Mark walked through the post-op, Callie's chart in hand. Bailey was sitting, talking to her, and they both looked intense, serious, as though this was not a light conversation. He went to turn away, but Callie saw him and waved feebly.
"How's my girl holding up?" he asked, coming to stand beside Bailey. "I told them to give you the good drugs, you know."
Bailey stood up. "Whatever it is, tell them to give her some more, because she needs some rest." Bailey reached out and squeezed her hand. "I'll see you later, girl."
Callie's smile was weak. "Thanks."
Mark sat down on the stool. "How are you feeling?"
"Like shit." Callie laughed, wiping a tear away. "I feel like shit, Mark."
"Well, you look…once you heal, you'll look like a million bucks."
"Jerk." Despite herself, she smiled.
"You love me." He closed her chart and set it on the floor. "You and Bailey looked pretty intense."
She looked at him, her face swollen and bruised, and sighed. "I'm tired, Mark. I'm so, so tired." Tears began to stream down her face. "I'm so tired."
"Hey," he said, reaching out to wipe her tears away. "It's okay."
"No, it's not," she said. "I'm too young to feel this old, Mark. I feel like I've been hit by a bus, and just when I think things can't get any worse? They do. I'm tired, Mark, I'm so tired of losing. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of hurting."
She began to cry in earnest, so Mark removed his coat and slid the railing on the bed down. She reached for him and he slid into the bed next to her, holding her tightly as she cried. He knew people were looking at them, but he didn't care.
Callie put her head on his chest and wept. "I'm tired of hurting, of being scared. I feel like no matter what I do, it's always wrong, that nothing is ever going to be good enough, you know? I don't think I have the strength for this."
Mark stroked her hair and placed a kiss on top of her head. "You are strong enough, Callie. You're the strongest person I know."
"I'm not, though. I'm just…weary. I feel like I can't catch a break. Today my nose gets broken…what's next? It…I'm afraid, Mark. I'm tired, and I'm scared."
"Don't be scared." He looked down at her. "I won't let anything happen to you."
She looked at him, and the hurt and sadness reflected in her eyes broke his heart. "But what if you're not there?"
"I will be. I promise."
Callie lay her head back down on his chest, taking comfort in the familiarity of his warmth, of his smell. "Promise?"
He kissed the top of her head again. "I promise."
She closed her eyes, and her breathing slowed. She yawned and hugged him tighter. "I love you, Mark. And I'm not just saying that because of the drugs."
He laughed. "Good to know."
"I do, though. Love you."
He sighed and stroked her hair. "I love you too, Cal. Go to sleep."
