Within You Without You (REPOSTED see End Notes or Chapter 16)
Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me. If it was, then this is how I would have wanted it to play out.
Spoilers!: Everything up to "Sexy" (with minor changes – see A/N) for now. There will be elements of subsequent episodes in future chapters, but I'll include spoiler warnings as needed.
Summary: Post- "Sexy", Santana falls back into her cruel heartless persona, cutting off Brittany and New Directions and hiding behind the familiar title of Head Cheerio. She's on top of the world…and beginning to unravel. Santana-centric. REPOST
Pairings: Starts as cannon except Santana and Sam are not together. Future Pezsky friendship (Santana/Karofsky). Brittana endgame.
Warnings: General warnings include swearing and angst (which will gradually progress from 'mild' to 'severe' throughout the story). Hints at an eating disorder. Future warnings will be listed as needed.
A/N: Santana, Brittany and Quinn quit the Cheerios before Regionals but the squad still qualified to compete in the State Championship.
A/N 2: This was the first thing I started to work on for Glee and this first chapter is actually a combination of two story ideas I had at the time. Forgive any awkward characterization there may be in the first chapter or so as I was just getting used to writing them. Now, read on…
Chapter One: Back on Top
The only two people that know the story of Santana's emotional hallway confession – and subsequent rejection – are Brittany and Santana, of course. Then again, it's not like anyone that knew the girls would be the least bit surprised by the declarations of love. Them not immediately jumping into each other's arms and living happily ever after, on the other hand, certainly would be a source of epic, Brittany-grade confusion.
However, all of that being said, no one knew exactly what happened between the girls after they performed Landslide with Miss Holliday. So, as everyone filed into the choir room before their first class for an 'emergency' meeting no one noticed Santana's absence until Mr. Schuester came in and announced that the Latina had quit the glee club the previous afternoon. Despite the numerous inquiries, he couldn't tell them why she quit since she didn't even give him a reason herself. All eyes shot to Brittany, everyone quite aware of the irony of the spacey blonde being the only person with the answers for once. For her part, Brittany stared mournfully at her untied shoelaces refusing to meet anyone's gaze. No one had the heart to voice their questions at the sight of the girl barely holding back tears. They all just assumed that Santana had done something to upset the girl. It's not like it would be out of character for the brunette to do something like that.
As shocked as they were by the news of the Latina's departure from the group, the biggest bombshell wasn't dropped until moments after the group exited the choir room. The entrance doors swing open and a collective gasp escapes the members of New Directions before they can disperse into the crowd to get to their first class. They aren't the only ones in the hallway to have a particularly adverse reaction as several other students (and a particularly disturbing number of faculty members) begin to scatter and/or cower behind lockers, trash bins, other students, et cetera.
Santana Lopez has always managed to instill a high level of fear in the hearts and minds of those at McKinley High, though never more so than when she's prowled the halls in the armor of a Cheerios uniform and letterman jacket. The last month without the quick-tempered Latina on the squad had led to a sense of relief and safety among the faculty and students as well as the slow process of trying to move on from the tyrannical reign of the Latina. Unfortunately they became complacent and let their guard down which is why no one was prepared when, much to their horror, Santana entered the building donning her much feared Cheerios uniform, tight ponytail high on her head, and trademark bitch-face. The latter, while not an official part of the Cheerios uniform, is still all the more intimidating when in the presence of one. Cranking the level of abject terror and panic all the way up to DEFCON 1 was the ominous presence of a red slushy in the hands of said entity…the sound of someone beginning to cry broke the disturbing silence.
It is at this point, when everyone has their wide and terrified eyes trained on her, that Santana Lopez realized how much she missed that. After making sure to pause dramatically as she surveyed the devastation her mere presence had already caused, she began to make her way down the hall with an almost predatory air about her. Finding the one person that had yet to acknowledge her – a girl obliviously listening to her iPod as she dug through her locker, probably a Freshman – Santana stalked over to her prey before dumping the slushy over her head…for maximum coverage of course. Making sure to shake out the excess first, Santana then casually sauntered over to the trash bin by the door to the choir room where the Glee members were still standing, mouths agape. She made sure to pin them to their spots with her usual smug smirk, but this one was different because it was accompanied by an unquestionably unsettling glint in her eyes that was unfamiliar and sinister enough to send chills down their spines.
Brittany gripped the handles of Artie's wheelchair hard enough to turn her knuckles white. It was all she could do to keep the tears from spilling over. Santana couldn't help but think: Goddamn I missed this.
That was a little over a week ago.
The students at McKinley High have been on edge since Santana Lopez reclaimed her position as captain of the Cheerios. Having gone nearly a month without anyone being slushied, Santana has seemingly made it her goal to single-handedly make up for that in the last eight days.
Will Schuester is mortified when he enters the choir room on Tuesday afternoon. Sitting before him are eleven very colorful students with varying degrees of anger and/or misery plastered over their features…along with the sticky, corn-syrupy mess of different colored slushies. Brittany, the only dry one of the group, still manages to look more miserable than any of the others.
"Satan is out of control!" Mercedes is the first to speak, gesticulating wildly as she explains everyone's state.
"Santana did this to all of you?" He questions, willing himself to at least pretend that he didn't think the girl was capable of it…and hating himself a little for not having to think about who Mercedes meant when she said 'Satan'.
Finn scoffs a little. "Not personally, but it's still her fault. She's somehow managed to out-bitch herself," he shakes his head in disbelief.
"How the hell did she even get Sue to let her back on the squad?" Quinn snaps, infuriated.
"Did you want back on too?" Brittany inquires randomly.
The former Head Cheerio opens and closes her mouth for a moment. "No! It was a rhetorical question, Brittany," she barks indignantly, realizing her mistake only when it's too late.
"That's not very nice, Quinn," the dim blonde frowns, completely misinterpreting the word 'rhetorical'.
"Shut up," the shorter girl growls in frustration at the other blonde.
"Quinn, it's just Brittany," Tina says slowly and in a soothing tone in an attempt to get her to calm down and remember who she's talking to.
"So what? She's not allowed to be mute for almost a week and then start making those stupid comments again out of nowhere. She's the only one of us that has escaped that bitch's wrath this week and she won't tell us why!" Quinn shouts. "Brittany, what happened?" She demands more than asks, trying to ignore the stab of guilt in her chest when the other girl flinches.
Brittany remembers every detail vividly. It's one of a handful of memories that she's able to recall perfectly. Not surprisingly, all of the other ones also seem to prominently feature her best friend (former, she reminds herself as she holds back the tears). She can remember what they both were wearing, how she spent the first moments staring at each other deeply inhaling the other girl's scent rather than fully paying attention to her, the look of love and desperation and vulnerability in the brunette's eyes as she was pouring her heart out. The way she felt like flying or singing or dancing or something when she was hearing the girl she's loved since Kindergarten finally admit to returning those feelings. How both of them seemed to break when Brittany remembered that she had Artie and Santana realized that Brittany wasn't just going to break up with him. That nothing could have prepared her for how much it hurt when Santana pushed her away when she tried to put her arms around her.
Santana always welcomed her hugs and Brittany never realized that she needed to be able to wrap her arms around the quietly sensitive Latina just as much as Santana secretly needed her to do it too. In that moment, Brittany stared into those deep brown eyes that she spent years memorizing every fleck of gold, trace of emotion, and flash of insecurity and she watched helplessly as all of that love and warmth drained out of them. Those once familiar eyes suddenly were as cold and hard as she's heard people accuse the other girl of being in the past, but she's never believed it possible until now. Now Brittany felt like she finally understood why people were intimidated by the girl that's always been by her side. She finally got it because now she was clearly looking into the eyes of some stranger. It was almost like-
"Santana's gone," Brittany whispers sadly. "She's like a pod person and I don't know who she is anymore," she continues, mostly to herself.
The whole group spends several moments gawking at the other girl in astonishment. "I kind of wish Santana was here now so that she could translate that," Puck says after trying, and failing, to figure out how Brittany's thought processes could possibly spew out that explanation.
"I broke her," Brittany quietly adds, mostly talking to just herself, but somehow explaining her earlier remarks as well.
"Funny, Britt," Mercedes snorts in amusement.
"And I can't fix her because I don't know how. Santana's the one that always fixes everything, especially the things I break...like the microwave that one time," she continues sullenly.
Even without the overprotective Latina faithfully watching over Brittany, the rest of the Glee kids can't find it in them to laugh at the girl because, whether they like it or not, what Brittany just said almost made sense. No one may believe her when she says that Santana is broken and she's the reason, but they can at least respect her feelings.
"You couldn't hurt her if you tried, Britt," Artie tries to comfort her by rubbing her back but she doesn't say anything because she knows better.
Meanwhile
Santana has her steely gaze fixed on the other Cheerios before her as she scrutinizes their performance. Everything from her rigid stance to her arms folded across her chest to the unpleasant sneer twisting at her lips gives away how displeased she is with them. Her simmering rage finally boils over and, seemingly without warning, she breaks her position and kicks over the Gatorade cooler (filled with Master Cleanse, of course) with a furious grunt. The pyramid of startled girls collapses.
"What the hell was that?" The Latina screeches at the pile of limbs in front of her.
Tired of the never-ending onslaught of abuse since Santana was reinstated as Head Cheerio a week ago, one of the girls disentangles herself and tries to come to their defense. "We were flawless until you-"
"Stacy, you were barely holding yourself and your team up with your flabby arms so you can just shut up. Kelsey, your fat ass is threatening to break this team. Five laps," Santana calls to the girl in question.
"But-"
"And now the rest of the squad has to join you. Everyone thank Kelsey for needing to drag you down with her whining," Santana interrupts the other girls' protest and everyone groans in response to their continuing punishment.
"Ugh, come on," one of the other girls groans to her teammates as she finally gets to her feet.
"Hey, you think this is hard, try giving yourself a root canal using nothing but a pair of nail clippers and a back-hoe! That's hard!" Santana barks, wondering when Coach started rubbing off so much on her. The other Cheerios take pause at her last comment and shoot her a mix of disturbed and intrigued looks. "Hit the track!" She snaps after several moments of their gawping. They don't need any further instructions before tiredly making their way to the track.
As Santana watches the cheerleaders running their laps with a hawk-like intensity, she can feel someone approaching her from behind. She doesn't have to turn around to know that it's Sue Sylvester and she can't even bring herself to care because she's not going to pretend like she's afraid of her anymore. The Latina continues to stand stalk-still with her arms folded across her chest as she waits for the woman to say something, her demeanor exuding indifference.
"What, pray tell, did I just witness?" Sue questions calmly as she moves to stand next to her Head Cheerio, mirroring the shorter girl's stance.
"The Cheerios barely placed at Regionals last month after we quit the squad. Quinn was too soft on them before we left and they're obviously out of shape. I'm making sure they don't embarrass the school, themselves, you or me when we compete at State this weekend. I will win Nationals again," the Latina explains with a chillingly unruffled tone.
"I am deeply offended by the implication that you thought I exercised poor judgment in naming Quinn Fabray Head Cheerio over you not once, but twice…However, I must concede that you were the captain when we won Nationals last year and the two of you were on equal footing as mere peons when we won the year before," Sue responds in that half-thoughtful, half-condescending way she occasionally defaults into using.
"Having her briefly usurp my rightful position helped give me a better sense of perspective on my own leadership skills," Santana replies blandly, being somewhat honest while also pandering to the imposing woman's ego.
The coach is silent for several long moments, studying the 16 year old next to her. "You are a ruthless, manipulative, cold-hearted temptress with a delightfully sadistic sense of humor and an admirable penchant for crushing other people's spirits with your words," she observes objectively without sounding the least bit judgmental or insulting.
"It's a gift," the Latina retorts, smirking when one of the girls drops on the track, laying on her back and staring at the sky completely exhausted.
"Lopez, you and I are a lot alike. You're the closest thing I have to actual offspring and I must say if I hadn't had my tear ducts removed last year I might be crying right now," Sue informs the girl in her typically dry tone.
Santana casts a brief side-eye of disbelief in her direction, a ghost of a smile hinting over her features for a fraction of a moment before it's gone. "Thanks Coach," she replies, not willing to take the other woman's words completely to heart because of how easily Sue has switched loyalties in the past.
"As hard as this may be for you to accept, my Puerto Rican surrogate daughter," Sue begins, exaggerating her affected accent and overemphasizing the rolled 'r's in 'Puerto Rican', "I knew you were going to be a force to be reckoned with from the moment I first saw you. And when I was recruiting from your middle school three years ago and saw you carelessly shoving people out of your way, I knew I was right," she finishes, a nostalgic smile on her face at the thought of the terror-stricken children.
"This has officially become creepy and uncomfortable," Santana deadpans.
"For a while there I was concerned that I was wrong and that you really were just a promiscuous psychopath with dark and disturbing lesbiatronic tendencies-"
"'Lesbiatronic' isn't a word," the Cheerio cuts in irritably…and is promptly ignored.
"-but you've redeemed yourself and proven to be better than I could've hoped. You finally shook off those two barnacles you called 'friends' and came to your senses and left the glee club," the taller of the pair finishes as though never interrupted.
"Is that all or was there a more specific reason why you're over here?" Santana finally asks after a moment of silence, further proving her point about no longer being afraid of the Cheerio coach.
Sue Sylvester eyes the teen carefully, waiting for the girl to flinch or break eye contact first, but she maintains steady eye contact without a sign of apprehension. "I hope Tweedledum picking that defective Transformer over you last week taught you a lesson about expressing your feelings, let alone showing others that you even have them. Those glee club losers will all putrefy here in this pit of a town but you will get out. You are better than them. Emotions only get in the way," she offers sternly.
Santana stares hard at the older woman, taking in her words before offering a barely-there nod. "Duly noted," she assures the coach of her understanding despite sounding completely detached.
"Good practice today," Sue congratulates her and, coming from her, this is the highest possible praise one could ever hope to get. She wordlessly takes her leave knowing that there isn't anything else left to say.
Returning her gaze to the pack of Cheerios, Santana heaves a sigh of disappointment before reaching down and picking up the bull horn by her feet. "I am sick of looking at all of you. You reek of failure and the stench is threatening to kill the grass on the field. Hit the showers!" She barks at the group, dropping the horn to her side for a moment before lifting it back up. "And for the love of all that is good and pure in this world would someone please peel Nicole's unconscious body off the pavement and get her to the nurse before she sticks to the asphalt!" She throws in as a bit of an afterthought.
Smirking in satisfaction when the girls scramble to help their teammate, none of them wanting to go straight to the locker room and risk running into their brutal team captain, Santana briskly turns around, the pleats of her Cheerios skirt flapping at the move, as she makes her way back to the main building. She has no intention of leaving anytime soon as she is merely changing out of her uniform into something more appropriate for working out. Her immediate plans consist of heading to the Cheerios' gym by their locker room and working out there in private. Not wanting to step foot in her cold and empty house any time soon and no longer having her best friend in her life has afforded the Latina a lot of extra time on her hands that she thinks could best be used to get herself back in top form.
While changing out of her Cheerios uniform, Santana can't help but catch her reflection in one of the mirrors on the wall and she frowns at what she sees. She is only slightly agitated by the fact that she's down a cup size since one of the stipulations Sue put on her reinstatement as team captain was to have her boob job reversed. However, her biggest concern is how she's not nearly as toned as she was before temporarily quitting the team a month ago. Placing a hand over her lower stomach only validates her suspicions that her abs have lost a lot of their former definition. So, after pulling on her gray tank top and black yoga pants, Santana grudgingly grabs a bottle of Sue Sylvester's Master Cleanse out of her locker before making her way to the gym.
It was going to be a long night.
The Next Day
Just like any other day, Santana Lopez is on a warpath. Today, however, she is feeling even more abrasive and cruel than usual…which is saying a lot. Yesterday after practice she spent hours in the gym before calling it a night and, out of sheer dehydration, she unthinkingly chugged the whole bottle of Sue's toxic concoction on the drive home. As a result, she got less than two hours of sleep because she spent most of her night with her head in the toilet throwing up food she could've sworn she'd eaten months ago. By the time she was finished, she wasn't even vomiting anymore and she'd been reduced to simply dry-heaving. Yet, somehow, Santana came in to school looking as impeccable as always without a hair out of place or dark circles under her eyes marring her complexion. Santana looked perfect, but at the cost of being an unholy terror to anyone that crossed her line of sight.
So, out of nothing more than the pure unadulterated desire to spread her misery, she picks up a blue slushy on her way to class vowing to hurl its contents on the first person she sees when she enters the main hallway. Pushing through the doors, her eyes sparkle with malicious delight as she immediately spots her target.
"Karofsky," Santana calmly says to get the other boy's attention and when he turns to face the much smaller cheerleader, she throws the corn syrupy blue slushy all over him. As if in slow motion, the slushy arches in the air and splashes him in the face and all over his red and white letterman jacket, no doubt staining it. A hush comes over everyone in the hallway as they wait for all hell to break loose. David Karofsky's face drips with the thick liquid and his mouth hangs open incredulously as he stares at the girl that dared do this to him.
"Wha-?" Is all he can verbalize before she continues to surprise him by turning her cup upside down and shaking it to completely empty it of its contents…making sure to do so right over his clean white sneakers before nonchalantly dropping the cup at his feet.
"Hockey fucking sucks," she shrugs her explanation as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. His mouth works up and down several times, but he is unable to form any words. A smug grin slowly works its way onto her features then offers a tauntingly girlish wave wiggling just the tips of her fingers before turning on her heel and flouncing off with a bounce in her step.
All eyes are on the jock as everyone waits with baited breath to see how he will react. David's face reddens as he becomes exponentially more enraged and humiliated as the shock wears off. "Lopez!" He roars at the casually retreating Cheerio.
The other girl spins around to face the imposing figure fuming down the hall, unconcerned with whatever he is about to say or do. "The blue is a nice addition. Red, white and blue. Very patriotic," she snarks and waits a beat before turning back around and continuing on her way.
Once again Karofsky is dumbstruck, along with everyone else who witnessed the interaction. He is only able to regain full functioning after the Latina has disappeared…and he's no longer able to take his aggression out on her. So, in true David Karofsky fashion, he grabs the closest freshman and shoves him into a nearby trashcan before stalking off down the hall to his first class, silencing those whispering around him with a glare as he goes.
AP Physics is Brittany's second class of the day and she is blankly staring down at her test, her frustration nearly bringing her to tears because she knows that she knows this, but she just can't put it together. A lot of the test was fine but everything from the last week of class, since Santana stopped speaking to her, isn't coming to her. Her (former) best friend knew how hard it was for her to learn things in a regular classroom setting or from a textbook. Santana always took it upon herself to help the blonde and when she explained things it was easier for Brittany to understand and retain the information. It's been nine days since she's had the Latina's help…and nine days since Brittany's been able to learn anything in any of her classes, all of which she shares with the brunette.
The sound of papers being shuffled and someone standing causes Brittany to look up and watch Santana be the first student to turn in her test before going back to her desk. Brittany tries to will the Latina into looking at her, but she never so much as glances at her just as she hasn't even acknowledged her for the last eight days. Santana's even gone so far as to relocate herself to whatever desk is furthest from the blonde and still in the back row, of course. Once back at her desk, the newly reinstated captain of the Cheerios pulls out her iPod and the latest issue of Cosmo before picking her pen back up under the pretense of doing one of the magazine's stupid quizzes. However, Brittany knows for a fact that one of the main reasons Santana chooses the back row is so that she won't have to worry about anyone looking over her shoulder to see that she's actually doing a crossword puzzle or one of those Sudoku things.
Turning her attention back to her test, Brittany sighs in defeat at the equations and formulas she should've learned this week. Without Santana's flashcards, drawings or diagrams the most recent material is completely alien to her. So, for her final three questions she chooses to just draw pictures of trees and flowers and other pretty things in hopes that that might make her feel better. It doesn't work. When she turns in her test and sits back down, she feels even emptier than ever. She's confident enough in her other answers, which made up well over half of the test, that she'll still pass easily, but it will end up being her worst grade since she and Santana started Kindergarten together.
Brittany watches Santana carefully, torn by several conflicting emotions. She misses having her best friend, obviously, but she's also upset that the other girl would cut off all contact when she wouldn't leave her boyfriend for her just because Santana finally figured out how she felt and asked her to. Then there's also concern because of how the Latina has regressed back to being an unrepentant bitch and completely closing herself off again. On the other hand, Brittany is angry at the other girl for making her feel guilty and concerned in the first place while she seems so unaffected. It isn't fair to ask her to drop everything for Santana now after waiting for the other girl to accept her feelings for years. Now it's as though Santana has thrown all of that progress away and safely tucked her emotions back where they came from.
The blonde jumps in her seat when the bell rings and before she can even think to approach her former friend the Cheerio is already out the door. Brittany rolls her eyes at Santana's avoidance of her considering they're going to see each other again in about three minutes in AP English Lit. As she approaches her locker, thoughts of her next class brings her to a momentary pause. They're reading Nineteen Eighty-Four and she needs Santana to explain why everyone in the book uses words she doesn't understand and can't find in the dictionary…but Santana isn't exactly an option. She resigns herself to asking Quinn during lunch despite knowing that the other blonde will probably just look at her like she said something stupid again. Barely resisting the urge to sigh, Brittany slams her locker shut before going off to be ignored by Santana for another hour.
Lunch
The Glee students are all at their table in the back of the cafeteria with everyone broken off into their own conversations. Everyone except Brittany at least and, being seated next to the usually bubbly and talkative blonde, Quinn easily notices her silence. After taking a moment to see how dejected and lost Brittany looks, she can't help but silently curse Santana for doing this to the innocent blonde.
"What's the matter Britt-Britt?" Quinn gently asks, placing a warm hand on the other girl's arm as she does so, hoping to make up for snapping at her like she did the day before in glee club.
Brittany bites her lip at her favorite nickname that she loves only because Santana gave it to her when they were five. She manages not to start spewing out all of her confusing feelings for the short-tempered Latina out of respect for her boyfriend sitting on the other side of her. "Our test this morning," she says simply, deciding at the last moment not to ask about the book like she originally intended.
Quinn, for her part, cringes at the thought. That's the only class she shares with Brittany and Santana so she had a front row seat to the train-wreck of watching the other blonde try to finish a test on her own. "I'm sure Kessler will give you points if you spelled your name right. You did spell you name right, didn't you Britt?" She asks, desperately hoping that the blonde got that part right, if nothing else.
"Yes," Brittany replies dully, her shoulders slumping and her eyes dropping to the table.
"Good," is Quinn's relieved reply before her expression turns sympathetic once more. "Do you think that maybe since things are so tense with Santana right now that you should talk to Ms. Pillsbury about transferring out of AP classes?" She hedges the topic, hating herself for what she's insinuating about the other blonde but at least thankful that it's probably going over her head anyways.
"What?" Brittany blurts, unable to believe the other blonde just said that. She hates that her current 'best friend' (by default) thinks she's stupid just like everyone else. Quinn knows that she's in all AP courses with Santana.
Quinn's eyes dart pleadingly to the other members of Glee, all of which now have their attention trained on the two, silently begging them to help her explain to the dim former-Cheerio. "Brittany, I think what Quinn's getting at here is that you don't belong in advanced classes. Without being able to cheat off of Santana, which is immoral by the way, you're going to fail and you'll never be able to graduate. Honestly, I don't even know how Santana managed to get into any Advanced Placement classes herself, but I digress. If you like, I can take you to see Ms. Pillsbury now and-"
"I'm not stupid!" Brittany finally snaps tearfully, effectively shutting Rachel up, much to the eternal gratitude of the other members of their group. Everyone stares at the blonde in shock.
"Of course you aren't, Sweetie," Artie is quick to reply, albeit condescendingly, not believing the words as he tries to do damage control after Rachel's attempt to help.
"Don't talk down to me. I'm sick of everyone always talking to me like I'm a child," Brittany crosses her arms over her chest defensively as she glares at the group, their mouths hanging open in disbelief. "She and I are in all advanced classes totally on our own merit. Neither of us has ever cheated and I've never copied off of her or anything," she huffs after no one says anything.
"But you always look so lost in class and Santana always has to explain everything to you," Quinn points out.
"Sometimes the teachers are confusing but Santana has always been able to explain so I can understand. I learn stuff easier in a different way than you guys do so you just assume I'm stupid," Brittany defends herself before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "Isn't it funny that the one person that understands that I'm not an idiot is painted as being the 'villain' but it's everyone else that is always so quick to judge?" She scoffs, feeling sorry for how blind they are to their own behavior.
"Come on Brittany. Everyone knows that Santana gets off on ruining other people's lives," Mercedes announces in an obvious tone earning nods from the other members of glee.
Brittany narrows her eyes at the other girl. "'It's usually the most wounded among us who inflict pain on others'," she quotes in her usual even tone before standing up. "Patti Davis," she informs them upon seeing their baffled expressions. The blonde sighs and walks out of the cafeteria, leaving her tray untouched.
The table is silent for several long moments as the group tries to digest everything. "Did that really just happen?" Artie wonders, almost certain that he imagined the whole thing.
"I think so, yeah," Puck nods weakly.
As Brittany's parting words finally sink in, they simultaneously turn towards the Cheerios' table on the other side of the cafeteria to see Santana ignoring the other Cheerios and the bottle of Sue's Master Cleanse in front of her in favor of glaring hatefully back at New Directions. That's all it takes for them to immediately look away, a chill shooting down some of their spines at the look.
"That was just weird," Rachel says and, for once, the others agree with her.
This time it's Finn that breaks the silence. "Who's Patti Davis?" He questions dimly. Everyone ignores him.
It's after school and New Directions is once again gathered in the choir room. After walking into the room it doesn't take long for Will to notice how everyone is struggling not to stare at Brittany in light of everything that learned about her.
"What's going on guys?" He asks, almost afraid of the answer only to receive a chorus of 'nothing's. "Brittany?" He directs his question to the girl in the middle of whatever seems to be going on.
"Santana's not my friend anymore," the blonde answers simply, completely understating what really happened. The group is stunned into silence since, until then, they just assumed that the duo's split was only temporary and would blow over just like every other one of their arguments. Their reactions range from confusion to concern to suspicion to smug satisfaction, the latter mainly only applying to Artie.
"What did she do?" Rachel asks what has been on everyone's mind for the last week, wondering how bad it is so that they can get the Latina to apologize and thus end her reign of terror. Brittany indignantly stares ahead, disregarding everyone else and their ignorance of her and Santana's complicated relationship.
Sensing the other blonde's cross mood, Quinn decides to speak up. "Come on guys, let's get on with practice. We still need to decide on a replacement song for Regionals," she butts in, nodding slightly at the barely-there grateful smile from Brittany.
After sending a brief skeptical glance towards the ditzy former-Cheerio, Will decides not to push the matter. "So, does anyone have any thoughts?" He questions, deliberately overlooking the arm that immediately shot up in the front row. "Anyone?...Please?" He attempts desperately before his posture deflates. "Yes Rachel?" He sighs.
Rachel immediately jumps out of her seat to stand before the group, her trademark grin firmly planted on her face. "Well Mr. Shue, given that Santana Lopez has dropped out of the club and will obviously no longer be performing a solo, I have taken it upon myself to narrow down a list of show tunes and classic rock ballads that would not only showcase my wide vocal range and perfect pitch, but would also be able to highlight the background vocals of the rest of the group," the petite brunette informs them, paying no mind to the round of groans and rolled eyes.
Will hesitantly takes the list (two pages long…single-spaced…in 10 point font) and sets it on the piano without bothering to look at it. "Thank you Rachel. You may return to your seat," he instructs. The girl simply flashes another grin before bouncing back to her chair. "Anyone else?" He ventures hopefully.
Cheerios Locker Room – 5:45 pm
Santana is dreading the fact that she'll need to get up and move again eventually. Cheerios practice today involved the whole squad – herself included – running through their entire routine until it was flawless. Nearly three hours with Sue Sylvester in charge of personally overseeing practice today. After they nailed it on their fourteenth attempt, Sue grunted her version of approval and had them run laps before dismissing them. As far as Santana's concerned, she considered it a major success when she didn't collapse when Sue called her over as the others were making their way to the locker room. It was really just a bonus that Sue only wanted to comment on Santana's improved performance since she rejoined the squad…in her own borderline offensive and demeaning way, of course. Then Sue told her to put the equipment up before going to the locker room, much to the Latina's dismay.
So, when Santana finally made it back to the locker room several minutes ago, the few straggling Cheerios still there were on their way out of the locker room. It was actually something of a relief to the surly brunette to have some privacy and be able to relax before trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her evening. She's torn between dragging herself back into the Cheerios gym or going home to her cold, empty house. Too tired to get right into the showers, she instead opts for laying on one of the benches and throwing an arm over her eyes once the fluorescent lighting begins to burn her eyes from staring at the ceiling too long. Blocking out the light does nothing to take her mind off of every muscle in her body screaming at her in pain, the hard wood of the bench pressing against her back not helping matters either. Instead, Santana tries to just focus on her breathing.
Several minutes later finds Santana beginning to drift off to sleep, something her body has been severely lacking for quite some time now…since before the Brittany-drama even. She can feel the tension seeping out of her body. The peace and tranquility is shattered when the locker room door opens and shuts followed shortly by the sound of uncertain footsteps making their way through the space. The Latina's body stiffens at the noise, but she remains stretched out on the bench with one arm thrown over her eyes and the other draped over her midsection hoping that the unwelcome party leaves before stumbling across her.
Unfortunately for the Latina, who has yet to open her eyes or remove her arm from her face, the footsteps stop right in front of her. "Santana?" The intruder attempts to gain the girl's attention, the tone questioning.
For those interested, I had the hardest time coming up with a title to this story. Looking to The Beatles for inspiration (naturally!), I stumbled across Within You Without You, one of a handful of their songs I find maddening to listen to. The lyrics, however, fit perfectly with what I feel about Santana in this story, especially as more things are revealed. Two parts in particular sum up my thoughts:
We were talking - about the space between us all/ And the people - who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion/ Never glimpse the truth - then it's far too late when they pass away…
We were talking - about the love that's gone so cold/ And the people who gain the world and lose their soul/They don't know, they can't see - are you one of them?Interpret that however you wish in terms of where I'm taking this story.
Any comments or criticisms welcome.
REPOST: So when I first uploaded and posted this story, I had the word 'bitch' in the summary...seven months later it was suddenly a problem. Without any warning or any chance to fix the problem Admin decided to just delete the story out of nowhere. Had they bothered to inform me, I would have gladly changed the summary but they decided "fuck it, let's just delete the whole damn thing"...and they did. Every single one of you guys' reviews, favorites and alerts have been completely wiped out. Yes, they erased all 222 reviews, 190 favorites and 244 alerts.
To make matters worse, they suspended my account until June 1 so I couldn't sumbit anything let alone repost this until now...but not until I went through all 16 chapters to re-insert the page breaks and re-edit over 122000 words...that's 175 pages in Word. So, be warned that the next chapter, which was intended to be done by now, is going to take longer due to this set-back.
ORIGINAL POSTING DATE: 21 November 2011
