Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or any thing to do with it.
Numb
She sat in the kitchen, staring blankly at the computer screen. She knew she should be feeling some thing. She just had no idea what that feeling should be.
Every one kept telling her it was alright to be angry, upset and cry.
But none of them knew what she was going through.
She had lost her big sister, she knew that hurt, well it had done at first, but the pain had dulled and was non existent now, she just couldn't feel any thing any more. Pain, love, hurt, happiness, sadness, betrayal, excitement, disappointment. It was all the same thing to her recently. She couldn't even feel shook any more, and god knows she should be feeling some of that right about now.
Her entire life had become a blur recently, stumbling from one day to the next in a haze of complete numbness and unemotional living.
She was meant to be working on the accounts now, so her club wouldn't go under, but she couldn't find enough energy to look into the screen and concentrate to read the figurers off.
That was why she had spent the past three hours sat at the computer motionless.
Part off her had always said to get an accountant to deal with the accounts, but they had always been a challenge to her and she said when she opened the club that she was in it for the long hall, and that included the accounts, even down to cleaning the millionth dirty glass.
Now it was too much effort for her even to think about hiring an accountant. Even if she could really use one.
Every thing took to much effort, a smile was imposable, and movement seemed even more improbable at this precise moment in time.
Her life was falling apart.
No. That was wrong. Her life had already fallen apart. It had when Prue had been killed. That terrible day, and her life had gone. Just like that. Along with Prue.
No one could change that fact, no matter how much they wanted to.
She had tried every thing after Prue had been. Killed every spell, every ritual she knew, and some things she knew had been total long shots and didn't have a hope in hell of working.
All they had done was brought her, Paige, into her life. There was no way she could handle that so she just shut her self down a little bit, functioned on auto-pilot.
She seamed to be doing that more and more recently, just switch to auto-pilot, some times with out even knowing it. Even a simple task, making a vanquishing potion, any thing and every thing would do it.
Evil had taken her big sister, who had been there for her, her entire life, and she hadn't been able to do a thing about it.
Now she was the oldest sister, the one with all the responsibility. She couldn't take it. She couldn't tell every one else what to do when she was felling like this.
The computer's fan cut into her thoughts.
Not that it made much difference, her body was too tired to move, her eyes too weak to look up, her mind too escorted to do a thing.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried, let alone smiled.
It hadn't been like this when Grams died. She felt lost. She didn't feel any thing. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was meant to be feeling some thing, any thing. Not nothing.
Part of her thought she should feel guilty for feeling nothing. But she had closed up that part of her long ago.
Her stomach rumbled.
What had she eaten for lunch? Had she had lunch? Breakfast? When was the last time she had actually eaten something?
She didn't know, and she didn't care.
Every event of the past few days had slipped from her memory.
She knew she hadn't spoken to her family recently and hadn't slept in longer.
When had she last spoken? When was the last time she had slept?
It didn't mater that she couldn't remember, she didn't need to. It was important.
Life had become a chore, breathing was hard enough to do, letting air into her system took too much effort. It was like some one had set her chest in concrete. Each breath she took there was more of a weight to lift.
Leo was worried about his wife.
Only he seamed to be noticing what she was going through.
At first he had jus thought he was being paranoid, looking for a problem where there wasn't one. But she had spoken to him, Phoebe or any one else for that matter for such a long time and he was beginning to find it hard to remember what her presents felt like next to him in bed at night.
She hadn't let him hold her for weeks now, not since Prue's funeral when she sobbed into him. If he went to hug her she would move away, or shrug him off, like his touch hurt her.
He couldn't bear to look at her recently, to see her like she was.
Phoebe had expressed worries about her early on, but he had managed to assure her what Piper was doing was a normal part of grieving. Now he wasn't so sure. There was nothing normal about what Piper doing was normal. The way she was behaving. It wasn't her.
She was letting things at the club slip, she wasn't paying the bills, she wasn't eating or sleeping, she wasn't even talking to any one.
He missed her smile, her organisation, her lust for life.
He sat in the living room with his head in his hands, wishing he could get through to her, help her with what ever she was going through.
"Hey Leo!" Paige, the latest addition to the Halliwell house hold bounded in to the room. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," He straightened up slightly. "My train of thoughts wasn't going any where productive any way. I could use the distraction. What's up?"
"There's just some thing bothering me." She said. "I'm probably just being stupid and insecure. But I just feel like Piper and Phoebe don't want me here. Do they want me here? No hang on. That wasn't my question. Do you want me here?"
"I think you need to be with your sisters for all of your sakes. But it is a little strange, if we were a normal non magical family, I'm sure as your brother-in-law I wouldn't want you here, seeing as you only just came into your sisters' lives. As your white lighter though I have to say I'd rather you were here than any where else."
"Do you think they want me here? I need an impersonal view."
"I think that Phoebe really wants you here. You are so much like her and she enjoys your company, and Piper. Well I don't think Piper knows what's going on in her own head any more, let alone what she wants."
"I still don't know, I just feel out of place here, like I don't belong, I'll never be able to live up to Prue. She was the best. That's what Piper told me."
"She was good at what she did." Phoebe said. "And before any one asks I do not want talk about my job interview. I just want to forget it and move on to the next miserable failure."
"So I take it from that you didn't get the job." Paige said. "Bad luck."
"I did not get the job." Phoebe confirmed. "They gave it to a girl five years younger than me with half my qualifications. Where's Piper? I need some good old fashioned tea and sympathy."
"In the kitchen." Leo said. "But you're not going to get any thing out of her."
"What's she doing?" Phoebe asked. "Cooking? Piper always cooks in a crisis."
"Staring into nothing," He said. "Again."
a/n:
so what do you think?
This is just some thing mad I came up with because I was board sitting for my little sister.
I want to put some romance between Piper and Leo in soon.
Let me know what you think and where this should go.
