A/N- so here is lovely angst filled rambling. man i am so much in an angsty mood, the bunnies are hopping around like made. Important note- i do own Criminal minds, just my imagination...
The wind rattled her window as the rain crashed down while her heart broke. Her own tears came fast and furiously as she curled herself up into a small ball draped in a fleece. She knew loneliness, it had been a constant companion for too many years to count but here she was reaching a whole new level of it one that she didn't even knew existed. And it was all Morgan fault. That man would have and had driven her to despair. How she needed him, craved his presence and then to have him treat her like nothing but a subordinate. Anger mixed with nausea battled within her in conjunction with the feeling of hopelessness that consumed her like a wild fire. Her mind drifting back to the previous events of the day.
She watched him glide across the room, his walk and gait full of importance and determination. She plastered a smile on in an attempt to try and re-establish some sort of normalcy in their frayed relationship. Opening her mouth to make some sort of quip she found herself staring at a cold man who brushed past her without even seeing her. She knew she wasn't wearing some sort of invisibility cloak and the scarlet sweater she wore definitely made it hard for someone with eye sight to miss her. Her heart plummeted to her purple knee high boots as he handed a folder to Reid and cracked a mindless joke with Emily. Tears stung her eyes and clutching the folder she held to her chest she shuffled back into her sanctuary kicking the door closed with her heel.
She knew that they had been drifting but she never realised that they had become different continents. When did he become so icy and why had she not seen this coming. Throwing the fleece off she reached over and grabbed several tissues. Wiping her face dry and blowing her nose nosily she untwisted her legs from under her and stood up. Grabbing the fleece she headed to her bedroom pushing the beaded curtain aside as she went.
Curling up in her bed she closed her eyes knowing sleep was MIA. Instead she allowed her mind to wander and ponder. Derek had been her best friend fast approaching 6 years. Before him she truly never had someone she could confide in. She had been an outcast as a child, a strange oddity in the California school system, her love of computers and codes setting her apart from all others. Her brothers considered her unimportant and a nuisance in general and even after 12 years of not seeing them she still felt their coldness profoundly. In reality it was her mother who knew her the greatest and was truly her childhood best friend. Her heart still ached for her lost parents and what could have been.
But what ached her the most was knowing that her heart belonged to the man who would not even make eye contact any more. She had unwilling given it to him many years ago and she had no idea if she could ever reclaim it. She watched him dance and flirt with so many beauties. She heard all about his dates; the good, the bad and the down right ugly. She provided her shoulder and her mind to help him. She was at his beck and call and she hated that idea that she was dependent on a man- or was that dependent. It had been months now since they last shared banter or any form of chatter. On the phone it was purely professional, all sir's and Garcia's, she could not remember the last time she heard baby girl be uttered. With each passing day her heart splintered anew. She knew she was close to her heart shattering into millions of shards and no number of all the kings horses and all the king's men would be able to repair her damage. She knew she needed to do something and do it fast. Rolling over onto her back she stared up at her ceiling where she had neon stars in place. The reality of what she had to do was making her nausea worse. Their were her family; brothers and sisters. Before them she was lost and friendless and their welcomed her in and gave her home. But now she had no alternative, the truth was she had leave and the sooner the better.
So should this be a one shot or be contiuned.... i am not sure myself....
