AN: Gibbs, Tony, McGee and Abby's thoughts as they learn of Ziva's 'death' in Somalia. Part one of two.


Ziva was gone. Dead. Tony could hear people talking all around him, but he didn't know what they were saying. It all blurred together, a swirl of sounds and noises. He couldn't process anything, couldn't think. All he could think of was Gibbs' words. "The Damacles went down off the coast of Somalia. There were no survivors."

If it hadn't been for the fact that Ziva had been completely out of touch for the past several months, Tony almost wouldn't have believed his boss. Ziva could always kick ass in a fight, how could she just go down in a ship wreck? But it was the only thing that made sense. Yeah, he deserved her anger and her hate, but Abby? McGee? Gibbs? None of them had heard from her, or been able to contact her.

Tony thought back to the events a couple of months ago. Perhaps if he hadn't been so determined to bring Michael to justice on his own, things would have turned out differently. Perhaps if he had followed protocol, Michael wouldn't be dead, and Ziva wouldn't hate him. And she wouldn't be dead now. She would be safe in D.C., working alongside him as usual.

Honestly, he missed her. He missed her misuse of the English language, he missed her threats to do bodily harm to him every time he annoyed her, he missed her having his back when they were working a case. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, he more than missed her. But it didn't matter what he felt about her, not anymore. She was dead, and he was to blame. Gibbs' voice cut through his thoughts.

"Grab your gear."

It echoed around Tony's head, and he was dimly aware of McGee and Gibbs standing up and preparing to leave. How could they just go back to a regular case, pretend like nothing had happened? They couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't do anything now that Ziva was gone. Dead. But maybe there was one thing he could do.

"No," Tony said. "We have an obligation. Saleem Ulman must be stopped, before one more person dies."

They were a family, this team. Ziva was family to him. And family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. They had already left her behind in Israel, something Tony never should have let happen. He had failed on that front, he had let her down. But he sure as hell would make sure she wasn't forgotten. He would avenge her death, he would kill Saleem Ulman. It wasn't enough, but it was all he could do.


Abby sat in her lab, hugging Bert. She didn't want to believe Gibbs' words, but she knew they made sense. Why else would Ziva have failed to contact her? And not just take initiative, but she was also impossible to reach. It wasn't normal. And so, reluctantly, Abby believed Gibbs.

She hated it. She knew her friends—her family—led dangerous lives. They chased down terrorists and murderers, and there was always the potential for someone to get hurt. It had happened before. First with Kate, and then Director Shepard… and now Ziva? Abby didn't think she could stand it. Who would be next? Tony? McGee? Ducky? Gibbs? She could hardly stand all the losses she had suffered already. She couldn't deal with any more.

Ziva had been her friend. It had taken her some time to warm to the Israeli, but she was one of her closest friends now. She was more than that. She was part of her family. And somebody was hurting her family, and that was not okay with Abby. They should have been more supportive of Ziva, they shouldn't have doubted her, they should have been more understanding. Should have, should have, should have. But now she was dead. And it hurt so much. She was all too happy to help track down Saleem Ulman. She wanted that bastard to pay.

When she learned that Tony, McGee and Gibbs were going to Somalia, she was torn. She wanted justice for Ziva's death, but this was putting even more of her family in harm's way. In the end, she understood. They couldn't sit by, useless, while the man that was responsible for the death of a member of their team- a member of their family—was still alive.


McGee thought about Gibbs' words. Ziva was dead. How could that be? In all this time when they were trying to contact her, he never contemplated that she might not be alive anymore. She was always so full of life and energy. He looked over to the empty desk where Ziva used to sit, and then to Tony's. He looked to be in a daze, like he couldn't process the information they had been given, and McGee couldn't blame him. He had cared about Ziva, but she and Tony had always been closer.

McGee missed her. He missed her sharp mind, her extensive knowledge. He missed how she would stand up to Tony for him, except when she joined in the teasing. She was unpredictable. She kept Tony in line for the most part, except when they were wildly flirting with each other and forgot McGee was there. He missed her kindness and her courage. He admired her.

Ever since joining the team at NCIS, he felt like he finally belonged. They all fit together, working in sync. They were like a family. Gibbs was the gruff but loving father, Tony the obnoxious big brother, Abby the favorite, and Ziva… well, he wasn't sure what Ziva was. But she was family. He had been willing to do whatever it took to protect his sister when she had been accused of murder, and when he thought she was in danger.

Despite Ziva not being of blood relation to him, this was no different. They, as a team, had failed to protect her. It was too late, now, but they owed it to her to take down the man responsible for her death. It was the least they could do, and all they could do.

McGee knew the mission would be dangerous. He knew it was very high risk, infiltrating a terrorist camp, and being willingly taken as prisoner. He complained when Tony volunteered him for it, but honestly, if he hadn't, McGee would have volunteered himself anyways. No one hurt his family and got away with it.


Gibbs hated being the bearer of bad news. It had been hard for him to take when he had learned the news himself. He had lost so many people he cared about. Shannon, Kelly. Kate and Jenny. And now Ziva. Ever since leaving her in Israel, he had doubted his decision. He had hoped that she would return to NCIS quickly, after realizing that her blood relations are not who her family is.

He worried about her when she wasn't in touch, and he worried that Eli David was treasuring her for the damn fine agent she was, and not the person she was. He got to hold her close, and comfort her when she was sad, yet he treated her like she was just another Mossad agent. Not his flesh and blood.

Dammit, he never should have left her in Israel. He never should have picked between Ziva and Tony. He knew she was hurting, and he just left her behind. She was like a daughter to him, and he abandoned her.

He thought of Ducky's words to him, and his surprise that Gibbs had left Ziva in Israel. He wasn't sure why he had such a connection to her. It wasn't just that she had saved his life, and had to kill her half-brother to do so. It wasn't just that she was the one to help him regain his memories after he was injured in an explosion. It wasn't just that she broke down crying in his arms that night, finally letting out her grief over killing Ari. It wasn't just she, like him, was a soldier who had done and seen far too much.

It was more than that.

But whatever it was, Ducky was right. He had taken to her quickly. From the start she had fit into the family, she had become a daughter to him, and the bond only grew stronger over time.

That bastard Saleem Ulman had killed her, and he was still out there. He wanted him to pay, but he had to think of the whole team.

When Tony objected to the new case in the bullpen, Gibbs wasn't surprised. He knew he shouldn't let Tony do something so dangerous and reckless, and he knew if they went to Somalia, there was a good chance they might not come back. But he saw something in Tony's eyes; a deep pain that reflected what Gibbs had felt when Shannon and Kelly had been killed. He couldn't refuse a man who was hurting as much as his Senior Field Agent was.

Gibbs wanted revenge as well. He couldn't bring Ziva back, he couldn't change the past and refuse to leave Israel without him. But vengeance was something he could do. He could find the man who killed his agent—his daughter, really—and he could make him pay.


AN: Please review!