How could he, how could he? I thought he was my friend, but obviously not.

If someone had told me last year that my best and first friend Severus Snape would end up betraying me even though I was just trying to help him, I probably would have laughed in their face and told them to stop being stupid. I mean Snape and I had been growing apart, in fact going into our sixth year we only talked on the oddest occasions. But never would I of imagined him doing something like this.

Mudblood. That word symbolised the hatred of the inter house wars. That word represented the prejudice of hundreds of years of violence. Every muggle-born in the school had been called it at least once. In fact most muggle-borns were called it on a regular bases. Not me though, I originally thought that Severus was protecting me but them Alice told me that James had threatened anyone who might call me that telling them that they would face him for the rest of their time at Hogwarts. The boy who did once let it slip, well they say he still has nightmares about what James did, not that anyone will tell me what it was. I guess there are some perks to being protected by a marauder.

I've heard of incidences when it was rumoured that Snape had called someone else a mudblood before, but they were just rumours. Or at least I thought they were. All these years Snape has told me that I'm just as good as everyone else, better in his opinion. All these years, lies.

I thought he was my friend. I thought he cared about me. I was just trying to help him. I thought I mattered to him.

But no, I'm Lily Evans. No one cares about Lily Evans. Not really.

Sometimes I wonder what people would do if I just disappeared one day. Would they care? Would they be sad?

Or would they be happy? Would they be pleased, little Lily Evans, a problem, only pitied not liked? Never liked. Not even her sister likes her, so why should we.

I imagine people talking in groups glancing at me occasionally, this dream not only something in my head, but something that really happens. What did they talk about, did they think she was a freak too? Was it true?

When Alice, Mary and the others came back to our dorm I could feel there pitying glances on me. They'd never really liked Snape but they didn't want to see me hurting. I nearly burst into tears then and there.

Mary approached me slowly a worried look on her face.

I heard about what happened and I'm really sorry Lils. She paused for a second before adding. I know you probably don't want to see him right now, but Snape is outside the portrait hole. We told him you didn't want to see him but now he's threatening to camp out there if you don't speak to him. I can find a way to get rid of him if you want. I'm sure one of the marauders would love the task.

The marauders. James. I remember yelling at him, screaming at him that he was just as bad as Snape. I remember the hurt in his eyes. Never have I seen so much pain before in someone eyes.

Why did I always do that? Every time I yell at James I seem to forget that he's human and that he hurts just like the rest of us. He hasn't even been that bad recently. There have been no embarrassing proclamations of love, no cheesy pick up lines, I've even managed to have a normal conversation with him on a few occasions. It amazing, occasionally I even miss the old James

And now this. He's never been that hurt before. Well if he wasn't over me yet then he certainly is over me now. How could I say those things? I picked the exact things that I knew would hurt him the most. He was nothing like Snape, nothing like a Slytherin. But I was. How could I be so cruel?

"Lily, Lily"

I look at Mary and realise she's said my name at least 5 times now, still waiting for an answer. Should I talk to Snape, I guess I have no choice, there's no way he'll leave if he thinks he still has a chance of begging my forgiveness.

I get up to go meet him, as I pass through the common room I find myself looking for James, to see how much I've hurt him. He's nowhere in sight. None of the marauders are. What have I done?

I'm still thinking about James when I step through the portrait hole to find Snape. As I listen to him I begin to realise that everything the marauders have said about him is true. It didn't used to be, but it is now.

As I look into his eyes I see that even now there's a glimmer of hope in his eyes that means he thinks I still might forgive him. I crush that glimmer. I don't even know what I say but I see that glimmer fade just before I turn around and climb back through the portrait hole, Snape still calling my name.

For a moment I just stand there coming to terms' with the fact that I will never again be able to call Snape a friend again. Even my mind has started calling him Snape instead of Severus.

As I walk in to the common room I feel everyone shooting me pitying glances, and suddenly I feel part of me just break. As the first tear slides down my cheek I'm already running out through the portrait hole and down the stairs, ignoring Mary and Alice calling my name from the common room.

I don't look where I'm going, just let my feet guide me through the corridors, my eyes so blinded by tears that I wouldn't be able to see even if I wanted to.

Faces pass before my eyes, my sister and her boyfriend shooting disgusted glares at me, calling me a freak, the hurt in James' eyes when I yelled at him, the fury in Sirius' when he saw James' expression, the hatred in Snapes face when he yelled out mudblood, then the dying hope in his eyes tonight as I told him we weren't friends anymore. These faces jeering at me, screaming that it was all my fault. If only I wasn't a witch, maybe if I'd been a muggle then everything would have turned out all right.

I'm still running when something catches my foot and sends me crashing down onto wet leaves and twigs. I look around for the first time realising that I'm lost. I look behind me to see that it was a tree root that had tripped me, this fact briefly calming the fear of the unknown that had gripped me.

Trying to breathe normally I look around but can see nothing but trees and darkness. I'm lucky really, if it wasn't for the full moon I wouldn't have been able to see anything.

Suddenly it hits me that I'm in the forbidden forest, not only that but I'm lost in the forbidden forest without, as a quick search of my pockets confirmed, my wand.

I try to stand but quickly find myself falling down, shrieking in agony as my ankle gives way under the pressure I just put on it. I take a moment to curse tree roots, before beginning to ask myself how long it would take for someone to find me. Would Mary and Alice report the fact that I had run off, or would they be trying to avoid getting me in trouble for being out of bed after curfew. For once I wish that my friends weren't so damn loyal, knowing that there was no way they'd want to get me into trouble. That meant that it was likely that no one would even know she was missing until breakfast tomorrow. Would they even report it then, maybe they'd wait for first lesson hoping she'd turn up for that.

Tears of fear started to stream down my face wondering if anyone would ever find me. A distant cracking sound makes me jump, and suddenly I wish I hadn't listened so closely to all those horror stories that the older boys told about this place. Of beasts hunting at midnight, longing for the taste of human flesh, or of spirits possessing people, finally driving them mad.

Circling into a ball and trying to quieten down my tears, images of the events of today mixed in with nightmares from my imagination. I close my eyes trying to keep out the horrors, to create my own sanctuary inside my head. It doesn't work. I feel myself slowly descending into darkness as I struggle to open my eyes, ending when the darkness consumes me and I feel myself screaming from the torments of my mind.

In my head I'm running, trying to find a hiding space that will save me from my terrors. Even when I reach it I can feel someone watching me, but for some reason the watcher doesn't scare me. I fact as I leave my hiding place and try to find those eyes I almost feel safe.

Till I realise that I'm not dreaming those eyes and that there is a bloody great beast standing in front of me. It takes me a few moments to realize that it's not a magical beast standing in front of me, but a stag. Ok probably slightly magical seeing as it was double the size of any stag I'd ever seen, or heard about for that matter.

It's strange, almost as if the stag looks worried while looking at me, but stags can't look worried, it's just an animal. An extremely large animal that seems to be quite contempt just staring at me. That is until we both here the howl in the distance. The stag looks away and I take this as a chance to study it.

It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The way it stands makes you think that its royalty. So tall, so proud. Then the antlers (at least I think that's what they're called, though I swear there's another name), they rise above the head like a crown. Perfectly symmetrical in every way.

I begin to study the stag more closely when it turns its head back to me. If it's even possible the stag looks more worried. It starts motioning with its head, like it's telling me to go somewhere.

It looks impatient and suddenly I'm not as confident as before.

When the stag keeps motioning I point to my ankle and say that I can't. I sound stupid even in my own ears, talking to an animal, but the stag seems to understand

The next thing it does surprises me. It bends down and almost motions like he wants me to get on. I don't know what to do but the stag keeps motioning, seeming to grow more impatient every second. I move tentatively towards it and go to climb on. The stag moves quickly knocking me onto him, then standing up and taking off running just as quickly. I have to struggle to hang on but as I get used to it I start to wonder where it's talking me. I hear the howl again, much closer this time, then a second sound like a dog barking. The stag started to run faster but the howls just keep getting closer.

I here splashing sounds and realise that the stag is walking downstream in the shallows of a river. He slows down slightly, but I have a feeling this is only to stop from falling over on the wet stones. I almost start to relax until I hear another howl, this one much closer than the last. The stag hears it to because suddenly he's abandoned the river and is now running full speed through the forest. The howl comes again, no closer but no further either. We break out in to a clearing where the stag suddenly stops almost throwing me off his back. There's a bank on one side of the clearing which the stag carries me over too before dumping me on the ground. It fixes me with one of the most penetrating stares I have ever seen. The stare seems to say

Trust me

And with that the stag is gone.

I shiver and look around the clearing realising that I still have no idea where I am when I hear it. A slow growl coming from one side of the clearing. Low and penetrating it get louder until I see a pair of yellow eyes stair out at me from in the thicket. Slowly the beast emerges from the bushes still growling, but now it doesn't sound menacing, it sounds hungry.

If I said the stag was big, the new beast was bigger. Moving on all fours, claws and teeth gleaming in the moonlight, if the stag made you feel safe then this was the opposite. This beast made you feel like food.

I stared at it as it came closer knowing that it was about to rip my throat out, wondering whether my death would be quick or slow, when I saw the full moon in the background.

It hit me then what I was starring at. And in a way I was comforted. At least I was going to know what killed me.

Just less than 5 meters away the werewolf prepared to leap at me, and I wondered briefly what life after death would be like.

The werewolf leaped, but even as its paws left the ground I saw a flicker of fear register in its eyes.

Because as soon as the werewolf was in full leap it was hip full on in the chest by the antlers of the stag that had just leapt over me...