Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age and I make no profit from this.

A/N: M/Hawke/ mage/ extremely pro-templar/ romanced Fenris. Been a long while since I wrote anything. If there are any mistakes feel free to correct me. I'll try to fix them as soon as possible, though it'll be hard since I don't have internet at home anymore.

A/N2: (7/26/11) Changed Hawke's name. From Garrett Hawke to Dare Hawke. He's not what I think the usual Hawkes are, so he gets a different name. Yes, I'm nuts.


Questioning Beliefs: Hawke

Or

How Isabela found out she still had a heart

Step 1: Get a plan going

The date was nearing. It had everyone on edge and it made Varric itch with curiosity. Every year it would be the same thing. Carver would appear after ditching the Grey Wardens and the Hawke brothers would get drunk. If Carver couldn't leave, then a package would arrive – always on time – and Hawke would get drunk by himself. Leandra would pick them up, always at the same time; and then the Hawke family would disappear for a week. Bodhan wouldn't say where they went, and Varric suspected the poor guy didn't even know and was as curious as the rest of them.

When the week was over, the Hawke family appeared, as if nothing had happened. Carver would leave and Leandra would coordinate the charity work for the orphans for the next year with Sebastian. And Hawke…

The man would always return with a haunted look, a few pounds less and needing a day or two before going back into their normal routine. Never telling what happened during that week, the same week every year.

Not that they haven't tried asking. Everyone had tried over the years to know. Varric always got jokes in return and an invitation to play diamondback. Isabela received naughty remarks and free drinks. Merrill was told –rather politely given their usual conversations – that it was none of her business and telling her to go summon demons or something. Anders was usually told to shove his manifesto in unpleasant places and use his staff if he needed help with that. Aveline would be distracted by talking about the guard and asking about the new thugs in town. Sometimes they talked of Ferelden and the lives they left behind. They always ended with a toast to the departed. Sebastian, even when he doesn't ask, always gets a petition to pray for the souls of the lost, thanks for helping his mother with the charity and an offer of money, if it was needed. And Fenris…

For all the looks, gifts and flirting Hawke bestows upon him, the elf was promptly absent during the first days of his return. And when he did, the walls that had crumbled over time would have been rebuilt and the mage hate sparked anew. Once, while playing diamondback with Varric and quite a liberal amount of alcohol imbibed, the elf confessed he'd never asked, but he knew mages and it was probably some sort of ritual, a bloody one most likely.

The dwarf didn't believe that then and not now. The man had killed enough blood mages to be called a mage hunter on the streets. He'd seen with his own two eyes, during that mess with Feynriel, how he refused the temptation that made others fall. Fenris had seen it too, and while the elf's walls were easier to crumble with each year, the fact remained – to the elf – that Hawke would ask for prayers for the lost ones as drained as the magisters after their bloodiest of rituals.

This year something had to change. There were too many troubles on Hawke's shoulders that shouldn't be his concern. Carver's package arrived five days earlier. Two days after the package arrived, Leandra… Well, she was in a better place now. Hawke would go through whatever it was alone and Varric didn't like it. He arranged a secret meeting at Fenris' house – If Orzammar doesn't move, then move to Orzammar – which got the elf to do what he liked best, brood.

Plans were made; broody even participated as he absently picked on the red scarf on his wrist. They only had to wait three more days. In the meantime, they would be there for him on his loss. Their loss, as they all loved Leandra in one way or the other. They even managed to convince Fenris into visiting, which he hadn't considered until now. But the waiting… The waiting was slowly killing them.