I called you last night in the hotel

Everyone knows but they won't tell

But their half –hearted smiles tell me

Something's just not right

-Picture by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock

Margaret was nervous. After all, it was not like she hadn't been on a date before. Her carefully selected sapphire deep cut gown lay before her on the bed. The satin fabric felt cool and smooth in her hands as she picked it up and held it against her chest. The dress had cost her a week's salary but it was well worth it in her opinion. This dress was sure to capture the attention of a certain dark haired surgeon from Crabapple Cove, Maine. If only she was meeting her soon to be ex-husband instead of a blind date.

Maine. Its winters were harsh, as everyone had warned her they would be. But its seasons were colorful and eventful. Outdoor music events and fine dining existed to keep her and her husband busy throughout the warm summer season. She'd grown quite accustomed to the lifestyle of a doctor's wife and all of the luxuries it afforded. Her career as a nurse was keeping her busier than ever; she was often called in for overtime and was considered the go-to person for emergencies.

And yet something was missing. It wasn't a child, for she and Hawkeye had long agreed that they did not feel the need to bring a child into the world. For Hawkeye, it would bring back too many traumatic memories of his breakdown in Korea and it was simply not worth the risk. He had witnessed too many horrors and did not really want to bring a new life into a world that was capable of such atrocious acts such as the ones found in war. As for Margaret, having a child simply did not fit into her plans. She'd found her fulfillment through her career and her husband. Once upon a time, she'd thought that having a baby would have been nice. But married life was satisfying, at least it had been, and not having children had its advantages. She could work a schedule without worrying about childcare. True, she'd often worked night shift and slept during the day. Often she'd wondered if that wasn't part of her and Hawkeye's problem. She and Hawkeye could pack up and go on weekend trips at any given time. Most importantly, she had time to work on her relationship. Up until now, it had been working out nicely, too.

But it was time to move forward, like all of her friends told her. She'd done her share of crying. Ever since Hawkeye told her that he wanted out she'd been a total wreck. She'd thrown herself into her job, as usual. But she couldn't eat, and she could barely sleep. She'd lost five pounds that she could barely afford to spare. Finally she'd gotten to the point where she'd had enough. She had to move on. They were fighting all the time and saying the most hurtful things to each other. It wasn't that they didn't love each other. She refused to believe that. But they were both so much alike: passionate, stubborn, and proud. Maybe they were too much alike. But it didn't matter, not to Hawkeye. He just didn't love her anymore, not enough to stay married to her. He did not say that in those exact words but he did not have to. He asked her for a divorce.

I've been waiting on you for a long time

Fueling up on heartache and cheap wine

I ain't heard from you in

Three damn nights

Margaret looked down at her finger and saw her wedding ring. It was a painful reminder of the past five years of her life. Not all of them were bad. They were good ones, except for the past six months. Tears fell down her face as the reality of the situation hit her. Her marriage was over and she was off to see another man. The possibility that she was making a colossal mistake had crossed her mind. But it had dawned on her that Hawkeye was not waiting around, and she was just beating him to the punch. He'd never wanted for female companionship. There were rumors of a new girl hanging around his circle of friends and it would not have surprised her in the least if he had his eye on her. Nothing surprised her about Hawkeye anymore. She'd had her suspicions about those two, not that she would give him the satisfaction of admitting them. All that would do was cause another fight, and she was not sure she could handle one more. There had been more than enough already, and she was tired. It wasn't as if they were talking anyways, except through their lawyers. There really wasn't anything left to say. They'd said everything they needed to say on that fateful last night when he walked out the door. And now here she was getting ready for her first date with another person in five years.

She was tired of the fighting, tired of the late nights waiting for him to come home when he was God knows where. He was coming home just when she was leaving for work, without saying a word as to where he'd been. He was with friends, but whether or not these friends were of the female persuasion only Hawkeye knew. There was a time when she would have never questioned his loyalty. The very notion of him cheating would have made her laugh. She was sure he had not cheated, but her jealousy was out in full force. She was jealous of his friends and of that part of his life that was closed off to her. But how could she not be jealous? They had not been intimate in a few months. They had once been best friends, lovers, and life partners. For months now they had been strangers sharing a house, if not a bed. Margaret admitted that taking the night shift might have had something to do with the distance between them. But the chance to be the head nurse at the most prestigious hospital in the nearest major city had been too great to pass up. And it was supposed to have been temporary. Three months had turned into six, and yet she was still waiting for the day shift position to open up. Hawkeye never would have asked her to give up her job, but now she wished he would have.

Margaret reached over to her chestnut chest of drawers and pulled out the framed picture of Hawkeye in his captain's uniform that she had tucked away. She touched the glass, lingering over his face longer than she meant to. There was so much about him she was going to miss. Most of all, she would miss the way he made her laugh. Even in the worst of times, in the grueling pressure of the operating room in Korea he would pull off a fast joke. Often times it was at her expense, but in reality she did not mind. He had a way of charming himself back into her good graces despite her vows to never speak to him again. She could forgive everything he'd ever done, every joke he'd every played, everything he'd ever said- except for the word divorce. That was the cruelest word of all.

Margaret sat the picture down on the bed and realized it was time to get ready for her date.

Nervously, she grabbed her dress and made her way to the bathroom and slipped on her dress. After careful application of her makeup, she looked at the clock and realized it was time to leave. Strangely, she no longer felt nervous, only sad. This should have been date night in her marriage, not with some stranger.

I put your picture away

Sat down and cried today

I can't look at you

While I'm lying next to him