Title: First Impressions
Pairing: None.
Rating: K
Genre: Crack!fic
Cat: Gen
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: None.
Summary: Palmer attempts to introduce his friends to each other and fails. Well, sort of.
Author's Note: Written for channeld on her birthday last year. She requested Palmer and animals, I provided the crack!fic.


"Okay, okay, you guys just wait here," Palmer said to his companions, a bright grin on his face. "You are totally not going to believe this." He giggled to himself as he ran from the room, nearly tripping and falling as he did so.

Silence overtook the room except for the ticking of the clock on the wall. (I thought you said it was silent! I did. Ticking is not silent! You know what I meant. Don't you type at me in that tone of voice. *sigh* Fine.) Correction - the room was silent EXCEPT for the ticking of the clock on the wall. That better? (Yes.) Anyway, minutes passed, blah de blah, and soon enough, Palmer returned, his smile almost maniacal.

"Guys, I'd like to introduce you to my friends." He turned to the door, motioning for whoever was out there to come inside. When they did, he turned back to his other companions. "These are real NCIS agents." Palmer's audience remained silent. He frowned at them. "Don't you have anything to say? It's not polite to not introduce yourselves."

Ziva stepped forward. "Um, I am Ziva David -"

Palmer waved a hand at her, shushing her. "No, no, not you guys. Them." He turned back to his other friends, crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance. "Seriously. I cannot believe this behavior."

"Um, Jimmy, I don't know how to say this, but . . ." McGee started, but was cut off, as well, this time by Tony.

"No, Probie, it's okay. I've got this." He patted McGee absentmindedly on the chest and stepped forward, leaving McGee to raise an eyebrow at his back. He gave Palmer's friends a charming smile. "Anthony DiNozzo, Senior Field Agent. It's very nice to meet you."

Still, silence. (Real silence, or your false "ticking" silence you like? You . . .) Except for the clock's ticking, sounding like crickets at night.

Palmer's face grew red with frustration, until it looked like he would explode. Ziva saw his expression and spoke up so as not to deal with Ducky breaking in yet another assistant. "Jimmy, perhaps your friends are hungry. Shall we go find them something to eat in the break room?"

Palmer's face returned to its normal shade and he blinked, as if he had just come out of a trance. He turned to her, looked back at his other companions, then looked back at Ziva again. "Yeah, okay." He frowned. "Though I don't think they really deserve it." He looked to McGee and Tony. "Keep an eye on them, will you? I don't want them causing any trouble. With the way they've been acting today, I just don't trust them." He turned and gave his other friends a dirty look, shaking his head, then followed Ziva from autopsy.

As soon as the doors shushed shut behind Ziva and Palmer, McGee turned to Tony. "We're going to watch his friends?"

Tony shrugged, walking over to the small table around which Palmer had situated an assortment of stuffed animals of various species, sizes and colors. He picked up a purple elephant and looked back to McGee. "You know what to do next, Probie."

McGee sighed and pulled out his phone, pressing speed dial and waiting a moment for the person on the other end to answer. When they did, he spoke. "Hey, Ducky? Yeah, Palmer got into the formaldehyde again."

THE END!

(Formaldehyde? Really? Yes, really. And you know, I can delete you from this story at any point, so just watch it. . . . Have I mentioned how nice you look today? That's more like it.)

NOW it's the end. ;D