I'm back. And with something that's really very different. This is a Deacon/Rayna story and yet it's not. It's very AU and it comes from a place of frustration I was going through over how Rayna was treating Deacon and how I thought Deacon should stand up for himself. So imagine a world where Rayna actually marries Luke and it forces Deacon to pick up the pieces and move in a different direction.

I know this kind of turns everything on its head, but I hope you'll give it a shot and see what you think. It may surprise you.

Special thanks to Rachel Wilder for encouraging me to step out with this and for being my first set of eyes.


Emma Taylor was excited. She'd been invited by her friend Josh Osborne to participate in an In the Round at the Bluebird Café that night, along with Jimmy Robbins and Jeff Cohen. This was going to be a great foursome. She was in the bathroom of her East Nashville townhouse finishing up her makeup. She wore her favorite boots and she modeled herself in front of her floor length mirror. Her jeans were a perfect fit, not too tight, but they showed off her long legs and her tight ass. She had an old vintage cream colored tunic with a deep V neck and long flowing sleeves. She ran her hands through her thick mane of chestnut brown hair.

She'd been in Nashville for four years, chasing her dream of being a country singer. She'd come to Nashville from Odessa, TX, with intermediate stops in Dallas and Austin. She'd spent three years at the University of Texas in Austin, only to decide that her heart's desire wouldn't be realized with a college degree. She figured out pretty quickly once she got to Nashville that her ticket to success was going to be songwriting, not singing, and she'd been fortunate to gain a publishing deal within six weeks of moving to Tennessee. She'd had songs she'd written and co-written recorded by some of the biggest names in country music and in her four short years, had already had ten number ones and many other hits.

She loved playing the Bluebird and this was shaping up to be the best In the Round group yet. She raced out of the house and was surprised at how light traffic was. She got to Hillsboro Pike way early so she stopped in Starbucks for a decaf. When she made her way to the Bluebird, the early show was still going on. She slipped in the back door and down the hall. She could see someone standing, watching the show, guitar case in hand. He was tall with dark hair and she could see he was wearing a green shirt and well-worn jeans. He turned as she walked up and she actually felt herself get a little wet. She recognized Deacon Claybourne right away. He was definitely sex appeal personified.

Deacon looked at the dark haired woman walking up behind him. He'd never met her, but surmised she was Emma Taylor, who was the only female songwriter in the round that night. She glanced up at him and he couldn't help but notice how pretty she was.

Emma smiled shyly, her nose crinkling. "Hey," she said, holding out her hand. "I'm Emma Taylor."

Deacon smiled back and took her hand. "Deacon Claybourne," he said.

She looked surprised. "I didn't know you were going to be here tonight," she said.

"I'm subbing for Jeff Cohen."

"Well, I'm going to have to up my game then," she said with a wink. "I've heard you play and I know you're the legend of the Bluebird."

Deacon laughed. "I'm sure that's not true. But I guess you have the advantage. I haven't heard you before."

She grinned broadly, showing off perfect teeth. "Be prepared to be blown away by my awesomeness then," she said and Deacon laughed.


When it wasn't her turn, Emma spent the night watching Deacon. He was seated across from her, which made that easier. He was well-known around town in the songwriting community and was known as one of the premiere guitar players in Nashville. Now that he was trying to make it as a solo artist, his profile was rising. Emma knew he'd been in Rayna Jaymes' band for over twenty years and they'd been a couple prior to her marrying Teddy Conrad, the current mayor of Nashville. Deacon had stayed mostly out of the spotlight until the news had gotten out that Rayna's oldest daughter had been fathered by him. She'd heard around town that Deacon Claybourne carried a really tall torch for Rayna Jaymes, even though she had married Luke Wheeler some months back. He did have some sadness in his eyes, even when he smiled, and she felt certain that many of the songs he sang that night were about his old love.

He certainly did give her the tingles, though, despite his past. But she thought he was probably someone to steer clear of, if he was still singing songs about a woman who'd married someone else.


Deacon watched Emma all night. He was surprised their paths hadn't crossed before. She was a masterful lyricist, with clever phrasing and sweet poetic meanderings. She intrigued him. He knew he wanted to get to know her better. At the end of the night, he leaned towards her. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

She looked at him. "Drinks are free. For us."

"So they are. Can I get you a free drink then?"

She smiled. "Diet Coke would be nice. Thanks."

"You sure you don't want something stronger?"

She shook her head. "I don't drink." He nodded and got up to go to the bar. She watched him as he stood waiting for their drinks, thinking he was a really hot man.

When he came back with her Diet Coke and a water for himself, he moved to sit next to her. "You were right about your awesomeness," he said.

She smiled shyly. "I was kidding about that, you know."

He laughed. "But you still were awesome."

"Well, thank you." She took a sip of her drink. "I'm surprised you still do this, now that you're out touring."

He shrugged. "It's a good place to try stuff out. And it keeps me humble." She smiled and he was struck again by how pretty she was. She looked to be in her thirties, with long, thick chestnut brown hair that fell in sexy waves around her shoulders and down her back. Her hazel eyes were warm and inviting. A smattering of freckles ran across her pert nose. She was certainly the opposite of Rayna. Which was a good thing.

She finished her Diet Coke. "Hey, thanks for the drink. And I enjoyed playing with you tonight."

He realized he didn't want to let her get away. "Um, would you like to get together sometime?"

She felt a fluttering in her heart, but said, "Look, I know who you are and I know about your history with Rayna Jaymes. I know she got married not that long ago and I'm thinking you're still carrying a bit of a torch for her, from what I've heard. I don't want to get mixed up in that. I am, however, open to being friends."

Deacon scowled. "I'm not carrying a damn torch for Rayna Jaymes," he said. "I'm not asking you to jump in bed with me. Just coffee or something. But forget it, I guess." He started to get up.

"Wait," she said, a part of her not wanting to let things end like that. He looked back at her, still with that annoyed look on his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude." She smiled. "Coffee would be nice. If the offer still stands, that is."

Deacon looked at her for a moment, then nodded. "Ugly Mugs? Tomorrow at ten?"

She nodded. "I'll see you then."


As he drove home, Deacon thought about her comment about him carrying a torch for Rayna. It had pissed him off when she said it, but if he was honest with himself, he knew it had been hard to give up on them. Even now, after she'd gone ahead and married Luke in a big, media-event wedding. The only positive part of that, from his perspective, was that she and Luke had merged their tours into a nauseating "Honeymoon Tour" and he was the odd man out in that arrangement. He'd been let out of his contract with a very generous settlement and he'd been relieved not to have to watch that every night. Plus it enabled him to get untangled from Pam, Luke's backup singer that he'd allowed himself to get into an ill-advised dalliance with. It had been a fun tour fling, but it had put him in Luke's path more than he'd liked.

Maddie was still miserable, and that led to the other aspect of Rayna's marriage that was a positive. She was spending a lot more time with him, with Rayna and Luke on the road so much and Maddie's intense dislike for Luke, and they had bonded over their shared hurt. But he knew that it wasn't good for him to encourage that in her and he'd needed to move past it himself. It hadn't been easy, but Rayna had changed so much that he'd found himself thinking about her less and less. Tonight had been the first night in a long time that he'd found himself focusing on someone else. In just a short few hours of knowing her, Emma Taylor had crawled up under his skin, and he wanted to get to know her better.


Emma felt bad about what she'd said to Deacon about Rayna. Hell, she didn't know him and she sure didn't know Rayna Jaymes. She had parroted some gossip column crap and that left a bad taste in her mouth. She had liked him right away, sensed he was good, honest people. He had a sadness about him that spoke to a lot of life experience. She thought he was in his mid-forties, so older than she usually went for, but she had been intrigued. She also had to admit that she wondered what it would be like to feel his arms around her, his lips on hers, and to feel him deep inside her. It had been a long time since she'd had a relationship and she wondered what it might be like to have one with someone that seemed as complex and electric as Deacon Claybourne.

She hadn't had a boyfriend since before she'd left Texas, although she'd dated a few people here and there. She always adhered to her three-date rule about sex and had never let things progress to that point. She had high standards – her best friend, Leah, would say she was too damn picky – but she wasn't into one night stands and casual, breezy friends-with-benefits deals. She was someone that liked relationships, but only if they were right. She'd been in a fairly long-term relationship in Austin that had ended unpleasantly, so she felt like she could feel some of what she assumed was Deacon Claybourne's pain over losing Rayna to yet another man. There had been a spark between them, she was sure of that. Maybe one day she'd be in a position to ask him if he'd felt the same attraction she had and if he'd felt that same certainty that they had a deep connection.


Deacon kept an eye on the door at Ugly Mugs and felt his heart beat a little faster when he saw Emma Taylor walk in. She saw him and waved, then walked up to the counter to place her order. When she sat down across from him, he was surprised at how happy he was to see her.

"Hey, I'm sorry that I didn't think to tell you last night where this place was. I hope you didn't have trouble finding it," he said.

"No, I knew exactly where it was. I come here a lot. I don't live too far from here."

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "You live in East Nashville?"

Emma smiled, and he thought again how beautiful she was. "Don't all the music people live in East Nashville? Well, except for the headliners. I guess they live in gated mansions and communities."

Deacon laughed. "Yeah, I guess they do."

Emma took a sip of her coffee. "So, how often are you at the Bluebird these days?"

"Not as often as I'd like. I used to do every third Thursday…."

"Yeah, I know. I've seen you there more than once."

That intrigued him. "Do you go a lot?"

She shrugged. "It depends on who's playing. I like to hear my friends. And then there are some, that when they're there, you want to make a point of being there." She smiled shyly. "You've always been one of those people. Although, I promise, I wasn't stalking you or anything. I really didn't go all the time, but I have seen you there a few times." She wasn't going to tell him just how many times she'd gone to hear him play.

Deacon was laughing. "Thanks for clearing up the stalker part."

Emma blushed. "You're known around town, Deacon. At least, among the songwriters and musicians." She picked at a napkin. "The first time I heard you there, I'd been here a little over a year. I'd heard your name a lot, so when it worked out to see the show, I did. I was impressed enough that I went and found your album. The first one."

Deacon looked surprised. "Really?"

Emma nodded. "Really. I was really impressed. How come you never did anything with that?"

He shrugged. "A lot of reasons. I was with Rayna then and it would have meant going out on the road without her, so there was that. But…" He hesitated, not sure how much to share or how much she might already know. She obviously knew about his relationship with Rayna, so he wasn't sure how much digging she might have done. But he liked her, and he wanted to get to know her better, so he decided to take a chance. "I was an alcoholic."

Emma tilted her head. "But sober now, right?"

He nodded. "Just over fourteen years. Well, except for a couple days back about a year and a half ago. But back before I got sober, I had a long, long history of being a drunk. And I drank a lot. I went to rehab five times before I got it right. So I was not really in good shape to be going out on the road by myself. Rayna was the one who took care of me and if I hadn't had her then, well, I probably would have been dead a long time ago."

Emma thought it was no wonder he still carried a torch for Rayna. She'd been his caretaker all those years. "Well, your first album was excellent. I think my favorite song was 'A Life That's Good'. I know a lot of your songs are pretty personal. At least that's what I've heard. What was that one about?"

Deacon took a deep breath. Somehow it didn't feel right telling that story. "Just kind of a wish for the future. Kind of what I've always hoped for."

Emma wondered, but let it go. "I've got your EP too. Are all the songs on the albums yours?"

Deacon nodded. "Yeah. It's the one thing I feel like I do pretty good, writing songs."

"I would agree. I know you've had a lot of number ones with Rayna and some others too. That last one you did with her was a bouncy, peppy number. 'This Time'. Kind of different for you."

He nodded. "Your last one was a pretty fun one, too, as I recall."

Emma laughed. "Yeah, 'American Kids'. It was fun to write. Luke and Shane are good guys and always in the mood for something upbeat and playful. I was pretty sure as soon as Kenny picked it, it would go number one. But I still appreciate it every single time."

They sat quietly for a moment and sipped on their coffee. Then Deacon cleared his throat. "So, listen, I'm doing this thing with some other writers at Douglas Corners on Saturday night. Why don't you come? Bring your guitar. I can probably get you up on stage to play with us."

Emma sat back. "Sure. I'd love to." She looked at her watch. "Listen, I've got a meeting at my publisher about someone wanting to buy one of my songs." She smiled. "I'm glad we did this. Thanks for giving me another chance."

He smiled. "No problem. So, we're on at nine Saturday. Come about eight thirty or so and I'll introduce you to everyone."

She stood up. "I will. And thanks, Deacon." She raised her hand in a wave and left. As she walked out to her car, she thought about him and wondered what kind of hold Rayna Jaymes still had on him. She'd done some digging and found a pretty incendiary Rolling Stone article that was written not long before Rayna had married Luke Wheeler. Since there was very little written about the two of them before, it seemed somewhat out of character for Rayna Jaymes to dish the way she had about her former lover, bandleader, and friend. It had not been completely flattering, the way she'd talked about Deacon, and Emma wondered what was bubbling under the surface that had caused her to be that open about things that had happened so long ago. Things that it would have seemed had been resolved, since Deacon had been in Rayna's band nearly the whole time she was married to Teddy Conrad. But then Luke Wheeler was then, and still was, a fame whore. Rayna Jaymes wouldn't have been able to keep a low personal profile after hooking her star to his.

She thought about Rayna. One of her songs had been put on hold by Rayna's producer not too long after Emma had come to Nashville. But nothing happened with it and Lady Antebellum had picked it up instead and made it a hit. She knew Rayna had grown up in fashionable Belle Meade and she had that smooth, classy look and persona to her. She'd always been pretty close to the vest about her private life, at least until she got involved with Luke Wheeler. She'd heard whispers that Rayna had done it to prop up a fading career, using Luke's fame to bolster her albums and tours. She'd formed her own label and was having decent success with that. Deacon seemed like such a down to earth guy; she wondered what he'd been doing with someone like Rayna Jaymes.


Deacon was intrigued by Emma. Still. He wanted to get to know her better and he saw her as a bit of a challenge. He had found himself wanting to open himself up to her, in hopes that she would show interest. She was a tough nut to crack, that was for sure. He was glad she'd agreed to come to the Saturday show. He really did want to see more of her.


When Saturday rolled around, Emma found herself going back and forth on whether to go to Douglas Corners after all. On the one hand, it was a Saturday night and she kind of wanted to stay at home and chill. But Josh Osborne had just been teasing her about not getting out enough. And, although she wasn't sure she wanted to go down that road, she found herself wanting to spend more time with Deacon Claybourne. Her first thought – that he was a complicated man – seemed to be true. He'd had a long, tumultuous relationship with one of country music's most powerful women, who spurned him to marry another man. Yet, they'd had a child together and he had been in her band until about two years ago. He was a recovering alcoholic, which gave her more pause than the rest. It was a lot to take on someone with an addictive personality. But he was hot and she was interested. More than that, she was pretty sure he was interested in her.

So here she was, primping like she was going out on a date. She had to laugh a little as she acknowledged that she was trying to look sexy and attractive for him. And she also acknowledged that the female part of her, that was attracted to a man and wanted him, was attracted to Deacon. When she walked into the club and he turned and smiled at her, she admitted to herself that she was smitten. More than smitten. She felt herself get a little hot at the thought of him touching her, kissing her. She tried to shake it off, but that little warmth in her core wouldn't go away.

"Emma!" He waved her back behind the stage. When she walked up, he gave her one of those awkward 'we're sort of friends even though we don't know each other well' hugs. "Glad you made it." He turned and introduced her to the other players. Jane Bach was the de facto leader that night and was someone Emma knew of, but had never met before.

"We're glad to have you here," Jane said, when Deacon had turned away. "Deacon speaks highly of you."

Emma laughed. "I hardly know him, so that's quite flattering."

Jane looked over her shoulder, then leaned into Emma. "I think he's got a thing for you. He hasn't stopped talking about you."

"Oh." Emma felt that little coil of desire snake through her. "Interesting."

It turned out to be a fun evening. She mostly just played in, but towards the end of the show, Jane asked her to do a couple of her hits. She did 'Downtown', ironically the song that was not picked up by Rayna Jaymes, later recorded by Lady Antebellum. And then she finished the night with one of her favorites, a song recorded by Blake Shelton.

Mine would be you, taillights fading, daylight breaking, standing there like a fool / When I should have been running, yellin' out something, to make you wanna hold on to the best love ever / Babe, can you tell me the one thing you'd rather die than lose? / Cause mine would be you / Mine would be you.

As the applause started, Deacon pointed towards her and shouted out "Emma Taylor, ladies and gentlemen!" She smiled, at the crowd and then at Deacon.

She hung out after the show with the other writers and then Deacon walked her out to her car. "I'm glad you came," he said, smiling at her.

She smiled back. "Thanks for asking me. That was a lot of fun." He was standing close, looking at her as though he wanted to kiss her. She wasn't ready yet. "It's kind of late, so I need to head on," she said.

Deacon looked a little disappointed, but he kind of shrugged his shoulders. "I'd really like to share some song ideas with you. Maybe one day next week?"

She nodded. "Sure. I'd like that."

He winked. "If you'll give me your number, I'll call you."

She laughed. "Okay." He pulled out his phone and she gave him the number and then he returned the favor. She put her phone away and looked at him. "Well, thanks again. I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Emma," he said, as he watched her put her guitar in the backseat of her car, get in and drive off. He wanted to get to know her better. He was definitely going to call her.


Deacon drove up to the cabin. He'd been spending more time there lately, when Maddie wasn't visiting. It helped to get away from Nashville and be someplace where there were no TV's or cell phones keeping him more up-to-date on what was going on the world than he wanted to know. When he got there, he pulled his fishing gear out of the truck and went to sit on the dock, casting his line in and thinking.

He used to come here and think about Rayna, but he hadn't done that in a while. After she had told him that she was going to choose Luke, she'd seemed to turn into a different person. Definitely not the Rayna he had known. The Rayna he knew was not one to attach her name to cars or makeup or some other commercial venture. The music had always spoken for her, but it didn't seem like that anymore. He knew it was a big deal for her to launch her own label, but he also knew she had Lamar's money now and the worry that it would all implode on her was gone. Plus Luke was a mega-star making millions.

Deacon snorted when he thought about Luke Wheeler. What a buffoon. Deacon didn't think Luke had ever written a piece of music himself. He courted the beer and pick-up truck crowd, rowdy fans that made lots of noise and didn't care much for good music. He was slick though, Deacon gave him that. Back in the beginning, when they were all just getting started, Luke was always chasing the money, always trying to ingratiate himself with whoever he thought could get him ahead. He had a way about him, polite and deferential, that Deacon knew was completely fake, but Luke could sell it. Deacon didn't know how to do that, didn't want to do that, which was probably why he was opening for openers and still playing gigs at the Bluebird. Sure, he'd made his own fortune on selling his and Rayna's songs, and he was more than comfortable now, but it irritated him to see someone without a lot of talent make it big based on schmoozing and selling his name.

When Rayna had started dating him, Deacon had been surprised. Luke was the total opposite of what Rayna stood for. But here she was, married to him now. And seemed to be happy about it. She was not only the queen of country music, she was the queen of name recognition and sponsorships. She had practically neglected Maddie and Daphne in her zeal for superstardom and creating the Ruke or Layna brand, whichever the hell mash-up name they were.

She'd finally taken a break, Maddie told him, and he was glad for the girls. But she still didn't have time to talk to him and usually let the nanny drop off Maddie. That was when he'd finally figured out that it was truly over for the two of them. They had gone in different directions and, even if she'd shown up on his doorstep now, he wasn't interested in playing that game again. The good news was that now there was Emma Taylor.

He smiled to himself as he thought of her. She was a beautiful woman, with her long brunette hair, her warm hazel eyes, the sprinkle of freckles across her nose. She had curves in all the right places and she dressed to enhance them. She was an incredible guitar player and her songs were amazing. She had a truly special way with lyrics. She had an easy smile and an engaging laugh. She was smart and easy to talk to. He got hard thinking about her, which was kind of unusual, considering she hadn't shown any interest in that kind of relationship. At least not yet.

His mind drifted and he thought about what she might look like with no clothes on, underneath him. He imagined himself entering her, making love to her long into the night. He groaned in frustration, his erection straining at his jeans. He leaned his head back on the chair, wondering what to do about that. He wanted to touch her, to feel her skin against his own, his lips on hers, to wind his fingers in her hair. He was going to have to figure out a way to get closer to her.

He finally had to relieve his discomfort, and after he had, he went inside and wrote a song for her. A song that he wasn't sure he'd ever play for her, because it was all about his yearning and it laid him open in a way he'd never been before.

He wondered if one day he'd get to tell her how he'd figured out she was the woman he'd been waiting for.


When Emma pulled into the parking lot at Shelby Park, she saw Deacon leaning against his truck. She pulled up next to him and waved. When she got out, he pushed himself away from his truck and picked up his guitar case and messenger bag.

"Hey," he said, with a smile. He looked up. "Great day to be outside."

Emma smiled as she opened her trunk and pulled out her own guitar case. "It is. This was a great idea. Do you come here often?"

He shrugged. "If I need to get out of the house." He started to walk and she fell in step with him. They walked down towards the river and found a spot along the rock wall near the shoreline. They sat and opened up their guitar cases, pulling out their instruments. "Want to try writing something?" he asked.

Emma breathed in. "Write with Deacon Claybourne? Seriously? You don't co-write."

He smiled. "That's not true. I have lots of co-writes."

Emma raised an eyebrow. "With Rayna Jaymes. But not anyone else."

He chuckled. "Well, that is mostly true. But that was a long time ago. Although I did do a few co-writes with Juliette Barnes a couple years back."

She winked. "Well, I would not turn down a co-write with you." She smiled. "Where should we start?"


All I want is what I had / See I'd trade it all just to get him back / He's moving on, I guess I'm not / We all want what we ain't got.

We all want what we ain't got / We all want what we ain't got / You see I wanted the world until my whole world stopped / A love like that ain't easily forgot / We all want what we ain't got.

When they finished singing it all the way through, Emma sat back against the wall. "Wow, that was pretty intense." She looked up at Deacon. "That turned pretty personal. Did it make you think about Rayna?"

Deacon worked his lip, shaking his head. "You did most of the lyrics, so that's on you." He smiled. "It did sound like it could be about her. But would you believe me if I told you that it wasn't really that at all?"

Emma thought about that. "Yeah. Because it was pretty personal for me too." She smiled back at him. "But a male artist could sing it and the meaning flips."

"That is true." He slid down to the ground next to her, leaning his guitar against the wall. "That felt good," he said. Then he leaned towards her and kissed her.

He had surprised her with the kiss. At first, all she thought was that she liked it. She liked the feel of his lips on hers, but after a moment she pulled back and put a hand over her mouth. "I'm not ready for that," she said.

Deacon sat back. "What are you afraid of, Emma?"

Emma sighed. "Several things, actually. I'm afraid you're not over Rayna Jaymes. I know she's married and you said you've moved on, but you have a child together and that ties you to her forever. I'm afraid to be with someone who's an alcoholic. You mentioned having a brief relapse and that's scary to think about. What if it happened again?" She looked over at him. "And you're a lot older than me. That scares me the most."

Deacon laughed. "I can't do anything about that last one, so I guess you'll just have to work through that." Then he turned serious. "Yeah, Rayna and I have a daughter and that won't ever change. But she chose Luke. I was mad at first and I hoped maybe she'd change her mind before the wedding. But she didn't and I had to get past it. That kind of put the period on the relationship. I've accepted it and moved on." He worked his lip. "I've been sober a really long time. I will always have to work at it, I can't lie. But the one time I lapsed was probably the lowest point in my life. I felt betrayed by the person I trusted most and all I wanted to do was wipe that away and drinking seemed like the way to do that. But it really didn't and it just created a bigger mess. And I realized that I'd stayed sober all those years for someone else and that wasn't a good enough reason. So now I do it for me. So I can be a good dad and a good man." He looked at Emma. "And maybe, someday, a good partner with someone new."

Emma sat quietly, then looked back at Deacon. "I like you. A lot." He smiled. "But I've been out of the dating game for a while and I don't want to jump into something too fast. I like getting to know you and I'd like to keep doing that. First. Are you okay with that?"

Deacon nodded. "As long as we can hang out and get to know each other, yeah. You can call the shots."

She smiled. "Thanks." She reached out and patted his arm. "And thanks for writing with me. That's the highlight of my time in Nashville so far."


As he drove home, Deacon realized she was the first woman he'd wanted like he'd wanted Rayna. Only this time he realized it was different – this was the first woman he'd wanted that was his equal.

A/N: The two songs included here are "Mine Would Be You" by Blake Shelton and "What We Ain't Got" by Jake Owen.