I do not own Criminal Minds, it´s characters or plots.I know this fic is a lot like Five things, but I was just so inspired by the fic that I had to make this one, so I hope that Lynabelle will take this as a compliment. Please review. (pretty please)
If someone only knew
The Gleeful Garcia
Garcia is as happy and crazy as she seems. She has too much confident to act like someone she is not. Well...that isn´t entirely true. There is more to her than that. She has some other sides. But she doesn´t want to show them. Why? Because either she doesn´t want people to see her real emotions , or she is afraid of that people might hurt her, so she pretends to be the fast-talking, eccentric, flirtatious person she is at times, so that she won´t feel as naked. It is the perfect shield. But sometimes she can´t help but to let her other parts step up, because Penelope Garcia has never been good at hiding her feelings. But there are a few things she prefers to keep to herself. Either because she doesn´t want to share it with anyone or because she doesn´t want role around in sad thoughts.
She did have a crush on Morgan first when they met. A huge one. Now she just loves him as a friend. Why didn´t she tell Morgan back then, make him hers, or at least try? Because despite everything she can be slightly insecure at times-especially when it comes to men. And Morgan reeked of player. Plus they were colleagues. But she probably wouldn´t have let it stop her if she had any hopes of things working out between them.
She hates Ian Doyle, Tobias Hankel or Charles or Raphael or whatever his name was, and George Foyet for all the pain that they in their own, sick ways have caused her family.
She loves Kevin and he is the first guy she has ever been this serious about. Actually he is the first guy she has ever been serious about since every guy she has ever been with left her before anything became too deep. Or she just found out that they were no good and dumped them.
She still has nightmares about some of the things she has seen on the screen. The worst one was when Reid got kidnapped. She can still imagine his screams when that filthy, soul-sucking son of a bitch beat him up.
Losing Emily crushed her heart. Maybe even more than when her parents died.
She knows that even though Reid is pessimistic, then he wouldn´t worry about schizophrenia if there wasn´t a reason to and that frightens her-but she´ll never let Reid know that. Ever.
She still feels guilty for letting someone get into her computer and nearly killing one of team.
She still thinks about Christopher and she really hopes he is all right.
She still thinks about the bastard that shot her. Not much anymore (thank god for that. Suppose having an insanely long work-schedule does pay of sometimes) but still. And once in a while (okay, more often than that) she has nightmares about him. The first few weeks after the incident Morgan stayed at her place. Even after he moved out again she called him when she woke up with a nightmare and he´d comfort her without complaining. She doesn´t know what she would have done if he hadn´t and she can never describe how grateful she is for what he did for her. Or how sorry she is that JJ had to shoot the guy. She really hopes that she doesn´t feel too bad about it. After all, that guy doesn´t deserve JJ feeling guilty over him. He doesn't even deserve being her mind.
The thought of losing one of the team is unbearable to her. When Reid was held hostage by Tobias, when she thought Morgan had died, when Hotch got shot, when Reid inhaled the anthrax, when the press stupidly blew Reid´s and Emily´ covers the time when they were in Colorado and that god-awful psycho priest-thingy Cyrus beat up Emily. All of those times left her terrified and hear-broken. And she will never, ever, EVER tell them how much it still bothers her. Or how afraid she gets every time they leave for another case. Because it is her job to be the optimistic one. And she refuses to fail them.
