How did you get so far away?

Dear Diary,
I'd been feeling this way for a while now but I did it to myself. I guess I feel like I've isolated myself from them my clique my group or most commonly known as my girls. I've been on radio tour something that used to be only a figment of my imagination but when opportunity struck I had to go. It's not that I wasn't enjoying touring I was loving it and when I went to NYC last month the girls and Mar and even Ian
surprised me! Actually Ian was the one that set the whole thing up which I guess I'm not that surprised about we used to be 2 peas in a pod absolutely inseparable but we began to grow apart. We both worked on the show together but while I was radio touring he was shooting The Bethlehem film with his buddy Jordan and we didn't get much time together. But anyways what I was getting to was that well I don't feel like myself anymore I don't feel as happy as I used to and I guess that's why because I haven't been with my friends in almost 6 months.
PS. 3 more days until my OPRY performance :)

"Ready for rehearsal Luce" Steph asked "Luce"?
"Oh Sorry ya um I'm ready" she replied
"I was just writing but I'm ready"
"Ok" Steph replied "let's go"
So she got down off her bunk on the tour bus and followed Steph out the door
"Have you eaten lunch?" She asked
"Yep" she replied (but she was lying which she hated but she couldn't let Steph and Mike into that world of eating and not eating and it was too much maybe for later but not today)
We'd been going over and over this for hours either I'd hit the note wrong or the lighting was off or the band was off I was getting tired and hungry but we kept going until mike finally wrapped and told us to all go get some sleep and we'd go again tomorrow. Everyone quickly left since it was almost midnight but I stayed. I loved being on stage in front of everyone and dancing around up there by myself and as I was twirling around singing nervous girls Jules walked in and took a seat it was just me and her then even though I hadn't even realized she was there.
"Rehearsal over?" She interrupted
"Oh I I didn't even realize you were here" Lucy quickly replied
"I came in when everyone was still here I just love watching you on stage" she replied
"What song do you want to hear?" She asked
"From the backseat" she replied and Lucy began to sing her mother's favorite song.
"But you learned to love from the backseat" she cheerfully sang as she skipped across the stage trying to put on a good performance for her mother since she felt awful and wasn't even sure she'd be able to really perform at the opry but nobody knew.

JULES POV
She was halfway through the song when she stopped and just stood there staring into the distance.
"Are you ok" I asked but she didn't reply she took a step forward and tried to sit down but her legs fell beneath her and she collapsed onto the stage.
"Lucy" if exclaimed as I ran toward the stage "Lucy wake up its ok it's ok" I repeated over and over until Lucy slowly opened her eyes "what happened where are we going" she asked "you fainted, were going to the emergency room"

2 hours later
"Lucy we need to talk" Julie said
"About what? Mom? Why are you crying" Lucy asked concerned
"How did you let yourself get this far again?" Sniffles "I can't do this again... Your father and I we can't Luce I'm sorry"
Lucy wipes a tear from her eye "why"
"With me taking up more hours at the hospital and your fathers promotion we don't have time to sit with you and help you stay on track...is there anyone in LA you could stay with?"
"I have someone in mind" she replied
"You know we would love for you to stay here right? We just"
"Mom I understand you don't have to explain" I understand she nodded
Lucy took a puppy dog face selfie and sent it to Ian with the comment "Face Time?" across the screen and sent it, a few minutes later Ian was FaceTimeing her "mom" Lucy said "can I have a minute to talk to a friend?" she asked
"Ian?" Julie asked
Lucy nodded "yes mom Ian"
"Tell him I said hi" she said "k mom" Luce replied
"Hey" he said when he saw Lucy's face on his screen
"Hi" she replied softly with years building up in her eyes
"What's wrong?" He asked
"I don't want to put you in a bad position" she replied
"I swear you won't what's happening" he asked
"I'm in a bad position right now" she replied
"I heard you cancelled the opry, is it about that?" He asked
"How did you, never mind but ya it's about that, look Ian I I need a place to stay for a while and I was wondering"
"Of course you can stay with me Luce for as long as you need to, and it was Steph she called to ask if I knew why you cancelled" he replied
"Really? Thank you!" She replied " are you sure it's ok I don't want you to feel obligated" she replied
"I don't" he replied as she smiled he was happy that Lucy was going to live with him they were insuperable before her music and she missed her. He wasn't mad that she was doing her music, he was just mad she didn't know how he felt before she left.
"Are you sure it's ok?" She checked one more time
"Luce! its fine" he replied "so when are you coming?"
"Within a week" she replied
"Ok great" Ian replied
" eh hem" Julie said from across the room
"Oh Ian um Julie wants to talk to you" Luce replied
"Yes" Ian exclaimed from the other end of the phone
"Hi Ian" she said
"Hi mama H" Ian replied before Julie stepped out in the hall to work out some details with Ian but a few minutes later
Baby you sound good to me Julies phone rang it was Mike Daly "hello" Lucy answered
"So y'all just canceled the opry? Didn't even talk to me about it first? Do you not realize how big of a deal it is to CANCEL THE OPRY" Mike fumed
"I'm sorry mike I just"
"Sorry isn't going to cut it in this industry you better have a good reason for not calling me first and a damn good reason for canceling the opry in general" he replied
"It was a rash decision" she replied
"I need a reason Luce, I have E!, TMZ, Access Hollywood, Today, and the Opry among others wanting answers that I can't provide because I heard through social media that you cancelled your big interview tomorrow morning with the Opry reporter let alone to get a call from the manager of the Opry questioning how on earth I let you call to cancel and not me OH and your Halers are blowing up social media wondering..."
"Mike I'm in the hospital if you want to talk you and Steph can come up here but I can't talk anymore" she softly replied before hanging up the phone
Within the hour mike and Steph came walking through the door carrying a big (get well soon) teddy bear and some flowers. Mike sat in the chair next to Julie, and Steph squeezed her way into the small white bed with Lucy. She grabbed Lucy's hand and laced their fingers together "are you feeling any better?" She asked
"Not really" Luce replied
"What exactly happened?" Mike asked
"I passed out after rehearsal so mom brought me here"
"And when we got here she was very pale and still light headed, her blood pressure was low and she was extremely weak so they hooked her up to on IV drip and they did some blood working and discovered not only was she malnourished but extremely dehydrated" Julie replied
"But how? We had a lot of drinks on stage and you told me you had lunch before rehearsal at 2" Steph replied
"I lied, I hadn't eaten very much in the past few days even, some snacks here and there, but not meals" she replied
"We have plenty of stuff and we could've taken a break if you wanted" Mike replied concerned
"I don't like to talk about it, unless you read my issue of Cosmo you'd have no idea, it's hard to talk about" Lucy said
"Talk about what?" They asked
Lucy pulled up the pages of her Cosmo magazine on her phone and handed it to Mike and Steph so they could zoom in and read it for themselves
A few minutes later she found herself embraced in a big hug from Mike and Steph "I'm so sorry" they replied " I won't bring it up again but if you even need anything just flag one of us down and we'll take a break" Mike replied "ok" Luce nodded with a smile
"So what are you going to tell all those reporters" Julie interrupted
"That she was on pain killers and O being next to M in her contacts she thought she was calling me when she called y'all" he replied
"Why are you going to say I'm on pain killer?" She asked
"I'm going to say you have the stomach flu and you're on pain killers for your stomach" he replied
"Whatever floats your boat" she replied
That was probably one of the last conversations she had with Steph and Mike before she flew to stay in LA for a few weeks to return to PLL and to recover.
"You sure you've got everything?" Julie asked
"For the 8th time yes" Luce replied
"Ok well Call me when you get there" Julie said
"I always do" Luce replied "Love you"
"Love you more" she replied as she gave her a hug
The loud speaker came on announcing the plane would be landing in 5 minutes and everyone began gathering there things to leave the plane. She was excited to be home, excited to see Ian, and most of all excited to return to the set of PLL on Friday. She left the plane grabbed her bags then rushed to her car trying to avoid all unwanted paparazzi once she got to her car she drove 30-45 minutes until she finally arrived home. She live the feeling of finally being home in her home but she knew she couldn't stay long so she grabbed the essentials and left for Ian's, he only lived 15 minutes away so it would be easy to come back and grab stuff later. She pulled into the driveway and then rang the doorbell of Ian's cute little house. A few moments later he answered the door with a big grin on his face "come on in" he said as she walked through the door. Ian took her down the hall to the room next to his where she could set up all over her stuff even though he knew she would probably try to sneak into bed with him. "Make yourself a home" he said "i know you know where everything is already but still mi casa es su casa" he replied After she set up what she needed to she joined Ian on the couch where he was watching friends. "How are you feeling today doll" he asked "I'm still not 100% but I'm definitely doing much better" she replied "I'm glad" he replied
"Whatcha looking' at?" She asked
"The script, do you want to go over lines for tomorrow?" He asked "Mar faxed you a copy right?"
"I'd love to but I left my script at home" she replied
"It's ok we can just share mine" he replied and they spent the majority of the rest of the night going over lines and the rest of the time catching up
It had been a long night, it was now 7 in the morning and both Ian and Lucy had fallen asleep on his couch. Ian woke up first and looked at the clock "7?! Oh my gosh we need to go Lucy get up we have to leave soon" Ian said as he scrambled to his bedroom
Lucy woke up and grabbed her phone before realized it was really 7 and began scrambling around the house like Ian. Thankfully by 740 they were pulling up in the WB parking lot.
"Ready for your first day back?" Ian asked "I've been ready for a long time" she replied and Ian gave her a hug "you know where to find me" he replied as she walked through the doors onto set for the first time since there 3 month well 3 month and 2 weeks for her hiatus.
"Lucy" the girls shrieked in sync before embracing her in a huge hug
"We missed you" "How are you feeling" and "do you want to go to crafty" her friends asked
"I missed y'all too, better, and maybe later" she replied
"You don't want crafty?" Ashley asked "are you sure you're feeling ok?"
Lucy laughed "yes I'm sure, I just want to go put my things down and Ian already said he'd go get me crafty so ya" she replied
"Ooooo Ian" the girls mocked
"Guys were just friends" she replied
"MHM but you're staying at his house for what 3 weeks? A month?" Shay asked
"Something like that" she replied with a grin
"I know that look" Troian replied "do you like him again?"
"Guys Ian and me are friends" she replied before heading to put her things in her dressing room when she walked through the door she found (I love you and get well soon) balloons, some flowers and an edible arrangements she put her stuff down before she admired all the sweet gifts
"Hi, can I come in?" A voice asked from the door she turned around to see Holly Marie Combs standing there "is that even a question" she asked before embracing her in a huge hug "I've missed you" she said motioning towards the couch so they could talk
"I heard what happened; are you feeling any better?" She asked
Lucy nodded "much better"
"I'm glad to hear it, I was so worried about you when Mar told us you weren't feeling well" she replied
Lucy smiled a weak smile back to her
"We'll I just wanted to make sure you knew that if you ever need anything I'm here" Holly replied
"Then can I ask you something?" Lucy asked
"Of course" Holly replied
"How did I let myself get so far away? That questions been running circles around my head for days and I can't think of a good enough reason" she replied
"I think that you set to high of standards for yourself to reach and then you get stressed in frustrated because there's no way you can reach them. Don't get me wrong setting high standard is good but you need to set some in between you and Martina McBride" she replied
Lucy laughed "ok that's true I definitely set myself to her standards"
"And that's not bad to want to be the best you can be but you need to set yourself some goals that you can reach before going to the next one it's like stepping stones, you start at the first one and hop your way to the end, you can't just jump over them all and land all the last one you have to go one step at a time so you're not overwhelmed. Did that help?" Holly asked
"Ya it did, we really need to have a girls day now that I'm back" Lucy replied
"Good" she replied "and yes we definitely do, also you're not staying alone right? Because if you are and need to stay with someone my doors always open" Holly replied
"Thank you but I'm actually staying with someone" she replied
"Do I know them?" Holly asked
But before Lucy could reply Ian came walking into the room "I got breakfast, oh hello holly" Ian replied
"How's your morning Ian?" She asked
He glared at her from across the room "How do you think it's going?"
"Why what happened?" Lucy asked
"Tell her" Holly replied
"Well I awoke from my slumber"
"My slumber" Lucy mocked as her and holly laughed
"Anyway i looked down at my phone where I found like 5 messages from at h underscore combs" he read. "The first one has us both tagged in it with the comment ( what would you do if you woke up in a bear cave) to which holly replied ( uhh throw Ian at the bear and run)" he replied
"Oh Ian you know I'm just kidding" Holly replied
"Oh it's on combs you better sleep with one eye open" he replied
"Anyway who are you staying with" Holly asked
Lucy took a deep breath "Holly, Ian" she paused "Ian, Holly"
"And that's my cue to leave, see you all on set" Ian replied
"You're staying with Ian?" She asked
"Yep" she nodded
"Are you two?" She asked
"We're just friends" Lucy replied
"Ok" Holly sarcastically replied
"I'll see you on set"

3 days later
Lucy joined Ash for lunch in her room between sets
"Hey" Lucy said as she entered the room "what's up"
"Not much haha how's living with Ian going?" She asked
"its going" Lucy replied
"Is it awkward rehearsing at his place with him?" She asked
"Only the make out scenes" she replied "why?"
"I stayed at Tyler's for a few weeks once while my house get repainted we had to go over lines, um it was when they had their first sex scene" Ash replied a bit red faced
Lucy cupped her hands over her mouth "wait did y'all"
"Gosh no, but the make out scene before it we did" she replied
"Was that awkward? I thought it was awkward we had to rehearse one last night" she replied
"A little" she replied
"Like it's weird because on set they tell us when to stop but at home"
Ash interrupted "You don't know when to stop"
"Exactly and if we go too far does he think I want to keep going or is he trying to keep going or is it just in the moment?" Lucy replied
"It's weird isn't it? Ash asked
"Ya it's really weird" she replied
"Do you think y'all will get back together?" She asked
"I've thought about it but in not sure if we will, I'd love to but I don't know if it would feel right you know?" Lucy asked
"I know what you mean" Ash replied
"I used to feel the same way about Tyler"
Lucy smiled "so I guess we should get back to set?"
"Your right lets go" she replied and they skipped arm in arm back to set

1 week later

After a few hours on set Ian comes home to a nice home cooked meal. "You didn't have to do this" he says

"I know but I wanted" she says with a smile

After they clean up dinner Lucy and Ian sit down on the couch to rehearse an ezria scene for tomorrow. The scene is about them going out to Philadelphia to have a nice dinner and they begin to talk about what the next step for them is. Midway through the scene Ian interrupts "What happened to us anyways"

"Ian that's not in the script" she laughs

Then like a week later there sitting at the house one day and Ian asks
"What happened to us anyways"
She replies "I guess we grew apart that or maybe one of us was interested and the other one wasn't or we both could've been and we never communicated it, you see I always believed if too people loved each other and were meant to be together no matter how long they were apart they'd always find their way back. Whether it's here in LA or in a coffee shop in London and I'd go to the counter and order an iced soy latte and I'd go sit at a table with my book and wonder if maybe today I'd find that guy I've been searching for and I'd open my book and flip through the pages but not read because what if I'm distracting and there's a hot guy ordering a drink across the room and he's looking at me but I'm not looking back so I put my book down and gaze across the room but when I turn around I see you across the table from me and I gaze at you for a second because I can't believe it's really you but then I get this big smile on my face that matches yours and you said " 2 Splenda's" and I laugh because I forgot to get them but at the same am laughing because I can't believe you remembered I need 2 Splenda's and you say "of course I remembered it's your favorite drink" and I just stare at you smiling before you asked "so what are you doing in London" And I replied that "I just needed to get away, but why I came to London I really don't know I just did", and then I asked" if you were here visiting family" and you replied "yes" and then we started talking about life as the hours ticked by and we ordered more scones and coffees we realized that we were just ships passing in the night I would hang out with Ashley one day you'd hangout with Tyler the next or you'd hang out with Patrick and I'd hangout with Troian the next and then we began to realize how much stuff we missed out on in each other's life's all the things we could've had the happiness and sadness or the joy and the heartbreak and even the sickness and health we missed out on it all because we let ourselves grow apart and I don't want that to be us I don't want to see you one day and think about all the times we could've should've would've had I want to live that to live those moments out with you right now. She said with Tears rushing down his cheeks he waited to stop Lucy until he saw that first tear drop out of her eye and trickle down her cheek "babe" he said but she shook her head not wanting to look up at him "babe" he repeated and she looked up into his tear filled blue eyes and it wasn't until them that the crystal clear tears began pouring out of her hazel eyes. He tried the best to wipe every tear he could of her cheeks and eventually she stopped crying. "Look at me" he said "please" he added and she looked up into his eyes he reached over and grabbed her hands before lacing their fingers to together "that's not going to happen to us" he said. "We're going to make this work here and now because I want you now not in 10 years I want you now and for those 10 years" he replied. They kissed passionately for a few moments before she stopped him "what is this" she asked "what's what" he replied "this this relationship" she asked "it's us getting back together isn't that what you wanted" he asked confused "ya but I don't want to rush into it like last time" she replied "I agree let's take it slow this time and not rush into anything" he replied "so where do we go from here" she asks. Ian paused a moment before answering "when you're feeling better I'll take you out on a date, one I had planned for us for a long time but I thought we'd never do it because of the current situation" he replied. She smiled before asking for a hint "it's a secret" he replied so she got a really big smile and couldn't wait for him to take her out on a date.