An Ode to Twilight

Oh Twilight, why must you be in existence?

Why must you shove your illogical crap

Down the throat of society?

A society

Who knows no better than to salivate

Over your superior paper wasting talents?

If I could kill myself, I would

Sadly, I am immortal

Because Edward bit me

No, not literally

Nor figuratively

All I can say is the strong stabbing pain is a bitter bite to my intellect

Yes Twilight, you render me retarded in so many ways

You have no proper structure

You lack description to even hold this ludicrous dribble afloat

Why teen girls are so stupid to read this

Must be because of your 'celebrity good' looks

That or the fact that you are perfect Edward Cullen

Perfectly creepy

I can't imagine why any teen girl

Wouldn't want an immortal stalker

To thirst for her blood

And throw her into pianos on her birthday.

It just seems so perfect doesn't it?

Because Twilight is just a perfect romance

Isn't it?

Oh Twilight

I wish there was a way to express my distain

Towards you and the countless female minds you have fucked

But sadly,

I am speechless

I am baffled

How in the hell you became best selling literature

I have no idea

I must say Twilight,

Good work

For Stephanie Myer seems to be the only author

Successful of sewing crack in miniscule amounts

To each individual page within you

For this is the conclusion I have reached

The only logical way

You could be so utterly horrendous

And yet so addictive

Oh Twilight,

You perfect book you,

Why can't society censor you

Instead of beautiful masterpieces?

Maybe because Grapes Of Wrath

Didn't have vampires

Maybe because their main characters

Actually needed food

Or maybe Holden Caulfield

Simply wasn't as much a stud

As he thought himself to be

At least in the eyes of you tween girls

Oh Twilight,

You wonderful book you

Can I have but one request?

Oh Twilight,

You great art you

Won't you please

Go fuck yourself.