Just a humorous ficlet I wanted to write.
The story begins at 1x22 and ends around 6x01,
with the exclusion of Belle dating Will, because eww
(A One-Shot finessed by yours truly)
-RL


Comprehend was an understatement. Belle just could not fathom why her husband always left her alone in bed after sex. It even happened before they were married. Whenever they had great, mind-blowing sex, Rumple seemed to vanish afterwards. Belle would wake up in a haze, arms outstretched, hoping to reach for her man, but he was never there beside her.

The first time it happened, it was right after Emma broke the first curse and Belle, like the rest of Storybrooke's citizens, regained their memories. It was one of the happiest memory she had with Rumple. After over 28 years of suffering and being imprisoned by Regina, she was reunited with her true love. It was the first time in years she felt safe while securely wrapped in his arms. They shared their second kiss and this time he didn't reject her like in the Enchanted Forest. Belle felt like this was their second chance to start a new, real relationship. A fresh beginning in a new place and a new time, to finally settle down with each other and become a real couple. Rumple even looked new, though she always liked his first appearance, she couldn't deny that his Land Without Magic look was beyond a doubt his most attractive guise.

He wore, what the people called in this land, a suit. Entirely different from the dragon made material he wore back in their land. The suit was soft, and the details looked like it wasn't stitched or sewn from hand. Belle noticed the clothes he gave her appeared the same. There were so many mechanical machines in this new realm, and perhaps their clothing were made by one. Rumple confirmed her suspicions when he told her that it was made by a sewing machine and even showed her a picture of one. He also told Belle that she would wear only the most stylish clothes, made by the top designers in this world. When she asked why, Rumple told her it was because he loved her, he was still the Dark One, and his lady would only wear the finest fabrics. Belle thought he was being silly. She was all right with whatever she wore, even if he spun it himself from his spinning wheel. But Belle couldn't begrudge him. The stylish clothes he'd given her did make Belle look very appealing.

After a small hiccup with Regina which resulted in Emma and her mother getting sent to the Enchanted Forest, Belle and Rumple got reacquainted. Not only with him, but her new environment as well, and Rumple brought her to his home. Their home, he always reminded Belle. It wasn't as big as the Dark Castle, but it was still of good size. In the same manner of their old home, all types of knick-knacks and trinkets, ones small and large, filled the pink house. Belle supposed he was a collector in any world, and she was happy to know that he remained the same man she fell in love with all those years ago.

This new Rumple was quite the gentleman. He gave her a tour of their home, prepared her a bath lit lowly by candle light, and introduced her to a small library he owned located on the bottom floor. He even cooked and ate dinner with her as they talked more about this new world and all the wonders it held. This Rumple wasn't rude or threatening and only spoke sincerely, which made Belle fall deeper in love with him. When it was time to retire for bed, Belle didn't want to sleep alone. She slept by herself for 28 years, and she didn't want to spend another minute away from her true love. Rumple seemed more than pleased to invite her into his bed. And that night, Belle happily gave Rumple her virginity.

After hours of sex, Belle fell into a deep sleep, the deepest one she's ever experienced. A dream occurred, of the man Rumple once was, and it woke her up suddenly. Belle looked over to Rumple's side of the bed, and he was no longer there. She wanted so badly just to cuddle in his arms so he could put her worries to rest and make her feel safe enough to drift back to sleep. But Rumple was gone, and Belle had an idea where to look for him.

In the dead of night, there he sat in the cellar on his wheel, spinning straw into gold. After what they just did, Belle believed he shouldn't have any energy left to be doing magic. Belle could barely stand up after they had sex, but she considered that maybe the Dark One had an ample supply of unlimited magical energy that gave him an infinite amount of stamina. That would explain why they had sex for hours on end. Nevertheless, that didn't explain why he was down here doing magic, and not still in bed with her.

xox0xox

After being away from her love for over five weeks, Rumple had finally returned from Neverland. He was as handsome as ever, wearing his signature dragon skin that resembled his Dark One attire from the Enchanted Forest. All black with a high collar and matching leather knee high pointed toe boots. Belle liked the image of the man that stood before her as he walked down off the Jolly Roger. It was a mix of Rumplestiltskin and Mr. Gold, both of the men she fell in love with. His eyes immediately spotted her through the crowd of over 50 people, and they practically ran into each other's arms. To Belle, it felt like another 28 years had gone by since she'd seen him, and their hug was as tight as the one they shared when Emma broke the first curse.

Neither of them wasted any time dawdling. As soon as Rumple secured Peter Pan in a vault underneath the floorboards of his shop, Rumple whisked Belle home and made love to her until she became depleted and passed out from extensive hours of having sex. Once again Rumple had put Belle to sleep, and she slept for hours from her exhaustion.

When she finally woke up, he was gone again. His side of the bed was empty and cold like he'd been gone for hours. This time when she went to look for him, he wasn't even home. After getting dressed to make the short walk to his shop, Belle discovered him. Through his shop's window, she peered in and saw him talking to Pandora's box that contained his father. Telling the man inside, how even though his father didn't want Rumple to have happiness, he still found it. With the elderly spinsters who had raised him, with his son Baelfire, and last but not least, with Belle. She couldn't help but smile. The disappointment of Rumple leaving her alone in bed faded, and she went inside to join him.

xox0xox

Another year had passed, and it contained so much devastation for Belle. Rumple had died, and a counter-curse brought them back to the Enchanted Forest. A wicked witch tricked Neal into resurrecting his father at a terrible price that cost him his life, and then another curse brought them back to Storybrooke where the witch, who turned out to be Regina's sister, held Rumple's dagger and had control of Belle's lover. It was truly a horrible year indeed. But Emma had returned to Storybrooke and the Dark Curse was broken again by true love's kiss, and Rumple was free from Zelena's clutches.

That year hadn't proven all bad, however. At the end of the same year, Rumple asked Belle to marry him, vowing to always remain hers, in this life and the next. Filled with joy, Belle happily said yes, and she became Mrs. Belle Gold.

Their honeymoon as husband and wife was spent in a strange mansion that showed up during the last curse. Belle and Rumple shared their first dance in its ballroom that was stylized perfectly for them. Gold decorative fixtures with an old world charm that reminded Belle of the ballrooms in the castle of Avonlea.

After a dinner and movie in the mansion's large media room, it was time to go upstairs and consummate their marriage. This time Belle refused to go to sleep, even making a special effort to drink a cuppa coffee to help her stay awake once they were finished. But just like before, Belle was no match for Rumple's bedding skills, and after hours of making love, he sent her into a deep slumber.

The next day, Belle yawned before turning in bed, eyes still heavy with sleep, hoping to feel her husband next to her, but the cold sheets of his absence woke her up fully.

"Damn it," Belle said hitting the mattress and groaned. "He did it again."

She sat up and looked around the room for him, but Rumple was nowhere to be seen. Belle fell back onto her pillows and stared up at the ceiling.

"Why does he always do this?" She asked to no one in particular. "Why doesn't my husband ever want to cuddle with me?"

The door unlatched and in walked Rumple with a tray of breakfast and a plate of fruit.

"Morning sweetheart."He greeted his wife, still lounging in bed. "I felt that you were awake and brought you something to eat."

It was sweet of him, but it doesn't excuse the fact that she wanted him in bed with her, not up fixing her breakfast. He sat the tray down on her lap and placed a pillow behind her back to prop her up, then Rumple placed a kiss on her forehead and sat down beside her. Belle was starving, she could definitely use the replenishment, but she was still exhausted from last night and slightly agitated because her husband refused to stay in bed with her. Rumple seemed extra perky today, and he usually only got that way when he'd been introduced to some new sorcery or magical artifact.

Belle subsided and took a bite out of some toast, eyeing her husband wryly before thanking him with her mouth full of bread. It was their honeymoon, and she didn't want to ruin it by starting an argument.

xox0xox

Months passed, and things were becoming shaky in their marriage. Rumple was lying to her, and completely deceiving their vows, and even held another against their will until the right moment presented itself to dispose of Hook. Belle had no choice, but to gather all her strength, summon that hero in her, and send her love away. She banished him to a place where he couldn't harm anyone, including what was left of her heart.

In the night following Rumple's banishment, sleep didn't come easy for Belle. Without being lulled off by Rumple's intimacy, she was subjected to restlessness. Those nights, their bed never felt colder, and often Belle considered she made the wrong decision by pushing him across the town line. Some nights she woke with terrifying nightmares of that moment, seeing his face in her dreams, stepping back over the town line to hurt more people. Other nights, they were pleasant, she dreamed of him returning in a scenario where Rumple remained faithful and never lied to her, just continuing to be happy and having amazing sex regularly.

Six months had passed, and they were the hardest ones yet. Rumple returned with the Queens of Darkness and managed to rewrite their stories with the help of The Author. Once that curse broke, Rumple had succumbed to the darkness in his heart, and The Apprentice placed him in a magical stasis to keep him alive. Then Belle and friends when to Camelot to stop Emma from becoming the new Dark One. The mission failed, and six weeks later, they returned to Storybrooke. Rumple woke from his coma and almost defeated the new Dark One. At the end of it all, when Rumple made an entirely selfless act, Belle was able to see the man she fell in love with, and took her husband back.

Yes, back indeed. In fact, Belle took him straight back to their home where they reconsummated their marriage until the next day. Boy, how she miss having a good night sleep, but it was the waking up to an empty bed part she didn't miss. Rumple was gone again.

As the low embers crackled in the fireplace and a dull light shone through their bedroom's window, Belle knew it was early afternoon as she laid there in bed alone.

"Not this again." She said falling back onto her pillows.

Rumple came dashing in, fully clothed from head to toe. "Oh good, sweetheart you're awake. There's something I need to tell you."

"No, before you start, there's something I need to say to you first," Belle said.

Rumple nodded tentatively and sat down next to her on their bed. "What's bothering you?"

"Why don't you like to stay in bed with me after sex?" She asked. "It's like clockwork. We have sex, I go to sleep, and when I wake up, you're never there."

"I don't see the problem here, Belle."

"Rumple, for once I would like to wake up, and you're still right here." She explained. "For once I just want to wake up, and I'm in your arms."

Rumple had a look of awareness like he finally grasped what she was saying.

"Sweetheart, afterwards- well," he said, stumbling over his words. "You become very fatigued. I just don't want to wake you from your peaceful sleep."

"I don't care about you waking me up." She told him. "It's not like I have somewhere to be in the morning."

"How can I explain this," he said, shaking his head, trying to joggle the right words into his mind.

"Explain what?" She asked curiously.

"After we, well, you know," He muttered before clearing his throat. "You're out for a couple of days, a few at most."

"A few days?" She asked in shock. "Entire days?"

"Yes sweetheart. I don't want to alarm you, but it's been two full days since we've had sex." Rumple explained.

Belle's mouth dropped open as Rumple's explanation threw her for several loops. She looked completely flabbergasted. Belle closed her eyes and opened them again, trying to recover from this new revelation. "So you mean to tell me, every time after we have sex, I'm asleep for days."

He gave a pitiful nod. Rumple knew it had something to do with his curse, but he wasn't ready to tell his wife just yet that he regained his power.

Belle finally came to fruition from this surprising fact, and she burst into a fit of giggles. Tears from laughing formed in her eyes and she wiped them away. Rumple just watched her as she toppled backward in their bed from her laughter, unable to understand what was so funny about this situation, and feared she might have completely lost it.

"Are you okay Belle?"

"Yes Rumple, I'm fine." She said, trying to end her laughter. "All along I've thought you left me alone in bed right after we have sex."

"No, of course not." He assured her, tucking some stray strands of hair behind her ear. "I lay with you for hours after you've fallen asleep. I hold you in my arms and whisper how much I love you, hoping that you hear them in your dreams."

Belle leans forward and gives Rumple a hug for being the reason of her sweet dreams. "Not that I care, but have you figured out why this happens?"

"Before, I believed it to be because of my curse. Though I haven't the slightest idea why it has happened again." He said. The last part was a bit nervously.

Belle thought to herself for a moment. "Well you were the Dark One for over three hundred years, maybe there's a bit of that stamina left in you."

"That makes a lot of sense sweetheart." He said, running a hand through his hair, thankful that he was able to pull that off without lying.

"Besides the curse, you're an amazing lover." She said blushing, which placed a smirk on his lips. "So what did you want to tell me?"

He scooted closer to Belle in bed. This was probably going to be even harder to explain than her sex comas. "I'm going to the Underworld to help Emma and her family get back the pirate."

"The Underworld?"

"I'll only be gone for a couple of days." He explained so that she wouldn't worry. "Just long enough to retrieve Hook."

"But I- I don't understand. Why you?" She stammered. They just got back to a good place in their marriage, and now he was about to leave her again.

"Because Belle," He said taking her by the hand. "I'm the only one who's been there. Plus, my blood can summon the ferry."

Belle sighed. She wouldn't fault him for doing the right thing and going to save Hook. She leaned in and kissed her husband. "Just come back to me."

Rumple smiled and looked into his wife's beautiful blue eyes. "I always do."

"Will you do one thing for me before you go?" She requested as the color rose in her cheeks.

"Anything my love."

"Do you think we can have sex so I can sleep until you return?" She asked with a quirked brow.

Gold chuckled and began to loosen up his tie. "Certainly."


Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!
Let me know what you think :3
-RL