Reflection
Author: Danie S.
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine don't sue
Rating: PG
Distribution: if u want it take it, but tell me where's it's going first =P
Summary: Tom Paris in the early days of Voyager muses over life, good and evil, and reflections
Feedback: Please? This is my first Star Trek fic, so please be nice
*^*
I have heard a lot of people say that laughter is a form of crying. I laugh a lot. This ship, this family... they don't know me. It's hard to know a reflection because the real thing is always on the other side. Harry knows me the best, but what is the best when everyone else knows me hardly at all?
Every day since we've gotten stranded in this quadrant I wake up to the same monotony as the day before. Maybe there is a different alien, but it is always the same outcome.
Why do the good guys always win?
People speculate that it's just because the good people are better, but what makes them better?
Is it their morals? Their manners? And who in this whole freakin universe said that we, the crew of Voyager, are the good guys, and that we must win to make it home to people that believer we are dead?
Whoever made the rules of life up should be shot, if they aren't already dead.
I'm a pilot, we choose where to go, but at the same time we don't have a choice. Life points us in a direction, one that we follow. The Captain believes that we can make it home. I don't have an opinion either way. We might make it we might not.
What makes us anymore special than the deserted ship we passed yesterday? They didn't make it.
We might not make it either.
Then i might be stuck out here for the rest of my life with people so damned determined to make it home, no matter the cost, no matter how many rules we have to break. They say we're the good guys, well, we've sure bent a lot of rules to make us look good enough to be the good guys.
Starfleet has regulations, codes, things that must be followed. The Maquis followed nothing but emotion and honor. And I follow no one. So together we banc of followers must live together, held here by the will power of Captain Kathryn Janeway.
And she doesn't even trust me.
It must be hard to trust a reflection. Especially when the reflection doesn't trust itself.
An old earth song went "You can't see the world through a mirror"* and I guess that's what I am trying to do every time I laugh. Laughter is a great medicine, along with crying, they say.
Maybe that's why I like piloting so much. Not because it's a funny job, but because there is no reflection in space. When my fingers fly over the helm, it's me, the one B'Elanna is looking for, the one Harry Kim saw that very first day, the one that makes Neelix try and tell jokes.
I become the funny guy that I once was, although no one will ever know. How can they? I sit at the front of the bridge. When the reflection goes away all anyone can see is the back of my head. And that's all they ever should see.
A reflection was built for the vanity of people, they see what they want too, they see what others will, and they can make themselves look the way they want other people to see. My reflection is vain, but the person behind it is insecure enough to have a reflection.
When you laugh while looking in a mirror, you miss the humor in your eyes, because you're too busy looking at the way your mouth smiles. When I laugh, people are too busy laughing with me to see the invisible tear tracks streaking down my face.
It's hard to get to know a laughing reflection.
*song is by Avril Lavigne (arg, not that i like her)
Aug. 4th '03
Author: Danie S.
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine don't sue
Rating: PG
Distribution: if u want it take it, but tell me where's it's going first =P
Summary: Tom Paris in the early days of Voyager muses over life, good and evil, and reflections
Feedback: Please? This is my first Star Trek fic, so please be nice
*^*
I have heard a lot of people say that laughter is a form of crying. I laugh a lot. This ship, this family... they don't know me. It's hard to know a reflection because the real thing is always on the other side. Harry knows me the best, but what is the best when everyone else knows me hardly at all?
Every day since we've gotten stranded in this quadrant I wake up to the same monotony as the day before. Maybe there is a different alien, but it is always the same outcome.
Why do the good guys always win?
People speculate that it's just because the good people are better, but what makes them better?
Is it their morals? Their manners? And who in this whole freakin universe said that we, the crew of Voyager, are the good guys, and that we must win to make it home to people that believer we are dead?
Whoever made the rules of life up should be shot, if they aren't already dead.
I'm a pilot, we choose where to go, but at the same time we don't have a choice. Life points us in a direction, one that we follow. The Captain believes that we can make it home. I don't have an opinion either way. We might make it we might not.
What makes us anymore special than the deserted ship we passed yesterday? They didn't make it.
We might not make it either.
Then i might be stuck out here for the rest of my life with people so damned determined to make it home, no matter the cost, no matter how many rules we have to break. They say we're the good guys, well, we've sure bent a lot of rules to make us look good enough to be the good guys.
Starfleet has regulations, codes, things that must be followed. The Maquis followed nothing but emotion and honor. And I follow no one. So together we banc of followers must live together, held here by the will power of Captain Kathryn Janeway.
And she doesn't even trust me.
It must be hard to trust a reflection. Especially when the reflection doesn't trust itself.
An old earth song went "You can't see the world through a mirror"* and I guess that's what I am trying to do every time I laugh. Laughter is a great medicine, along with crying, they say.
Maybe that's why I like piloting so much. Not because it's a funny job, but because there is no reflection in space. When my fingers fly over the helm, it's me, the one B'Elanna is looking for, the one Harry Kim saw that very first day, the one that makes Neelix try and tell jokes.
I become the funny guy that I once was, although no one will ever know. How can they? I sit at the front of the bridge. When the reflection goes away all anyone can see is the back of my head. And that's all they ever should see.
A reflection was built for the vanity of people, they see what they want too, they see what others will, and they can make themselves look the way they want other people to see. My reflection is vain, but the person behind it is insecure enough to have a reflection.
When you laugh while looking in a mirror, you miss the humor in your eyes, because you're too busy looking at the way your mouth smiles. When I laugh, people are too busy laughing with me to see the invisible tear tracks streaking down my face.
It's hard to get to know a laughing reflection.
*song is by Avril Lavigne (arg, not that i like her)
Aug. 4th '03
