E-mail: Edyn04@aol.com
Rating: PG-13/R (possibly)
Disclaimer: Everything "Alias"-related does not belong to me. It belongs to J.J. Abrams and probably 900 other people associated with him.
Archive: Nowhere yet, but if you want it, take it and then e-mail me so I'll know.
Feedback: Please;x
Summary: Sydney contemplates a future with Vaughn. Really, it's a lot more interesting than that, but summaries aren't my bag. I got the title from a Christina Aguilera song. If you have the Stripped' album, go listen to it. The song pretty much sums up what I'm trying to do here. And for those of you who are familiar with my past work, I'm still a S/W fan. The idea for this fic just came to me while I was listening to the aforementioned song, and I thought it would apply perfectly to a S/V fic if I were to ever write one.
Dedication: This is for Ash who reads each part before it is posted here and is undoubtedly my best (and favorite) critic.
Wondering
Sydney had a meeting with Vaughn in a half an hour. She didn't live that far away, but she had left early on purpose. She sighed and switched on the radio.
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
She switched it off quickly. She thought about her relationship with Vaughn. It had grown from handler/agent to good friends. She could see in his eyes when he looked at her that he wished it could be more. She wondered if it ever could be, provided that she also felt the same way.
She wasn't sure if she did.
He was certainly a nice guy, and he cared about her a great deal. But he had some definite flaws. For one, he didn't seem all that strong—physically or emotionally—and he almost seemed to be obsessed with her. The obsession part was hard to pinpoint. Was he just doing his job? Was he really obsessed? Or did he just care so much about her that everything he was feeling on the inside just always managed to appear as obsessive traits on the outside?
She wasn't sure. There was another flaw, though. Why he hadn't told her how he felt a long time ago? What was preventing him? Was it the rules holding him back? Fuck the rules. If he really loved her, there was no way he'd let a stupid rulebook stand in the way.
Or would he?
Jesus, my life is complicated, she murmured aloud. She almost laughed. It was definitely true, and slightly more than obvious, but it just sounded pathetic. Besides, every person's life is complicated. Hers was just a bit more complicated than most. Maybe more than a bit. Okay, a hell of a lot.
Did it have to be? She sighed and checked her watch. She was still incredibly early, but at least she had plenty of time to work out what she wanted to say.
But maybe she didn't need to say anything. Maybe...
She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. She thought about how it might work. Being seen in public was a major faux pas, so a real, romantic relationship probably wouldn't work for the time being. They were already friends, they just couldn't be seen in public. What else was left?
He could be a fuck buddy.
she wondered aloud. If they decided to do that, they wouldn't have to worry about being seen in public (no strings attached) and they could spend time together where they weren't doing something work-related (just sex).
Would that make things more or less complicated? She had no idea. But she figured she had nothing to lose if she gave it a shot. Then, someday, if things changed, maybe they could expand on the physical relationship.
Maybe.
There was still the uncertainty she had about whether or not she felt the same way he felt about her and whether or not she wanted to see if it was possible for her to do so.
She went back to her idea. What if he didn't like the purely physical, no-strings-attached relationship idea? She suddenly burst out laughing. He was a guy. What guy in the world would turn down no-strings-attached sex?
But what if he did turn it down? Well that was fine. It would be his loss. This—aside from being friends—was probably the closest they could get to a relationship of any kind under the circumstances they currently had to endure.
Endure?
Deal with.
Be under. That was probably the safest way to put it at this point. Endure' made it sound like they were oppressed. She wasn't sure they were. The situation they had to exist in just sucked. Regardless of whether or not there were feelings being tossed around, the whole thing just blew.
She checked her watch again. Only a few minutes had passed and she was still way early. Wasn't time supposed to fly when one was having fun?
Fun? Maybe not fun. But she was occupying her time with something nonetheless.
She pulled up to the warehouse. She killed the engine and sighed. Should she try it? Just to see? Besides, what exactly did she have to lose? The worse she could think of that might happen is that he would ask to be reassigned. But why would he do that? The idea itself seemed silly: he gets scared about screwing a beautiful woman because of a big, fat CIA rulebook and runs away before he gets in too deep (no pun intended...well, maybe)? Yeah...right.
Fuck it all. She was going to try it. If it didn't work, at least she tried. If it did, then she'd be opening a door—at least for the time being. And if everything changed (no SD-6, no CIA, no rules), and they wanted to make it more, then the option would be there. But she needed to live in the now, and this was the now. This was the only option she had unless she wanted to wait—however long that could end up being.
She tucked her hair behind her ear, got out of her car, and walked to the entrance.
Note: The song is Avril Lavigne's "Complicated."
