Title: Mehr als Zuviel

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: All characters are copyright Mike Mignola and Dark Horse Comics.

Summary: Comicverse drabble. After losing his second chance at being normal, Johann reconsiders what it means to be alive.

Author's Notes: Based in the Comic Universe, and knowledge of them is required. Takes place directly after Killing Ground. I apologize for any grammatical errors.

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Certainly it hadn't been the most charming body one could have possessed. A hulking creature, as wide as an ox, and so unlike the man he remembered being. Still, it had been his. Through its vessel, he had experienced life. The food, the love, the sensations! He had lived again!

"It's still hard, I know. But, we need you to get it together, Johann." Katherine's voice was not without care, and the leadership she tried desperately to maintain was never at the expense of remembering the people she talked to were human. Humans feeling loss after continuous loss every month since the frog war. Who was he to be immune?

Katherine was a strong and sensible lady, but how dare she still fool herself into thinking she could even begin to grasp his anguish? How could she relate? She had her form, still walked around in the living flesh. Hot coffee burnt her tongue, and the snow felt cold in her hands.

She knew nothing. Not one of them did, or possibly could.

Only Roger, but Johann dared not disturb his resting place. No, not his befallen friend. He would never be angry enough to disrupt the everlasting peace of the only person whose soul lingered past the loss of a body. He did, however, envy Roger for that peace. He obtained what Johann could not: a willingness to accept that he was dead, and move on.

Staring at the bloody corpse on the slab, the thought lingered in his mind. Johann never considered his self a ghost, and never quite wanted to fully admit that he was dead. Yet, could he claim to be alive? He had no body. He was a spirit of ectoplasm, a shapeless mist that maintained only a few of the senses that made life such a wonderful experience.

But given the opportunity, Kraus jumped to experience it all again. He remembered life and enjoyed it. He could eat as much as he wanted, and all tastes were his to savor. The women, they had wanted to be around him again, touch his body and enjoy his company. How many years had it been since that had happened? Too many. Too many years without human comfort and he'd begun to believe he could be fine as nothing more than a talking bag.

The Captain, he'd defended him as a good, albeit irate man. When Elizabeth had so heavily wanted to place blame on their leader for all the despair, he believed Captain Daimio to be in control and competent enough to lead them. Now he saw how misguided his declarations were. Captain Benjamin Daimio was no more; nothing but a beast now walked in his skin.

What he had said to Abraham had been true. He would openly repeat without haste. Captain Daimio had destroyed his last remnants of humanity, taken away something that had meant more to him than anything in the world. He had taken away the smell of coffee, the taste of the cafeteria's hoagies, the touch of a woman. Nothing would change that. No sympathetic words could restore it.

Being without a body had cost Johann Kraus many feelings, but not anger. Rage, the underlying emotion all were capable of experiencing with or without flesh. A proof of being human. That would be more than enough for him.

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