A/N: Here we are, Dr. Frankenstein's Sing Along Blog! A parody of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog! If you have not seen it, I suggest watching it for everything to make more sense.
Contains spoilers for those who have not watched Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
Act I
Victor Whale, more commonly known as Dr. Frankenstein to the citizens of Storybrooke, sat in his comfortable chair at his desk, the computer's camera focused on him.
"Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" he cackled, seeing himself on the computer as he recorded himself for his blog. After a few seconds of an awkward pause, he added another, "ha." And again, an awkward pause before he continued. "Anyway, that's um… that's coming along," he told his viewers as he wondered if he should go out and get an actual life. No, being Dr. Frankenstein was too fun to have an actual life. "I'm working with a vocal coach so…. You know, a lot of guys ignore the laugh and that's about standards. How do you expect to get into the Evil League of Evil without a good, evil laugh? What, you didn't think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny?"
Frankenstein paused in his talking when he remembered that his viewers couldn't answer him in real time, so asking these questions was rather pointless. But oh well, he was Dr. Frankenstein with no life so he was going to ask questions if he wanted to. "Yeah, so no response from the League yet," he regretfully said into the camera. "But I am confident that my application will be accepted."
The thing about the Dr. Frankenstein was that despite his mega awesome villainous name, he wasn't really a villain. He had yet to do anything that was truly worthy of even making the headlines. All he was really known for was his attempts at committing crimes, only to be stopped by Captain Hook, the superhero of Storybrooke.
He reached over to take hold of one of the letters he had printed out that were emailed to him by some of his viewers. "Okay, time to read some of uh, some of the emails here," he mumbled. He picked one at random and began to read to the viewers. "Let's see here… Too Charming for You writes: 'Hey genius,'" Victor paused in his reading already to look up from the email to look straight at the camera and say in the most sarcastic tone he could manage, "Wow, sarcasm, that's original!"
He rolled his eyes and continued to read, "'Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of the bank vault with your trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed, or it would be in the papers.'"
Huffing in annoyance, Frankenstein tossed the printed email over his shoulder and looked into the camera again, addressing his viewers. "Well no, they're not going to say anything in the press… mainly because that guy who writes for the Daily Mirror is a lovesick moron… but behold!" He held up his hand, revealing that he was holding a plastic bag appeared, containing a gold-ish colored liquid. "My uh, trans-matter ray isn't um, exactly perfected. The molecules of objects tend to shift during the process… I still need to work on that… But I am now currently working on a freeze ray which is sure to be a success. Anyway, moving on!"
With another printed email in hand, Victor announced, "Oh, here's one from our friend Flake of Snow. Okay, Flake of Snow writes: 'Dark One, I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I waited at the elementary school where I work and you failed to show…'"
Unable to continue reading the stupid email, he crumpled it up and set it on fire before throwing it over his shoulder. "Okay, look, Flake of Snow, You're. Not. My. Nemesis. My Nemesis…" He trailed off, as if disgusted to even say the name. "Is Captain Hook; Captain Hook, corporate tool," Frankenstein nearly spat. "He dislocated my shoulder… again, last week."
Suddenly aware that he had just admitted how weak he was, he quickly changed the topic. "Look, I'm just trying to change the world here, or at least Storybrooke. I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser who's really a schoolmarm. Besides, there are little kids at the elementary school."
He sighed heavily and shuffled through the pile of emails that was now smaller than before because he had tossed aside a few of them. "Alright then, Mama Regal writes: 'Long time watcher, first time writing,'" Frankenstein skimmed through the first few paragraphs for they weren't all that interesting. He finally stopped when he reached a question that Mama Regal had written. "'You always say in your blog that you will show her the way, show her you're a true villain. Who is 'her' and does she even know you exist?'"
Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, Dr. Frankenstein looked up from the printed email, having a flashback.
''"""'''"""""""""''"""""'"""
The day wasn't just like every other day. It was completely different than any other day. It was Laundry Day.
Laundry day, see you there; under-things tumbling
There she was at one of the washers, sporting a black tank top and red pajama bottoms. She was gorgeous, she was lovely; the most beautiful creature Victor Whale had ever seen. She was Ruby Lucas.
Wanna say: Love your hair! Here I go…
Whale had chosen the washing machine that wasn't too far away from Ruby, but far enough that he could admire her without her really noticing. He set down his detergent, determined to tell her that he loved her hair, that he loved her eyes, that he loved her.
…mumbling
It wasn't a success. So he went back to tending his laundry.
With my freeze ray I will stop the world
With my freeze ray I will find the time to find the words to
Tell you how, how you make, make me feel… what's the phrase?
Like a fool, kind of sick, special needs, anyways
With my freeze ray I will stop the pain
It's not a death ray or an ice beam, that's all Flake of Snow
I just think you need to time to know that
He was the one for her, Victor Whale just knew it! He would do anything for Ruby, would even die for her! She was his True Love; he was so sure of it. If only she knew that he was alive…
I'm the guy to make it real, the feelings you don't dare to feel
I'll bend the world to our will and we'll make time stand still
Victor could imagine him and Ruby dancing, right there in the Laundromat, a golden sunset outside. Birds chirped happily in his imagination as he pictured himself twirling the beautiful Ruby. Victor would conquer Storybrooke with Ruby by his side as his queen. Together, they would be unstoppable!
That's the plan: rule the world
You and me, any day
"Love your hair," Victor finally managed to say.
Ruby looked up from her laundry, not having heard Whale. "What?" Had he been addressing her?
Panicking, he began to improvise. "I love the uh, air, ha!" And with that, Ruby just looked away, pretending that hadn't happened.
Anyway, with my freeze ray I will stop
"''''"""""'''''""""""'''"""""
Dr. Frankenstein was snapped out of his thoughts when his sidekick- and brother- Gerhardt, walked through the door. Frankenstein shut off the computer, ending his blog video upon doing so. "Hello Gerhardt," he greeted, his Dr. Frankenstein persona fading and morphing into the attitude of Victor Whale.
"Hey," said as Gerhardt handed Victor his mail. "Got your mail for you."
Not really interested in the many bills that had been most likely mailed to him, Victor idly shuffled through the letters while he quietly thanked his brother. "Let's see… water bill, electricity bill, heating bill…" He looked up from his mail to glance at Gerhardt. It was hard to see how they were even related.
Frankenstein was a man of science; Gerhardt... didn't do much. But they were friends and family. And Gerhardt was especially useful now that he helping to collect things for the freeze ray. Hopefully, everything would go according to plan.
"So how's everything going with Ruby?"
Whale shrugged idly as he continued to sort through his mail. "Pretty good… definitely in three weeks, there will be some audible connection."
Growing bored of just sorting through the pile of junk mail, Whale almost tossed aside the rest of the letters. But he stopped himself from doing so when his eyes came to rest upon a particular cream colored envelope. "Whoa, hold up just a second," murmured Victor as he dropped all other letters.
With eyes wide, Gerhardt kept his gaze on the letter too. "That's from the League, isn't it? That's the seal of Bad Horse!" The excitement was so hard to contain! Bad Horse, the thoroughbred of sin had sent a letter to Dr. Frankenstein!
Not wanting to wait a second longer, Victor tore open the letter and began reading to himself:
Bad Horse (Bad Horse) Bad Horse (Bad Horse)
He rides across the nation, the thoroughbred of sin
He got the application that you just sent in
It needs evaluation, so let the games begin
A heinous crime, a show of force, a murder would be nice of course
Bad Horse (Bad Horse) Bad Horse (He's bad)
The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware
The grade that you receive will be your last, we swear
So make the Bad Horse gleeful, or he'll make you his mare
You're saddled up, there's no recourse. It's: "Hi-yo Silver!"
Signed, Bad Horse
Victor looked up from the letter to meet the eyes of Gerhardt. The two of them were thrilled. The Evil League of Evil was considering letting Dr. Frankenstein in! He just had to commit a major crime and Victor's dreams would come true! Well, besides finally getting to talk to Ruby.
"''''"""""'''''"""""""''""""""''
Ruby stood on the corner of one of the many streets of Storybrooke, clipboard and pen in hand as she tried reaching out to those passing in the streets, hoping that someone would care enough to just stop and listen to what she had to say. "Will you lend a caring hand to shelter those who need it? Only have to sign your name, don't even have to read it."
No one was listening though. They all just kept passing her by. "Would you help? No?" Ruby asked a woman who was close enough to hear her. But the woman just walked right on by. Right after the woman, a man sauntered by who didn't seem in any particular rush until Ruby asked him, "How 'bout you?" The man couldn't seem to get away from her fast enough.
Ruby sighed heavily. Did no one care about the homeless people of Storybrooke?
Victor Whale was sneaking around, keeping his eye out for a currier van that held the Wonderflonium that he needed in order to make his freeze ray. He would use his latest invention to hijack the van.
So Victor tossed his latest creation at the van so that it attached to the top. He then pulled out the remote control and started punching in the computer code to control the car from the remote control. Too busy doing this; he didn't notice that Ruby had walked up to him, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. "Will you lend a caring-?"
She was cut off though when Victor looked to her in surprise. "Ahh, uh, hi," he stammered, glancing from Ruby to the van and then back to Ruby, making sure to hide his hands behind his back so she didn't see the remote control.
"Oh, um hi." Ruby smiled sweetly, feeling a little blush creep up on her from having taken Victor by surprise. "I was just wondering if you would like to sign my petition. There's an abandoned building on the corner of Freemont Street and if I get enough signatures, I may be able to convince Mayor Mills to make it a homeless shelter," she explained, noticing how the man wasn't really paying attention. He was more focused on whatever was across the street. "Uh… you don't really care about the homeless, do you?"
Victor opened his mouth to answer, but before he could get words out, the van that held the Wonderflonium started to drive away. In a panic, Whale quickly walked away from Ruby. The young woman's brow furrowed as she watched him walk away. He glanced over his shoulder to see her for a quick second one last time. He liked her. He liked her a lot. But there were more important matters at hand.
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do," he assured himself as he hid behind garbage cans and bags. "Don't plan the plan if you can't, follow through. All that matters, taking matters into your own hands; soon I'll control everything," he glanced to Ruby once more, watching as she started to walk away. "Your wish is my command."
Victor raised his hands and pointed the remote control at the van. He started controlling the van with his remote, glad that the connection had been established without a hitch. It rolled down the street smoothly as if someone was actually driving it. But things soon started to get out of control. Victor's device felt like it was getting a mind of its own and the van started swerving.
Suddenly, out of nowhere appeared a handsome figure, which jumped from the top of a building and landed on the veering van. "Stand back everyone, nothing here to see; just imminent danger, in the middle of it: me. Yes, Captain Hook is here, hair flowing in the breeze. The day needs my saving expertise!"
Yes, it was Dr. Frankenstein's true nemesis. Not Flake of Snow, but Captain Hook. Young, good looking, heroic; it sickened the Dark One. It was hard to focus on his magic while being distracted by the person he hated most.
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!" Captain Hook announced to the civilians standing by on the street. "It seems destiny ends with me saving you. The only doom that's looming is you loving me to death."
Ruby had been crossing the street, staring at her petition to count the number of signatures she had so far. Because she was distracted, she did not see the van coming straight towards her. Seeing Ruby, Whale began to panic and started working on stopping the van with the remote control but it wasn't working properly!
Captain Hook jumped down from the van and pushed Ruby out of the way into a pile of trash bags on the side of the road. "So I'll give you a second to catch your breath." He held out his hands to prepare and stop the currier van with his impressive strength. Before he could even touch it though, Victor managed to stop it with the remote.
A little dizzy and dazed, Ruby scrambled to stand up from the pile of garbage she had landed in. "Thank you Captain Hook, I don't think I can explain how important it was that you stopped the van. I would be splattered; I'd be crushed into debris. Thank you sir for saving me."
Captain Hook flashed Ruby a charming smile, taking a moment to study her. She was beautiful wasn't she? "Don't worry about it," he told her with a wink. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!"
"You came from above." Ruby had a dreamy look in her blue eyes as she gazed upon Captain Hook, taking note of how good looking he was. Dark hair and enchanting eyes; he was like a sex god!
Victor left his hiding space and walked towards Ruby and Captain Hook, stopping a few yards away, going unnoticed. "Are you kidding?"
Captain Hook reached out and, with his good hand, caressed Ruby's cheek. "It seems destiny ends with me saving you. When you're the best, you can't rest, what's the use?"
"Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?" But Victor wasn't being heard by Hook and Ruby. He just faded into the background. "I stopped the van! The remote control was in my hands!" And still, nothing. He rolled his eyes and started walking away, muttering "Balls."
