A/N: Hey!! I'm back!! this
is just a little story to help me get back on my feet, and I'll have
another story up soon!!
Please
R&R!
Harry was at the Durselys', with Dudley, once again, watching the
television, eating as he did, with his many chins and neck rolls
wiggling and jiggling, food spilling from his mouth and onto his
shirt as he laughed.
'Jesus Christ!' thought Harry, 'if he keeps
this up, then pretty soon I'll be able to curse him and they'll
bounce right off of him!'
Harry looked into the television, curious as to what Dudley was watching. 'Ouch,' thought Harry, wincing, as a guy was kicked in the nuts by his friend. Harry soon turned his thoughts back onto Sirius, the prophecy, and how the hell a freshly sixteen year old boy was supposed to defeat the greatest dark wizard of all time.
'I suppose I could kick Voldemort in the balls,' snorted Harry, laughing he turned around and saw the same guy on tv getting kicked in the nuts again, and then fall into a lake. Suddenly, Harry had an idea. Chuckling, he wrote out a letter to Voldermort.
Dear Moldyshorts, (Yes I did call
you that!) I have noticed that you do not know the prophecy,
while I do. Now, I have a deal for you, the deal is, I tell you the
prophecy, and you bring your forces to attack in the middle of this
year. Yes, you heard that right, I WANT you to attack with all your
forces in the middle of this year, and as such, I will tell you the
prophecy. Send me a reply by Hedwig(Don't kill her, or torture her,
or maim her, or harm her in anyway). Sincerely
yours, Harry Fucking Potter (Literally) P.S. Could you also send
some food along? Dear Annoying, four-eyed Brat, Your insolence amazes me,
or is it just your stupidity? Never call by that name AGAIN!! And
that is indeed a interesting deal, one that I will accept gladly. How
do you open the package? Your owl is also unharmed. The greateest Dark Lord who ever
lived, Voldemort Dear Baldy, Here is the prophecy, The
one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches... born to
those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...
and the dark lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power
the dark lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the
other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with
the power to vanquish the dark lord will be born as the seventh month
dies... P.S. You say open to open the package...
idiot Yours,(no
not really, though I bet you'd love that) Harry Potter
Also, you may notice the
other package that I have also sent along with her.
P.P.S. I also know of some really great hair
growth charms
P.P.P.S. You looked better as Tom.
P.P.P.P.S. (No
I'm just kidding)
"Excuse me?" he said
uncertainly, everyone continued on, and he tried in vain to gather
everyone's attention but finally shouted, "SHUT UP!!"
Every
one turned to look at him.
"Thank you," Harry said,
beaming, "I would like to inform everyone of the fact that
Voldemort -" collective flinch, "oh, grow up, will be
arriving here in ten ten minutes to wage war on us... .thank
you."
With that, Harry sat down and continued eating.
Instant screams of terror as everyone registered what Harry just
said.
Voldemort and his minions then popped into the room and everyone got quiet as they saw Voldemort walk up to Harry. "DUEL! NOW! YOU! ME! AGREED?" Voldemort screamed. Harry looked at him, smiled, stood up, and gave Voldemort a swift kick to the balls.
Everyone sat, or stood, in the Deatheaters case, baffled, as Harry proceeded to kick Voldemort in the nuts a further 20 times.
Voldermort was now lying on the ground, crying, and Harry wordlessy floated him up, and threw him through the window, and into the lake, where Voldemort died from suffocation. Voldemort's former minons looked in horror at Harry, and tried to disaparate, only to find themselves getting hit with a jinx Harry created, which gave the unfortunate victum the feeling of being kicked in the balls over and over.
Harry grinned at everyone, who stared at him, dumbstruck at having defeated Voldemort and his minions without breaking a sweat.
The Aurors soon arrived and Harry was reguarded as a hero, and the only user of the most dangerous curse alive.
