I knelt in front of the old armchair in the living room, while he sat in it. With his hand he stroked over my head lightly. My legs were folded underneath me as I carefully leaned my torso against his legs. My head rested gently on his lap. Feeling so secure right next to him, I got more and more tired, until my eyelids started to droop. I didn't wanted to get tired, I didn't wanted to fall asleep. Not at this moment. Not when my Master was about to leave me.

These were the moments I reveled in. These moments were the ones where I knew that he belonged only to me. They had become rare, and I had to cherish them whenever I could. Every touch, every word, every breath with him, was a wonderful gift. It was this calmness, a kind of contentment in me that only he could give me, which let me endure. It was worth it.

I had to push the thoughts of his upcoming departure to the back of my mind. But that moment would come too soon, and I could not let it cloud the memory of what was happening. The worst part always was when he left. I could not admit to myself, that this time, I was not sure, if I would be able to let him go.

Even though I had allowed him to come into my world, I knew it would never really be his. His career, his sons, his wife, all that was his World, a World with no place there for me. But here in my apartment , in my World he could let all that behind him. Often I thought about the things he was risking every time, to just sit there in the armchair with me. And even though everything in me threatened to break every time he left, were it these moment when he closed the door behind him which reminded me what I was for him. At the best a lover, at the worst just a rest from his world. But I did not care about it, I love him and would had endure ,even if he self would had shatter me.

"Lilly ..." he said, his voice soft and gentle. I turned my head, facing him, forcing my tired eyes to open a bit more. Then, he said, the words I feared the most. "You know I have to go soon, right? I can't stay here forever."

My heart felt like it was being squeezed and I could hear it pounding so loudly it was reverberating against my skull. I hesitantly nodded to his words and a small, sad smile appeared on my face. I knew where he had to go. He had to go on a holiday with his wife and I would not be able to see or hear from him in a long while. We sat in silence for a few moments, and I tried to suppress my emotions. How was I supposed to survive without him?

"I'll be heading out Tomorrow," he said, still moving his fingers through my hair.

I wanted to beg him to stay with me. "I ... I'll miss you," I managed to choke out. I wanted to explain to him, how broken I would be without him, but I knew it was to no avail. He moved his hand at my head down bringing to stroke softly my cheek. A shiver ran down my spine. My fingers clawed into the fabric of his pants as I tried to stay firm. I was trembling, but I hoped he would not notice it.

But he did. He always noticed everything about me. "Everything will be alright," he said, slipping his hand down to my neck, rubbing it softly. His voice caressed my mind and soothed me. "It's only a few days and then I will be back into your arms. A few days will fly by. Right?"

I wished that it could all be that simple. A few days was an eternity for my little heart, but I know that he was aware of that. I did my best to put a smile on my face, as I raised my view back at him again. I let out a deep, shaking exhale and nodded to his words, while the one word, the word he so often said to me came whispered over my lips, "Endure."

I gulped, trying hard to not let the emotion show on my face, but I failed. He could read my feelings almost telepathically. Delicately, he flipped his index finger against my nose and smiled.

"No sad faces," he said. "I've been thinking... thinking about how you'll be busy while I am gone. I've finally settled on an idea."

I raised an eyebrow, confused as to how he going to keep me busy without physically being near me. We would had not even be able to talk on the phone. All communication between us would had to be cut. But before I could say anything what I was thinking, he continued, obviously enjoying the look of bafflement that was on my face.

"You'll be in good company," he said.

"I'll put you in the care of...a friend." The way he paused before the last two words made my heart jump.

"A friend?" I stammered out, nervously.

"Exactly," he said, stroking with his hand still over my neck. "And I expect you to obey him just as well as me, do you understand that?"

My body buzzed with newfound adrenaline, forgetting my previous fatigue. I was shocked. I lifted up my head, my eyes widening and opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't form any words. How could he do this? A rage started to grow inside of me circling around me like a cyclone.

"Do you understand that?" he asked again, his voice laced with a strength that sent tingles down my arms.

"Yes, that...I promise." It was not the epic monologue that was just building up inside of me, but the only thing my lips could do without losing my composure. The small voice in the back of my mind kept whispering softly, "You love him and sworn him to obey."

Yet, I could not shake the sense that something was not quite right off. Something was out of place. He was watching me with a strangely calm expression. It seemed as if he was looking at me as if he was just waiting for me to burst. I closed my eyes for a moment struggling to regain my thoughts.

He continued. "Would you like to meet him?"

"Meet him?"

"Yes. I can go get him."

My mouth fell open, the many exclamation marks over my head became more and more small question marks. "So, he's already here? Is he waiting outside or something?"

He said nothing, a smirk still painted on his face. He silently and slowly got up from the chair and walking across to the hallway. I expected him to leave the apartment, but he didn't. He only rustled in the hall for a moment, then came back towards me. I raised my head as high I could, from my position at the bottom of the chair. Squinting I tried to make out what he was doing, bracing myself for someone to appear.

When he reappeared, he was still alone. However, something was in his hand. I thought it could be a cell phone and he was going to call the mysterious person. The whole situation made my stomach cramp and I fought hard to figure out this contradiction in me. The thought of having someone who could be like him for me seemed like an impossibility.

I was very close to a minor meltdown, and he could tell. He sat down again, taking my chin in his hand, carefully stroking it as if he could wipe away all my thoughts, all my worries and fears. He moved his other hand towards me and opened it, revealing what was in it. It was a strange little ball.

"So," he said. "This little thing here will represent and standing in for me for the days to come."

My mind was flooded with confusion as I shifted my glance back and forth from his face to the strange object. I extended out my hand and he let the ball roll off of his palm and onto my. It was much heavier than it looked and very cold to the touch. I turned and turned it around in my fingers until I spotted a small window on the bottom. The ball seemed to be filled with a liquid.

"Give it a shake," he said, his voice still calm. Shaking a representative of my Master sounded odd for me. But I did as I was told and lifted up the ball to shake it in a light circle, careful not to drop it.

Suddenly, a string of glowing words appeared in the window. Better not tell you now, the words said. I read them out loud still confused.

"What does this mean?" I asked, looking up with unsuspecting eyes.

He laughed. "Let me explain. Listen carefully. Over the next few days, whenever a choice pops into your head, you are not allowed to make the decision for yourself. You'll ask the ball, shake to get the answer, and then act accordingly. From the moment you make up to the moment you go to sleep. Every decision to be made by my replacement."

My confusion gave way into relief. I was relieved to find out that my replacement Master was a small ball and not another person, but I did not quite understand the concept. Surely, he didn't mean that this little instrument was going to encompass all of my decisions.

"But what if thoughts of mischief cross my mind?" I asked.

He nodded, the tips of his mouth curling up slightly as if he had just been waiting for this question. "There are rules," he said. "I want you back in one piece and in good mental and physical health. You can't do anything that would impair that, even if the ball tells you. No ordering a huge pizza with double cheese just because the ball will allow it. Are we clear?"

I nodded.

"And of course," he continued. "Don't even think about using this as a way to lift my bans." He pointed a finger directly at my face as he said this, and I nodded again as I stared at it.

I was still a little uncertain about everything. He took the ball out of my hand and held it up in front of his eyes.

"Let me give you a little example," he said. "Should I be heading home now?"

My breath caught in my through as he shook the ball, and showed me the result.

-Without a doubt-

"Well," he said, smiling lovingly. "We've discussed the rules. The ball has spoken and you can't go against its word." He put the ball to the side and began to rise, putting the ball back into my hands.

I looked at it again. I didn't wanted him to go and certainly not because this stupid ball said it, but I knew he was properly about to go anyway. It was really late and he still had a long way home. I also got up slowly from the ground and followed him over into the hallway until we stood in front of the door. He just stood there and stroked my hair a last time with a slow, deliberate calmness, before he leaned down to me. My fingers was shivering around the little ball he gave me and I was sure I could not stand there for long, before I would not be able anymore to hold my tears back. Carefully he wrapped his hands around mine and I could feel his warmth flowing over the backs of my hands. I took a deep breath and tried to raise my view up to his, but before I could do so I felt his lips on mine. One last, deep kiss was his gift for me. When we broke away I didn't know what to do or say.

"Remember what we've discussed," he said. "Don't forget my rules. The second I walk out this door, you know what you're supposed to do. I'll be back before you know it."

I nodded, feeling my throat getting dry with nerves.

He gave me another kiss on the forehead. "Goodbye little one," he said.

"Goo... Goodbye," I responded. And with that, he opened the door and stepped out. I heard his quiet steps go away until the door slammed shut and I was alone in my apartment again. For some Moments I kept standing there, hoping inside of me, that he would come back. But he did not and all what I could do was going back into the empty living room. I went back to the chair and sat down in it. Slowly I curled up in the chair, still holding the little ball between my fingers. Slowly i turned it over, starting to inspecting it. His words echoed in my mind. Every time i don't know what to do or when i have to make a decision which i don't dare to make by myself. I should use this little toy. I was sure that this was not like having my Master here. But at least, I thought, I would have a lot to tell him with this little ball, when he is back. So I asked it a question, and shook it.

"Should I go to bed and try to find some sleep?"

-Cannot predict now-

I raised an eyebrow. I had to follow the rules. I had to treat this answer as if it was coming from Master's own lips. I had to do exactly what it said.

That means no sleep for now. But i was sure even if the ball had allow it me, I would had not found any sleep. To many thoughts rushed through my little head at that Moment. "So, what was I to do now?"

I tried again. I raised the ball and shook it again.

"Should I read a book?"

-My sources say no-

I let out a small puff of annoyance. I needed to do something to distract my mind even if it would had been for a few moments. I had an exam the next day and my head was filled with thoughts about my Master.

"Should I masturbate?"

I asked half-jokingly, shaking the ball gently in my hand. It was a silly question, never would I dare to ask that my Master. I would die of embarrassment, tying to ask that kind of Question to him. But with the little ball it was somehow different. I did not thought about, what it would think about me if I ask it. Or if it would judge me for it. It was just a silly thought that popped up in my mind and without any fear, I spoke it out, to let the little ball decide it. Still underestimating what kind of impact it will have on me. So I looked at the answer.

-As I see it, yes-

My eyes widened, a little shocked. Now of all times, it said yes. But would I really do now what the little ball told me. Master told me that I was to do everything this ball said. As if it was him. As if I was following his demands. I felt unsure, but I didn't wanted to break right at the first day the rules. I saw it as first lesson, to be more careful what to ask the little ball.

Slowly I looked around in the room, trying to figure out the best thing to do. Then, I realized. The decision could be made also by the little ball.

"Should I do it on the bed?"

-Outlook not so good-

"Should I do it on the couch?"

-Yes-

I felt tingles run down my body. This was kind of having my Master here. All of my little decisions were not up to me. I gave the control up, to my replacement Master and it felt somehow exciting. I got myself onto the couch and sat my body back against the cushions.

While I sat down, a Moment of worry streaked me again and I hesitated. But there was something inside me that over came the worries and made me continue to follow the commands. And besides, I had started to get wet. I asked a silly question and now I was about to masturbate on behalf of a tiny toy on my couch. Thinking about all the things that could happen now let my mind wandered further. And soon only naughty thoughts dominated my mind, while I moved my hands across my chest...

...I collapsed in a heap onto the couch, with an empty mind. All the thoughts about my Master and what would happen in the next two weeks were gone. But I still did not felt sleepy at all. For a Moment I lifted my Head up from the couch, trying to think about what to do now. Whatever I wanted to do, I could now always ask my replacement Master first. I took in a deep breath, cradling the ball again, and asked it if I should take a shower.

-Ask again later-

"Well, can I at least watch some Television now?"

-Very doubtful-

Like my Master, the ball seems to love seeing me desperate, as if it was figuring out the best way to annoy me. Yet, I found myself enjoying it. Every time I shook the ball, I thought of him. I thought of how he would react if I asked him my little nothings. Would he then answer calmly? Or would he find his own way to end my silly questions, with a grin on his lips. It became a fun little game I played with myself, that evening.

I went through the apartment asking the little ball different questions. I let it chose when I should use the bathroom, and when I should take a drink of water. Then, the cravings hit. My stomach rumbled with hunger. I pulled open the fridge door. The first thing that stared at me was the rest of the cake that I had bought for my Masters visit today. A question rushed through my mind and before I could stop it, right to my lips. "Should I eat the whole cake?"

-Don't count on it-

"Don't count on it?" I whispered a bit irritated, it was the first time the little ball gave me a answer I did not understand. I picked up the ball again my lips pursed. I was aware, deep inside of me, that I should be doing everything the ball said, and if I wasn't happy with the outcome, I still had to follow what it said. But what if the answer is not clear, maybe can I then try it again? No, if anything I should do now, it would be searching for something else to eat. I stood for a while in front of the open fridge, staring at the cake. The eternal fight, craving versus prudence, which was playing out in my head, was not adding any help whatsoever. So i shook the ball furiously again, hoping the answer would say yes now, allowing me to eat the cake.

-My reply is no-

I grimaced. That was definitely not the answer I wanted, but I had to do as it said now. Cheating is never worth it and now the poor cake had to stay alone and lonely in the fridge, while I had the clear answer I wanted to have. Or rather did not want to have, but had earned. The little ball gave me the chance to decide for myself, but I did the only thing I should not have done. So, it did not bother me to go to bed without a piece of the cake.

"Punishment must be ..." I whispered softly, gently smiling as I closed my eyes and wrapped myself in my blanket.

The next morning, I missed my alarm. I woke up in a startle. I only had forty minutes to get to class. Quickly, I got myself together, throwing on clothes and a spot of makeup. Just before I left, I stuffed the ball in my jacket pocket.

I made it to the lecture hall with only a few seconds to spare, leaving me only a spot in the front to pick from. I slipped into the seat and took out my notebook, ready to write everything out. Yet, instead of focusing, I found myself dreaming in the middle of lecture. I pulled out the little ball, trying to stay inconspicuous, letting it swing back and forth between my fingers as my eyes wandered out towards the window.

The words of my professor moved farther and farther into the background and I thought of all sorts of things, all of them irrelevant to the upcoming exam. My whole life was changing and moving slowly, but inside I was holding the handbrake tight. Studies, future, family all subjects that wanted to go down on me, but could not reach me at that moment. Too much I was busy with him, in my other life, where all this did not matter and I just could let me fall.

"Excuse me? Are you paying attention?"

My lack of attention did not go unnoticed by my professor, and he was calling me out in front of the whole class. He was standing right in front of my desk, making me jump.

"Y-yes," I sputtered.

"What is that there in your hand?" He asked in a calm, almost amused tone as he looked down at the small ball on my lap where I tried to hide it with my hands.

"Oh—uh, this is my Mas—I mean my Magic 8 ball."

To my surprise, he laughed. "I hope you rely on your studies instead of that thing," he said, then moved on, continuing with his lecture.

I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment as I heard a few snickers behind me. It was so embarrassing to me that he drew everyone's attention to me. My cheeks glowed with shame for the rest of the hour, and I started to wish I could just disappear into the ground and stayed buried in my notes until break.

"Alright everyone, ten minutes," the professor said. "Then we start the rest of the lesson."

Usually I would stay in my spot and scroll on my phone during break, but this time I wanted to go out and get a breath after the ridicule that had just happened. I put on my jacket and went just outside the doors. I began to calm down a bit. I stood by the corner of the building and took out the small ball again. I said out my question and shook it gently.

"Will you help me at the exam?"

-Don't count on it-

I sighed deeply. "It was so clear, my replacement Master was happy to interfere everywhere, but here where I would need you, you just keep out of it." I said softly and quietly to myself. And there it was again, the smile that he so often already, had triggered in me. Just when I spoke to him, as if the ball were a real person. Otherwise, I could not speak so openly and freely with anyone, except my Master. Simply being able to say anything to him, kind of freed me inwardly and so I smiled each time anew. But I did not smile because I was embarrassed to have found myself speaking again with a small plastic toy, but because for a moment that sense of loneliness was gone in me.

Was that what my Master wanted to accomplish? This thought spun through my head. That for a brief moment of the day I just smiled and just forgot all my thoughts, just for the moment when I shook that little ball. I could bicker, get angry and upset, I could just let everything out with it. Because my replacement Master was not real and his answers were arbitrary, he made it possible for me to let go. Sharing my thought, my wishes and desires with him, just to shake him, then and read his mysterious answers. And that's where I found that smile that made me forget everything for a brief moment.

I asked again.

"Will you help me just a little at the exam? Pretty please?" I added the last part in hopes that it would somehow sweeten the response.

-Ask again later-

Sighing deeply, I put the little ball back in my jacket pocket. It was like this little ball was reveling in my frustration. I checked my watch, realizing that I only had a minute to get back to the lecture. I walked back slowly, still with a smile on my face. I knew my professor would be watching me as I came in, and his snarky attitude came right on cue. He looked like he was waiting for me, peering at me over his glasses.

"Welcome back," he said, his voice calm. "So, did you decided to rely on your mind instead of a small toy? Or even better yet—rely on your notes."

In my mind, I was not prepared to handle this question, but I kept my mouth in a firm smile, nodding as I walked past him, keeping a strong grip on my replacement Master in my pocket. "I'll be studying my behind off," I said as cheerfully as I could muster.

He nodded, then lifted up his hand to beckon me over. Confused I walked over to him. He turned his head briefly to me and said softly, only to me, "I am glad to see you finally smiling."

I didn't know what to say, so I gave him an awkward giggle and slinked back to my seat. The second half of the class was to be the exam. The professor gave us an extra fifteen minutes to go over our notes, then the exams were passed out. As soon as I got my paper, I flipped over the test and began to fill it out as quickly and best as I could for rest of the period. Did I get everything correct? Hard to tell with so many thoughts in my head. I was in the last group of students who turned it in. My eyes might have fooled me, but I thought I saw a smirk pass over his face as I did.

As soon as I got outside, I immediately took out the ball and shook it, trying to figure out what to do next. Go to the park? Go to a coffee shop? Both answers were a no.

I asked it another question and shook it.

"Still playing with that thing, huh?"

I looked up with a yelp and a jump. It was my professor.