have it!"
"She's searchin' fo' yo' junk!" Devonte shouted.
"My—what?" Alpha said, clearly confused. He stood still just long enough for Teena to finish her uninvited search; finally realizing that Alpha didn't have THAT particular attachment. Realizing her kinky little fantasy wasn't going to be fulfilled, Teena took her morpher and went to go sulk.
Muttering something unintelligible, Alpha handed the last morpher to Synthe, who snatched it away from him in an ungrateful manner and slapped it on her wrist. "Hey, why do I get the only one with the white band?" she complained.
"Because, Synthe, you are the white ranger," said Zordon.
"I hate white! Can't I be the black ranger?" said Synthe.
"No, Synthe. You're not black," said Zordon.
"That's kind of racist," Stratter muttered under his breath.
"Why do I have to be white?!" said Synthe.
"Because, Synthe, you have very pale skin," said Zordon.
The teens all looked at each other, all thinking the same thing: RACIST.
"Now that you have received your morphers and become the Danger Rangers, you must follow these rules," Zordon began, and all six teens groaned in disgust. There were several mutterings of "fuck you" from the group. Absolutely no one listened to Zordon's rules of:
Keep your identities secret
Don't instigate fights
Only use powers when necessary
By the time Zordon was finished speaking, Stratter had his headphones back on, and Dirk had passed out joints to the rest of them.
Zordon sighed. "RANGERS!" he boomed, "No smoking in the command center!"
The teens, now the Danger Rangers, let out a collective groan and put their joints out on the floor.
"Well, you have your powers now. What do you think?" said Alpha.
"It sucks! And so do you!" Synthe said, spitting a giant loogie on the floor.
"Yeah man, let's blow this joint," said Dirk. He and the others stormed out through the command center's double doors, only to find themselves out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. They went right back inside.
"Alright sperm-tube, zap us back home, right now," said Synthe.
"You must agree to the terms and conditions of being rangers first," said Zordon.
"And if we don't?" Synthe said, raising an eyebrow.
"Then you will stay here," said Zordon.
"Well, in that case," Synthe said as she took her backpack off and handed out cans of spray paint to everyone (ironically, the colors of the spray cans matched the colors of the individual rangers) and the six of them sprayed graffiti all over everything, including Zordon and Alpha.
"That does it! Alpha! Teleport these delinquents out of the command center!" Zordon boomed.
"Yes! Thank you, Zordon!" Alpha said as he scurried over to one of the consoles and hit the teleport button, sending the disobedient youths back to where they came from.
"Ay yi yi yi yi!" look at this mess!" Alpha said as he looked at all the graffiti.
"Yes, Alpha, the cleaning supplies are downstairs. You're going to need them," said Zordon.
Meanwhile, the original Power Rangers were having a picnic in the park when the Danger Rangers were teleported in front of them.
"Um, how were you guys able to teleport?" said Kimberly.
"Some big jerkoff head in a tube wanted us to become something similar to the Power Rangers," said Synthe.
The Power Rangers all kind of froze, all taken aback by what Synthe had said.
"Yeah, and when he refused to let us outta his command chamber or what not cuz we wouldn't follow his stupid rules, we assaulted him with spray paint," said Stratter.
"Yeah, then his dorky little robot got us the fuck outta there," said Vivica.
"Hey! I like Alpha!" said Teena.
"Shut up, nympho!" said Vivica.
"Bitch!" Teena shot back.
"Whore!" said Vivica.
"Cunt!" said Teena.
"Robot molester," said Stratter.
Jason tapped his communicator. "Um, Zordon?" he said quietly.
"Yes, Jason?" came Zordon's voice.
"Why are the six worst behaved kids in Angel Grove talking about you?" said Jason.
"I will explain that later. Right now, Alpha is scrubbing all the F-words off of my tube," said Zordon.
Just then, the alarm went off in the command center. At the same time, zombies began digging themselves out of the ground all around the rangers. Of course, the Power rangers did their rather obnoxious morphing sequence, and went off to fight the zombies. About that same time, Zordon contacted the Danger Rangers and told them to use their powers.
"We might as well try it, man," said Dirk.
"FINE," Synthe said unenthusiastically, "It's morphin' time," she said flatly.
Nothing happened.
"You must announce your colors!" said Alpha.
"Now, that's just stupid!" said Synthe.
"Whatever. Red shit," said Stratter.
"Blue shit," said Dirk.
"Piss yellow," said Teena.
"Black shit," said Devonte.
"Pretty in pink!" said Vivica.
Synthe grumbled. "Fuckin' goddamn—white!" she said, and like magic, all of them were suddenly dressed in spandex.
"Ugh! This suit makes my hips look fat!" Vivica complained. She looked at her chest. "Do my boobs look small?" she said.
"I hope those zombies rip out your fake tits and eat them," Synthe said disgustedly. She turned to face the Power Rangers, who weren't faring too well against the ranks of the undead.
"Well, it's obvious why the Power Rangers are so damn incompetent. They don't know how to fight dirty. I say we tear these rotten maggot-corpses from limb to limb," said Stratter.
"EW! They have MAGGOTS?!" Vivica exclaimed.
"DUH!" the other Danger Rangers all shouted at her. Then, they proceeded to tear the zombies from limb to limb…literally. Once the zombies were defeated, the whole area was littered with dead, dismembered body parts, and the stench of rotten flesh and the buzzing of coffin flies filled the air.
The rangers all de-morphed, and immediately started gagging on the rotten stench.
"Wow, who's gonna clean this up?" said Trini.
"You guys," said Synthe.
"Yeah, we kicked they asses for you," said Devonte.
"Yeah! Seeya!" said Stratter.
"Hey! You guys made this mess!" said Tommy.
"Talk to the hand!" said Vivica. At that, the Danger Rangers split, leaving the Power Rangers to clean up after them.
