Vicious Cycles Make You Laugh

(almost touched by devils)

There is something strange, and almost heartbreaking, about watching the world crumble around you, knowing you can't do anything about it.

It's even worse when, perhaps, you could have.

. … .

It was my third day straight without sleep. Or – maybe it had been longer. It was hard to tell when everything seemed to be running together.

I reached across the table for my black coffee mug, filled to the brim with – predictably – jet black coffee. I loathed the taste of it, bitter as an old lover, but nowadays I seemed to live on it.

I could barely even stand to blink. Every time I closed my eyes, even for a fraction of a second, I was plagued with visions of death and blood and chaos and darkness.

Absently I ran my index finger over the inner part of my left wrist. Three years, and it was still there, made even blacker in contrast to my pallid skin. A constant reminder of what my life would have been. Should have been.

And what was I now? Nothing. The Dark Lord had fallen, and the Malfoys had tumbled into obsolescence along with him. There was no place for Death-Eaters in this new era except Azkaban.

"Mr. Malfoy?"

I damn near jumped out of my skin at the sound of my own name, whirling around to see a nurse standing in the doorway. I knew her well. After all, she'd come to see me every morning for the past three years, ever since I'd been condemned to this hell.

She offered me a reassuring smile, to which I returned a condescending sneer. A few stray auburn curls were tumbling out of her ponytail and falling in ringlets around her slender face. She could have been pretty had she not been tainted with Muggle blood.

"I've got your pills, Mr. Malfoy," she pressed on.

"Keep your goddamn pills," I growled. "There's nothing fucking wrong with me."

The nurse sighed a little, trying to keep calm. "I'm not going to fight with you-"

"Get. The. Fuck. Out!"

Something flickered in her pale green eyes, something almost like fear, for the briefest of moments. I could almost feel the dark magic flowing through my veins, so seductive, so tantalizing. It teased me with a single touch that left me begging and begging for more and more.

Someday… someday…

I let out a slow hiss of a breath, opening my silvery eyes. By then the nurse had fled, leaving nothing in her wake but a tiny capsule we both knew I wouldn't give a second thought.

. … .

As I often did when I was given too much time to think, I let my mind begin to wander backward, to when times were simpler.

Or at least they seemed that way. But in all honesty, had they ever truly been simple?

All my life I had relished in the envy people felt towards me. They loved me and hated me and wanted me all at once and I adored every sultry glance that came my way.

I found it easy to hide myself and maybe even my life behind a façade. As long as I was contented, everyone that surrounded me could breathe a sigh of relief as well.

I had never really belonged at Hogwart's. I had always, always been destined for greater things. Darker, perhaps, but greater still.

I would get them, somehow. One day I would be free of this place, and I would move on to greater, darker things indeed.


Author's Note:
This first chapter was written by lostsoul512. We're doing a collaboration, isn't that lovely? The next chapter is mine, and then hers, then so on... yes. :D