-1Stevie raced home after spending the afternoon with Sandra at Killarney. She had never thought of Sandra as being human before, or as having any vulnerability at all. She'd never given a second thought to Sandra's past, her family. Even though only hours ago Stevie would have sworn Sandra Kinsella was her number one enemy, seeing her break down like that had really elicited her sympathy. She was never one to turn a blind eye to someone else's pain. She could tell Sandra was really upset, or else she wouldn't have opened up to her like that, and told her about her mother. She listened as Sandra told her about being abandoned by her mother, how she felt her mother had never cared. How she was unable and unwilling to forgive her, even after she was dead. How much it still affected Sandra even as a grown woman. Stevie made tea, and said a few wise words, eventually leaving Sandra alone with her thoughts.
As Stevie reached her Ute, Sandra was already forgotten. But the events of the afternoon had touched a nerve with her. Initially her thoughts were of Rose. Is that how Rose would feel one day when she found out the truth? Abandoned and unable to forgive her? Would she die one day leaving Rose bitter and resentful and heartbroken, after years of no contact? All the way to Drovers she thought this over. When she arrived home she called Rose, and invited her for the holidays. They chatted about the latest happenings, the trees Stevie had planted for her, Rose's latest boyfriend, the rain that they were so desperately praying for. And as Stevie hung up the phone she realized that her relationship with Rose would never deteriorate to that level that Sandra had with her mother. Sure, there would be difficulties, but it wouldn't get that bad. She had nothing to worry about.
As she fell asleep that night she tried to remember that, to think of Rose, already planning things for her visit. But other thoughts crept up on her. Thoughts of her own mother. Her mother who kicked her out of home at 15 years old, the same age Rose was now. Her mother who she hadn't spoken to since that day, for over 15 years. She started to wonder if one day her mother would die, and she would get a parcel much like the one Sandra received, full of meaningless words, too little too late. Would she be so bitter and resentful as Sandra was, longing for just one more day to have a chance to make things right.
"A mother never forgets." Those had been her words to Sandra, and she started to wonder about her own mother, had she really forgotten her so easily? Did she ever think of her? Stevie couldn't even imagine forgetting Rose, or cutting her out of her life, no matter what she had done. How could her own mother have done that to her? She hadn't stopped to think about her mother for years. Told herself that it didn't matter anymore, it was ancient history. But today had been a timely reminder for her of how short life is. And try as she might, she couldn't get thoughts of her mother out of her mind.
The following morning Stevie woke early to head over to Killarney to borrow their pump. She smiled as she saw Alex playing with Charlotte in the yard. He was so great with kids. He would make the best father, she thought to herself, and allowed herself the brief moment of fantasy of Alex fathering her children. As he noticed her and called out "Hey cowgirl" she pushed those thoughts aside, reminding herself he was a mate, that's all.
"Hey" She responded, a slightly embarrassed look on her face. She told herself to relax, he couldn't read her thoughts. "Hi Charlotte" she greeted the little girl who reached her arms out for Stevie to pick her up. Stevie couldn't refuse and held the little girl close. "You've grown so much." Stevie told her.
"Yeah I can't believe how much she's grown." Alex remarked with a hint of sadness in his voice. "I've missed out on so much."
Stevie's mind again wandered. She had missed so much of her daughter's life, her mother had missed so much of her life, and Charlotte's mother would never see her grow up at all. It was all so wrong.
"What can I do for you?" Alex asked
"I was hoping to borrow the pump." She told him, as she gently stroked Charlotte's hair, marvelling that the child seemed so content in her arms.
"The pump?" He asked, confused.
"Yeah the pump. Remember I asked you last week, you said it was fine. If you changed your mind…."
"I remember, cowgirl. But did I not bring the pump to Drovers yesterday?" He asked with a grin on his face.
"Oh yeah" She mumbled embarrassed, suddenly remembering that he had dropped the pump off yesterday.
"Getting old Stevie? Losing your memory already?? Aunty Stevie is very silly sometimes Charlotte" Alex told the little girl, laughing as if it was the funniest thing he'd heard in years.
Alex noticed that Stevie wasn't laughing, wasn't even smiling. "Something on your mind?" He asked seriously.
She shrugged. "Not really."
"Not really? Meaning, yes?" He asked.
They sat on the verandah, Charlotte settled happily in Stevie's arms. "Alex, do you ever think about your mother?" She asked.
Alex looked surprised for a moment. That was the last thing he was expecting to hear. He thought it over "Liz? No, not really. Why do you ask?"
"No reason." She answered.
"Come on, spill it." He prompted her "I don't have all day."
"Well. I've just been thinking…." She began.
"That must have hurt." He joked.
She didn't even poke him as she usually would when he teased her this way, and he realized perhaps it was not the time for jokes.
"Sorry." He mumbled. "I'm listening. Go on."
"Never mind. I have work to do. Wasted enough time here already this morning." She told him as she handed Charlotte back to him. "Bye Charlotte, have fun with Uncle Alex."
"Hey, I was just kidding Stevie." He tried to convince her to stay but it was no use.
He turned to the little girl in his lap and mumbled "I wonder what that was all about Charlotte? Aunty Stevie is acting very strange today isn't she? Even more than usual, I mean." The little girl giggled in response and Alex shrugged his shoulders and decided to get back to work.
