A/N: In this story I suppose Harley is pretty much OOC, but I think the personality still works rather well with her. I wrote this story a couple of years ago for myself, but I do believe that everything should be shared, since you never know what loonies will like it. :-)
And I have to mention that I dedicate this story to my high school friends, my ex-best friend, and the boy who came along, set my world on fire, and made me his Harley Quinn.
"Get off the floor you piece of shit!"
"Dad!"
Smack.
"Dad!"
Kick.
"Please dad!"
"Stop begging you weak piece of shit. You'll never be even half the man that I am! You're just going to let people walk all over you, you worthless bastard."
Hit. It's then that the door opens.
"What's going on here?"
"Teaching the boy a lesson."
Crack.
"Stop it!"
Punch.
"Stop it!"
Whack.
"Stop it! He's bleeding! Please just stop it! Stop it!"
"Shut up you bitch!"
Slap.
"'ey! 'ey boss! We're 'ere! Wake up!"
"Ugh," he said, wiping his eyes and licking the corner of his mouth. "California?"
"California."
"Excellent."
"Shit Harley, what are we going to do?"
"I just don't know."
Walking by the shops of the boardwalk Ashes and Harley, The Insane Duo, were out of luck. The 20-year-old college drop-outs had spent all week looking for an affordable apartment to share. All of the apartments were either too expensive (false advertising!) or really rundown (death traps!). They were both going to be kicked out of their houses for doing nothing for a year. It's not like they'd planned this. They were supposed to graduate college, get their own place, get jobs, and then travel the world. Harley was still jobless (boring, monotonous slavery!) and they were both homeless as of tomorrow (some loving parents!). Harley's parents had counted on her doing so much better than her free-loading brothers. Her "falling short of her potential" was just unacceptable. First she graduated high school a semester late and now her college-dropout ass couldn't even get a job or a place to live. Ashes's mother was just a psycho bitch.
"Now what?"
"No clue. Y'know, Tony or...or Kayla might be around here. Maybe they could take us in for a month or help us find someone who will."
"Or we could just...swim to England and not have to worry about being poor."
"Damn British!"
"Let's go to the ocean."
"Y'want some sun boss?"
"I wanna have some fun."
"Chelsea!"
"Oh hey Harley!"
"Tony around?"
"Oh yeah. Tony, Kayla, Fat Tony, Maggie...everyone...we're all here!"
Harley grabbed Ashes by the crook of her arm and they followed Chelsea through the sea of people and shops. Right at the point of where the shops ended and the sand began were her friends sitting on beach towels under umbrellas.
"SHERIFF!" yelled Tony.
Harley's sheriff badge glinted in the sun. It's amazing what some painted on plastic can make. You can get an eight-pack for a dollar at the dollar store. Why wear it to the beach? She's worn one everywhere (except job interviews!) since high school. She just wanted to be famous, known. When something doesn't come to you, do all you can to create it yourself. Create your own Fate, redefine everything you know.
"Hey Ashy," he said, obviously less enthusiastic. He redirected his attention to Harley. "How's apartment hunting? Been invited to the Playboy Mansion yet?"
"Oh yeah Tony, I just came here to wait for the bunnies." She stared at her wrist like she was wearing a watch.
"Hey look! There they are!" squealed Ashes, pointing. Harley's eyes followed the invisible line and came upon a middle-age woman wrapped in a Bugs Bunny towel. The whole group roared with laughter as the lady cast them a death glare.
"But seriously," Tony laughed. "How's it going?"
Suddenly the whole group went silent and stared intently at Harley. She hated being on the spot almost as much as she hated asking for help.
She laughed, "Why the fuck are you all staring like that?!"
They all started laughing and Tony squeezed out an "I don't know." Harley growled before pouncing on Tony. They started rolling around, tickling each other, before rolling right into a nearby man taking a nap. They laughed even harder as they scurried back to the group. Their throats were raw, but they kept on laughing – the whole group, just laughing. It's all they ever did when Harley was around.
"What is it Boss?"
"That laughter...I like it!"
The few men with binoculars worked on finding the hysterical faces. The rest just squinted, hoping that they'd evolve into a binocular-eyed new species.
"So, uh, what're we gonna do?"
"Erg, so yeah, we need a place to stay for a while," said Harley, finishing the woeful tale of apartment hunting.
"But you're sheriff, you can do anything!"
"Suck my ass, Tony."
"Make felching!"
Harley sighed. Ninety percent of the things Tony said were her recycled jokes beaten to death.
"Make dying!" Harley shot back.
"Make a well and I will!"
Harley smacked herself on the head before lunging into Fat Tony's chest. "Hide me from the stupid!" Fat Tony just put his arms around Harley and kissed the top of her head. She flipped over and leaned her back. He kissed her temple. Tony just turned away.
"Well, my brother's looking for a roommate," said Christina.
"Really? Ashes, we should check that shit out."
"Yah!" Ashes replied in a strange, almost cut-off sounding comical voice.
Suddenly Harley got up, went over to Ashes, and sat down on her. Fat Tony gave an exaggerated, puppy-dog eyed frown.
"Fine, I see how it is," he pouted. "I'll just have to..." He trailed off, before lunging at Tony. He proceeded to hump his head. Tony's screams were drowned out by the group laughter as Harley yelled, "Woot woo! Tony on Tony action!" Nearby people stared, as they tend to do.
"And now I'm gonna ride my Harley!" Fat Tony went on.
"No!" Harley shrieked. Like a bullet she was up and running past the shops. Both Tony's followed.
"Seriously, what the hell?" asked Maggie.
"What?" replied Chelsea.
"What gets into everyone when she's around?"
"She's a load of fun."
"She's weird."
"She likes to get INSIDE of you. Especially at night," said Ashes, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Is everything set?"
"Yeah boss. All you need to do is set it off."
"Mmm, this is gonna be fun," he said, licking the side of his mouth. "Let's light this fucker like a roman candle!"
