There's nothing wrong with my brain
Summary: In New Moon, Charlie suggested Bella should go see a psychologist. What if Bella HAD gone? But what if she said a little too much? What is the worst that could happen? Oneshot. Fluff mayor.
A/N: I have never ever gone to therapy (though I'm getting real close due to my Twilight obsession) so maybe I won't get some things right. IF you have gone to therapy, or are a psychologist and wish to help me write this better, I will appreciate your feedback. Review.
A/N 2: JustABlackRose, thanks for your criticism, without which I'm sure this story wouldn't be the same.
Charlie drove me silently in the cruiser, watching my face whenever he could. There wasn't much to see; only the same dead face I'd worn since the morning.
"I know you're not happy with this, Bells" he said as he parked in the lot outside the hospital. "But it's the best for you," he said. I nodded absently, wishing this was over. But, if it made Charlie happy, I would do it.
"It's not that bad, really. Just a couple of hours a week until you get better. Nothing to be worried about," he tried to soothe me as we walked into the dazzling white corridor. I knew this place by heart. The reception, the waiting room, the maternity wing, and then the ER where… I stopped myself before I could remember who had worked there. I wrapped my arms around myself, but Charlie wasn't watching.
"We have an appointment with Doctor Michaels," he quietly told the receptionist, who smiled.
"Sure, the Doctor has been expecting you. Go inside," she motioned to a little wooden door. The large golden sign on it clearly announced:
Dr. Joshua Michaels. Psychologist.
Charlie walked me to the door, and gave me an awkward hug.
"I'll be back in an hour, Bells," he promised me. I hugged him back, letting him go after a while. He hurried outside, and I heard the cruiser's siren go farther and farther away, till it disappeared. Finally, I knocked on the door.
"Come in," a quiet voice said from behind it. I took a deep, difficult breath and opened the door.
The office was very nice, I guess. The walls were all paneled in dark wood except the back one, which was entirely made of glass, with a dark green carpet. Elegantly framed diplomas covered the left and right walls, all awarded to Joshua Michaels. Beside me were two huge bookcases. To the left there was a black leather psychologist couch. The middle of the room was occupied by a large desk piled with papers, and three chairs. The doctor was sitting on one, opposite to me.
He was young, with black hair and only a few streaks of gray in it. His eyes were a strange shade of green with just a hint of gold. He was dressed formally but simply, and he smiled when he saw me.
"Hello. My name is Joshua Michaels. Have a sit please," he said, rising from his chair in one lithe, graceful movement. I walked forward hesitantly, half-ready to make a run for it. But finally I shook his hand. His hand was very cold. I gasped, but then I noticed the glass of ice tea on his desk.
No reason to be alarmed, Bella. I told myself. He's just a doctor.
I sat down on the chair opposite to him. He was smiling reassuringly, but his eyes were very careful. Professionally detached, I guess.
"So, your father told me you were having some problems, right Isabella?" he said. Some?
"Bella," I corrected him, a reflex reaction, "but yes, Doctor. I have a few problems,"
"Please, call me Josh. Well, Bella, everybody has problems. The thing here is learning how to control them. I'll help you, but I need you to be completely honest with me. Remember, what happens here will stay here," he said. His voice was quiet, but strained somehow. I surprised myself. Who knew I could still be so observant after all this months?
"Now, Bella, I want you to take this," he said, handing me a notebook and a pen, "Write in around ten words, what your biggest problem is now. Then listen to the next sounds. Just write the first thing that comes to your mind," he rose again swiftly, too gracefully, and it reminded me of him. I wrapped my arms around my chest unconsciously. He noticed that.
"Cold?" he asked me.
"Yeah," I lied, hoping I sounded convincing. He took a remote control and clicked once. The air conditioner stopped whirring, and a new change was felt in the atmosphere. There was a new, lovely, sweet smell that seemed oddly familiar to me; my mind shut down before I could recognize it, and I tried to concentrate on what I was supposed to do.
Josh turned a small CD player on, and the sounds began.
An animal snarling;
A girl laughing;
A dog barking;
Glass shattering;
A booming thunder;
A car purring to life;
A piano.
There was moisture in my eyes, but I tried hard not to remember. I just wrote. The sounds stopped then, and the doctor came back. He laid a cool hand on my shoulder.
"Done, Bella?" he asked me. I nodded yes and handed him the notebook. I couldn't even remember what I had written.
Doctor's POV
I quickly read what Bella had written:
My boyfriend left and I'm depressed. Well, that problem could be easily dealt with…
"Bella, I want you to briefly explain the words you wrote," I told her. She nodded, looking down at her lap. She looked even worse than I had expected. I played the first sound on the CD player and then hit pause.
"Okay. Let's begin with Brother. You related it to the first sound." I said. She bit her lip.
"One of my…friends…liked bears. He was kind of the big brother I never had. I haven't seen him in a while," she said, her voice breaking ever so slightly. Did she really miss him that much?
"I see," I said writing something down on my binder. Something I would probably need later on. "Now, let's proceed with Florida. You related it to this sound," I said as I played the girl's laughter. Bella seemed to smile just a tiny little bit, but it was hard to tell, even when my eyesight was better than most people's.
"My mom lives there. She's always so…happy," she explained, her eyes away, probably thinking of her mother. I couldn't tell. I wrote something else down.
"You miss her?" I asked. She nodded.
"But I can't go with her. I would only depress her, and it wouldn't be fair for her," she quickly added. How could she be so selfless?
"That's very nice of you, Bella. Now, you wrote Best Friend for the third sound," I said as the dog barking sounded again. She blushed this time.
"Yeah, I thought of how dogs are supposed to be your best friends and stuff," she trailed off, obviously lying.
"Please, Bella. There is something more behind your choice of words. You need to be honest," I reminded her. That made her blush again, but only slightly. I had expected more color on her cheeks…
"Fine," she said, after hesitating a while. "I once dreamt my best friend had turned into a wolf, and that he had tried to…" she gulped and sobbed once. Something painful had happened after that. I could guess…
"It's ok, you can tell me later," I told her. She nodded and looked back at me. Her expression was pained, but under control. I proceeded.
"I'm a little confused as why you wrote nothing with the glass shattering. You couldn't relate it to anything?" I asked her. She shook her head.
"I was torn between two thoughts," she explained. I motioned for her to continue. Which two thoughts?
"First was something that happened in Phoenix, and then something that happened here. Both were my fault. I'm so klutzy," she said, chuckling humorlessly at herself. I was sure none of those were her fault, but somebody else's…
"Ok. Then, you wrote Baseball for the thunder. Why?" I asked her, though I probably already knew.
"Remember my…friend…that liked bears?" she asked me. I nodded.
"I watched him and my…other friends…play baseball once. They hit the ball so hard it sounded like thunder," she said, but she winced slightly. Like the memory was painful, or unwelcome…
"Jealousy. Hmm, strange word for a car. Were you jealous of somebody's car?" I asked her.
"No, no. I love my truck. I was jealous of my…friend's sister…she fixed cars, and she is very beautiful," she added almost unwillingly. I half smiled at her expression, half-sad, half-melancholic, like she hadn't seen her in a while and was both relieved and sad…
"And, for the piano, you wrote Love, but then you scratched it out, and wrote a name, but I can't understand your handwriting here. It says Edw…" I began, but she held her hands to her ears.
"Please, don't say it!" she pleaded in a voice that broke my heart. I wanted to hug her, to comfort her, but that went against the rules. Rules I had applied myself…
"Was it your boyfriend?" I asked her, just to make sure. Her pained expression told me it was, and that his name was forbidden. She just nodded, her face falling to her hands and her body shook with silent sobs. I held a Kleenex box for her, looking away.
"Thanks," she managed to choke out before she cried again. I laid one hand on her shoulder, and she jumped from the cold. Then she smiled sadly.
"Your hands are cold," she said. I lifted it, but she held it back down. "I like it," she said. We remained like that for a few minutes and then the alarm clock on my desk rang. Our hour was up. She stood and walked to the door. I opened it for her.
"Bye," she whispered.
"See you next week, Bella," I said, sad to think it would be so long before I saw her again. Her father was already there. He mouthed Thanks to me and walked away with her. I walked back inside, telling my secretary to cancel my next appointment. That bratty little Lauren Mallory could wait.
I sat back down at my desk, looking at the ice tea, nothing but a prop. I turned my gaze from the several diplomas on the wall, all of them clever falsifications, to the bookcases. I stood up, smiling sadly, and reached for a copy of Dracula. I opened it.
The inside was just as hollow as I felt, filled with pictures and memories. She was there, looking at me with frantic eyes, a fake smile on her lips. The man holding her was still as a statue and as unfeeling as one. I closed my eyes in pain. What had I done?
I climbed out the window and landed outside, not hurting myself. Then I ran. I ran back to the place I knew so well, though I hadn't visited it for a while. A very long while. Four months to be exact.
BPOV
I woke up in the middle of the night-as usual. But this time, it hadn't been because of a nightmare. No; it was the noise outside my window that woke me up. Somebody was outside; there was a clicking sound and the window slid open quietly. I prepared to scream at the top of my lungs, but a cold hand covered my mouth.
"Bella! It's me!" a man whispered. I trashed around, kicking and screaming, though it was muffled by his hand. I tried to scratch his arm, but it was too hard, like marble….
With sudden relief, I realized I had only been dreaming of him. Nothing to worry about. I closed my eyes again and wished it gone. I felt the hand leave my mouth, and then opened my eyes. The man's face was still there, watching me intently. I recognized him.
"Josh?" I asked in whispers too, surprised that he was here but not afraid.
"Yes and no, Bella," he said. I stared, confused. He smiled a crooked grin I remembered from a happier era…
"Who are you?" I asked him. His eyes became sad.
"It's me," he repeated, taking a step back. Slowly, he reached for his graying black hair, pulling it off. He threw the wig to a side and shook his long, messy bronze hair. He reached at his green eyes and took something small out of them. It took me a short second to realize they were contacts. When he looked back at me, I saw his eyes were really a startling topaz, bright even in the darkness of my room. He moved back next to me, slowly, trying not to startle me. It didn't work. I pulled my sheets over my eyes, concentrating.
It's only a dream, it's only a dream. I told myself. My heart pounded unevenly.
"Bella, please," he said, pulling the sheets down and looking into my eyes. They were dazzling, and I nearly passed out. This dream had become too much.
"Go away!" I mumbled. His eyes were suddenly sad, but he nodded and climbed outside. The night was only interrupted by a quiet sound of sobbing. Soon, it was gone.
The hole in my chest hurt. Badly. I tried to concentrate on the facts. He had been here, in my room. I was not asleep (the smell and the feel of his cold hands was much too real). I had hurt him. I felt horrible inside, and I fell to my pillow, crying. I fell asleep soon, still crying.
The next day was sunny and bright; not like my mood. I was still crying from the last day. I got up, and Charlie came in just a few minutes later.
"Honey, Dr. Michaels called. He said he wanted to see you today," he said, sounding almost apologetic. I nodded absently and he left me to get dressed. I dressed in a daze, trying to put my confused thoughts in order. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I was in my truck, and driving away to the hospital. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.
Here goes nothing, I thought as I knocked on the door, bracing myself for the certain pain I was about to feel.
"Come in," a quiet voice said. The sense of deja-vu was strong, but this time I knew who exactly was behind the door.
Edward.
EPOV
My breath caught and I stopped pacing as soon as I heard the knocking on the door. I took the doctor's costume off, and remained in my jeans and T-shirt, feeling extremely nervous. I ran my hand through my hair a couple of times, and then said: "Come in." My voice was strangely firm, despite the anxiety that would've made me sweat (if I were human). The door gently creaked open, and Bella peeked her head in, shy and beautiful.
My memory hadn't done her justice, though it was sharper than a human memory. She was really, trully there, her pale skin and gorgeous brown hair and lovely chocolate eyes were not an illusion, but a reality. The scent was clear and strong; and it hit me as hard as the first day. Not being close to her for such a long time was definitely not good for any of us.
But being reunited felt so good! My heart, though still and silent for over a century swelled in my chest, in complete ecstasy of seeing her again. We stood there, just looking at each other, for a long time. Then a most peculiar look crossed her face.
"Hmm. I wonder..." she trailed off. I was caught off guard, curiosity and confusion swept through my face. I could sense it, and I knew Bella could too.
"I keep on asking myself when I will wake up," she explained, taking a tentative step forward, her hand half-raised. I moved very slowly, raising my hand too. Our hands met together, and a jolt of electricity shot up through my arm. I could see in her face she had felt the same, and she smiled hugely. Accepting me.
It was too much then, I fell at her feet, shaking with tearless sobs of joy. But, behind the joy, there was a part of me that knew I owed her something.
"I'm sorry, Bella. So, so very sorry," I said over and over. She knelt down and lifted my face with one hand.
"Edward," she said, her voice breaking slightly as she pronounced my name. "Don't cry. It's alright," she soothed. She was comforting me. Me, the horrible monster that had left her in condition for therapy.
"No, Bella. It's not. I'm very, very sorry. I'll make it up to you. I can explain..." I started, but she cut me off.
"Don't worry. It's fine. I think I understand," she said.
"You do?" I asked, hoping I could save both of us from the painful explanation. She nodded.
"You don't feel as strongly for me as I do for you. It's ok. I get it," she said, choking back the tears. She turned, ready to walk away.
"No. Of course not, Bella!" I said. She looked at me, confused by my tone. "I love you, Bella. I always have, and always will; which is why I left in the first place!" I told her, now desperate to set things right. The confused look on her face grew more pronounced, and she frowned.
"I love you so much, I didn't want to set you in any danger. You should have a normal, happy, human life, Bella. I love you too much to make you suffer by being with a monster like me," I whispered, hanging my head at the very end. She hugged me, again comforting me.
"You're not a monster, Edward." she said almost fiercely. Still, her voice was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. I looked up and met her eyes, which were pained but sincere.
"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I love you, Bella. Can you still love me, after all that has happened?" She looked down, biting her lip. Finally, as she looked up again, her eyes were firm and determined now.
"Yes, Edward. I love you too," she whispered, and then her lips were on mine. Her sudden approach made me stagger a little, but I kissed her back. The feel, the scent, the sensation of love was stronger than I remembered, just as if we hadn't been apart one second.
I lifted her in my arms and we twirled around, both laughing and crying at the same time. When we came to a stop, she kissed me slighty once again, and we sighed. Then the alarm clock beeped that our "session" had ended.
"I'll take you home," I offered. She nodded eagerly and we exited, hand in hand, ignoring the hospital worker's stares. For today, as always, it was just Bella and me.
BPOV
Back in my truck, I still couldn't make myself believe it was not a dream, but I didn't care. As soon as Edward's lips met mine, all my defenses had dropped.
He loved me!
He still loved me, and I believed. I believed, because fate didn't tamper with something as strong as love. I believed, because his eyes had been sincere when he told me. And mostly, I believed because I could feel the bond between us was stronger than anything in this world; nothing would break us apart ever again. I could feel it. Maybe I was borrowing Alice's power.
The thought made me chuckle. He looked at me instead of at the road, but I felt safer than I had in a very long time.
"What are you laughing at?" he asked.
"You know what I was thinking?" I asked him. He flashed his crooked smile.
"No, I can't read your thoughts rememeber? The glitch in your brain..." he teased as he stopped the truck and got out. He opened my door too, always the gentleman.
"There's nothing wrong with my brain..." I said, mockingly annoyed. He laughed and kissed me ever so softly.
"Of course not," he said afterwards. "To me, you are perfect."
So he was. And, as long as Edward was with me, so was my world.
A/N Possibly terrible, I know, but my few followers wanted a story (don't worry guys, we'll take over the world sometime…) and I was high on chocolate. Hope you liked it.
