=I=
The black memento
It was a sunny and warm Spring morning. Clare was sitting in the porch of their house, her sight wandering between the orchards and the wide grazing ranges with the horses. The orchards were a breath-taking view, with the candid orange tree flowers racing the beauty of the apple trees, where the innocence of the outer layers seemed to blush into pink passion closer to the corollas. A light breeze was moving them all and bringing a nice sweet scent.
The horses were a magnificent breed, strong and with smooth black manes reflecting the sunlight with shifting hues depending on the light and on the movement of the muscles. They recently had a newborn, which was learning to gallop with his mother making it a sweet family picture.
"A family" - she thought, and she turned her eyes toward the sound of clashing of wooden sticks. She knew what she would see, and she knew she'd like it.
On a huge flat rock by the river, a man and a little girl were playing a duel game. The man was fighting with skill and composure, he was soft on his feet and precise and essential in his moves. Clare's heightened senses allowed her to hear his voice from afar, and even if she was missing a word or two, she still knew what he was saying by reading his moves.
"Left, high." "Left, low." "Arc, top." "Feint, twirl." "Steadier with the wrist." "Need more balance." "Too rigid." "Bend those knees." "Bring the guard higher."
The man was smiling, surely he was enjoying himself.
"He has always been smiling since we met again, that day" - she whispered to herself, sighing.
Her attention then switched to the girl. She was incredibly serious and focused, and it was clear that she was understanding the instructions and was trying to do what she was asked.
"Right, high."
The girl reacted a little too slowly, as if she was tired. She did not raise her stick fast enough and got hit to the arm. The man looked horrified and kneeled to hug her. Clare raised from her seat, but then heard the girl's giggles and just smiled.
"It's alright daddy, my fault."
"I am sorry, I am so sorry… I didn't control myself, I should've stopped."
The girl was still giggling while massaging her arm.
"I like it better this way, daddy. I think I learn faster if I see the consequences when I made a mistake."
The girl recovered her stick and proudly slipped it in her belt.
"Come here you little scoundrel…"
The man raised the girl to the sky and put her astride on his shoulders.
"I know your mommy is watching what we do and we'd better tell her you are alright or she will worry."
The girl gripped his light-brown hair as reins and patted him on the chest with her heels.
"Yoo-oh daddy-oh!"
He mimicked a rearing stretching his back, and started to walk towards the house.
Clare went back watching the horses, and again she saw a familiar scene. A little boy was sitting on the wooden fence limiting the orchards and giving towards the pastures, his right hand gently waving toward the animals. His lips were moving but she couldn't hear any sound. As usual, she had mixed feelings. The boy seemed happy, but she wasn't sure what he was doing. They talked a lot about it, but he kept saying that he liked to speak with the animals, because they expressed genuine and natural thoughts. It was such an overly deep explanation for a little boy, and Clare was worried that it could be evidence of powers she feared, or insanity.
She remembered that day, almost eleven years before. After a few weeks in Rabona, she bid her sisters farewell and left with Raki, to build a future together. They felt well together, not going far but roaming the surroundings in Toulouse, but there was the lingering doubt that they would never be a family. Then, they were blessed by the twin gods, Clare had no other way to explain it. It was a miracle. They made love one night under a silver full moon, in the woods. It was as the previous times they let passion guide them, yet it wasn't. It was stronger, they were as one, body and soul, like never before. The world just disappeared in a vortex of pleasure so overwhelming they were losing their sense, it was just them and their love.
Then, over the next weeks, Clare's behavior had changed. She grew irascible, nervous, and she wanted to eat more. She so believed it impossible, that she couldn't feel life growing inside her. Raki was patiently accepting all her rudeness, somehow he knew, or at least he hoped, but wanted her to become aware on her own, not to spoil the moment. The moment then came, they were camping on the huge flat rock where the little girl was playing with sticks. It was full moon again, and the peaceful surface of water was reflecting the silver light. Raki was cooking a fish on the campfire, as Clare went to sit beside him and grabbed his arm.
"Raki…"
He looked at her and immediately knew the time had come. He gently nodded, smiling.
"I know."
Tears were welling on the corner of their eyes, as they let themselves in a strong embrace.
"Raki, I… I thought it was not possible. I…"
"I don't care what's possible and what's not, Clare."
"Raki…"
"All I care is that I am with you and that fate, a miracle, the gods or whatever you wish to call it, gifted us with this."
"I am scared… I am still… a monster. What if they are…"
"You are the most beautiful person I've ever met and will be a wonderful mother."
"Oh, Raki…"
A shadow of doubt then crossed his face.
"Oh, wait a moment… Did you say 'they'?"
She smiled and softly kissed him on the front while playing with his hair.
"So I said…"
Then tears started to flow freely, no longer constrained, and they just spent the whole night hugging each other, in silence and satisfied with the faint sounds of each other's breathing and heartbeat. the next day, Raki was already chopping trees to build a house near that magic place.
Clare felt emotional every time she was reviving those moments. And every time those moments were also bringing back other memories, like Raki's attempts to teach the boy some swordplay. He was very obedient and was always doing as his father wanted, but it was clear enough that he did not like it. Most of all, it was clear enough that he did not seem to have any talent whatsoever. Clare and Raki were often joking about it, blaming each other for not having transmitted any combat skills. Even though they felt over their past, sometimes they surprised themselves to speak so lightly about it.
"Clearly, it's your fault Raki. Your human blood is weak and as a trainer you are a disaster, it's already incredible that you managed to learn something with Isley."
"Yeah, right, so spoke the one mingling with demons to be able to use a sword…"
Then, over time they noticed that the girl was always watching attentively when Raki and the boy were practicing. One day, Clare saw her on the big flat rock playing with a stick, alone. She was mimicking the moves she had seen, in a raw way, yet surprisingly well considering that she had no training. Clare had called Raki, and they kept watching her together, as she continued for long before collapsing on the stone exhausted.
"I know you wanted a father and son thing, but…"
His eyes were sparkling with interest, but he wanted to tread carefully as he was not entirely comfortable with the matter.
"I don't know Clare. Would you agree?"
"Why shouldn't I?"
"Well… I have not forgotten what you told me that night, that you were afraid that…"
"Ah, yes… So you think that training the girl would be a bad omen?"
"Sort of… I don't know. I don't want to do it unless you agree."
"Tell me, why do you practice with him."
"Soon he will be a man, and I don't trust this world to be completely safe."
"Is there something else?"
She knew him better than anyone else.
"Well… I like it? You know that you don't want…"
"We discussed it already, I am not wielding a sword anymore unless forced to. And as much as I love you, I won't do it for your hobby."
"So…"
"So you are a kid that wants to play with other kids. I am sure she will enjoy it, and you will both be happy. How should I oppose it?"
"I suspect the boy will be happier too…" - he concluded with a bit or sourness, as he was always a bit uncomfortable with his son's habits and likings.
And so the new routine had started, with Raki playing with the girl while the boy started to devote all its time to "talk" with the animals and attend to the orchards. And he was surprisingly helpful, the booming flowers of this season, notwithstanding a harsh past Winter, were clear proof of it. He had a way especially with the animals, he could keep them calm or he could have them work hard with little effort.
As she was deep in her thoughts, Clare heard the sound of wheels coming closer. From the pathway leading to the main body of the house, a bulky carriage was approaching at mild speed. It was the weekly carriage from Rabona to the Southern Lands of Mucha, where new towns and villages were apparently sprouting fast also thanks to a very good weather and natural resources. To Clare it was as if those lands were still celebrating after having been freed from years of abuses by Luciela. The vehicle was passing by the house anytime there were letters for them, as it was also serving as a sort of courier to all those living on the way and not too far from Rabona.
The girl patted Raki again on the chest, hopping up and down on his shoulders.
"Daddy, daddy, faster, there must be something for us!"
Somehow she was always excited when the carriage came and wanted to open the correspondence for her parents, just out of curiosity.
The carriage indeed was passing by because there were letters to be delivered. Three in total, all more or less looking alike from the envelopes, two addressed to "Raki and family" and one to "Clare". Clare got them and awaited Raki and her daughter in the porch.
"Mommy, mommy! May I? Pleeeeease…"
It was another little game. She had never said no, but the girl was always asking it with a whiny tone and puppy eyes. She never did that with anything else.
Clare indulged in her daughter eyes, round and green, her green, and in her whole face, bordered with golden long hair, all scruffy and wet with the sweat of practice.
"Yes, Jean. Open them, one by one, and read them out loud. Maybe start with those to the whole family, then open the one to me."
Raki watched Clare as to question about the personal letter, but she dismissed it with a shrug. Raki then let the girl down and she went sitting beside Clare, gingerly reaching for and opening the first envelope.
"The Barley family is inviting us for the… uh… En-ga-ge-ment? Engagement party of Dorothee. What is this 'engagement'? Like a special birthday?"
Raki started to laugh, Clare gently patted Jean on the head.
"So and so. It means that Dorothee has found the love of her life and they wish to declare that they will always be together."
"Oh, like mommy and daddy?"
"Like mommy and daddy."
"Cool, may we go? Pleeeeease…"
Raki quickly exchanged a look with Clare to understand if she was interested and once reassured, he answered: "Sure, little one. And you will also have a special task."
"Oh, what is it?"
"You must think about a nice gift for Dorothee."
"I knew it was a special birthday! We need to think about a special birthday present! May I also have an engagement party like Dorothee?"
Raki blushed and let Clare to answer that.
Clare smiled: "Yes Jean, when you will feel ready you may ask for it."
"How will I know when I am ready?"
"You will learn it yourself."
The girl was clearly unsatisfied with the answer, but then moved to the second envelope, still plenty of curiosity.
"The bee… bi-shop of Rabona invites everybody to help in the building of the new… mmmh… or-pha-nage of Sister Latea. It says that the children need more space. We must help them! Also, I miss nanny Latea, I want to see her again, pleeeeease! Also, what is an 'orphanage'?"
Again, it was Clare that answered.
"Yes, we should assist, it's for a good cause. The orphanage is the house where we last met nanny Latea, it is for the children that are not as lucky as you and your brother and miss their parents.
"Oh, they miss them because they are away?"
"Yes… And… I miss nanny Latea too."
Raki nodded: "How long must have been?"
"Four years, maybe?"
"Time flies so fast… We devoted every second to build this house, but…"
"Yes, we shouldn't forget our friends. We used to exchange letters at the beginning, also to share information should anything dangerous happen, then…"
"I guess we all got used to the new lives, probably it is also a way to really get over..."
As they were still discussing, Jean had already opened the last envelope and was examining the content with surprise.
"Mommy, daddy, this is not a letter."
Clare answered without looking, still fixed on Raki. He was always so charming after sparring with Jean, so light-hearted and happy. Years of hard work with the farm had chipped him, but just a little, and she could feel his inner strength unfaltering.
"Then what is it, Jean?"
"It's complicated. There is a tiny bill which says 'Where we started, please make it end' and a black… mmh… card with a weird red sign on it. It is like a cross, but there are more symbols, one, two, three on each side of the cross…"
Clare started to turn her eyes on Jean, slowly, as if becoming aware of what the girl was talking about. Raki reacted faster, pulling the envelope off Jean's hands and giving it to Clare. When he saw Clare's pallor he tried to get all attention to him.
"This is a special message for your mommy, Jean. It is like… a game."
"Oh, a game? What game?"
"Many years ago your mommy used to play with her friends as we do on the rock by the river. I think one of those friends wishes to… play again."
"After many tears?"
"After many years."
"Cool! May I play too? I want to see mommy play, she never plays with us! Pleeeeease…"
Clare was getting more and more pallid and the hand holding the black card was trembling. Raki turned Jean toward him for her not to see.
"I don't think it's possible, Jean."
"But why?"
"Well… Uh… Your mommy is… very shy and… very bad at the game, she does not like to be watched" - he muttered.
"She is not good like daddy, ha?"
She acted a couple strokes in the air with an imaginary sword, smiling.
"No sweetie, she is… not. Go and call your brother, it's almost lunchtime and then you will go and take your nap."
"Nap is booooring! I already have some ideas for Dorothee, I want to tell you and mommy."
"Jean, be a good girl now and get your brother, we will see about this later."
The girl seemed a bit disappointed, but nonetheless she rushed away to the fields to fetch her brother.
When they were alone, Raki knelt in front of Clare and took her face in his hands, gently, driving her eyes to his.
"Who is…"
Clare was sobbing and struggling not to cry.
"Miria… It's Miria, Raki…"
He tried to find words to comfort her, but he could not.
"I don't want what to say, Clare… I am sorry."
"I must go, Raki."
She didn't want to, she didn't want to be dragged away from her paradise to the hell of her past.
"I know, I still remember Elena…" he stopped, blaming himself for mentioning her.
Clare understood it.
"Be easy on yourself, I was already thinking about her."
"How could it be… Miria…"
"I don't know, I haven't seen her in ages. Raki, we are… so happy here, I thought they were happy as well. I stopped writing, I have been so selfish. I should've…"
"Clare, stop it. I know you, always there blaming yourself, for everything. It's not your fault."
"Maybe I could've done something, help… The others too… We endured so much together, Raki, and all help I can give now is answering a black card… The past… Our past returned to haunt us."
"Let's eat something, I will put the kids to bed, and we can talk…"
In the meantime. Jean had reached her brother, his back toward her. She poked him.
"Galk, it's yummy time! Come, fast!"- she said, giggling as usual.
He turned, and she saw that he was gulping in tears.
"What's wrong?"
"Mom…"
"What?"
"Mom is so sad… She has never been so sad…"
"How do you know?"
"I feel it…"
"You are always so weird…"
"I am not weird."
"Of course you are, you silly. Mommy is happy, we got invited for the special birthday of Dorothee and we will see nanny Latea again soon."
Galk clenched his fists, breathing deeply.
"I am not weird, I feel… things" - he whispered.
The horses grew nervous and started to neigh, the mother took her colt away, as to protect it. Jean seemed not to notice.
"Whatever… I am going to eat everything, if you don't come fast you will find only the stupid cabbage left" - she said, running back to the house.
"Mom is so sad… And she will leave soon…" - the boy whispered, trying to catch breath between hiccups and to wipe the tears off his cheeks with his shirt as he started to gloomily walk home.
