A day in the life of Emmet Cullen

10 AM- stop 'having fun' with Rosalie long enough to check the time.

10:01 AM- freak out about how late it got

10:05 AM- make fun of Jacob for the way he makes breakfast badly

10:10 AM- hide food from Jacob while he gets Renesmee

10:11 AM- wait for Jacob to stop trembling long enough to throw the food at him

10:12 AM- watch Jacob remake breakfast- laughing at him

10:20 AM- sit down with Jacob while he eats and stare at him with a death glare the whole time to make him feel awkward

10:30 AM- listen to Renesmee yell at me for doing it

10:40 AM- Edward and Bella come to the main house- make fun of them for what they had been doing all night

10:45 AM- laugh at Renesmee's disgusted face and Bella's embarrassment

10:46 AM- tell Renesmee how she was made

10:47 AM- receive death glare from Edward, Bella, and Renesmee

10:50 AM- arm wrestle Bella

10:51 AM- victory dance

11:20 AM- gets death glare from Rosalie for messing up her hair during the dance

11:30 AM-watch Rosalie brush her hair

12:30 PM- Charlie comes to visit

12:31 PM-sex jokes to Bella and Edward

1:00 PM- Renesmee storms out of the room with her ears plugged and Charlie leaves

1:01 PM- roll on the ground laughing hysterically

1:30 PM- get death glare from Bella and Edward

1:36 PM- Renesmee comes back with her cheeks flushed

1:37 PM- Jacob makes lunch

1:50 PM- throw out lunch when he leaves the room

1:55 PM- get yelled at by Jacob

1:56 PM- Jacob starts making lunch (again)

2:09 PM- breath on Jacob's food

2:10 PM- sit down and give Jacob death glare while he eats

2:15 PM- get death glare from Renesmee

2:17 PM- grab Alice and hold her against a wall, stare down at her to make her feel short and sing the oompa-loompa song

3:00 PM- let go and receive death glare

3:03 PM- Alice starts giggling and drags Bella to the mall (literally)

3:04 PM- grab recesitation paddles and play doctor with Jacob (zap him with them) while Carlisle races after him

3:10 PM- Carlisle catches up while Emmett tries to turn up the intensity of the zap.

3:11 PM- receive death glare from Carlisle while Jacob ices his butt.

3:12 PM- sing "ice ice baby" into Jacob's ear

3:20 PM- watch Renesmee try to calm Jacob down

3:21 PM- Jacob stops trembling

3:22 PM- go hunting with Jasper

4:22 PM (while hunting)- rip off a bear's head, put it on and gallop towards home screaming "I'm Jacob, I'm Jacob!!"

4:30 PM (still screaming and galloping around)- receive death glare from all werewolves 5:00 PM- stop galloping with bear head on

5:01 PM- get yelled at by Rosalie for messing up the shirt she bought for him

6:00 PM- Jacob starts making dinner

6:25 PM- Jacob attempts to yell for Renesmee so the food doesn't get taken

6:26 PM- Run and pin down Renesmee

6:27 PM- Hear Jacobs heavy footsteps to get Renesmee and run to hide food

6:28 PM- Throw food at Jacob and yell food fight!!!!

6:28 PM- Jacob refuses to do food fight

6:29 PM:- Continue to throw entire contents of kitchen at Jacob

7:05 PM- Hear everyone coming to see what's going on

7:05 PM- Start screaming.. "JACOB STOP PHASING AND DESTROYING THE KITCHEN! All I did was say I made dinner for you and Renesmee"

7:06 PM- Esme doesn't believe that it was Jacob and gives me the death glare

7:10 PM- Bella and Alice get back from shopping.(Bella runs and grabs Edwards hand to go to their cottage while Alice has a superior smile on her face)

7:11PM - Esme makes me clean kitchen

8:00 PM- Wonders if I haven't annoyed any one yet..

8:10 PM- sits on the couch with Jacob and starts screaming, "Damn it Renesmee, how many times did I tell you not to let pets on the couch."

8:11 PM- gets bone from bear head (from earlier hunt)

8:12 PM- throws it at Jacob and yells.. "GO FETCH"

8:13 PM- waits for Jacob to stop trembling

8:20 PM- yells "FINALLY THE DOG STOPS SHIVERING!! GEEZ JACOB…GET SOME SELF-CONTROL!"

8:21 PM- laughs hysterically as Jacob looses control and phases

8:22 PM- wrestle with Jacob

8:23 PM- Renesmee starts screaming "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" and jumps on my back

8:24 PM- Carlisle comes and pulls me off Jacob

8:27 PM- receive death glare from Carlisle, Esme, Renesmee, and Jacob while Jasper high fives him.

8:29 PM- tip toes out to cottage

8:30 PM- stands outside and screams "OH MY GOD THAT'S GROSS!! EEEW MY EYES!!"

8:32 PM- everyone runs out to find Bella and Edward staring at him like he's crazy

8:33 PM- laughs hysterically while others get mad and go back inside

8:35 PM- receive death glare from Bella and Edward

8:37 PM- brings Edward inside quickly to show him what he did to Jacob before it heals

8:40 PM- receive high five from Edward…he starts watching TV

8:45 PM- sneaks out and grabs Bella and drags her into the living room

8:46 PM- pretends to bite Bella and screams "I HAVE NO SELF CONTROLL…I'M JASPER!!!!!!"

8:47 PM-rolls on floor laughing hysterically

8:49 PM- stands up and receives death glare from whole room

8:55 PM- goes to 'have fun' with Rosalie for the night