It wasn't the crunching of snow beneath his paws that was driving him mad, but the silence between each step, an anticipatory moment that passed same as the last, never different but also never the same. Beside him, Pebblestream walked with her gaze set on her paws, and his tail lashed impatiently at her refusal to break the silence between them.
"Talk to me," he said suddenly, forcefully. He couldn't allow things to just end this way. He loved her far too much to let her go that easily.
Her thick, gray pelt fluffed out against the heavy chill, making her seem larger than she actually was, but her voice came out small and meek, belying her appearance. "What do you want me to say, Darkness?"
He cringed. Among the other rogues, his name was more than fitting. However, now that he'd assimilated into this new Clan, where being rough and fearsome was revered and respected among them, he felt that with Pebblestream it was much different. "You know I'm not like them, right?" he asked suddenly.
Pebblestream looked up sharply, and the depths of her beautiful amber eyes made his heart constrict painfully. "What?"
"I'm not like the other rogues," he said again. "I'm different. You know I am."
He moved in closer to the she-cat, longing for the feel of his pelt brushing hers, but noticing how tense her shoulders became at his closeness and relenting with a flare of anger. She just shook her head. "It's not that."
There was another thread of silence between them, which strung out uncomfortably as they continued to walk. The sun on his back bore down on him despite the cold, and his dark gray, almost black pelt was tipped with frost and dew that brushed against him as they twisted around trees and slipped under the thick brush on their way to their camp.
"Thank you for agreeing to walk me home," she mewed after a while. "Even though…"
"Even though you just tore my heart to shreds?" Darkness murmured back bitterly.
Pebblestream cringed. "Don't be like that, Darkness."
"Then tell me what changed," he begged, and stopped in his tracks, staring intently on the she-cat who still held his heart but refused to meet his eyes. "What could I have possibly done to make you stop loving me?"
"Nothing," she said, only daring to look as far as Darkness's paws. "Can't we just go?"
He stepped closer, ignoring her wish to keep his distance. "I won't let you go that easy, Pebblestream."
"Please." Now it was her turn to beg, but Darkness had barely registered the pain in her voice. All he could feel was the sharp web of bramble tied across his heart, squeezing, constricting. His ears were drumming with adrenaline and his fur was bristling across his spine, frenzied with emotion. Never before had he felt so strongly, so wholly for another cat; never before had his heart overridden his mind like this.
"I love you," he declared gruffly. "I love you more than anything I've ever known, Pebblestream."
"You're a rogue," she protested weakly, avoiding his fiery gaze.
"Not anymore," he argued. Venom was now dripping in his voice. "I'm your mate."
"Not anymore," she said back, taking a few steps back. "We were always fleeting, Darkness. Always. This is wrong. Don't you understand that…?"
Darkness continued to close the distance between them, matching her steps back with his own steps forward. "How can this be wrong," he asked, "when no cat can love you like I do? Don't you understand that?"
Darkness's paws, stiffened by the cold snow beneath them, padded closer and closer until Pebblestream was backed against a tree. His claws had come unsheathed out of reflex, and the bristling of his former mate's fur only abetted his anger, stoking it like a mild fire and igniting a more passionate, less reasonable state of mind.
"If my love were tangible," he whispered dangerously, "it'd flood this whole forest."
There was a mute moment of disbelief where Pebblestream just stared at Darkness, gaping, unsure of what to do. "Just stay with me," he whispered again, more softly this time, leaning in to run his nose along her cheek.
Darkness was so close that he could feel her breaths against his muzzle, thrilling, intoxicating, but the she-cat had let out a shrill cry and before he knew what was happening, his head jerked to one side.
He brought his paw up to feel his cheek, realizing that three horizontal slashes were now imprinted on his muzzle. The tom felt his claws flexing as he felt the torn fur falling from his face, and as Pebblestream attempted to make her escape, like a lion on the hunt, Darkness took chase.
She fled through the dense forest and across frosty clearings, coming across a thick-barked tree and setting her claws into it, preparing to ascend. Darkness had caught up too fast, however, and tackled her viciously and with such force that her head hit the ground with a solid thud.
"Don't fight it," he tried to shout, but Pebblestream had yowled a teary and fearful "Help!", which only caused him more frustration and inspired him to push his paws over her throat.
Pebblestream had begun to wheeze under his paws in a useless struggle for precious oxygen, but the large tom had refused to relent, the voice of pain driving him deep into a crevice in his mind where her pleas fell deaf.
"Darkness," Pebblestream had tried to call, her voice not leaving her throat. All that she managed was the motion of the words, evident on the shape of her lips. Darkness…
Her paws, desperately clawing at her assailant's, were becoming weaker and weaker in the short moments until they were completely slack. Only when he was sure she was no longer moving did Darkness relent, stepping off of her and shaking off his bristling pelt.
"You won't live without me," he panted, "because I can't live without you…" And with those words came an unquellable anguish that seized his heart and he forced himself to get a good look of what he'd done.
Pebblestream's eyes, once beautiful and vibrant, lively and swimming with such strong sentiment, were now wide and glossy, stricken with terror. It made his stomach twist to see, but nonetheless, he felt no remorse for his actions. She had to die; there was no way around it. Darkness knew it was wrong, however, but couldn't bring himself to care enough. If she couldn't belong to him, then she wouldn't belong to anyone, and that was just the way it had to be. He decided he wouldn't return to his Clan either, as he knew it would soon come out that it was he who had taken the she-cat's life, and would rather not face the consequences that would surely follow.
He heard sets of footsteps approaching, breaking him from his reverie and causing him to duck into the brush, lest he be seen. These cats were most likely from his clan, a patrol, probably, meant to keep cats like him - rogues - outside of their borders. The thought filled him with bitterness. I'm not like other rogues, he told himself. I'm not cruel. I'm not a savage.
But deep down inside, he knew he was a monster.
