Where to begin... The time has slipped by so quickly ,as my time seems to be also.
Phallen has long since gone, and soon , I will join her. Our child ; my beloved Lao, awaits
to attain her power over Derkien— to rule as I had learned from my Pet. Can she do it ? If there is an all-seeing force... I pray to them, she can...
My breast still burns at the thought of what lies ahead for you , my daughter.
To have raised her without Phallen— my heart breaks to remember how she but only caught a glimpse of the beautiful hybrid---- a human/ ape child ...
Phallen was of the same breed — being that of a species I , in the past, had learned I had evolved.
The torment....
All this time — I never knew...
I know now she hears my call. I feel her... smell her...
Maybe my miserable existence will be looked upon gently whence I pass.
My daughter has stood diligently by writing my words as if simply taking dictation. I am sure once she sits to read them , she will understand what I was then — a tyrant...
But I loved her mother for a lifetime , and beyond, it is obvious...
How to begin to tell you, my daughter ;I must ,somewhere along this time line...
To be so in love with Phallen; all she had done for me — for US. For sure ,I knew all would be fine at the birth of our child . Everything went smoothly up to the last trimester. Her belly was large and full of life as was she , anticipating our new arrival. But blood flowed staining her clothing with its deep scarlet . I hated you...
In my eyes , your birth brought forth my death — my beautiful Phallen's death...
My soul left me. I became icy. Anyone coming near was turned away harshly , almost violently , taking any self- control left deep within me . Nothing mattered , especially you.
I hated you — loathed myself for creating you...
Now ,though, as I look upon your soul , I realize all is for a reason .
My whole being lies within what has manifested between Phallen and I — It is you, Lao.
You are our only hope. Save us ,my daughter. Save me! I have no one to understand now how I have learned !
