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THERE ONCE WAS AN ORGANIZATION CALLED THE DEVIL'S THIRTEEN. THEY WERE THE LAST KEYBLADE-WEILDERS ON THE PLANET. THE FIRST IN COMMAND, ALEX, HAD SKILLS MATCHED TO NO OTHER. HE WAS NUMBER THIRTEEN. THEN, THERE WAS NUMBERS TWELVE AND ELEVEN, LEON AND LYONE. THEY WERE ORIGINALLY FROM THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE ICE, BUT THEIR KEYBLADES SYMBOLIZE THE PAST AND FUTURE VILLAGES. THEY ARE TWINS, AND THEIR MOTHER WAS MURDERED BEFORE THEIR VERY EYES. THEIR FATHER NEVER EVEN VISITED.
NUMBERS TEN AND NINE, LEX AND JESSICA, ARE THE ONLY GIRLS IN THE ORGANIZATION EXCEPT FOR KATIE. LEX ORIGINATED IN THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE STARS, AND HER KEYBLADE CLEARLY IDENTIFYS THAT. LEX: IT DOES NOT! JESSICA ORIGINATED IN THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE FLAMES, SO HER LOVE FOR FIRE AND SPARKLY THINGS, SHE'S A NATURAL BLONDE, IS OVERWHELMING. NUMBERS EIGHT AND SEVEN ARE KATIE AND AXEL. KATIE IS THE SIBLING OF ALEX, AND SHE WELL, HATES HIM. SHE ORIGINATED IN THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE STEEL. ALEX IS TOO. AND THEN AXEL, YES, AXEL OF THE ORIGINAL ORGANIZATION THIRTEEN ON THE KINGDOM HEARTS GAMES, ORIGINATED IN THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE WATER. WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED!? NUMBERS SIX AND FIVE ARE WELL, EVERYONE ELSE IS THE ORIGINAL ORGANIZATION MEMBERS. INSIDE THIS BOOK LIES A TALE OF TWO BROTHERS, THEIR GIRLFRIENDS, A BUNCH OF FUNNY, MOSTLY PERVERTED JOKES, AND AN EVIL ARMY OF CARE-BEARS.
WILL THE TWINS FIND THEIR DAD? WILL KATIE GET OVER MAKING DRIED UP SAND CASTLES? WILL ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS EVEN BE ANSWERED? THE ANSWER: PROBABLY NOT.
CHAPTER 1: THIRTEEN MEMBERS
I woke up and saw eleven people around my bed. When I got up, it looked like they all wanted something. I walked into the kitchen and saw my brother. He looked at me, and said: following you too? Yep. I sat down and grabbed my spoon to eat my cereal. To my surprise, it disappeared and a sword appeared in my hand. Then, the tallest member jumped at me with a similar sword. Whoa! I grabbed the sword, and my brother jumped too. My name is leon, and usually, my life isn't this screwed up. When I saw how fast he was moving, I decided I'd better start trying to use the sword. It had a key-like shape to it, and was really big, but still, really light . It felt good to be using it. Instantly, I was good at it. I got a couple good shots in, but I was the one that was injured the most. Lyone jumped in and swung. It hit the tall person, but retaliated on us. We jumped back in the corner, and to our surprise, saw the other ten people eating popcorn, candy, drinking my two-liter of mountain-dew, and sitting in our chairs. Then I got mad. The shortest one, which is about as tall as me, she was really hot, was eating my pops. I saw another blonde eating lyone's Kellogg's frosted flakes. Oh, man……. Lyone went berserk. He ran up and hit the blonde right in the face. I yelled; "lyone, no!" but then I saw the girl I liked, and she was getting more pops. GOTTA HAVE MY POPS! I ran and hit her right in the gut.
Then, a care-bear jumped through the window on my face. Oh, crap! I tried to pull the bear off me, but, if you haven't noticed, love-a-lot bears are hard to kill. I tried some thing else. I pulled out my wallet and got out my school pictures, the bad ones. I showed them to the care-bear, and it exploded. Yeah!, I yelled, that's love-a-lot power! Everyone turned to look at me like I was gay. Lyone however was scarfing down his cereal before anyone else could eat it. Well, I looked down and saw…… the girl that I had hit. She was plain knocked out. Everyone but the two girls retreated. We went to our bedroom and put the girls on our beds. They woke up about five hours later. Where am I? asked lex, The girl that ate my pops. Sorry about the punch… I said. You're cute…. She said. Yes! I thought. She likes me back even though I knocked her out! Here, let's go get you something to eat. I fixed some pops for her and she stared at them, then, she started to eat them, but cautiously held her other arm on her chest, like a shield. Lyone didn't come down until about thirty minutes later, and he and Jessica, the other girl, were both smiling and blushing. I didn't even want to know. Well, after breakfast, we went outside to the patio. Well, lyone and Jessica went upstairs again, and I knew. Lex and I went to the river and started to skip stones. What were those guys wanting me and lyone for? I asked her. We're an organization called the devil's thirteen. We're the last wielders of the legendary key blades. Key……blade? My mind instantly flashed back to earlier this morning, when my spoon turned into a blade. Wait a minute……. I said. WHERE'S MY SPOON!!?
You can't get it back. It's been tossed into the door to light. Man………, I said. I liked that spoon… hey! We turned around and saw Jessica running towards us. Open this. She handed us a box of Kleenex. the tissues were already sticking out c'mon, I don't have all day! I handed them to her and said; figure it out. Lex and I walked away to the other side of the river. Before I could throw the stone, it turned into a key blade.
