AN: This is a big first for me. It is the first time I've written Finchel and it is the first time I've written in first person, so I'm not sure how it goes.
It is canon up until the end of season 3.
I know of season 4 Spoilers, but I've ignored them for this, because they are still spoilers until they go to air. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
If you are expecting angst and then a happy ending, I really suggest turning back now. It is just angst. Lots and lots of angst.
I apologize with the military stuff, I think it is mostly right, I looked up stuff but I think the timings will require some suspension of disbelief if you are in the know about these kinds of things.
I'm a little bit nervous about this one, so, feedback would be appreciated.
I have spent my entire life being spoiled in the arts, that is what my Dads raised me on. From musicals, to classic films to classic musicals, and everything in between. I've found that as I've gotten older, no one else was like that. Nobody lived their lives as if a spotlight was going to turn on at any moment to allow them to sing out all their inner most thoughts and feelings into an awaiting audience, that would hold on to the edge of their seats, but whenever I tried, there was no awaiting audience. There was no applause. This is not how all the other kids behaved, so there I was trapped backstage of the musical that my life should be.
As I was shunted to the wings and forced out of the spotlight, cast aside for what passed for the talented ones in the halls of William McKinley High School. The cheerleaders and the jocks, the boys who skills include throwing a ball and being thrown around by superior teams and whatever the mullet wearing hockey players did. Something with pucks, or so their crude innuendo would suggest. The cheerleaders, had won a lot competitions and the only thing that was equal to their sheer number of trophies, were the egos of those of the Cheerios themselves. They ruled the school with an iron-fist, leaving all the real talent to drown in the cesspool that was the bottom of the social ladder. Regardless, of how the hierarchy operated, through tyranny and violence, that belonged far more in a prison yard than a school yard, it was all merely there for I, Rachel Berry, to rise above and add another chapter into my future best-selling memoir, "Berry Well Done", that I had began writing at age 7.
When the opportunity arose to be finally given my fair chance to shine in Glee Club, everyone in the school would know that I am great at something and that I'm the one that deserves to have the halls part like the Red Sea when I walk down them, not to have the Red Sea thrown in my face in the form of a Raspberry Slushy.
I just had to take the evidence of Mr Ryerson's inappropriateness to Principal Figgins, and let the course of justice go from there. That was just the natural progression, some say that it was petty revenge from a solo that I deserved being given to Hank, but inappropriateness is inappropriate and should not take place in this hallowed institute of learning. If this course of action led to me being able to shine like the metaphorical gold star that I am, then two courses of justice were served with one action. No one, NO ONE will be raining on my parade! Mark my words on this.
"I've got chills, they're multiplying and I'm losing control and the power, you're supplying. It's electrifying!" From the very moment that I heard Finn sing out those words, I knew, I just knew that he was the one that I wanted, "oh oh oh, honey." There he was a man that could keep up with me vocally and from our first song together, I knew that we were going to be a vocal dynamo. If we could be vocal dynamo, then clearly we were destined to be together on and off the stage.
It would be perfect. He was the high school hero, the quarterback of the football team, the most popular guy in school and I was the nobody, the girl who would get pushed to the sides in the crowds, would never fit in but only to have my voice lead us to glory. It was the story for the ages. This was going to be our story and it was going to be the story that we would tell our grandchildren. Obviously, once we have streamlined it and worked on our cues.
We have had our obstacles, but the course of true love never ran smooth. At the end of 'You're the One That I Want', we weren't going to just grab each other's hands and skip off into the sunset. There were obstacles. There was the issue that after our first date Finn ran off unexpectedly and then of course, there was Quinn, there was Kurt, there was Jesse, there was Santana, there was Puck, there was more Quinn, then more Jesse, but none of these could ever match up to the kind of love that Finn and I share. They were merely bit players in our journey towards each other.
The natural next step in this journey, would be our engagement, so when we got engaged it was an exciting time for us all. It seems though, that ours was a forbidden love because very few people were supportive and once again, Quinn would prove to be an obstacle for Finn and I. It was a refreshing change that she wasn't interfering by very rudely dating Finn, but she was interfering nonetheless. While most had chose to remain silent, or be somewhat passive aggressive, with their negative views towards our impending nuptials, Quinn decided that she would make it quite clear on her stance on the matter.
Over the years, Quinn and I had made peace with our differences and a friendship had formed, naturally I wanted her, along with the other Glee girls to be my bridesmaids and support this life decision I was making. I had just found the perfect dress, when Quinn finally snapped and couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm not going to sit around and watch you ruin your life by marrying Finn Hudson!" She boldly declared as she rose from her seat, "Don't you get it Rachel! This isn't the fairy tale that you think it is! This isn't how real life works and it's not even how those stories work either. Romeo and Juliet are dead by the end of the play, Rachel, they die in each other's arms, still surrounded by warring families that couldn't accept them together. Orpheus goes to the underworld and charms Hades into letting Eurydice come back to the surface to live again, but Eurydice still doesn't make it out. Scarlett ends up alone in Gone to the Wind. None of them get happy endings, Rachel. None. Even Maria walks of the stage alone after seeing Tony shot dead. You want your big epic love story, but just remember that in the end you and Finn are both clinging to the one thing you know, and it will end up being the thing drowns you, because you were too afraid to go out into the world." She stared me in the eye and waited for a response "I'm sorry that you feel that way. Quinn, maybe it is best that you don't come to the wedding."
It seems ironic, as it was her almost dying that stopped the wedding All the great love stories end with death, and here was Quinn almost dying on the way to see us make official our love, in a way that she never did approve of.
She never did blame me or that's what she said, and even though I blamed myself. I don't think she is being entirely truthful, because she told me after graduation, that she was never going to come back to Lima and that she was done clinging to the one thing that once could have saved her, but was now drowning her. After that, she hugged me, wished me well and disappeared into the crowd. I didn't see her until a long time after that, not including her brief farewell at the station. Our Metro North Passes wasted away in a drawer somewhere.
Finn had spent most of senior year trying to find his place in the world and where he wanted to go. There was the original plan of the joining the Army, but that was derailed when he found out about the truth of his father's death. I think he still wanted that though, to make his father proud, to make his mother proud. Once he got the letter back from the Army saying the dishonorable discharge wasn't going to be changed, it set in his mind that the Army was his future, and New York was mine. As a result, we couldn't be together. That distance would keep us apart.
I went to New York, Finn went to Georgia.
Finn struggled during basic training, being a high school quarterback doesn't equal fitness standards that the army required. He wrote to me every Sunday, I wrote to him every Tuesday in response. Throughout his training we worked out a system in communication.
He graduated from his basic training and moved to Fort Lee, Virginia. He specialized as a Wheeled Vehicle Repairer, he said it was almost the same as working for Burt and always, always made sure to remind me that when he was deployed, he wasn't going to be on the Front Line.
I went to his graduation. He made sure to invite me, even though we weren't officially together and hadn't been for almost two years. There was never anyone else for me. I may have flirted with boys from classes and at bars, that didn't have a strict ID policy, but really there was only Finn, and each week I waited for his letter like it was a lifeline to hold on to.
He look so handsome in his Dress Uniform at his graduation and it was here that he took me to the side and proposed. Again. He had even gotten a new ring as a sign of a fresh start and to not have the old rocks weighing us down into our future. This was going to be our happy ending, I knew it.
The wedding was a few months later, we wanted to get married as soon as possible, in case Finn would be deployed beforehand. It was a simple ceremony that took place on the barracks, because Finn couldn't get much time off and had become close to the Chaplain, who performed the ceremony. The only people that were in attendance my Dads, Burt, Carole and Kurt. It was simple and this time there no accidents to stop us from being declared Mr and Mrs Hudson.
At the end of my Junior year of college, I transferred from NYADA to the University of Richmond and into their music program to do my Senior year there. It wasn't New York, and New York didn't have Finn, but it did have the weight of the knowledge that at any moment he could be deployed. It would be okay, we were living together in accommodation on the base and every day was just liking living the fairy tale that I had always dreamed about.
It all came crashing down, when I came home from my second week at the new school where I was mid-ramble about how the accompanist was out of time and threw everyone off of my amazing entrance to the University of Richmond. I saw Finn, who was sitting at the table, staring at his hands. "We're being deployed. My unit is shipping out for a 6 month tour. We leave next week." I grabbed him by the shoulders, hoping that if I never let go, it meant they couldn't send him anywhere. They couldn't send him, if I just held him. If he just held me.
I think the Army has seen that plot before, because there Finn went, in his uniform to serve his country. I was proud of him, but I was scared for him so much more. "Babe, I'm not on the Front Line, I'm in a safe and secure place. It's just like being on base, but just further away". It was even less comforting with him further away.
I threw myself into college work, there were shows and recitals, I started giving vocal lessons to some of the Army kids, just to fill up my time, because if I was busy, then I couldn't be scared. Some times it worked but the majority of my time was spent thinking about Finn and what he was doing. Was he safe? Had he been hurt? When would he be home?
The sixth month of his tour came around and so had the news that it had been extended by another six months. I just had to keep busy and make the most out of what little contact we had.
I had finally finished my studies and was preparing for my graduation. My Dads, Carole and Burt were all coming down for the ceremony, to see me walk across the stage and be handed my degree in music, with a minor in education. Burt was entrusted to film it for Finn, because Dads weren't to be trusted with cameras in highly emotional situations and this counted as highly, highly emotional.
Dads, Carole and Burt were all traveling together, so when there was a knock at the door, I assumed it would be them. It wasn't. There standing at my door was a man, in full uniform. This was never a good sign, soldiers in full uniform showing up at the door never brought good news, but god, just maybe god, please just anything but... Wait, I lived on the barracks, he might just need some sugar. Or milk. Should I offer him some coffee?
"Mrs Hudson. It's about your husband." And with those four words everything was gone. I hadn't even let the man in my house, but I couldn't. If he just stayed out there then it wouldn't be true.
I think he realized that I wouldn't be moving any time soon, so he continued, "Mrs Hudson, your husband, Corporal Hudson died this morning at 9.30am Local time. His base was attacked, he died saving from shrapnel wounds while the lives of two other soldiers. You should be proud, ma'am, he died a hero and will be recognized as such. There will a ceremony where he will receive a medal for his bravery." I'm not sure what else he said after that, the others had arrived, and I couldn't hear anything over Carole's sobbing.
Daddy, Hiram, held Carole as Burt and Dad, LeRoy, broke down to get to me in my catatonic state. Once the door was open, Burt took over comforting his wife, and my Dads ran to me. "He was a hero. He died a hero" I mumbled into my Dad's chest as I let my tears run over.
Finn wanted to be buried in Lima, and I couldn't stay in Virginia, and for the very last time, I followed Finn.
We held the service in Lima, Finn was buried with full military honors. His funeral was the first time all of the original New Directions, and a few of the extras we picked up on the way, had been together since graduation.
Mike, Puck, Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Mr Schuester carried in the coffin, that now held Finn's body, draped with the flag, that would be folded up and handed to me.
There was something strange about seeing Mike and Puck at the front of the procession holding up Finn. Riff and Bernardo, as if they lived to carry Tony off stage. The bittersweet memory of a play, that Finn wasn't even in, but I turned to Quinn and she just looked down. She noticed too. There was no happy ending. Everyone just ends up dead.
I could never be far from Finn. He was my life. He was my everything.
I stayed in Lima. I had a music degree and a minor in education, I ended up replacing Mr Schuester in the choir room and somehow got a music program happening. The names of fallen heroes help loosen the coin purses of some of the more conservative members of the community, especially if their Congressman was the hero's stepfather.
I start off each year with the same song as a demonstration of sorts, and I know the kids get sick of it, but I don't think they have said anything yet.
Each year, I look into the faces of my new students and think back into the faces of my peers and remember, "I'm forever yours... Faithfully".
