Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my love for Rent (and Adam Pascal who was Roger in the original cast). It all belongs to Jonathan Larson, whom I wish I had the chance to meet, but I will one day and I will be in my bliss. At the risk of sounding terribly clichéd: No day but today!

*

"Mimi!" Roger cried as Mimi went limp as he finished his song, the one song glory that he had spent time working on.

They all looked at Roger, who had tears streaming down his face. He let go of her hand and took off out of the loft.

"Good Lord. Both Angel and Mimi within six months," Collins' deep baritone voice commented, rather shakily.

Mark nodded. "I know."

Maureen sobbed and Joanne hugged her tight. "It's okay, baby."

Mark sighed. "I'm gonna go find Roger."

"Okay, but Mark?" Collins started.

"Yeah?"

Collins gently pried the video camera from Mark's fingers. "No filming this one, all right?"

Mark nodded. "Okay."

Mark left the loft and entered the harsh December weather. He tightened his coat around him and looked around the streets. He didn't see Roger anywhere. He began walking down the street, looking for his best friend.

It didn't take a genius to figure it out, Collins knew all along, that's why he didn't want Mark to take the camera. This wasn't a time to videotape people at their worst and despite the fact that Mark loved Roger, he would've taken his camera.

Mark realized that he loved Roger, probably whenever Roger told him that he was falling in love with Mimi, or earlier, perhaps when he told him about the entrancing stranger from downstairs asking him to light her candle, pleading him to take her out that night. That was just a year ago, and it felt like they came so far. They did.

And now Mimi was gone and it was as though they stalled. Frozen, at eleven p.m. He couldn't help it. Now he didn't know what to do, he was just worried about what Roger would do, especially since he lost April earlier and Angel, who was a good friend.

Mark turned up into the park and found Roger sitting there, on a bench, next to his old dealer, and Roger was pulling out a wad of money. Mark waited until The Man, as he liked to be called, stood up and walked away before he walked over to Roger, who was already rolling a joint.

Roger looked up. "Not trying to get this for your precious film?"

"No, this isn't like everything else. Are you okay?"

Roger laughed as he inhaled deeply, lips to his joint. "Do I look okay, Mark? I mean, honestly! When was the last time I had a fucking joint?"

Mark hesitated, in an attempt to remember. "When April died."

Roger nodded. "Uh-huh, but, damn, it feels so good right now, I wonder why the hell I ever stopped."

"Roger, you don't want to be doing this."

"Don't tell me what I want to do, Mark. You don't get it."

"Well, maybe I would, if you explained it to me!"

"It's all my fault, Mark!"

"What is?"

"Mimi's death!"

Aha. The key, he thought that he was responsible for Mimi's premature death. Mark sighed. "No it's not, Roger."

"Yes, it is. I mean, would she have died if I had left for Santa Fe? If I had had more faith in her, trusted her, would she have died, Mark?"

"She had AIDS, Roger!"

"Yeah, so do I! Does that mean I'm supposed to die now?"

"Roger . . ."

"No, Mark. I have AIDS, Angel had AIDS, Mimi had AIDS, we're all going to die too early, why don't I just speed up the process?"

"Roger, don't do it!"

Roger pulled a razor out of his pocket. Déjà vu. Exactly how April died nineteen months ago. "Why not, Mark? I have nothing left to live for."

"Yes you do, there's me, there's Collins, Maureen, and Joanne."

"You guys don't care."

Mark snatched the razor out of Roger's fingertips. "If we didn't care, would I be out here on Christmas Eve after you?"

"Mark . . ."

"Answer me, Roger! Would I?"

Roger sighed and slumped back. "You're right."

Mark nodded. "Yes, I am. C'mon, let's get back to the loft. Everyone's worried sick."

"What was it about that night?" Roger asked, referring to last Christmas Eve.

"That connected us all together?"

"Yeah."

Mark began patting Roger's back. "I don't know, but if I ever find out, I'll be sure that you're the first to know."

Roger moved a little closer to Mark, causing Mark to put his arm around him. Not something Mark hated, to say the least. Roger was still smoking his joint. They could work on breaking him of that habit again later, as long as he's no longer suicidal, for the moment.

They would just have to take everything one day at a time. Mark was just happy to be there for Roger today.

*

A/N: Hmm. I like this. I think it has potential. BUT, it doesn't matter what I think, it matters what YOU, the reader, thinks. Should I continue? (I probably will.) Or should it be a short story? (It probably won't be.) Let me know what you think! R/R! –wanders off singing to the 2 disc CD of Rent-