"Full power to the front cannons, Tepig! Bombs away!"

The mighty Tepig breathed in with all the suction power of a Dyson, and let forth a fearsome roar of flame that threatened to roast the very earth itself, and leave nought but a barren wasteland in its wake.

To Pidove's credit, it kept a perfectly straight face as the rather pathetic ember tickled its beak. It gave a small hoot of disdain before fluttering away.

"Yeah, we sure showed him who's boss!" I looked down at Tepig, who gave a self-satisfied oink.

"Damn, Tepig, you lookin' like one fine-arse piece of bacon today! Let's roll."

We strolled into Accumala Town. The grey skies cast a bleak and dreary light over the place; it left a rather gloomy atmosphere hanging in the air, and put me in mind of a deserted ghost town. A solitary Pokémon Centre stood like a shining red beacon against the endless sea of monochrome despair. I could hear hurried whispers in the distance – no doubt the desolate moans of lost souls. The very thought made me shiver in terror.

Ok, maybe I was being a bit melodramatic there. It was bloody freezing though. I contemplated going home and changing into an outfit that gave me a little more cover, but well, if you've got a body like this, you gotta show it off, right? I moved a bit closer to Tepig, since the little piggy seemed to radiate heat. He oinked in reply, and bounced up and down on the spot. It made me smile to see how energetic he was, even after a full day of training. Had I finally found someone who could match up to my awesomeness? I put on my macho face, stuck my hands on my hips, and sniffed the air. There was a slight hint of a bitter scent.

"You smell that, Tepig? That's the smell of victory."

I had only been given Tepig this morning, but I already felt that the two of us were beginning to develop a lifelong bond. We were solid. We were tight. I might even have gone as far as to say that we were bros, despite all evidence to the contrary (i.e., one set of female genitalia (mine, not the Pokémon's)). Tepig just got me, you know?

I decided to investigate the ghostly whispers; they seemed to be coming from around the corner, and if any haunted apparitions did appear, I was sure Tepig and I could kick their arses. Because we're just cool like that. Honestly, I was astounded by how strong the little guy seemed to have grown in such a short space of time. So I was feeling pretty full of myself when I bumped into Cheren.

"Oh, hey White..." He glanced at me briefly before turning away.

"Still upset about me kicking your butt earlier, huh?"

"What?.. Sssh, there's a.. thing..."

I looked around for the thing. Indeed, there was a thing that happened to be happening at that very moment.

"Who's that guy?"

"Shut up, I'm trying to listen."

Wow, Cheren was such a rude boy! Still, I turned to the cause of the small crowd that had gathered. Some dude in a dress was giving a speech, while a bunch of guys dressed as knights backed him up, holding a couple of banners with a symbol on them that I didn't recognise. At first I thought that this must be someone's stag party, but no one seemed to be drunk.

"What's he talking about?"

"Something about liberating Pokémon..." Cheren mumbled, his eyes not leaving the speaker.

He spoke in a voice that was rich and velvety, like chocolate. Not the good quality stuff though. On a scale of one to chocolate heaven he might have reached, say, Cadbury's dairy milk, possibly even the fruit and nut version, although that was pushing it. A squeal by my foot alerted me to Tepig's interest in the sugary man. I held him up so he could get a better view.

"My name is Ghetsis. I am here representing Team Plasma."

The guy looked as if he could talk the legs off a duck, or something, so I took the opportunity to get a closer look at him. He had long green hair and some weird red monocle thingy going on. Instantly, I could tell there was a problem.

I nudged Cheren. "He looks like a rapist."

"What?"

"Yep, I'm definitely getting a very rapey vibe from him."

"I dunno, I think he looks alright..." Still Cheren didn't avert his gaze. I grinned.

"Cheren, I didn't realise you had a crush!"

"What? Don't be stupid!"

"I'm sorry I called your boyfriend a rapist, Cheren."

"SHUT UP! I – wait, what's going on?"

The Team Plasma dudes packed up their stuff. While Cheren watched his lover leave, I turned to the crowd, where a worried discussion had broken out. The idea of Pokémon liberation seemed to have shaken everyone a bit, although I had little idea of what it meant. All thoughts of Team Plasma were expelled from my mind faster than the evacuation of my bottom hole on curry night, however, when I saw Him.

His hair was a luscious tea-green hue, which I couldn't help noting looked very similar to Mr Creeper's; in contrast to Ghetsis, however, it actually looked good on this guy. Better than good. Positively smokin' hot, in fact. He also had the cutest face I had ever seen, maybe even cuter than mine - and that's saying something – with these big innocent eyes like two deep green pools of...uh... snot? Or maybe a swamp or something, I don't know.

A sudden breeze spread his long locks out behind him like the outstretched wings of an emerald angel. The heavens parted, and a beam of sunshine cloaked him in a shimmering golden light. Divine choirs burst into chorus, to be joined by fluffy woodland creatures, and as they sang his praises, delicate blue flowers sprung forth from the ground he trod, and grew into vast forests that expanded and enveloped the earth, stretching upwards in their everlasting desperation to touch the sun; then withered into nothingness, all in the blink of an eye. I felt my heart flutter. Truly, this was love at first sight.

His head snapped round in my direction. I turned swiftly to Cheren, who had the cheek to snigger at me, the little bugger. However, there were more important things than reprimanding him on my mind.

"Is he looking at me? He's looking at me, isn't he? Oh my God, he's looking at me! Is he looking at me? DON'T LOOK AT HIM! Is he looking?"

"How I am supposed to tell if he's looking at you when I can't look at him?"

"Shut up! Is he looking? I swear he looked right at me-"

"He's walking this way."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" I started to hyperventilate, which just made me angry at myself. Why was I losing my cool like this?

The stranger spoke in a jumbled rush, as if the words were fighting to escape his mouth. "Your Pokémon... Just now, it was saying..."

Oh, to be those words, to tumble so clumsily through his lips-

"You talk too fast. I can't understand a word you're saying." Stupid smartarse Cheren, interrupting my train of thought. I realised my mouth had dropped open, and snapped it shut, hoping that no one had noticed.

Luckily, the boy's gaze seemed to be fixed somewhere a little south of my face. I giggled inwardly. I mean, I could hardly blame him for staring at my boobs, but he didn't have to be so obvious about it, did he? He started to reach forwards – wait, what?

Tepig wriggled, and leapt out of my arms into his. Realisation dawned.

"Oh, you were looking at... Tepig..."

I felt my face flush as the embarrassment swept over me. Fortunately, Cheren had managed to maintain his composure.

"What did you just say about Pokémon talking? That's stupid, everyone knows Pokémon can't talk."

The boy gave Cheren a hurt look. "Can't you hear them, either? Hmph." He looked down for a second, then locked eyes with me. "My name's N."

I opened my mouth to reply-

"I'm Cheren, and this is White."

I could strangle that boy, I swear.

"We're catching Pokémon to fill out the pokédex for Professor Juniper." He continued, as he slid those stupid glasses up his stupid face in that stupid way he stupid does. "But my main goal is to become the Champion."

N's face became a mask of disgust. "So, you're going to imprison countless Pokémon, enslave them, force them to do your bidding and get hurt, just so you can fulfil some fantasy about being the strongest?"

"What? That's not-"

"Don't you ever wonder? Are the Pokémon happy this way? Is this what they want? Does no one ever ask them?"

I lifted Tepig out of N's hands, and help him up to my eye level. "Tepig... we're homies, right?"

He replied with a firm, "Tepig, tep!"

"What... what does that mean?" N seemed to be puzzled.

Cheren smirked. "You're supposed to be the Pokémon whisperer here, can't you figure it out?"

N shot him a look of contempt. "He said, 'Bros before hoes.' What does that mean?"

I chuckled at Tepig's determined expression. "You're not getting jealous, are you?" He snorted, blowing a small puff of smoke into my face.

"White." I looked up. N was staring at me again. My stomach seemed to melt. "Let me hear your Pokémon's voice!"

With a small 'plip' sound, a Pokémon burst out of its ball. Heheh, I said ball. It was purple, and mewed at me.

"Aww, a kitty! So cute!" I reached down to scratch its ears.

Cheren rolled his eyes. "He wants to battle you, dufus."

"Oh. Right." I drew myself up to my full impressive height of five foot something. "We accept your challenge! Prepare to be annihilated!"

Tepig leapt forward and took up his battle stance. It was a fierce sight to behold, if I do say so myself. I wouldn't have been surprised to see N shaking in his shiny green boots, but his expression seemed to be more of concern than anything else. I decided that the best course of action would be to win him over with my pro battling skills.

"Now, Tepig! Super ultimate death flame!"

A burst of embers were sent flying towards the Purrloin. At a word from his trainer, the kitty pounced gracefully at Tepig, clearing the sparks and landing a deep scratch along his back. I winced, but Tepig spun around and launched himself with full force right into Purrloin's face, sending them both flying. What a beast! I shouted for him to follow up with ember, but Purrloin was up on his feet first, and assaulted Tepig with a barrage of scratches; he slashed at his ears, down his snout, across his eyes. Shit! I was scared and almost cried out, but I held back the fear, and the piggy was braver than I gave him credit for – he took blow after blow, enduring the pain, waiting – and when Purrloin paused for breath, he was bombarded with a scorching blast of cinders.

Purrloin hissed, and leapt into N's arms. He cradled the cat against his chest, murmuring words of comfort.

"BOOYAH! High five!" I held out my palm towards Tepig, who head butted it. "Who's the greatest?"

"Tepig, tepig!"

"I never thought I'd hear a Pokémon say-"

I looked up. The thrill of victory flooded away when I saw N's face. His features were contorted with some emotion, though I couldn't tell what – was it fear? Anxiety? I cursed under my breath. Obviously I had gone too far, again, and my crazy battle style had scared him off.

"As long as Pokémon are trapped inside Pokéballs, they can never become perfect. I have to change the world for Pokémon, because they're my friends." And with that, he walked away.

Cheren snorted. "Huh. What a weirdo."

"Your face is a weirdo!" I chased after N, almost pushing Cheren over in the process. I wasn't letting him get away that easily.

N seemed a little shocked when I caught up to him. He just stood there in silence, so I made the first move.

"So, uh..." I sought around for something to say. "You can talk to Pokémon, huh? That's... pretty cool."

"Do you want something?" he asked.

It might have been rude coming from someone else's mouth, but it didn't sound snarky or sarcastic to me, so I decided to go for it. All or nothing.

"Do you wanna... hang out, or something?"

He looked at me as if I had grown two heads.

"No!"

I stared, dumbfounded, as he hurried away. He turned once or twice to look at me – probably to make sure I wasn't stalking him. I could hear Cheren's laughter, as I felt a mix of anger and embarrassment wash over me, building up behind the dams of self control. When N was out of earshot, they burst.

"...

...

...BITCH!"