Disclaimer: I don't own Syl, Zane, Dark Angel, etc.
Spoilers: none, I don't think
Setting: doesn't really matter
Characters: Syl, Zane, Brad (references to Jondy and Krit mostly)
Summary: Syl's in heat and doesn't know what to do...
Rating: PG-13
Author: Ty
Archive: Ask me first, kritsdarkangel@yahoo.com
Heat
Not this time. I will not ruin another perfectly good relationship with fucked up genetics. I've had enough. To hell with Manticore and the consequences of what they did to me. I will not let it run my life. I swore that last time was the last time I would let them interfere with my life and it will be. Besides, I'm stronger than that. I'm strong enough to beat this heat thing. Aren't I?
This nagging little voice in the back of my head pipes up and reminds me that I wasn't strong enough last time. Last time, when things between Jason and me had just been getting somewhere and I'd gone and fucked it up (literally, the voice has to add) by sleeping with some guy named Dave.
Well, that was last time, I argue. It won't happen again. I'm a soldier, damn it. I just need to keep a grip on things, keep busy. I'll be fine.
You know, normal girls complain about what a bitch that time of the month is. They have no idea. Let Manticore fuck with your genetics for awhile, then come talk to me.
There's a knock on the door and I jump about 3 feet straight up. Calm down. Relax. It's okay. I breathe deeply before cautiously approaching the door and looking through the peephole. Great. Just great. It's Brad. Perfect timing.
"Hey, Jennifer! Let me in!" he calls through the door.
It takes me a moment to remember that I'm supposed to be Jennifer. New city, new name. Sometimes I almost lose track.
"Brad?"
"Yeah, let me in, will ya?"
"You came at a bad time. Can I call you later?"
"What do you mean a bad time? Just open up, please."
Damn it, why does he have to be so stubborn? Okay, Syl. There's only one way to get rid of him now. Take a deep breath, open the door, and DO NOT jump him. Ready? One, two, three.
I crack open the door and carefully poke my head around. I firmly keep my eyes locked on Brad's so I can't get distracted by the rest of him.
"Jen, what's wrong?" he asks, sensing I'm coiled about as tight as a person can go before they snap.
"Nothing. I'm just not feeling well." I force out of my mouth, which seems strangely dry.
"You sick? I'll make you some..." he begins.
"NO!" I yell to loudly, startling both of us. I try again, quieter, "No. Please, I'd rather you not see my like this. I call you later, when I'm feeling a little better, okay?"
"Oh, come on, Jennifer. Just because you're sick, doesn't mean you can't let anyone even see you. Let me take care of you." Brad insists.
"No, no. Seriously. I don't want you to get sick, too." I lie.
"I'll risk it."
"No."
"Jen..."
I'm getting really tired of this game. Much as he means well, my nerves can't take this right now.
"Look, I'm not letting you through this door. I will call you." I say firmly and shut the door.
I listen closely through the door and finally hear him sigh and walk away. I sigh myself and collapse against the door. That was close. But I handled it. Now if only I could be sure that I'll handle the next few days as well.
***
Running doesn't help. Push-ups don't help. TV doesn't help. Music doesn't help. Food doesn't help. Sleep doesn't help. Cold showers don't help. Nothing helps!
I'm going nuts! I can't even think without my mind warping it into something naughty. It's only been one day. How can it have only been one day? It feels like forever. I jump ever time the phone rings and don't pick it up, knowing I can't handle the temptation of a sexy, smooth male voice at the other end.
Told you that you couldn't handle it, the little voice says.
I growl in annoyance at myself and punch a hole through the wall. The thing that really irks me is that the little voice is right. I don't think I can handle it.
I talked to Jondy about it not too long ago. I ran into her and for some reason she decided she wanted to talk. That had surprised me. I'd never been her favorite, like I am Krit's (or so he tells me every time he sees me). But she'd wanted to talk and we'd started talking about all the crap with Manticore and somehow the subject came up. Jondy says she doesn't have too much of a problem with it. She says she feels the need, she does the deed. But Jondy's always been like that. Her mentality, the way I see it, has always been "I see, I want, I take". Zack always rides her about that. He says her wild, rebellious nature going to get her killed. Kind of like curiosity killed the cat. Well, we've got feline DNA.
But I just can't go the Jondy way. I'm not like that. Jondy's way of life is just too...lonely...for me. But she's been like that since she lost Max in the ice. She's always been a loner. Not me. I had Krit with me almost every minute until we met up with Zack and he split us up.
This apartment is way too small. I've got to get some air. But if I let myself go out that door, I'll definitely do something I'll regret.
Wait. Maybe there's another way. Maybe...maybe there's a way I can get over this thing without the guilt or the new guy who suddenly thinks he's in my life. Maybe if I found someone who understood the situation, who knew what was going on. Someone who knows exactly what the barcode on the back of my neck means.
But who's close enough? Who can I get to without being sidetracked? Think, Syl, think. Krit? No, he's in New Mexico by now. Zack? God knows where Zack is. Ben? No, I have no idea where he is either. Derek? No, he's in Florida. Um...Jay, where's Jay? Jay's in....damn it, Zack, you didn't tell me where he was! Jo? Jondy saw Jo. Where? Uh...Michigan! No, that's not helpful. Zane! You idiot, Syl! Zane's here! He should be about twenty miles from here. You can make it that far. Just drive really, really fast.
***
I was shaking by the time I showed up on Zane's doorstep. It had been so hard to keep myself on track. So hard to keep from stopping. But I'd made it. If I wasn't in the state I was, I would have been proud of myself.
Zane opens the door. I expected myself to launch at him, tackle him to the floor. But I don't move. I can't. I just stare at him, still shaking.
"Syl!" he cries in surprise and worry.
He looks me over, sees me shaking and immediately brings me inside. Maybe he thought it was a seizure. I don't think he noticed quite yet what it really was.
"Here. Lay down." he says, pushing me onto a couch.
He looks at me with concern and I clench my fists as I try to find my voice to explain to him.
"Zane..." I start, my voice sounding odd to my own ears, "I need..."
My voice cracks under the strain and my sentence dies. I look at him with longing, hoping he'll understand.
I see his eyes widen and he freezes where he stands.
"Syl..." he says quietly, shaking his head.
"Please..." I beg.
"Syl, I can't." Zane protests.
That was it. That was all I could take. Before Zane can react, I'm off the couch and only a hair's breadth away from him. I look up at him. I place my hands on his chest, feeling hard muscle even through his clothes. I lick my lips.
"Zane..." I say quietly.
I move one hand up to his cheek, guiding his face down into range. Then, I stand on my toes and kiss him. He doesn't want to, not really. But he can't resist.
I know Zane. I know what he thinks and what he's like. Zane's emotional. He believes in all that sappy romance nonsense that I can't seem to buy. He falls hard every time and more often than not gets his heart broken because of it. Back in Manticore, it was always Krit who was my strong point and Zane who held me when I got the shakes.
I pull away slowly for some air. Zane looks at me, searchingly. He is teetering between what to do. I could push him over the edge.
"Help me, Zane." I whisper against his lips before kissing him again.
That did it. Zane's hands rise to my face; his thumb traces my jaw. I push him back towards the couch and he falls onto it. I straddle his knees and continue kissing him.
***
I wake up feeling strange. I can't seem to remember where I am. It hurts to move even though I'm on a soft bed. It's not my bed. Whose bed am I in?
I look around, feeling more paranoid than usual. I see a figure lying next to me and I recognize Zane. His back is to me and his short hair exposes his barcode. As if to prove to myself that it is him, I reach out and brush the barcode lightly with my fingers.
Zane twitches at the contact and roles over to face me. He sees my face and says nothing, just sits up and waits for me to talk. As if everything is alright and nothing happened.
"Zane..." I try to apologize, but he knows that is what I'm going to do and stops me with a sharp shake of his head. I sigh and start again, "I never meant to put you in that situation, Zane. It's the only thing I could think to do. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself. And I knew that you would understand. I was hoping that would make it okay."
I look down, unable to bear the look on Zane's face that I know will be there.
"Syl," he says softly, "it is okay."
He gently lifts my chin so I'm looking at him again. The look on his face makes me want to open up to him, to cry even. But I can't. I don't think I know how. But he knows that, too.
"I will always be here for you, Syl." he promises, leaning over to kiss my forehead, "I love you, remember?"
I can't speak. I just continue to stare into his sympathetic eyes. I was hoping that going to Zane wouldn't leave me feeling guilty, but I do. Not for the normal reasons, though. Normally, I feel guilty for betraying the guy I'm with. But now, now I feel guilty because I know that I love him and I can't tell him.
Zane quietly moves away, turning his back to me as he pulls on a pair of jeans.
"Zane." I say quickly, feeling like I'm losing my chance to talk to him.
He turns back to me.
"Can I stay with you? Just for a little while?" I ask, cursing myself for not being able to say what I really wanted to.
"Of course, Syl." Zane says, "I'm going to go take a shower, okay? If you're hungry, there's plenty of food. Help yourself to whatever you want."
I close my eyes, wishing that when I open them this will all be a dream. I'll open my eyes and I'll never have slept with Zane, I'll still be perfectly happy with Brad, I'll never have realized that my heart belongs with Zane now.
And here I thought I wouldn't let Manticore fuck with my life anymore. Or maybe this was just me, fucking things up all on my own. Either way, it looks like being in heat was just the beginning.
Spoilers: none, I don't think
Setting: doesn't really matter
Characters: Syl, Zane, Brad (references to Jondy and Krit mostly)
Summary: Syl's in heat and doesn't know what to do...
Rating: PG-13
Author: Ty
Archive: Ask me first, kritsdarkangel@yahoo.com
Heat
Not this time. I will not ruin another perfectly good relationship with fucked up genetics. I've had enough. To hell with Manticore and the consequences of what they did to me. I will not let it run my life. I swore that last time was the last time I would let them interfere with my life and it will be. Besides, I'm stronger than that. I'm strong enough to beat this heat thing. Aren't I?
This nagging little voice in the back of my head pipes up and reminds me that I wasn't strong enough last time. Last time, when things between Jason and me had just been getting somewhere and I'd gone and fucked it up (literally, the voice has to add) by sleeping with some guy named Dave.
Well, that was last time, I argue. It won't happen again. I'm a soldier, damn it. I just need to keep a grip on things, keep busy. I'll be fine.
You know, normal girls complain about what a bitch that time of the month is. They have no idea. Let Manticore fuck with your genetics for awhile, then come talk to me.
There's a knock on the door and I jump about 3 feet straight up. Calm down. Relax. It's okay. I breathe deeply before cautiously approaching the door and looking through the peephole. Great. Just great. It's Brad. Perfect timing.
"Hey, Jennifer! Let me in!" he calls through the door.
It takes me a moment to remember that I'm supposed to be Jennifer. New city, new name. Sometimes I almost lose track.
"Brad?"
"Yeah, let me in, will ya?"
"You came at a bad time. Can I call you later?"
"What do you mean a bad time? Just open up, please."
Damn it, why does he have to be so stubborn? Okay, Syl. There's only one way to get rid of him now. Take a deep breath, open the door, and DO NOT jump him. Ready? One, two, three.
I crack open the door and carefully poke my head around. I firmly keep my eyes locked on Brad's so I can't get distracted by the rest of him.
"Jen, what's wrong?" he asks, sensing I'm coiled about as tight as a person can go before they snap.
"Nothing. I'm just not feeling well." I force out of my mouth, which seems strangely dry.
"You sick? I'll make you some..." he begins.
"NO!" I yell to loudly, startling both of us. I try again, quieter, "No. Please, I'd rather you not see my like this. I call you later, when I'm feeling a little better, okay?"
"Oh, come on, Jennifer. Just because you're sick, doesn't mean you can't let anyone even see you. Let me take care of you." Brad insists.
"No, no. Seriously. I don't want you to get sick, too." I lie.
"I'll risk it."
"No."
"Jen..."
I'm getting really tired of this game. Much as he means well, my nerves can't take this right now.
"Look, I'm not letting you through this door. I will call you." I say firmly and shut the door.
I listen closely through the door and finally hear him sigh and walk away. I sigh myself and collapse against the door. That was close. But I handled it. Now if only I could be sure that I'll handle the next few days as well.
***
Running doesn't help. Push-ups don't help. TV doesn't help. Music doesn't help. Food doesn't help. Sleep doesn't help. Cold showers don't help. Nothing helps!
I'm going nuts! I can't even think without my mind warping it into something naughty. It's only been one day. How can it have only been one day? It feels like forever. I jump ever time the phone rings and don't pick it up, knowing I can't handle the temptation of a sexy, smooth male voice at the other end.
Told you that you couldn't handle it, the little voice says.
I growl in annoyance at myself and punch a hole through the wall. The thing that really irks me is that the little voice is right. I don't think I can handle it.
I talked to Jondy about it not too long ago. I ran into her and for some reason she decided she wanted to talk. That had surprised me. I'd never been her favorite, like I am Krit's (or so he tells me every time he sees me). But she'd wanted to talk and we'd started talking about all the crap with Manticore and somehow the subject came up. Jondy says she doesn't have too much of a problem with it. She says she feels the need, she does the deed. But Jondy's always been like that. Her mentality, the way I see it, has always been "I see, I want, I take". Zack always rides her about that. He says her wild, rebellious nature going to get her killed. Kind of like curiosity killed the cat. Well, we've got feline DNA.
But I just can't go the Jondy way. I'm not like that. Jondy's way of life is just too...lonely...for me. But she's been like that since she lost Max in the ice. She's always been a loner. Not me. I had Krit with me almost every minute until we met up with Zack and he split us up.
This apartment is way too small. I've got to get some air. But if I let myself go out that door, I'll definitely do something I'll regret.
Wait. Maybe there's another way. Maybe...maybe there's a way I can get over this thing without the guilt or the new guy who suddenly thinks he's in my life. Maybe if I found someone who understood the situation, who knew what was going on. Someone who knows exactly what the barcode on the back of my neck means.
But who's close enough? Who can I get to without being sidetracked? Think, Syl, think. Krit? No, he's in New Mexico by now. Zack? God knows where Zack is. Ben? No, I have no idea where he is either. Derek? No, he's in Florida. Um...Jay, where's Jay? Jay's in....damn it, Zack, you didn't tell me where he was! Jo? Jondy saw Jo. Where? Uh...Michigan! No, that's not helpful. Zane! You idiot, Syl! Zane's here! He should be about twenty miles from here. You can make it that far. Just drive really, really fast.
***
I was shaking by the time I showed up on Zane's doorstep. It had been so hard to keep myself on track. So hard to keep from stopping. But I'd made it. If I wasn't in the state I was, I would have been proud of myself.
Zane opens the door. I expected myself to launch at him, tackle him to the floor. But I don't move. I can't. I just stare at him, still shaking.
"Syl!" he cries in surprise and worry.
He looks me over, sees me shaking and immediately brings me inside. Maybe he thought it was a seizure. I don't think he noticed quite yet what it really was.
"Here. Lay down." he says, pushing me onto a couch.
He looks at me with concern and I clench my fists as I try to find my voice to explain to him.
"Zane..." I start, my voice sounding odd to my own ears, "I need..."
My voice cracks under the strain and my sentence dies. I look at him with longing, hoping he'll understand.
I see his eyes widen and he freezes where he stands.
"Syl..." he says quietly, shaking his head.
"Please..." I beg.
"Syl, I can't." Zane protests.
That was it. That was all I could take. Before Zane can react, I'm off the couch and only a hair's breadth away from him. I look up at him. I place my hands on his chest, feeling hard muscle even through his clothes. I lick my lips.
"Zane..." I say quietly.
I move one hand up to his cheek, guiding his face down into range. Then, I stand on my toes and kiss him. He doesn't want to, not really. But he can't resist.
I know Zane. I know what he thinks and what he's like. Zane's emotional. He believes in all that sappy romance nonsense that I can't seem to buy. He falls hard every time and more often than not gets his heart broken because of it. Back in Manticore, it was always Krit who was my strong point and Zane who held me when I got the shakes.
I pull away slowly for some air. Zane looks at me, searchingly. He is teetering between what to do. I could push him over the edge.
"Help me, Zane." I whisper against his lips before kissing him again.
That did it. Zane's hands rise to my face; his thumb traces my jaw. I push him back towards the couch and he falls onto it. I straddle his knees and continue kissing him.
***
I wake up feeling strange. I can't seem to remember where I am. It hurts to move even though I'm on a soft bed. It's not my bed. Whose bed am I in?
I look around, feeling more paranoid than usual. I see a figure lying next to me and I recognize Zane. His back is to me and his short hair exposes his barcode. As if to prove to myself that it is him, I reach out and brush the barcode lightly with my fingers.
Zane twitches at the contact and roles over to face me. He sees my face and says nothing, just sits up and waits for me to talk. As if everything is alright and nothing happened.
"Zane..." I try to apologize, but he knows that is what I'm going to do and stops me with a sharp shake of his head. I sigh and start again, "I never meant to put you in that situation, Zane. It's the only thing I could think to do. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself. And I knew that you would understand. I was hoping that would make it okay."
I look down, unable to bear the look on Zane's face that I know will be there.
"Syl," he says softly, "it is okay."
He gently lifts my chin so I'm looking at him again. The look on his face makes me want to open up to him, to cry even. But I can't. I don't think I know how. But he knows that, too.
"I will always be here for you, Syl." he promises, leaning over to kiss my forehead, "I love you, remember?"
I can't speak. I just continue to stare into his sympathetic eyes. I was hoping that going to Zane wouldn't leave me feeling guilty, but I do. Not for the normal reasons, though. Normally, I feel guilty for betraying the guy I'm with. But now, now I feel guilty because I know that I love him and I can't tell him.
Zane quietly moves away, turning his back to me as he pulls on a pair of jeans.
"Zane." I say quickly, feeling like I'm losing my chance to talk to him.
He turns back to me.
"Can I stay with you? Just for a little while?" I ask, cursing myself for not being able to say what I really wanted to.
"Of course, Syl." Zane says, "I'm going to go take a shower, okay? If you're hungry, there's plenty of food. Help yourself to whatever you want."
I close my eyes, wishing that when I open them this will all be a dream. I'll open my eyes and I'll never have slept with Zane, I'll still be perfectly happy with Brad, I'll never have realized that my heart belongs with Zane now.
And here I thought I wouldn't let Manticore fuck with my life anymore. Or maybe this was just me, fucking things up all on my own. Either way, it looks like being in heat was just the beginning.
