An Ode to Twilight
Oh Twilight, why must you be in existence?
Why must you shove your illogical crap
Down the throat of society?
A society
Who knows no better than to salivate
Over your superior paper wasting talents?
If I could kill myself, I would
Sadly, I am immortal
Because Edward bit me
No, not literally
Nor figuratively
All I can say is the strong stabbing pain is a bitter bite to my intellect
Yes Twilight, you render me retarded in so many ways
You have no proper structure
You lack description to even hold this ludicrous dribble afloat
Why teen girls are so stupid to read this
Must be because of your 'celebrity good' looks
That or the fact that you are perfect Edward Cullen
Perfectly creepy
I can't imagine why any teen girl
Wouldn't want an immortal stalker
To thirst for her blood
And throw her into pianos on her birthday.
It just seems so perfect doesn't it?
Because Twilight is just a perfect romance
Isn't it?
Oh Twilight
I wish there was a way to express my distain
Towards you and the countless female minds you have fucked
But sadly,
I am speechless
I am baffled
How in the hell you became best selling literature
I have no idea
I must say Twilight,
Good work
For Stephanie Myer seems to be the only author
Successful of sewing crack in miniscule amounts
To each individual page within you
For this is the conclusion I have reached
The only logical way
You could be so utterly horrendous
And yet so addictive
Oh Twilight,
You perfect book you,
Why can't society censor you
Instead of beautiful masterpieces?
Maybe because Grapes Of Wrath
Didn't have vampires
Maybe because their main characters
Actually needed food
Or maybe Holden Caulfield
Simply wasn't as much a stud
As he thought himself to be
At least in the eyes of you tween girls
Oh Twilight,
You wonderful book you
Can I have but one request?
Oh Twilight,
You great art you
Won't you please
Go fuck yourself.
