fallout Tukma Summary:

the internal struggles and angst from season 4 finale and the fall out from the reveal, leave everyone full of confusion and angst

Kara has internalised Linda, Lena is breaking, the reveal causes a unexpected side effect, leaving everyone asking where is Kara.

Kara told no one what happened with red daughter, they all knew that she was gone and that Lex had killed her, but she told no one that she had somehow reabsorbed her and that she could feel her inside her mind. She had given Kara the extra strength she needed when fighting Lex and had given her life to save her. She was good, there was no need to fear her, she was scared and lost and had been manipulated, she didn't want to be free, she was happy and contented as a presence, a memory. She was an accident that shouldn't have happened and had been convinced to do things that were terrible, she had asked Lex to kill her and he did, sort of.

She didn't talk about how the moment that they became one again Kara could feel everything, the confusion of walking around, how she had all the kindest and loving attributes with none of the anger and none of the pain. The memories of the darkest parts of Kara had not existed, she was just kind and innocent and full of so much love. Kara learned about the boy that she saved and how much she loved him and protected him, how she loved Gatsby and found the romance beautiful. She learned how Lex had manipulated the two things that she had remembered Alex and Lena, pretending that he was Alex and that Lena was evil using them and the boy to cause the pain needed to make her hate.

She lived through the training, being poisoned, irradiated, blown up and altered, using Haronel, belittled and tortured, given little to eat and drink except for when Lex visited so that she would cling to him as a saviour, the hollow feeling of hunger that plagued her every day, being pushed to breaking until she lay broken on the floor. How it was always Lex that came in and rescued her, helped her only to be the one that was making everything happen and it had broken her, she had trusted him completely thinking he was Kara's, Alex but he was not, the only thing that he could not convince her of was that Lena was Evil, she loved Lena, it was the first time that Kara truly understood her feelings for her best friend and it was because red daughter had just felt it, there was no pressure no history no pain or fear just the truth the emotion. It had been a gift to Kara, clarity about how much she really did love Lena.

Lena had told no one about what she had done. There was a distortion and he fell to the floor, now Lena knew why he had her schematics for the portal taken by Eve. So sure of himself that Lena wasn't going to kill him, that she didn't have the stomach for it, that she still loved him enough to continue to try. That he mocked her, and suggested that she help him up and go with him. He couldn't have been more wrong, Lena thought to herself, "brother if all I ever give the world is freedom from you, I will have done more than I ever thought possible." Lena fire twice into his chest, and the look on his face of shock morphed into pride, he was proud of her for ending his life, proud of her for finally surpassing his limitations, his expectations and his belief in her.

The pride on his face confirmed by his words "you have finally lived up to my name, Lena you are finally a Luther, ruthless in the pursuit of what you want, what you desire, what you have deemed best for the world weather others agree or not." Lena stand's watching him, the life slowly draining from his eyes, and she realise she is not going to suffer this one, not like Adam, not like Jack this one meant nothing to her, Lena couldn't help but think that there is a element of irony, the person she loved most as a child, the person who was only surpassed by one other love in my life was dying by her hand and she didn't care. Maybe James was right and she really didn't know what love was.

Loss does strange things to a Luthor, Lena remember telling Kara this after she killed Jack, she was numb then but now she just felt relief. Right up until the sneer appeared on Lex's face, he couldn't leave this world finally giving me a small token of what he had always wanted, without destroying what was left. Lena watched the screens, there was no denying it, her face twisted and contorted in pain, her pain responsible for the faint smirk on the lips of Lex as she look down at his cold lifeless eyes. Lex's death had no effect the screens however; she felt every inch of that.

With the new understanding that came from absorbing red daughter Kara looked over the past few years and made some revelations about herself. The day they met Lena had mesmerised Kara with her eyes, Kara had lost herself in them and Lena's words finding her, the girl inside, who just wanted to be seen, wanted to be somebody, wanted to be someone in their own right, away from their super duties, from their perfect families, from their decayed and demolished world, Kara wanted to matter just because she was her. Lena gave Kara this and the feeling was intoxicating and her left wanting more, needing to see more, somehow Lena gave Kara permission in that moment to just be her.

It hadn't enough for Kara to just see Lena, she needed to be close to have more, Supergirl was always there to save her, always safe, always. She had found excuses to be with Lena, coming to her for help which Lena gladly gave, but more, asking for help gained time, not previously on offer. Kara had spent time with Lena in every form and she were able to be seen, and in turn Kara was able to see Lena, the wonderful, selfless amazing Lena, oh Kara wished she could have been like Lena and be truly selfless, Lena had proven time after time she would gladly put herself last for another.

Kara knew she could have told Lena, no one could really stop her but selfishly she let them, because she could be with Lena, as both, and be seen, and have twice the time, and be important to her in different ways. Lena had started to lean on Kara to, allowing her to offer something that you needed a chance, to be Lena, and be seen, however she was never just Lena to Kara, she were always more Kara knew that now, and so she had lied, to keep her safe or so Kara had said, but that's not the truth, it was selfish, and it was all Kara's doing, she had wanted to keep Lena, her Lena, have two reasons to drop in, two reasons to talk, more time.

Each time Lena was taken Kara lost her mind, recklessly flying into danger, putting everyone and everything at risk for you, everyone said she was foolish to be selfless, they didn't understand that when Lena was not there and she was not whole. The thought of you not being there took president in Kara's mind over and over, she couldn't leave Lena on the ship, she couldn't drop her in the sea, and she was always the one thing that Kara can't live without, but was too blind to see it was because she was completely in love with her best friend. Kara felt selfish as though she deserved the Pain that she was giving herself thinking like this. Her blindness to the truth, that she loved Lena had meant that she never told her, the truth never admitted how she felt and acted on emotion she didn't understand.

Now, after supergirl apologised, now you speak to supergirl again, and you forgave a untruth, you forgave the hurt, after Eve's betrayal and Lex's, after she had pleaded with her merely a week ago, that if it hadn't been for Kara she would be broken and that she could take no more. Kara knew she was in love with her and now she wanted to be with her. Kara feels that it is wrong, she knows that it is not the right time, now when Lena is at her lowest and needs Kara the most to be true, to be selfless, now, now that is when Kara has the most need to tell her, Kara, says that she owes it to Lena, talks to Jo'nn and says that she will take whatever is coming her way, but she knows that it isn't for Lena, Kara need's her, she is making the choice now to be selfish.

On the flight back Lena realised something, Lex had done something that she didn't think was possible, and he had done it as he lay dying, he had killed Lena, leaving just the Luthor in a perpetual state of agony, that would twist like a knife for as long as she lived. Lena was fundamentally linked with Kara Danvers, she loved Kara Danvers, was in love with her and had tried to do everything that she could to be near her and be good, be better in the hope that one day she could love her back, because above all else Kara Danvers gave her hope. Lena felt that she had done Lex a kindness, not only would he not rot in jail for ever but he was dead and it was all over with. With his last breath still taunting her and berating her, he played the video that killed Lena without allowing her the mercy of being dead.

Lena thinks about how she stood and looked at the screen as the video played on loop, looking down at Lex and his mocking smile and cold dead eyes and back at the screen that displayed Kara, catching bullets, firing lasers out of her eyes, a super suit. Both the screen and Lex mocking me over and over in a perpetual state of death, caught in limbo, Lena is alive and breathing but everything that was Lena was slowly dying, numbness replacing it, creating a half life of perpetual dread. The woman Lena loves, the woman that made Lena Strong and good, encouraged her and helped her be seen as something other than a Luthor, as a person in her own right, the person that she couldn't live without, was a liar had betrayed her, had made a fool of her, in front of her family, in front of her friends, no her friends, they were Kara's friends.

Every look, every smile, every time they spent any time together was a lie, there was nothing that was true. How could there be, Kara trusts me, but spies on me and gets others to do so too as super girl and isn't honest about who she is. The evidence is outweighed on the side of the lie, if there was any truth to the trust, there would be evidence to prove it. There was none, Alex had called, for Supergirl when it was needed but she didn't tell Lena the truth. She lied too, and Brainy, and Winn, and Nia, J'onn, James everyone, there is no one, Lex is right Kara's betrayal has left Lena with nothing.

Lena had given her complete unbridled access to herself and her companies. She felt like a fool, Lex was right his estimations were correct and he was right to show the truth. Lena didn't deserve the kindness from Lex that she had shown him. She would live this half life, pretend that all was normal it was what she deserved, to live as a unfeeling unloved, and unloving Luthor, to be empty, and devoid of any human contact, Lena knew that she would eventually learn to live with the knife that was twisting in her heart reminding her of what a fool she was and never to trust, never to love, never again. Lena never existed, and she was always just Miss Luthor. Miss Luthor was late for Games night, she would finish breaking tomorrow tonight the show must go on, and no one will ever know what a fool she had been she would keep her dignity.

Kara has spoken to Alex a little before Games night, she finally had her sister back and it felt wonderful, she was able to get some clarity, while waiting for Lena to arrive at J'onn's she was a little late and passed it off as being unable to choose between red or white. There was something off. So after games night Kara waited around to speak to Alex, its been a long time since Kara had her sister to really talk to, the mind wipe had made everything very difficult. she knew that Alex did this to protect her and that it was something that she really wanted to do for but it had been hard. Kara had never realised just how much she relied on Alex. Alex had been with Lena and they had grown close which ironically was also an issue for me. What if Alex and Lena had gotten close enough to get together, Kara knew she had distanced herself from Lena it started subconsciously but she had realised that it was to keep her safe, not from the government but from her selfish need.

Kara hung around because she wanted to make sure that Lena was doing ok, she wanted to talk to Alex about telling her one last time before she talked to her and come clean. Kara knew that it was the wrong time but somehow she felt that all the breaking in one go may be the best option but she needed to talk to Alex, first, she was feeling less sure and less confident about it, she needed to check this wasn't selfish entirely. Alex had been with Lena, she had decided to talk to Lena about working with Kara as Supergirl, they had both decided to believe in Kara even though they didn't know the truth. Lena had been pushing Kara away too and that was about the issues around Lex. Lena has accepted Supergirls apology and Kara accepted her apology about lying how could she not she was lying for 3 years. Alex she was the one who held the missing information, what has been happening with Lena while Kara was absent.

After finally realising that she was in love with Lena, Kara also wanted to talk to Alex about the relationship she had with Lena, after all if by some miracle there was a way that Lena could hear the truth, and forgive her then she would be able to finally admit that she was in love with her. If Alex and her had developed feelings for each other then Kara would need to keep the last bit to herself, after all she loved both Alex and Lena and if there was a chance that they could make each other happy then she would stay out of their way. After all she had been denying her feelings so long even Alex believed they were just friends. Alex did not, and when Kara finally got around to talking to her Alex simply said "well finally", and then while rubbing her hand around the back of her neck, asked "do you still have to pay up on a bet if you don't talk to the people anymore?"

Alex had laughed at the thought of anything being between her and Lena, she nodded to Kelly and wiggled her eyebrows a little. Kara leaned back and looked at Kelly who was clearly watching while pretending to be talking to Jo'nn. Alex supported Kara but also didn't think that it was a good idea to come clean just yet that Lena had been through a lot and that she was going to need some time. Kara agreed to let things settle a little and then to come clean a little time and perspective would help. "thanks Alex, I have missed having you to talk to, you have no idea just how much I depended on you, losing you was possible the hardest thing I have ever done, I only say possibly because you were still here and I think if I lost you it would be harder" Kara hugged Alex and left taking to the sky almost immediately after changing quickly in a alley.

Kara had told Alex that she was really worried about Lena and she wasn't lying, there was something very off, almost cold and detached under the bright smile and joking. If she hadn't known her so well and watched as the veneer covers her face she would have missed the signs that were there. A bubbling inferno waiting just under the surface. Kara had wanted to know how she had been in case something had happened that she didn't know about but Alex had not even noticed there was something so wrong. Alex had convinced her to leave it, and although Kara didn't mean to as such, it was a accident sort of, she was only flying in the general area when she heard the smash, and went hurtling towards LCorp to check on Lena. She landed on the balcony and saw Lena at the desk, the smashed picture on the top and the stone cold look on Lena's face. Kara maybe supergirl but that look on Lena's face is enough to terrify her, she steps back and contemplates just flying away, getting away from this situation.

Lena had been sat at her desk, she didn't really know why she had gone to LCorp, less memories she thought but that was not true. Supergirl saved her in the lobby, Kara rode up in the elevator, they ate on the couch, and she slammed her glass on the picture frame and heard the smash, the only photo in the office of her and the Danvers sisters. She sipped her drink again and continued mulling things over, how nowhere was free from the mocking signs of her foolish behaviour. Supergirl knowing that it isn't even a door would fly in through the balcony, and as she thought it, there she was, in the flesh to mock her more, to show her that she is indeed a subservient fool, hampered by emotion and tricked into what every others wanted, she was a joke. She looked over at the woman and sneered. Lena decided that she wouldn't stay wouldn't bare this wouldn't pretend to save face; she would speak her piece and leave.

Kara eyes wide watched as Lena stood and moved turning her chair to look at her. She was unwavering, there was no feeling no recognition no warmth emanating from her, there was no anger no veracity either, there was nothing, she was devoid of anything Kara could have been looking at a photo, but no, even a photo had more substance Lena was empty. "Lena, I am so s" Kara cut her word as Lena raised her hand, signalling the end, of what Kara was not sure, of the apology, the explanation, the friendship, the world it was dramatic and Kara knew that but it really did feel like that was a possibility.

Lena's voice was low calm; it was unnervingly smooth and somehow caustic, there was an edge to it that could have cut deeper than a knife and the most alarming thing was that it was cold, like freeze breath cold, it sent shivers down Kara's spine from the moment that she opened her mouth. "Good evening Kara, I thought that I had concluded the activities for this evening and I would not be seeing you, yet here you are. I want you to know I have no interest in hearing your apology, or your admirable reasoned arguments, your excuses or well, to be quite frank voice. You lied to me, manipulated me, had people who were supposed to care about me spy on me, and everyone who knows me, knows that I have been lied to because they were all part of it too. It will take a few months but I will be leaving National City, in this time there are new rules and expectations. You are no longer welcome in any of my buildings, you are no longer welcome to be anywhere that I am, you no longer have my permission to talk to, text reach out in anyway touch me, that includes heroics."

Every word cut through Kara like a knife, there was no screaming no real accusations just the facts, and it was all based on the lies she had told, Lena wasn't going to listen, she was going to leave, she was walking away, Kara realised in that moment that Lena was broken, she was numb this had been the final straw. Kara looked up and then the rules, Kara, would no longer be welcome, she was unable to go to work, she couldn't go to the hospitals, there were Luthor buildings everywhere, she had supported them all in one way or another to support Lena, she wouldn't be able to go. Then came the no contact rule not even saving her life, Kara could feel herself breaking apart, she had prepared for shouting and screaming, not this, not the could hearted dissection of all facets of Kara out of Lena's life, not being willing to die than have to be in her presence. She went to speak and was cut off. "to be clear, you are not to be here, you are never to come back, I don't want your protection, ever. I chose those words carefully you know why, there is no longer a need to keep a promise it has been rescinded as has our friendship."

Kara had listened again and with each punctuation at the end of a statement Kara felt her heart shattering. Piece by piece, she hadn't even registered that she had collapsed to her knees, her heart so strong so invulnerable, now like glass was broken all across the floor, each piece seemed to turn to sand and fall through her fingers, she was unable to hold it together. Once the words finished a scream ripped through the kryptonians body, so loud and with such force, Lena covered her ears and moved back. The windows shattered and the doors rattled. The sound was primal it was like her soul was ripping out of her body, Kara felt as though Rao and his light were literally being pulled out of her body and it was tearing her in two. The sound finished and the panting kryptonian was now on all fours at Lena's feet.

"if you have quite finished with your little temper tantrum I suggest you leave, I will send you the bill for the windows" Lena still remained stoic and unmoved although she couldn't deny that the sound she had just witnessed had sparked a little something inside her, the raw agonising scream had been chilling. Her head rose and she met emerald orbs looking at her, the confusion on her face evident Lena could do nothing but watch, with a raised brow waiting for her to leave. "Lena, I, what, why I here, I was not and now I am. I am not allowed to be with Lena, Lex say no, Kara be mad, must not, I don't understand" the confused and broken English in a Russian accent confused Lena at first and then she realised this was Red daughter, no sooner had the recognition hit had the woman before her fled, rising high into the sky, a corresponding boom that told Lena she could now be almost anywhere in the world.