Crucifixion of My Heart

A/N- This story is told from Zell's POV throughout. Just so no one suffers from confusion. ^_~

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Chapter 1- Battle Cry

I can't remember how long I've been here. I can't remember much of anything. The dust, the dirt, the thirst and hunger… the pain, they over ride most any thought that runs through my head. Survival is all that matters now, and even that is turning out to be nearly impossible in this hell hole… I sigh softly and turn my head to see Squall sitting in the corner, no doubt he's racking his brain trying to think of a plan. That much is obvious as I see his fists clench and unclench around the hilt of his gunblade, his eyebrows drawn together and his thin lips turned down in a fierce scowl. Well, if anyone can think of a solution, Squall can. My gaze then shifts to Seifer who is lying on his back, covered with Squall's and my own jacket. One of Squalls belts is wrapped tightly around his upper thigh, directly above the huge gash he received in battle. It would bleed periodically, blood pouring out in such amounts… it was a wonder the man wasn't dead. He wasn't far from it. Seifer's mouth hung slightly open, taking shallow, wincing breaths. I had never seen him in this state, and my body trembled to witness it now.

"Zell…" Squall's voice, hoarse and exhausted, drifted over to me on a whisper of breath. "Zell… we have to get him out of here…" I watch my tired commander from the corner of my eyes, not bothering to turn my head. "He… he isn't going to make it." Squall glances over at Seifer, who twists in agony momentarily before drifting back into a feverish sleep. I grit my teeth in anger. If only there were Cura, or even Cure at the very least… but fate has denied us even that. The air suddenly feels thicker, the ground harder, and the dust too harsh for my lungs. I fiercely wish that there were any source of light in this dank hole. Any comfort… but there is none. I swallow the lump in my throat and bite back the tears that threaten my dignity before turning to Squall.

"I know that, Squall. But there's no where to go. We step outside and we're all finished." I brush a hand through my filthy hair, feeling the greasy strands run between my fingers. "We're all that's left Squall… we have to be careful… we… we can't just run out there with no plan of action. There's no way of knowing that there's anything left out there that will help anyway!" I raise my voice to get the point across and my vocal chords protest with a dull ache of pain.

"Look, the fact that we're the only ones left is exactly the reason we have to get out of here. I can't let another comrade fall because my inability to lead. We have to take the risk. At the very least, I have to go look… understand?" Squall's voice softens, the most compassion he's shown to me in a long while. His eyes look so tired and weary, it makes my eyes fill with unshed tears again. If only I could make this go away… lighten the heavy, oppressive mood, but any attempt at humor at a time like this, would only make Squall angry, which in turn, would make me angry at myself for not thinking of his feelings. I cover my face with my hands and let out a long groan. This helps a little and I am able to compose myself again.

"No, Squall… " I say, straightening my posture and looking my commander straight in the eyes. If he thinks this is all about him and his failures as a leader to our Garden, he's crazy. Well, I'm certainly not going to entertain this foolishness. "I will go. If something happened to you out there… well… just let me go." Squall lowers his gaze and shakes his head. I have the urge to hit him… just hit the guy and tell him to shove it, this is our life at stake here, for Hyne's sake. But I don't… though I have to clamp my teeth on the inside of my jaw to accomplish this.

"Zell, no… no I can't let you do that… I can't let you go."

"Why the fuck not?" I ask, irritated with him, and not bothering to mask it.

"Because it's my respons-" I cut him off before his favorite little speech can begin.

"Your responsibility? Don't give me that bull shit! Maybe it was your responsibility before all this started, but it isn't any more. It's up to the 3 of us, together, to see this through." I stand, stretching my arms and legs out, feeling the muscles burn from overuse and exhaustion, when all I really want to do is sprawl out on the floor and declare that I'm never getting up again. But self pity will get us no where… "Now, I'm going out there." Squall's chest rose and fell in one long sigh. It's hard for him to let others know he needs to be led once in a while just like them, to have the weight of responsibility taken off his shoulders, if only for a short while. But I see the need, and it isn't so hard for me to understand him anymore. Once you learn to read the guy, he's like an open book waiting for the pages to be turned. A novel of War and Peace if I ever saw one…

"Zell…"

"Please, Squall… Just let me do this one thing for you. Let me help you. Stay here with Seifer 'til I get back… Please?" I see the steely resolve in his eyes fade and he nods slowly, making his way over to Seifer. His one time enemy… now reduced to a heap of battered and bruised flesh.

"I'm giving you 10 minutes. 5 to get up there, take a glance around, and 5 to get your ass back down here." The softness in his expression leaves as quickly as it came and he looks up at me, awaiting my reply. Even at times like this… he tries to be the rock of strength we can all cling to. I nod, only to appease him, and fight my way through the thick veil of dust to the rickety stairs that serve as the only way out of our 'shelter'.

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A/N- I know this chapter was short, but I wanted to get started before my brain exploded with ideas. Lets just hope they don't dry up on me. I guess you could call this Shounen-ai since relationships will develop, but there won't be any sex scenes. Sorry. Please tell me what you think, I really want feedback on my very first post. *grins* Thanks for reading.

~~ Jai