5 Things Barney will never tell you
He went home with the slutty pumpkin; he still has her number but doesn't have the heart to tell Ted. And that drink did taste like an alcoholic tootsy roll.
Although he worked at Ultracell for almost a decade, not even he knew exactly what he did for a living. Only that he earned a shit-load and he was pretty sure he'd prevented WWIII.
He'd never ever tell Lily this but he respects her unwaveringly, he once saw her discreetly chase after a complete stranger who had toilet paper stuck to their shoe, she speed-walked two blocks before she stepped on the offending paper and freed the poor woman. Afterwards she came back to her booth in the bar and waved it off stating that it was an abomination for those gorgeous shoes to be attached to toilet paper.
He was afraid of Marshall for the first year they knew each other; it wasn't until Marshall grabbed one of the jealous ex-boyfriends who was looking like he might actually kill Barney, that he realised he wanted to keep Marshall around and it wasn't until he picked Barney back up, set him on his feet and then made a lame joke that he realised Marshall was the gentle giant everyone said he was.
When Robin went to Japan he missed her so much that he ordered 270 Japanese channels and surfed them for her for almost a week, when he found her on Tokyo One he felt so bad for her that he called her home number, she wasn't home, she didn't know he called and he will never tell her.
