My Dearest Kurt, December 5

What did you do today? Anything exciting or interesting happen? Is it warm where you live? I bet it is, I know how you despise cold weather. Have you travelled to Europe yet? I believe that was where you always wanted to go. I recall you said something about it being a"fashion capital?"Anyway, we all miss you here in Seattle, school is not the same without you and your energetic spirit. I think Jeff particularly misses his partner in crime. I still remember all of the crazy adventures and ideas you two had.

Oh! That reminds me, you will never believe what Jeff did today! He skipped vampire history and snuck off to the science labs (I assure you not for scientific purposes) and he conjured up a skin coloring potion which he discreetly hid in Wes's food during lunch! The entire day Wes was infuriated as his skin changed colors from pink to blue, you would have loved it! It was the funniest thing that happened in ages. Not to mention, it was the first day of second semester and the new students certainly warmed up to the school quickly! Although, Jeff is currently sitting in detention monitored by Wes, which must not be an enjoyable experience.

Other than that, my day was not so interesting, as are most. I taught the healing and strength courses as always and I believe that students are growing bored with my constantly repetitive lesson plans. What can I say, new borns are always so hard to please when all they want to do is feed. Perhaps you can give me some ideas? You always managed to capture the attention of people. But, I remember it took months to even negotiate the possibility of you attending a vampire school, but I think being your teacher might have been what persuaded you. It ended up to be quite fun, right?

So my love, what have you been up to? I can only hope you are doing something great somewhere you love. Are you happy? I truly hope you are. Perhaps you are on singing and dancing Broadway or designing fashion in Paris. I can't wait to hear all about it! I know I always ask these questions, but I am curious about your life, no matter how trivial the information may seem to you. It is Winter here in Seattle and snow has covered the streets. Depending on the weather, we might have a snow day in a few weeks and you know how crazy those can get. I long for the return of Spring and fresh air, but I think I am the only one. Perhaps you would like to visit when the temperature warms up? We could go to the beautiful meadow a few miles down the stream and apple pick?

I know I say this all too often, but the days are lonely without you. My heart yearns for your return. I will wait forever if that meant I got to see and hold you again. I can still remember every small, perfect detail about you. The way your eyes lit ip at the smallest things, or how your smile crinkled your eyes in the most adorable way. It has been over four hundred years, but I assure you, I would not be mad in the least if you returned home. What ever made you leave is not important anymore, I promise I can make you happy. I just want to hear your voice. Please come home my love, I am always waiting.

Yours,

Blaine

Ps. In case you might have forgotten, today is our anniversary. Where ever you are, I hope that you think of me once in a while and when you do, I hope they are positive and happy thoughts. It is getting late and I am dreadfully exhausted, so until I write you next, Happy Anniversary, my love.

Blaine sighed and set his pen down after a half hour of non-stop writing. Carefully, he folded the letter in one of his nicest envelopes. His hazel eyes shining with unshed tears and skimming the writing for any mistakes or words left unsaid.

Slowly standing up from the antique wooden desk and blowing out the flickering candle he used for writing, Blaine walked over to his dresser with the letter grasped loosely in his hands. As he approached the cabinet, he slowly glanced up at the grand mirror dangling on the wall and closely examined his distressed and worn out face.

To most, he looked the same as when he was turned at the age of 23. Devastatingly handsome, broad shoulders, unruly black hair tamed down with an overload of gel, and piercing hazel eyes. But, Blaine felt the differences. No longer did he feel the pleasures in life, the simplest things could make him angry or sad. The sight of a couple made his insides turn in disgust. And, he was constantly tired. Exhausted even. No matter how much sleep he had the night before.

For example, He used to love teaching. In fact, it was his passion in life. Blaine used to be able to entertain his students with his intriguing class discussions and fun games. But now, he was bored during his own lessons and it was blatant that the students felt the same. Every time the bell rung, the new borns were gone in a flash Truthfully, It was understandable, he had taught the same things for hundreds of years and as a new vampire, he would have done the same thing.

But why hadn't he moved on? Why couldn't he let go of the pain and longing he felt? What kind of torture was this? Who could inflict such sorrow on him? Blaine stared blankly at his reflection and wondered what happened to his dreams. He used to have so many, but now he was lost, just merely floating. Why?

Kurt. The very name sent shivers down his spine.

Vampires mated for life. They would never be truly happy with another if they were to ever be separated from their mate. If ones mate was killed, often times they killed themselves. Mates form a connection and bond, if one dies, the connection is severed and you feel as though your soul has been ripped from your chest. However, this sort of occurrence is one you could only read about in books because it is so rare.

So why could Blaine still feel Kurt's soul blazing? Because Kurt wasn't dead. He was very much alive. Blaine could feel it. And that made the pain so much worse. It was also the only thing stopping him from jumping off the bridge two miles down into the freezing water. The small sliver of hope that his love would one day change his mind and be waiting at his doorstep with bags in hand, apologies and I love you's spilling from his lips. It was something Blaine frequently fantasized about. He would immediately welcome Kurt home, kiss and worship every inch of his stunning body.

But as time passed by, Blaine grew more and more doubtful that his mate would return. He spent 175 years searching, until he gave up hope and accepted that Kurt just did not want to be found. The others searched for 10 years along his side, but gave up rather quickly. It was like Kurt had dropped off the face of the Earth.

Even when Blaine resigned from his search, he would make sure Kurt was safe with the connection. The others tried to persuade him to let go. That it was only causing him more pain, but he would hear none of it. Did they really think he would accept defeat and try again? Of course not.

However, turning off a connection between mates was as easy as turning the lights on. Blaine held onto the connection as it was the only reminder he had that Kurt had even existed, while Kurt blocked his out. In a way, it was like a divorce. But, this is such a rare occurrence that it was left unspoken among vampires if it were to happen. If Kurt's name was even spoken, there would be serious punishments. It was considered to be beyond disrespectful. Because, Blaine was not the only person who lost a loved one, everybody knew and loved Kurt. Together, they mourned his disappearance.

It had came as a shock. Vampires and humans always commented on how happy they looked together. And it was true, they were the happiest couple there was. Nobody suspected that deep down, Kurt had hidden a secret that would make him drop his entire life and leave without so much as a note or explanation.

Blaine came home one Thursday night, with groceries in hand, prepared to celebrate their 60th anniversary together and have a special night with his husband. He never thought that he would come home to find every single belonging of Kurt's gone, as if he was never there.


"Kurt!" Blaine yelled, enthusiasm evident in his voice, with A wide grin stretched across his face. Closing the house door with a slam, he clutched plastic bags filled with all sorts of ingredients to make Kurt's favorite dinner: Shrimp Paella. It was a special occasion after all. Sixty years were nothing in vampire years, but for humans it was close to a lifetime. And he had every intention of celebrating. Blaine tip-toed into the kitchen and peered down both of the vacant hallways.

After making sure Kurt wasn't nearby, Blaine pulled a small red velvet box from his jacket. Inside, was a pendant with Blaine's name engraved in small gold letters. It was a gift from his grandfather who told him to one day give it to his mate. He finally saved up enough money to get it mended it the way Kurt would like it. It was very elegant and dangled on a gold chain that was the finest of materials.

He smiled softly and ran his calloused fingers across the golden necklace. Blaine had never felt more complete and happy than he felt right now. He and Kurt had been together for sixty wonderful years and Blaine had spent every second making Kurt feel wanted and loved. Now, all he wanted to do was find his beautiful husband and make love to him all night.

"Kurt!" He called excitedly and swiftly moving towards their bedroom where the door was only a crack open. "Happy Anniversary!" Blaine yelled swinging open the door with a smile that could have split his face in two. He was swinging back and forth on his heels like a child before Christmas.

However, the bedroom was suspiciously empty. Not just without his beloveds presence, but all photographs and Kurt's belongings were missing.

The smile slid off his face and he furrowed his brows. Something was not right. "Kurt?" He questioned with a demanding voice and the red box slid from his firm hold.

No response.

"Kurt! This is not funny." Blaine yelled, his tone harsh and serious as he walked across the room in a few swift steps. He ripped open the closet doors with all his force, pulled them from the walls and hit the ground with a loud thump.

All his clothing was gone. Blaine's hazel eyes shaded to a gleaming red as his vampire instincts took over at the thought that his mate could be somewhere unprotected and alone.

His mind was frantic, thousands of thoughts and possibilities crossed through him. He hadn't even noticed the tears that were streaming down his face.

The only thing that kept him from breaking was the connection that he could still feel Kurt was alive.

Breathing in and out, he phoned all his friends and Kurt's family as he desperately searched the house for anything left of Kurt. As a result, the rooms were left looking like a tornado had come through, all items strewn across the floor and holes in the walls.

"Kurt." Blaine whispered brokenly when silence was his answer. Where had he gone?

Suddenly, his knees gave out and he collapsed to the floor in sudden pain.

It felt as if someone was tearing him apart from the inside. He shrieked in agony and cried brokenly. "Kurt!" He writhed on the ground and clutched his hand to his heart. The pain only exceeded and burned through his body. "K-K" Blaine clawed at the ground and tore through the carpet.

The burning elevated and all words died in his throat as his body shook violently. He thrashed his feet and cried out for someone...anyone to ease the agony. The pain was unlike anything he had experienced in all his years of living. It felt like someone was shredding his skin and holding a flame to his body.

It abruptly stopped. His breath was short and loud and he tried to calm his panting. But, something had changed. He felt empty, like the life had been sucked out of him.

The connection. Blaine's eyes widened in realization and he slowly brought a trembling hand to his chest. "no, no, no." He chanted and shook his head violently. Kurt shut off his side of the connection, which meant he could no longer feel Blaine.

His breathing stopped as tears pooled down his face and breath caught quickly. Blaine brought his knees to his chest and rocked on the floor, screaming as loudly as he could.

He screamed.

And Screamed.

Until his voice could no longer work and his throat ached from usage.

Laying brokenly on his hallway carpet, Blaine reached for the red velvet box and popped the lid open.

He grabbed the necklace and eyed it with revolt. Two seconds later, it collided with the wall and shattered to pieces before his eyes.

"Where have you gone? What did I do to make you not want me?"


Knock! Knock! Knock!

Blaine cleared his throat and wiped off the tears that were threatening to spill over from the memory. "C-Come in." He stammered with a falsely cheerful voice.

Slowly, Jeff entered with his eyes downcast and blond hair covering half of his face. "Hello, Blaine." He said with caution as if trying to approach a wild animal. He fiddled with his fingers before raising his eyes to meet Blaine's expectant ones.

"Yes?" Blaine asked with a hint of annoyance. He really wanted to be left alone right now, today of all days.

"I just wanted to make sure you are alright." The vampire attempted a smile, but Blaine did not reciprocate.

Blaine scoffed at the words, but gestured for Jeff to continue whatever it was that he came here for. He really hated having visitors.

"As I was saying, I know that today is hard on you-"

The words were such a euphemism for what he was feeling that all blood rushed to his head and he released a growl.

"Alright? Hard? You have no fucking idea how it feel to have your mate ripped from your body!" He spat with venom dripping from the tone. "How would you feel if Nick left one day? Would you be alright? Would it be hard?" As if for extra effect, Blaine slammed his fist down on the dresser, making Jeff flinch.

For several long minutes, the two stood in silence. As if suddenly realizing his actions, Blaine's face softened. "Look, I apologize Jeff. It's just that today is our anniversary and no matter how many years pass, it still hurts." His voice was gentle now, hoping to make Jeff feel more welcome. If one other person missed Kurt even a fraction of what Blaine did, it would be Jeff. He often forgot that he wasn't the only one suffering from the loss.

"I understand, you don't have to say sorry." Jeff responded, but narrowed his eyes when he saw the letter Blaine was holding in his hand. Shaking his head slightly and exhaling, Jeff said "I thought you stopped."

Immediately knowing what he was talking about, Blaine rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. "It makes me feel better. Even if I am pretending. Its not like I can send it anyway, I don't know where he is." Blaine reasoned and waited for Jeff to say the usual lecture response about "getting his together."

When the others discovered that he had begun writing letters to Kurt that he never actually sent, but held on to, they thought he would need some mental help. If Blaine was honest, He probably did. So, Blaine said that he stopped and the topic was forgotten.

But, all the blonde-headed boy did was nod solemnly. "Okay, well I just wanted to check in on you."

"I appreciate it, but I really would prefer to be left alone." It was clear that Jeff was stalling, it was rare that anyone ever entered Blaine's house and it seemed as if the blonde was trying to make the most out of his visit.

"Please, Blaine." He began in a resigned voice. "I know you hear this every day and I am sorry. I truly am so sorry, but you have to stop, you must let go of Kurt. You are willingly hurting yourself, all you have to do is turn the connection off. I know what I am asking you to do, and I can't ever imagine myself doing it, but you are one of the strongest people I know." Jeff was full out sobbing now, his blue eyes were red and puffy and his bottom lip was quivering. "P-Please, Blaine." He said softly, "It was hard enough losing Kurt. We can't lose you too."

With those final words, he nodded his head and shut the front door, leaving Blaine, once again crying. He was used to the normal talk about letting go and turning the connection off, but not from Jeff. Blaine knew that he would never turn the connection off and did not understand why people could not see that. He didn't see it as his weakness, he saw it as his strength.

Honestly, it was hard loosing all his friends, Blaine was so distant for the last hundred of years that the only time he spoke to people or came out of his house was when he had to teach. It was almost comforting having Jeff stop by, even if it was only reminding him of Kurt. Maybe he could come by again sometime? Blaine wondered.

Crouching down by the dresser, Blaine pulled open the bottom drawer out that was filled to the capacity with hundreds of letters all having Kurt's name elegantly scripted on the top. It had practically become a ritual, whenever he felt despondent or lonely, he would grab his finest stationary and write. Blaine kissed the envelope lightly and set it down on top of the others.

"Maybe I am crazy." Blaine mumbled as he stood up and got ready for bed. It was these days that hit him the hardest. He spent hours trying to relive the happy memories and imagine Kurt's face as he laughed. Then, he would spend the night crying his heart out and begging God to return his love to him.

As he pulled the covers back and climbed into the warmth of his bed, Blaine did something different that night. Instead of clutching his pillow desperately and sobbing until he fell asleep, he reached over to the bed side table and opened the top drawer. After fumbling around, his hands finally landed on what he was seeking. Something he hadn't thought about in years, because it was the only tangible connection left and even thinking about made his heart wrench.

Jeff's visit shed light on his life. He had to stop living in a world where he believed Kurt would come waltzing home, talk about his classes, and fall asleep with his arms around Blaine. Because he wasnt going to. As much as he hated to admit it, Kurt did not want to come home. It wasn;t even his home anymore.

Blaine's long fingers grazed the soft, velvety texture before popping the small ruby box open and cradling the gold pendant that fell out. Smiling to himself, he lifted the antique jewelry and clasped it around his neck.

It felt nice, good in a way. The room was dark, only moonlight shining through the windows. It was times like these that Blaine was lost in pleasant dreams of love-making and cuddling. But tonight, he dreamt of something else. He dreamt of tomorrow. It will be a new day. He would finally try. Yes, he would get up early, maybe go for a run like he used to or visit the café and surprise all his friends. Then, he would teach his lessons with passion and for once in a long time, entertain his boredom filled students. Maybe then they would not be so eager to escape.

Holding his hand over the pendant and humming lightly, he spoke a few words, almost inaudibly to anyone but himself. "One day, my love. I will wait until then."

Of course, Blaine had no idea that one day would be so soon.