"We don't even know what kind of dog it is," Doctor Jack Quade complained as he and his colleague, Nursing Unit Manager Gabrielle Jaeger, roamed the All Saints carpark looking for a patient's car, in which her dog was residing. His first day back after going completely off the rails and not only had his boss, ED Director Frank Campion put Gabrielle on babysitting duty (he was a registered physician and surgeon, he could look after patients on his own, thankyouverymuch) but now they were out looking for a dog.

"Dogs are like their owners, it will be some nervous Chihuahua," Gabrielle said irritably. She was no happier having to babysit Jack then he was to be babysat. Not only did she have her own department to run, but she didn't particularly trust Jack. He had a reputation for not only being promiscuous but discarding his conquests once he was done, something she knew first hand because only a few weeks ago he had humiliated one of the best temps she'd had into quitting. She didn't want someone like that running loose around her nursing staff.

That, and while Gabrielle had attempted to comfort her after Jack had humiliated her, Rachel had babbled a lot about what the experience had been like and as far as Gabrielle was concerned, she now knew far more about Jack's sexuality than she ever wanted to. She felt nervous being around him.

They found the car, and a massive, angry dog jumped at the window. Gabrielle shrieked and jumped back in fright - straight into Jack's arms. He had excellent reflexes and his arm shot around her waist to steady her. "That's your nervous Chihuahua?" he asked incredulously. He'd been almost as frightened as Gabrielle.

It took a few seconds for Gabrielle to get her breathing under control, and only then did she realize Jack's arm was still firmly around her waist. She pulled away, not wanting to admit, even to herself, that she'd felt a minor fission of chemistry when her back had been up against his chest. Not that she'd ever act on it. She was well aware that two of his conquests included her predecessors and she had no intention of being #3.

"You alright?" he asked amiably.

"Fine."

"You look flustered."

"Yeah well I don't really like big dogs jumping out at me," she said, not wanting to give the real reason.

"Or the ward's resident womanizer touching you," he added helpfully. She looked sheepish but he just smiled. "It's OK, I deserved that. I know what people are saying about me. If it's worth anything to you, one of the conditions of me coming back was that I was absolutely not allowed to make a pass at anyone in the ED. I assure you, you're safe. But if it makes you feel better, next time I'll let you fall."

He said this so amiably that she had to laugh. He really did seem to be trying, and he was more responsive to his patients then he had been in the past. But then, the guy was a surgeon and had a surgeon's mentality to medicine; cut them open, fix them up, sew them back up, hand them over to someone else for the human side of treatment.

The day passed, and at the end of it, he asked her how he'd done. He was looking for confirmation that he'd done OK on his first day back, she realized, and it was kind of sweet. "You started out kind of rocky," she admitted. "But you ended up doing OK." Secretly, she had liked the way he'd promised to be there for his patient when she woke up; that really was going to extra mile. She wondered if he'd done it to impress her.

"Hey, do you want to go grab a coffee or a drink or something?" he asked suddenly.

Whatever feelings of impressment she felt evaporated immediately and she glowered. He was only trying to get into her good books to get into her pants. "I can't believe you," she snapped. "One day back and you're already breaking your promise to Frank."

Jack blanched. "I wasn't asking you out!" he said indignantly. "Look, I feel really bad about screwing you over with Rachel and I've been hearing stuff about Steve all day. I'm a good listener if you want to talk, I know how hard it is to find people you can be on the same level with in your position. I just thought maybe you could do with someone to talk to. Look, forget I ever said anything, OK?"

She immediately felt guilty - and a little disappointed that Jack hadn't been asking her out. Not that she was in any position to start dating again. Not that he was, either. "I'm sorry," she said contritely. "It's been a rough couple of weeks. I don't really feel like going out but if you want to come over... it would be nice to have someone to talk to," she admitted. Jack was right, it could be difficult to find someone you were on the same level as when you were NUM. The doctors tended to look down on you or expect miracles from you, and the nurses were often very demanding and ungrateful and even when they weren't, you couldn't really socialize with your subordinates.

"I'll come around say, eight?" Jack asked. Gabrielle nodded and as he walked away, she found herself strangely looking forward to it. So long as he kept his hands to himself.

"I guess I really wanted it to work that I was blind to what was going on," she admitted. "He was always coming home drunk - he lost his license once - but... I guess I was lonely and I didn't want to have to face up to the fact he couldn't take responsibility for his actions."

"We've all done stupid things when we were lonely," Jack said ruefully, and she knew he was thinking about Rachel and Mercedes and God knew how many other women there had been in the last few months.

Impulsively, she reached out and touched his hand. "If it's worth anything to you, I thought Rachel was kind of dumb the way she just went to bed with you like that. I knew she had a crush on you and I tried to tell her you'd been under a cloud over something for a while but she didn't listen. You shouldn't have treated her the way you did but she shouldn't have given in so easily either."

Jack made a face. "I think you just made me feel worse. I just - I mean I only wanted no-strings sex and I shouldn't have gone to a colleague for that but if I'd known she actually had feelings for me I wouldn't have touched her. I hope you know that." Gabrielle nodded. For some reason, she did know. Jack could be reckless, but not callous. "I still think about Mercedes," he admitted. "I can't - I mean, I wish she'd just told me she was married."

"Wasn't your fault."

Jack shrugged. "I get that in my head. But... Jesus Christ, the woman had the crap beaten out of her because we slept together. That's not something you can really forget about."

Impulsively, she reached for his hand again and squeezed it. "I think it says a lot about you that you do feel bad," she said.

Jack felt oddly flustered, and he wasn't sure if it was because they were talking about something uncomfortable or how soft and warm her hand was. "But I'm blathering on about stuff which I brought upon myself and I came over so you could talk. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," she said.

"Liar. I remember when my ex girlfriend left, we'd broken up a while before but I was still completely gutted... and she didn't even leave under a cloud of alcoholic stupor. It sucks."

A flash of pain crossed over her face fleetingly. "I wonder if there's something I could have done to stop it," she admitted. "If I had been a better girlfriend, would that have been enough to make him stop drinking?"

"Gabby..." he'd never called her 'Gabby' before and neither of them noticed the slip. "You know addiction, you know there's nothing you can do to help them if they won't help themselves."

"I know," she admitted.

"But that doesn't stop you from thinking what you could have done?" he asked sympathetically, and she nodded. "If it means something to you, if I'd had someone like you in my life six months ago things would have been different."

"You're just being nice."

"I am not. I was going through something and I was really lonely, I would have loved to have had someone you cared about me the way you care about Steve. He really doesn't deserve you, you know."

"I still love him, Jack. I can't help it."

"The heart wants what the heart wants," he said ruefully, thinking about how much he'd invested in Terri Sullivan when he should have known she just didn't care about him that way. "How long were you guys together? The last time, I mean."

"A few days after he started working at the hospital."

He frowned. "Before Travis died?" he asked. She nodded. "Oh."

"What does that mean, oh?" she asked, feeling apprehensive.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing or you wouldn't have brought it up."

Jack looked pained. "Look, he's gone, it doesn't matter."

"It does to me. If you're trying to be a decent human being you should try being truthful," she said with a gnawing feeling that she wasn't going to like whatever Jack had to say.

"Look, the night Travis died, when I left with Rachel, I saw him with some woman and it looked like he was trying to chat her up. He, um, had his hand on her knee. I didn't think anything of it at the time 'cos I didn't realize you guys were together."

Gabrielle felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Steve, hitting on another woman? But he'd promised - she felt her throat catch and she struggled not to cry. "Gabby, I'm sorry." There it was again, calling her 'Gabby'. "I shouldn't have said anything." Poor girl. Bad enough to have her alcoholic boyfriend walk out on her, but to know he'd been playing around, or at least trying, was an awful blow. "I shouldn't have said anything."

It occurred to Gabrielle that Jack probably felt worse about it than Steve had. "I'm glad you told me," she said in a small voice. "He - he's cheated on me before. With my best friend."

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Come here." She needed a hug badly and he held out his arms to her. If it wasn't that she was so desperate for comfort she wouldn't have gone into his arms but she did, and started to cry against his chest as he held her with a comforting combination of gentleness and strength. Her arms went around his neck and she found there was something cleansing about being able to cry in a friend's arms.

"I don't know what I did," she said. "Was I not pretty enough? Did I not give him something he needed."

He kissed the top of her head without thinking about it. Poor girl. "You know there's usually not reason to cheat. I know, it's happened to me. People can just be selfish. You weren't any more responsible for Steve playing around than you were his drinking. He did it because he couldn't take responsibility for his actions. Here, look at me." She raised her head and met his eyes, finding comfort in them. "It wasn't your fault. God, if I were him I'd thank God I had someone like you in my life and I'd never jeopardize that for - for some woman in a bar."

She was suddenly aware of how good it felt to be in his arms, how special she felt from the way he looked at her, how damn attractive he was. "Jack..."

"I mean it. Don't beat yourself up over some asshole who's too self-absorbed to realize what he has in you. You'll find someone who's man enough to appreciate how special you are."

Her tears were forgotten and she felt her heart speeding up. "Jack," she whispered again and she raised herself slightly so she could meet his lips, wondering how he tasted and if he was as good at it as Rachel had said...

The banging on the door interrupted their reverie so thoroughly that Gabrielle jumped and fell off the couch with a squawk. She got up awkwardly and felt a deep sense of disappointment at being interrupted. But it was for the best, she told herself giddily as she went to the door. No way could she be kissing Jack Quade, of all people.

It was Steve. And he looked awful. She was so shocked to see him, especially in light of having Jack over, that it took her several moments to properly register. "Gabby, I want to give up drinking," he cried brokenly. "But I need your help."

Steve wasn't so out of it that he didn't register Jack coming up behind her and he threw the younger man a filthy look. Exactly how long had it taken him to move in on her? Predatory prick.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked Gabrielle quietly. He would quite happily call the police on the older doctor if that was what she wanted. Talk about awful timing. Well, maybe the timing was perfect actually. It could have been very awkward to have kissed her.

"Are you OK to drive?" she asked. Jack nodded. "Then go home. I'll take care of this."

"But -"

"Jack, go." She thought she could calm Steve down, but only on her own. He'd never respond to Jack being around.

Jack nodded slightly and had the childish urge to kiss her on the cheek, knowing it would send Steve into a tailspin. He was just like his father, Ned, treating his wife like crap but not being able to stand it when other men paid her attention. He said goodbye and left Gabrielle to deal with Steve.

When she didn't return to work for the next two days, he left a message on her machine but got no answer. She finally showed up the next day, looking like she'd been through the wars. "How's Steve?" he asked.

"Through the worst of it," she said. "It was awful."

"I can imagine." They got detoxing patients in all the time and it was never pleasant. "DTs?" she nodded. "Where is he now?"

"At home. He's agreed to join AA and all of that. He wants me back," she added.

"I hope you told him where he could stick it."

She blushed a little, thinking about their almost-kiss. Was Jack being protective as a friend... or jealous? "Not in those exact words but no, I'm not getting back with him. Even if he's sincere about wanting to change, and I believe he is, he's an addict and he has a long road to recovery before he's fit to be in a relationship."

Jack sipped his coffee ruefully. "Amen to that." He was glad now that they hadn't kissed. He himself wasn't fit to be in a relationship and that meant no going around kissing colleagues and creating awkward situations. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine."

"You are not. You've got bags under your eyes that would make a panda jealous."

"You have a way with words, Jack, you know that," Gabrielle said irritably.

"I'm going to let that one go 'cos I know you must be exhausted. I just meant - look, it can't be easy for you, having to support Steve like this. So if you ever feel like a little support yourself - even just an hour or two off to see a movie or have a coffee, you can come to me. "

She smiled wearily. "That's sweet, Jack."

"We're mates, aren't we? And I don't want to see you worn out having to take care of him. Plus, I like your company." he noticed she was constantly rotating her shoulder. "Anything wrong?" he asked.

"Just my neck and back... haven't been sleeping well lately." Not when Steve needed someone to hold him through the DTs and he had a good twenty kilos on her.

He stood up. "D'you mind?" he asked. She shook her head. She liked that he'd sought her permission to touch her, even though for most, that line would have well and truly been crossed when she'd cried in his arms. She cried out when he dug his fingers into the back of her neck. "Sorry, but you're really tense," he said. "Tell me if you need me to go easier."

She gritted her teeth and stood the pain until it began to ease up and she actually felt better. "You're good at this," she said.

"I'm better when I can do it properly, with you lying down with your shirt off, but I don't think we're quite at that stage of personal boundaries and besides, it's not something I'd care to explain to either Steve or Dan."

"If you don't mind me asking, how do you two get along so well? I mean, he's such a gossip and you're so -" she groped in her mind for the right word.

"Secretive?" he offered. He couldn't see her face, but knew she was looking sheepish."We had a few teething problems but he gets that I need my personal space to be respected. That, and I have a massive homophobic streak and I got so angry the one time he went into my room that he never did it again."

"I can't see you as being homophobic," Gabrielle commented, and Jack realized he'd said too much.

"I don't know where I got it from," he lied. "But I've always had it." There was something in his voice that told Gabrielle to drop it. They chatted for a while longer until Zoe walked in and Jack stepped away, feeling a little embarrassed, and he didn't know why. It wasn't like he was doing anything, he was just rubbing a mate's shoulders.

"If Frank thinks anything's going on - " Zoe warned him later that day when she had a moment to speak to him alone.

"Nothing's going on," Jack said, telling himself that an almost-kiss when they'd both had a bit too much to drink didn't count. "And if anything was, I'm sure you'd be right there to tell me all about how sexual abuse victims need time to heal and blah blah blah."

"Don't get pissy with me, Jack. You know perfectly well Frank needed to tell me so you don't go trying to 'help' everytime we get a pedophile or rapist or sexual abuse victim in. Don't look at me like that, you'd do it. I can't believe you pulled that stunt with Patrick Wesley."

Jack glowered. Intellectually, he knew Zoe was right. He didn't like having to admit that his judgment was clouded when it came to sexual predators and their victims and that if Zoe didn't know, he would quite happily have gone over Frank's head and treated any of them. "Well, there's nothing going on between us," he said, anxious to get the conversation off Patrick Wesley. "I just think she could do with a friend and I feel awful over Rachel leaving."

"Paying back karma, are we?" Zoe said. At least Jack felt bad about it. "Why don't you try getting her to come back? She was one of the few temps we had who could get along with Frank long enough to know he isn't the ogre he pretends to be. She was so infatuated with you, I'm sure a sincere apology would go a long way."

"What, you want me to seduce her into coming back?" Jack asked sarcastically. He frowned. "Did everyone but me know Rachel had a crush on me?"

"Pretty much."

"And no-one told me... why?"

"We all thought you had a bit more class than that. Look, Jack, just talk to her. How hard can it be?"

Harder than Jack cared to admit. He really hadn't liked the look of absolute disgust she'd given him when she'd found out about Mercedes. Not that it had been any of her business. Well... he could kind of understand if he'd had such a crush on him. He'd taken a lot of things about Terri and Mitch very personally even though she'd never promised him anything. God, he'd been in love with her and never been able to shake the feeling that she was using him to have fun.

He frowned. He wondered if Rachel had felt anything like how he'd felt with Terri sometimes. That feeling that no matter how in love with someone you were, you were never going to be anything but a lay and maybe a friend to them. And at least Terri had respected him enough to talk to him the next day.

Reluctantly, he sought her out. She still temped at All Saints, mostly in Oncology. It vaguely amused him that she was working for an ex of his, Jillian Henderson. Their split had been fraught with animosity and the reason it had never been public knowledge was because Jillian was too embarrassed to admit to being dumped by him.

Rachel looked up to see him waiting for her and immediately turned in the other direction. He hadn't tried to contact her since she'd quit - well, she hadn't quit exactly, you couldn't quit when you were a temp - and since she had nothing to do with any of the ED staff, she hadn't known Jack had quit and come back under a whole lot of conditions from Frank. "Rachel, wait. Look, will you stop running away from me. I just wanted to apologize... and ask if maybe you'd reconsider coming back. Gabrielle could really do with you. She said you were the best temp you had."

She was surprised to hear an apology from him so many weeks later, surprised enough that she stopped long enough for Jack to catch up. She crossed her arms over her chest and did her best glare. "What makes you think I'd ever want to work with you again? I don't trust you, Jack."

He blanched when she said that. Good. It was nice to know he felt bad. Prick. But despite herself, she couldn't help remember that he had felt bad about Mercedes. "If you want I'll sort something out with Zoe and Gabrielle so you don't have to work with me. I've been angling to switch to nights anyway."

That surprised her almost as much as the implication he'd resigned his surgical post to work fulltime as an ED physician. No-one liked working nights. "Why?" she blurted out.

For a second the mask he carefully cultivated to hide just how damaged his soul was right now slipped away and she knew him better in that second than she had in the hours she had spent in his bed. "You really need to know my dad to understand but my personality is predisposed to using booze and women as a coping mechanism." And his dad had long stopped using them as a coping mechanism and slid into what was, at best, addictive behavior and what was more likely flat-out addiction. And that frightened Jack more than he cared to admit. "Working nights makes it easier for me to avoid temptation. Plus, I want the next ED fellowship that comes up and it means I'll be running the shift which will look good."

Rachel frowned. "You shouldn't need to go to those lengths to avoid temptation. You should be able to do it." But there was no anger in his voice. He really was trying and being a nurse, she knew better than most how destructive personality traits could flow through the generations. It was - well, almost honorable that he was aware of that and trying to correct it.

"Yeah, I know that. Look, it's only been a few weeks, I think I'm doing pretty well here and Gabrielle's got a lot on her plate at the moment and she could really do with someone who knew her job as well as you do."

Rachel couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy that he cared so much about making things easier for Gabrielle. She wondered if he had a thing for her, then decided it was a moot point, because Gabrielle had too much integrity to get involved with him. And she had been the best boss she'd had. And the ED staff were the most fun to work with, despite Frank pretending to be an ogre. Before things had blown up between her and Jack, Rachel had secretly been hoping a full-time position might come up in the ED. "OK," she agreed after a long pause. Then she added, "But only if I don't have to work with you."[L6]

He nodded. Honestly, he found himself a little uncomfortable around her so acquiescing that request wouldn't be too hard. Plus, Zoe would be over the moon to have someone to fill the dreaded night position. He turned to go, then a mixture of curiosity and guilt got the better of him and he asked, "Look, why didn't you tell me how you felt about me? I thought you just wanted no-strings sex. I wouldn't have touched you if I'd known you wanted anything more." He'd done his research and it turned out pretty much everyone he worked with had known she had feelings for him but, as Zoe had said, they all expected Jack to have a bit more class that to do anything. Knowing everyone thought of that made him feel incredibly low. He hadn't done it deliberately, hadn't seduced her or promised her anything, but still -

"You didn't treat me with much respect even if that had been all you wanted," she said softly, remembering the way he actually seemed peeved at her because she'd gotten his number, or the way he'd been rude, almost hostile towards her working on the chainsaw patient.

"I know and I'm sorry. If it's worth anything, Frank gave me this whole list of conditions that my taking up a post in the ED depended on, and they include counseling and that I absolutely was not to pursue any of his staff." He laughed ruefully. "I had to sign something to that effect and Gabrielle was really peeved when I showed it to her, she couldn't work out if Frank had insulted her by not including her staff in it or insulted her by figuring that his staff meant everyone who worked in the ED."

Rachel couldn't help but smile at that. It sounded like Gabrielle. Most likely Frank's oversight meant the latter, and Gabrielle was always on her case about the nurses being her staff, not his. She wondered just how much being in the ED meant to Jack that he was willing to agree to all that. She doubted Frank's little contract held any legal weight - you couldn't exactly legally bind someone out of having consensual sex with an adult - but it must have meant something to Jack that he went along with it.

When Jack turned to go, she watched him. She couldn't deny he was an incredibly attractive man and up until the morning after where he'd treated her so horribly, he'd treated her with respect and consideration. She'd been pleased when he'd sought her out to tell her he wasn't the typical arrogant surgeon when he'd shot his mouth off about a woman who's cosmetic surgery had terrible consequences. She wondered how much of that had been sincere.

She knew now it had been stupid for her to go to bed with Jack when he was so distraught with grief. She knew, and knew she should have known at the time, that the death of someone close to you didn't exactly make for clear thinking. But then, that was part of why she'd gone with him so willingly. She had wanted to be there for him. She had wanted to show him what he could have in her - someone sweet, loyal, intelligent...

Instead it had ended with his ignoring her the next day, and then the humiliating realization the following week that she had just been another conquest, more important than Mercedes.

She wondered if it really was just a blip in his behavior. He seemed sincere about wanting to change and avoid his father's mistakes. God, his father must have been quite a piece of work. It wasn't exactly difficult to ignore the scars on his back, although he'd shut her up with a kiss when she'd tried to bring it up. You didn't get those kind of scars from someone who believed the occasional belting was OK. You got them from someone who liked to draw blood, and often.

"I thought you couldn't work here anymore," Gabrielle said three days later when, to her pleasant surprise, she saw Rachel.

"I told you I didn't trust Jack and I can't work with someone I don't trust," she corrected Gabrielle. "He spoke to me about coming back and how much it would make your life easier. He seemed like he was genuinely sorry and besides, he's working nights now so I'm not going to see him. And besides, this was my favorite place to work."

"That was... very sweet of him," Gabrielle said, taken aback from Jack's gesture. He certainly hadn't had to do it. "It's good to have you back."

Just then, Charlotte came breezing in, actually on time - a few minutes early - for once. She constantly battled to be on time with the demands of being a single mother. Zoe cut her as much slack as she could, but a tardy doctor wasn't much of an asset to her. "You look like a massive weight just came off your shoulders," Gabrielle said.

"Since Jack took over the night shift, he takes care of Zach during the day. Pretty much insisted on it actually, said Zach needs a father-figure in his life since Spence left. He's so sweet like that and it makes things so much easier on me."

Rachel listened, dumbfounded. That was two colleagues in a matter of minutes calling Jack 'sweet'. She had never known him to be sweet. A talented surgeon, good lay, even, according to Ricki, a good friend - but he didn't seem like the sweet type. "You ever worry -?" Gabrielle started to say.

"That he has transference issues?" Charlotte offered. Gabrielle nodded, feeling a little guilty that her curiosity was so obvious. "No. I know very few people believe us but he's not replacing his feelings for our daughter by offering to take care of Zach. It tends to gross people out when I say this but he really is like a little brother to me and I think he sees himself as a pseudo-uncle by extension."

"I'm sorry, did you just say you and Jack have a daughter?" Rachel asked, mouth agape at the news.

"Had," Charlotte corrected. "Just some one-night thing when we'd both been dumped - I'm surprised you didn't know, it remains one of the best pieces of scandal to happen in the last five years or so. I miscarried."

"I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago. You never really get over it but it gets easier with time, and we've had plenty of that."

Zoe came out of her office, surprised to see Charlotte there on time - and not looking exhausted and worried like she usually did. Charlotte explained about Jack's generous babysitting offer. "I can't believe he talked Bart into doing it with him," she laughed. "I think he just wants to be Frank so he can have someone junior to boss around."

"No, it's actually a really good idea," Zoe said. "Neither of them are going to get that kind of experience at day shifts 'cos everyone wants them. This way Jack gets experience running the ward and Bart gets experience being second in charge - and he has interns to boss around. And Jack won't coddle Bart the way Frank does."

"So... I get Rachel back, Jack and Bart get experience that wouldn't otherwise get, you and Frank don't have nightmares trying to get the graveyard shift filled and Charlotte gets a baby-sitter," Gabrielle said. Zoe nodded. It was one of those ideal situations where everyone came out a winner. "Am I the only one who feels stupid that it took our two most junior doctors to come up with it?"

"Kind of," Zoe admitted. "But I think it will be good for them both. Jack especially. He's been a completely different man since he got back. I don't know what happened but I'm glad it did."

Gabrielle silently agreed.