AN: Hope you enjoy! I really love this pairing… They're so much fun to write. Maybe one day I'll create a story where I don't kill off half the characters… This was supposed to be a one shot, but I'm still writing it… oh well…
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters, if I did, Momo would disappear and Toshiro would spend every waking moment making passionate love to Rukia. Or he would at least talk to her.
Life Love Loss
By: Abarai Starsha
The darkness of the night was offset by the many lanterns that were strung across the Kuchiki gardens. It was the Kuchiki's yearly Sakura Festival, the day when Byakuya opened his favorite garden to those of the Gotei 13 and other nobles. Those that came spent the day in the gardens ooing and ahhing over the pretty pink petals as they fell to the ground like pink snow.
This year's festival was a little different. This was the first festival after the Winter War. The war they barely won. While the Kuchiki manor opened its doors as usual on this day, no one was ooing or aahing. In fact, not many people came to look at the trees. They came to pay their respects.
They sat around and drank sake. They would continue until they couldn't drink any more. Some drank to their missing friends, some drank to forget. Forget the hurt and pain of missing those that were gone. Forget the war even happened.
What wasn't lost on the guests was the fact that their host was missing. Some were surprised the doors were even opened this year. Others figured because it was Byakuya's favorite, the tradition would carry on.
"You would think Kuchiki would at least show to say something."
"You're right, it's odd they open their doors and open their bar, yet no one is here except for the servants."
"I'm worried," Rangiku said as she walked by that conversation between some nobles, "Taicho…"
"What? She's here, if she doesn't want to come out, that's her business."
"No one has seen her since the war ended last month. Not since she took leave."
"What do you want me to do? Order her out here?" He looked up at Matsumoto, a scowl forming on his face. His teal eyes narrowed.
"No, but you are the one who killed him. If it were me, I would want someone to talk to about it. Someone to help me figure out how it all happened by talking to someone who was there." His scowl deepened, "You know if Momo were here and not at the 4th she would tell you the same thing."
"Enough!" He hated her when she played that card. "It doesn't matter if she would say the same thing or not. What am I supposed to say?"
Matsumoto smiled, he was relenting. "Say whatever it is she needs you to say."
"Why me?"
"Because no one else is going to do anything about it. Taicho, she has no one."
"Why don't you go?"
"I wasn't there at the end."
Toshiro ran his hand through his hair. "Fine," he said as he walked towards the back of the house.
He walked down the hallway and passed by a dimly lit room. The sliding door was open so Toshiro peeked inside. Against the wall he saw the cabinet doors were open and there were some candles burning. He walked over and looked at the cramped frames. Inside the cabinet were pictures: Hisana, Byakuya, Ukitake, Abarai and Kurosaki. He bent down and felt the cushion. It was warm. There were two small puddles of water in front of the cushion. Toshiro felt something pull in his heart. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine losing everyone he cared about in one fell swoop. He stood up, left the room as it was and went further down the hall.
He stopped at the end, where her reiatsu was strongest. He lightly knocked on the door. When he didn't get an answer he knocked again.
"Kuchiki, I know you're in there," he said with a bit more irritation then he wanted to show. The door slid open a few inches and stopped. Toshiro looked at the door, waiting for it to move more. When it didn't, he slid the door open the rest of the way and went in. The room was bare except for a small closet, a dressing mirror and a futon that was already laid out for the night. The back door was open and he found her sitting on her knees staring out at her own private view of the garden. He walked over and stood next to her. She continued to stare at the gardens.
Her shoulder length raven hair was pinned up neatly. Her trademark strays, between her slightly puffy violet eyes. She was wearing a beautiful violet kimono that had Sakura petals across the bottom. Her pale skin glowed in the lamp light. She indicated for him to sit next to her with her frighteningly thin arm. She looked like a fragile porcelain doll.
Toshiro found his breath was taken away as he watched her. Something he didn't expect. Steeped in tragedy, she was beautiful. He blinked and tried to gather his thoughts on how to start the conversation when she spoke.
"Did you enjoy the gardens, Hitsugaya-taicho?" Here, she wasn't a part of the Gotei 13. Here, she was Rukia Kuchiki, the noblewoman.
Clearing his throat he replied, "Yeah." An image of Matsumoto forcing him to come came to mind.
"My apologies for not being a proper hostess this year, without…without nii-sama…" she stopped and continued to stare out at the gardens.
"Why did you hold the Festival?"
"Because it was Nii-sama's favorite. He would have wanted it to continue."
"No one has seen you since the war ended."
Rukia, covered in blood was sitting beside an equally covered Renji. His wounds too far gone for her simple kido but she tried anyway. She pushed herself, willing him to be alright, willing his wounds to close, willing him to stay alive.
"Rukia…I never told you…"
"Shh, Renji, no. Save your strength." She took his hand and put it to her face.
"Rukia…I love…" His breath gurgled and he was gone.
"No, I suppose they haven't." she said after a while. "I can take care of myself."
Toshiro winced as he looked at her thin frame. "I can see that," he said.
She slowly turned and looked at him. She looked deep into his teal eyes, searching. She frowned. "Why are you here?"
Toshiro found himself lost in her violet orbs. He was drowning in their depths when her question snapped him back. "Matsumoto was worried about you. She thought you would want to talk to someone."
"So you came?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I'm sorry you lost some kind of bet or drew the shortest straw or whatever it is that you guys do, but I'm fine and I don't need or want to talk to anyone." She turned back around as if to dismiss him. She was becoming more like her brother.
Grimmjow was charging towards her. She wiped the blood from her face and drew her sword.
"Mae, Sode no Shirayuki!"
"You think that little popsicle is going to hurt me, bitch?" He said as he laughed at her. He dodged her attack and was about to go for the kill when Byakuya stood in front of her. Grimmjow's sword in his heart, Byakuya's sword, through the neck of Grimmjow, slicing his head off.
Rukia was again, on the ground, this time covered in her brother's blood. She frantically looked around for someone, anyone who could help her brother. He was already battered and bleeding heavily from his battle with Yammi. They were alone and as she held his hand and tried her kido again, his breaths were shallow and few.
"Nii-sama…no…" she cried. She did all she could, but he never opened his eyes again.
"I want to help you." Toshiro said, pulling her from her thoughts.
"You're not a good liar, Taicho." She said as she suddenly looked at her hands. They sat in silence for quite some time. Echoes, from the festival party, drifting through the night air was the only sounds they heard. She was still looking at her hands.
Realizing he wasn't going to go away, she said, "Blood. Everything was covered in it, soaked in it. The entire fake town drowned in it. Or at least, I felt like it was. I was. The dreams change every night, but they always end the same…blood and death." She put her hands down and looked at Toshiro again, "I couldn't do anything for any of them. One by one they left me and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't save them." She looked away.
Hitsugaya-taicho and Ichigo were both standing next to Aizen. They seemed to have formed a plan between the two. As others like Shinji, Isshin and Urahara distracted him, Ichigo and the taicho attacked. Something went wrong. Something went terribly wrong. Rukia looked up and saw Aizen thrust his sword through Ichigo as the Taicho killed Aizen. Both fell to the ground.
Rukia screamed. She screamed and ran to Ichigo's side.
"Not you. No." she said as she reached him. She held him as she waited for the others to come. "Come on, Ichigo. Not you. Not you." She cried over and over.
"Ru…kia?" He asked between coughs. He spat up blood and tried to open his eyes.
"Ichigo! Hold on, please, hold on!" She couldn't contain her tears as she continued her Kido, trying to close the hole in his chest. Blood was everywhere and it was flowing out of his body dangerously fast.
"It's…it's been a hell of a ride, huh?" He asked as he coughed up more blood.
"Shhh, please…I don't…I can't lose you, Ichigo. No!" She managed to close one of the holes, but he was still bleeding through the other. His reiatsu was dangerously low.
"Did we win?" He asked as he managed to open his eyes.
"Yes, we won. You won," she answered. He closed his eyes again. "Ichigo? Ichigo!" Her eyes grew wide as she pulled his lifeless body closer to her. She threw her head back and screamed.
"Rukia," Toshiro said again.
"I'm putting in my resignation. I am not fit to be a shinigami." She said quietly.
He was shocked. Rukia, the one who took down countless of hollows, the one who took down the ninth Espada, the one who aided in the destruction of the zero Espada, the one who had the most beautiful Zanpakuto in all of Soul Society was going to quit.
"What do you plan on doing?" She still didn't look at him. Instead, she closed her eyes.
"I'm going to tidy up some family and political issues with Nii-sama's Elders and then return to Inuzuri. While they've offered to let me stay here until my death, it's just too hard."
"No." Toshiro said with authority, "I will not let you throw your life away like that."
Rukia turned to look at him again. Her eyes dim, confusion displayed across her delicate features. "What life would that be, Taicho? Everyone I loved and cared for died. I wasn't strong enough to save them." She said. He met her gaze and caught a glimpse of the pain she was keeping inside. He felt his breath catch, his heart stop. "Kindly excuse me as I am tired," her voice slipping back into that Kuchiki tone, "Please enjoy the rest of the festival."
Toshiro stood up and slowly walked out of the room. He wanted to tell her something reassuring, he wanted to hold her and take all of the pain away. Hell, he wanted to do more than that. What? Where did that come from? He shook his head and closed her door. He silently cursed himself for not doing anything, not saying anything. He just left her. He looked at the door his hand was still on. He was about to return to the party when he thought he heard something. He stopped and waited and heard it again. It took his mind a few minutes to realize he was hearing soft sobs coming from her room.
He tried to walk away, tried to head back to the party, but it was like his body was on auto pilot. His hand was back on the door, opening it. As soon as he entered, he was stunned. Gone was the dressed up doll that held herself up with pride. She stood before her futon, in the middle of tying the sash of her plain white sleeping kimono when he came in. Her hair was down and part of it was stuck to her tear stained face. When she looked at him, she looked through him. She was a ghost of herself from a few minutes ago. Broken. Lost. Alone.
"What are you doing back?" she whispered. She finished tying her sash and quickly wiped the tears from her face. Nii-sama would think she's a disgrace.
Finding his feet, Toshiro walked over to her and took her hands in his. They were cold, almost freezing. He glanced at them before looking into her eyes again.
"You're not alone." He said.
"Wh-what?"
"I won't let you go through this alone." He promised.
"Hitsugaya-taicho…" She looked into his teal eyes. "I…I…" She broke down and started sobbing again. He took a step and held her. He was surprised at how thin she was. After standing for a while, he took her hand and guided her on to the floor. There, his back against the wall, he pulled her into his lap and wrapped his hands around her again. She buried her head in his neck.
He didn't know how long they stayed there like that. Her crying on his shoulder as he stroked her hair and her back. She eventually quieted. He didn't have to check on her to know she was asleep. He thought about how strong she was to be able to endure as much as she has. While he wasn't best friends with Rukia, he did know a lot about her. His information came mostly from his own observations of her, some from Matsumoto.
To see her tonight, stirred something inside of him. He wanted to protect her, shelter her, and take care of her. He wanted to be with her in every way possible and make her happy. That shocked him the most. How he was overcome with that much emotion, that much feeling. Feelings he's never had before. Feelings he thought if he did ever have, they surely should have been for Momo. Even Hyorinmaru cried out. Pushing these thoughts and feelings out of his head, he pulled her closer and fell asleep.
The next morning, the pair was woken up by a knock at the door. Bleary eyed, Rukia looked at the man who was holding her. The knock came again followed by a servant's voice.
"While I am aware of your instructions to be left alone, there is a Matsumoto-Fukutaicho that's insistent on seeing you. She said her Taicho is missing and you were the last one to see him last night."
"It's fine. I'll be down in a few minutes." Rukia replied. She met Toshiro's teal eyes before getting up and looking away. "I'm sorry for inconveniencing you last night."
Toshiro stood up and took her hand, "It wasn't an inconvenience, you are not an inconvenience. I told you last night that I was not going to let you go through all of this alone and I intend to keep to my word."
"Hitsugaya-taicho…" Without looking at him, she took her hand back and walked to her door.
"I…thank you. Thank you for staying with me last night. It was the first…" she was nervous. She had no right to take up his time.
"First?" he prodded.
"First time I slept without a nightmare since…" she said as her eyes flitted from the door to him to the floor, "since the war." She admitted. He walked over to the door and slid it open.
"I'll come back later…"
"Please, don't waste your time with me," she looked at him.
"Rukia…"
"Please, your Fukutaicho is waiting for you. You don't need to concern yourself with me. I appreciate last night, but…"
"But what? You don't deserve it? You're happy sitting in here shutting yourself off from everyone else? We need you out there, Rukia. We are very short handed. Those deaths have caused gaps in our defenses. We're out there pulling double sometimes triple duty while you're in here wallowing in self pity. Don't forget you still have duties and responsibilities to the others that were left behind. But it's easier to run away, isn't it?" Anger rang through his words. He saw the change in her expression and didn't miss the flash of hurt before her eyes narrowed. He cursed himself as he walked out, leaving her standing there.
Matsumoto smiled as he entered the hallway.
"Have a good time, Taicho?" she said as she poked his side, winking.
"No, let's go."
AN: Kindly review if you are so inclined. I would like to know what you think of it...
