A/N: Hello, everyone! So, this was the first Star Wars fic that wrote itself in my head as soon as I came out of the theaters when I watched The Last Jedi. I spent a few weeks thinking about this, moments Ben and Rey would have if their bond wasn't closed after TLJ plus a (crazy) plot to solve the war/Force aspect of it all.

I have... SO MANY other, longer, more plot heavy fics in my head (and in actual paper), Modern AU ones, Canon turned Modern AU (TBA) which is why I took so long to publish this one. But PHEW at least I'm getting one of the fics out there! Most of this fic is already (hand)written and some of it is typed down- except for the final chapters. But I will still take some time posting the chapters because I have to edit them.

And finally, I wanna thank SO VERY MUCH my beta Sarah (bergersteen on twitter) and my counselor, from plot to grammar and everything in between, Nicki (notnicorette on twitter) that hasn't even watched the sequel triology (yet) but helps me so much all the time, believe me she had a hand in every chapter of this. So thank you both ;)

God bless y'all and Enjoy!


Prologue

Being a Jedi is like starvation.

No, scratch that, after endless studying she knew it was exactly like living on Jakku.

A constant state of being without having, searching without getting, and sleeping without resting. No desire, no fear, no anger, no passion, just the bold and primal goal to exist in a chaotic universe.

Rey despised Jakku.

She had finally gathered courage to leave the place, but then she found herself there again. It was frustrating to say the least. The scavenger knew everything about surviving in a desert; she learned what isolation and hunger brought and it wasn't peace.

After 2 years, Rey didn't wonder if she could be a Jedi, she wondered if she wanted it. It was absurd to think that, yet-

A war loomed over her friends.

And as it claimed her, it pushed all doubts away. Dissatisfaction didn't matter when the entire galaxy needed her abilities.

What a contradiction, hypocrisy, that you can't even love the people you're fighting for, her tired mind would whisper sometimes.

Compassion is unconditional love, she'd reply to it. But the acrid taste of starvation stayed on her tongue.

Kylo Ren only made her frustration worse. It was as if he or, more disturbingly, the Force chose the exact moment doubt gnawed the most. Then there he appeared, tempting her with everything the Jedi books frowned upon.

He didn't need to utter a word. His face filled with pain and conflict, his full lips and dark hair were enough to send her plunging in a red sea of fury and longing. Rey despised herself for her feelings, which drove her further and further away from the cool and detached soul she should be.

(Nothing was more efficient at that than the forbidden words her heart would stammer late at night, when sleep clouded her brain and his presence left an aching imprint.

Maybe she could have a friend, a love, a family, a home.)

But all of that, the conflict, the self hatred, the resentment towards Kylo; as much as they were frustrating they still were nothing compared to what would come next.

Because for months the Last Jedi and the Supreme Leader pretended enmity was still an option for them. They chose mutual disregard as they moved on with their lives and plans to destroy the other's side.

But their Bond was more stubborn than the two of them together.

And two years was a very long time.