Chapter 1
"Now, you heathen. Now, you perish!" Naruto declared as he readied his sword for a clean beheading. The sword itself was mostly golden though steel-grey on the serrated edges, and on the rainguard's center, there was a purple eye with a white, linear pupil staring into nothingness. A black and purple sash was tied around its hilt as well.
He had defeated a whole, gigantic church-load of mad, alterated and twisted monks who all knew of dark magic. If it hadn't been for his troops, he would have probably perished by then. All of that, to get to this man.
The man that was the blond's target was now on his knees, chuckling at the threatning blade. A man with his kind of power had nothing to fear from pesky things such as an edge.
Naruto seemed confused at the dark sorcerer's amusement as he kneeled. The man wore black robes that were tired around his waist by a thick rop, and had a large, pointed hood that covered his head and a small part of his face.
"What amuses you so, evil wizard?" He questioned as his specially forged steel armor and helmet gleamed with light and his white cape, decorated with an image of a hawk during peaked flight and the gold and purple shield with three white eyes in the middle stood out, even more so than his shining greaves and gauntlets.
The man's chuckle turned into maniacal laughter, infusing the knight with ire and impatience. Naruto swung his sword, stopping the point of the blade as it touched the sorcerer's throat.
"I asked you a question, heretic." He demanded an answer yet again, pressing into and drawing a small line of blood on his enemy's neck. The laughter soon ceased.
"What amuses me is how a child with a set of armor, a shield and a sword firmly believes he's a knight, and has a mere hatchling the art of "healing" magic latches onto the fantasy of being a threat to Merlin! The most powerful sorcerer in the Universe! I can turn oyu to dust with a word!" He responded. The shadows of the dark, empy stone-built room quickly gathered around him and spiralled around the two. Naruto took a step back.
"Merlin, once a firm believer in God, now a fallen priest, drunk with power. You have fallen so low..." The blond knight commented as he pulled his helmet off of his head, revealing his straight blond hair that reached his shoulders, and the thin goatee on his face, and a small, silver chaplet from under his armor, kissing it and mumbling a prayer.
"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against lead us not into temptation,but deliver us from evil. Amen."
"HAHAHAHA, ARE YOU REALLY RELYING ON HIM FOR HELP? WELL, ARE YOU BARKING AT THE WRONG TREE!"
The shadows were going wild, even knocking Merlin's hood off of his head, revealing his bald gesture, slithed, snake-like pupils and his unkept dark-brown goatee.
"Well, I have bad news for you boy. He. Doesn't. Care!"
Merlin sped forward, the shadows curling around his right fist as he himself became a simple blur of darkness. Naruto finished his prayers.
"LIGHTNING JOUST!" He proclaimed as he rose his sword up in the air.
"DARK PUNCH!" The mage responded, directing his right fist at his opponent's chest area.
For a moment, it seemed as Merlin would win, as his fist completely penetrated the armor and even connected with the boy's muscled stomach.
But he was soon repelled as the holy yellow lightning that Naruto had collected was released from his very heart in a yellow sphere around him.
The jolts of electricity were more than enough to blast the sorcerer into a wall, breaking it into numerous pieces of stone as the body went through it.
Several moments went by undisturbed as Naruto relaxed his right arm, letting it hang by his side as he took in deep breaths. The armor around his torso had been completely blown apart despite it being of top quality, and the skin that the mage had managed to hit was burned, and black steam was coming off of it.
However, he wasn't the only one hurt. Merlin was still lying on the floor, not even able to sit as he coughed out blood. He couldn't comprehend and manage every single detail of the current situation, but he seemed to have gotten into his head the fact that he had lost the battle.
Naruto allowed himself a smirk. Nobody had ever survived the Lightning Joust, and no one ever would. The secret was that the lightning was not only physical but also spiritual. It was holy, and as it reached one's soul, the part of the human responsible for the abilities to influence magical forces, it cleansed it apart.
Of course, to an evil being such as Merlin, having his soul purified meant having his black magic absolutely ripped off of him, and therefore, killing him.
The boy couldn't allow himself any other moment of rest. God's work had to be done, and so, it was best if he got to it.
He returned his sword to its sheath as he reached to his back, were a lance was secured, with the bladed end pointing down.
It had been exactly an year before when he began hunting down these beings as not only a job, but also a way of expressing his morality, and he always did it with the holy lance "dynas" that had been sanctified and blessed by the Pope himself.
He pulled it off of his back and into his right hand, approaching the wasted Merlin, who was still spitting out blood in copious quantities.
"By the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit..." He began, making the sorcerer respond with a pitiful attempt at laughter.
"Fuck you."
"...Amen."
He brought down the lance upon Merlin's bald head, effectively ending his life. A hasty battle it had been, but one that had fully tested his abilities.
He turned around, securing the lance on his back again and readying himself to leave the castle to return to his troops, when a pulse of pain took over him.
It was coming from his belly.
He looked down to find dark markings spread around his bellybutton, and was trying to make heads or tails of the weird symbols when another wave of agony erupted.
"Oh Sh-"
He crashed on the ground, falling into sweet unconsciousness.
One Month Later
"For services done unto me, my Kingdom and its people, I, King Richard the Eighth of England, name you, Uzumaki Naruto, a Nobleman, and hand you the lands of Wales as reward for defeating the mad priest Merlin. I also give you the right to have your own banner, and to acquire a new name for yourself, in order to replace that incomprehensible one you were born with."
Thunderous cheers and roars came from the people that were watching. Hand claps came from the Noblemen present, sword salutes from the fellow knights and the rustle of the damsels' fans and dresses as they sent discrete waves, winks and even kisses at the most recent Noble. Naruto, the long-haired and rough-goatee wearing knight was happy.
His dream had been achieved. After numerous crusades and witch-hunts, he had risen from knighthood into Nobility. He thanked God for his help in destroying so many demonic artifacts, killing various heathens and heretics that spat in His grace, and conquering evil, even if slowly. Now, vampires attacking more than twice a month was a rare occurence, and dark mages trying to destroy the world were nothing but extinct. All due to the best Paladin in the Kingdom, Naruto.
However, his work was far from done. There were still major threats that required neutralizing, and numerous holy artifacts that needed recovering. As the Champion specifically chosen by the Vatican, it was his duty to deal with such things. Apparently, marriage and working towards having heirs would have to wait a bit more.
He gladly accepted the Declaration of Nobility, the lands of Wales and the bag of gold that was a reward for eliminating Merlin, the Rogue Mage.
The celebrations went on for days, honouring the new Lord of Wales with ridiculous ammounts of food, extensive fights between the best of the best, jousts and the entertainment of beautiful female dancers and talented musicians.
The Lord himself wasn't present most of the time, though. Merlin had only struck once in the fight, but he had struck well. The act of taking an entire church of ravenous necromancers before dealing with the big one had taken its toll, and Naruto still had those strange waves of pain.
The dark markings had not disappeared from around his belly button, and the King demanded in private that he would visit the King's Sorcerer. Not that he needed to, Naruto wouldn't allow anything unholy to remain on his body. Not in a million years.
And that was why he was currently face-to-face with Nimue, Merlin's apprentice, who had been nominated the King's personal sorcerer due to her abilities.
It was said that the girl had powers that gave her control over the sea itself, being able to create horrible storms with simple words. Naruto had known her long enough, as she was always the one who healed him of any dark existence after any crusade or witch-hunt.
She was a dark-skinned twenty-year old, with the most hypnotic, double-irised black eyes, and the most beautiful, curled, absolutely white hair.
Her body was the source of the envy of many damsels and Noblewomen. Heck, of any woman, really. Nimue was the epitome of female beauty, and what didn't help was that she was completely pure. Virginity was a big source of her powers, after all.
She despised men. She considered them all lowly pigs, and any member of the male sex that was closer than five meters of distance would find a poisoned dagger to his throat in a blink of an eye.
However, she liked Naruto. Not just for the fact that he never once gave the sign of lust, but for the fact that like she, he was no talk. In her opinion, he was the best at what she did, and was probably the only one that had the right to her treatment.
"Merlin really did a number on you. This is stuff of the most dark, Naruto. Seriously." She spoke as she examined the markings over his well-worked abdominal zone. He shrugged.
"I've had worse. Can you fix it, Nimue?" He replied with the same words he gave her every time something similar happened. She gave him an eye-roll.
"You know, if it were someone else, you would already have died from all of the crap you've had in your body. You're lucky you've got the life force of a cockroach. God truly loves you..." She commented as she hovered her hands above his, emanating a green aura as he laughed.
"Yes. Everything I've gotten so far is due to Him. And I am greatful. So tell me, how was your trip to Castalla? You know, that whole King's dark disease or something?" Naruto asked her. He had heard that the King had sent her to the Hispanics in order to heal their leader and thus, forge an alliance. She smiled.
"It was actually really good. The place was beautiful, and the King and Queen couldn't have been more polite and welcoming. You remember that witch-hunt you took part in around there?"
"Yeah?"
"They still remember you for it. When I arrived they immediately asked about you. The Holy Knight of England they called you. They even gave you a nickname. They call you "Dolor", or in our language, "The Pain", because the dark beings just can't get rid of you."
Naruto laughed to himself. His name had reached even western Europe. Dolor, I like that name. He thought.
"Hehehe, now that's good to hear. I've been wanting to think of a cognomen for me, I think Dolor will be just fine." He commented. Because of his light-coloured hair, beard, muscular, bull-like body and blue eyes, as soon as he became a knight, people asked him many times if he came from Castella. Even his brutal hand-to-hand combat style was close to that of the Hispanic Knights.
Nimue stopped healing his stomach and gave a deep sigh. She was worried about him. Naruto was the best of the best when it came to fighting, but no one was made of steel.
"I can't remove this. Merlin's power was gigantic, and he made sure this would stick with you. However, I did place a barrier that will not let that stuff out. I'm going to need you to be more careful. That thing is extremely unstable, and if any powerful dark magic touches it, even I don't know what will happen." She told him. He looked down at the and then back at her eyes. She really did worry about him.
"Don't worry, I won't let it happen."
Six Months Later
"...no way..." One of his soldiers muttered to himself in defeat. This had been their most important mission yet: To recover the Holy Grail.
They had entered a dark cave in Romania, where the ancient prophecy stored in the Vatican had said it would be.
They had been warned. The prophecy spoke that evil of all kinds would be waiting for them, but none had backed off. The veteran soldiers that served Naruto had pushed through succubi, living gargoyles, werewolves, vampires, dark sorcerers and even trolls.
A big, gigantic chamber, build with gothic style in mind was their final arena. Valiantly, they had fought the terrible basilisks, and valiantly, they had survived. Total death count on their side: Five.
They had expected a pedestal with the holy chalice on it, just like most Holy Relics were stored, but this was nothing like that.
We should have guessed... Naruto thought to himself as they looked at the man who had long, white hair, a small beard, a thin moustache, blood-red eyes and a pale face. He wore a dark long coat and a black and red cape on his back as he sat on his onyx throne, his right leg crossing over the left knee as he kept a bored expression on his face.
On his right hand, he held what they recognized as the Holy Grail.
"Dracula..." Another soldier declared. He looked nothing like the legend, but the simply dangerous, blood-thirsty aura he released was a dead give-away. Morale was dead and buried by then. Nobody could defeat the Dark Lord. Nobody.
Gentle claps were heard as the vampire father smiled at them.
"Congratulations on recognizing me, even though I've changed so much in the past few centuries. For that, I commend you, and I offer you a quick death."
He snapped his left fingers, and suddenly, all of Naruto's Fourty-Five elite soldiers exploded in a dark mass of blood and gore.
He, however, did not waver. Mourning would come later.
"I should have guessed such a weak spell would have no effect on someone so touched and gifted by God. Your body and soul have already adapted to this kind of darkness, no? "Dolor"?" The mystic being asked him. His nickname only served to fuel his motivation further.
"Your powers could never hope to hurt a faithful servant of God. Not in the least." He replied, glancing at the Holy Grail. Dracula gave him a wide smile.
"This is a delicious contradiction, isn't it? The most impure being casually drinking from the most holy artifact in the world. It almost makes me laugh."
Naruto shrugged. By the end of the confrontation, he would have the Grail, just like God wanted him to. He took his lance from its back holster, ignoring the pieces of gore and drops of blood that were across it, most from demons, but some from his own kinsmen as they died.
"For committing crimes against humanity and for not only distorting yourself, but fellow men and women, I am here to hand Divine Punishment."
Dracula was enraged.
"WHAT IS A MAN? NOTHING BUT A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS! BUT ENOUGH TALK, HAVE AT YOU!"
The vampire slapped the Grail away, having it fall to the floor like some common item, before exploding into a cloud of black bats that flew towards Naruto.
Trying to beat me with number, huh? He began spinning the lance around, using only his hands, creating an effective shield in front of him.
Light shone as he used a spell to charge electricity into the weapon, creating several jolts of energy around the "shield" as the bats came.
To his surprise, every single one of them avoided the lance with impossible agility and reflexes, allowing them to fly by and pick at his armor.
Each bite tore the steel apart, shocking the blond boy. He spun his weapon around a few more times before clashing the emerald tip of the lance into the ground, releasing a large ammount of power all around him.
A dome of light appeared and expanded, slapping the bats away, if only just momentarily.
He took several deep breaths as he examined his surroundings. His top armor was nothing but useless now, and his helmet was only dead weight.
He took both off, leaving him naked from the waist up, except for his gauntlets, and revealing the worked abdominal region, covered in dark markings.
His body was covered in small nicks, but he was not discouraged. Without all of that weight slowing him down, he could be as fast as possible.
"I smell blood..." Dracula said as the bats aglomerated, giving him shape again. Naruto shot him a smile as he pointed the halberd at him.
"Good, because that's the last thing you shall ever smell!"
The blond dashed at Dracula, giving him a right swipe with the weapon, which was avoided by the vampire leaning back.
He took this chance to spin with the momentum that the weapon's head gave him, and hit the damned being with a left side kick.
A smile appeared on his face as he made contact. However, it quickly disappeared as his left greave went right through Dracula's abdominal zone, which had opened way for it to pass. It then closed around him, and the vampire dove forward, reaching for the boy's neck with his teeth.
Naruto used the lance to slice backwards, forcing Dracula to release him and giving him a chance of survival.
He wouldn't lie, it was a hard battle, and his left greave had been completely wrecked.
"I think you haven't realized it yet. I am indestructible! A measly, unexperienced knight like you could never hope to pose a threat to me."
Naruto dropped the lance in frustration, unsheathing his blade, which he had named Aegislash, and unstrapping the shield from his back, getting prepared for round two as Dracula pulled out his own sword.
They ran towards eachother and clashed, the steel crying out as it clashed against more steel, creating sparks.
Naruto channeled holy electricity through the sword, effectively shocking Dracula and forcing him to let his own fall to the ground.
However, this was not even an annoyance, as Dracula simply spun and planted his left shin on the boy's right side, cracking at least five ribs and sending him flying and tumbling through the floor until he landed by the throne.
"HAHAHAHA, That is pitiful! "THE PAIN", UZUMAKI NARUTO, LORD OF WALES, FOUGHT WITH DRACULA JUST TO BE DEFEATED MOMENTS LATER! THIS IS...delicious... If this is the best that God can come up with, then I have nothing to worry about."
Naruto coughed out blood as he heard those words, utterly despising the dark being that was meters in front of him. He looked around and reached out for the Holy Grail. It smelled of blood, but he ignored it.
"Sano. (Heal in Latin)" He muttered, and with a blinding light, the chalice shone.
Lightning struck through the chamber's ceiling, crashing onto the Grail and coursing through Naruto's body, making his ribs crack as they went back into place and healed. Every single cut and scar on his body was cleansed. All but the dark markings.
Dracula analyzed the blond as he released the Grail, slowly getting up, completely unscathed, wielding his lance again.
"So God's little pet dog has some tricks to show. That's quite fine, let's see how many tricks you pull when you are dead!"
Dracula rushed Naruto, once again wielding his crimson sword, and the Lord of Wales simply swung his weapon, using it almost like an axe.
"Sectis.(Cut)"
The lance shone, and suddenly, Dracula was cut in two.
But instead of both parts falling lifeless, they hovered right where they were supposed to be if he wasn't torn apart.
The vampire looked down.
"Huh. What an annoyance."
His torso reconstructed itself as he shouted a warcry, turning around and ready to slice through the blond knight with his sword.
Suddenly, Naruto's dark markings shone as the black magic of Satan and the pure light of God clashed, making him vomit blood and flash as the sword passed through where he was.
Dracula looked at his sword. There was no blood in it.
He glanced backwards to see that Naruto and all of his gear and weapons were nowhere to be seen. The Holy Grail included.
Somewhere in an Alternate Universe.
A certain blond coughed as the smoke that surrounded him started to dissipate. He was still in the same state as he was when he was fighting Dracula, and his armor was scattered everywhere. Only his gauntlets and greaves were still on him. His lance, sword and shield were also around him.
The Holy Grail was behing held by his right hand.
He stood up, brushing the dust off of his shoulders and body as he took a look at his surroundings.
He was in a curious place with big metalic giants that stood in place and had several square holes on them, closed with transparent material.
All around him things were written in strange symbols, and the people wore strange, revealing clothes. He immediately knew this wasn't home.
Looking at another side, four enormous faces were carved into stone, all of people with small, almost non existent eyes.
He then turned around one last time to find a man creating very strange signs with his hands before spitting a gigantic fireball at the air.
"YES! KATON: GOUKAKYUU, I DID IT!" He squealed in joy. Naruto was horrified. The heresy! This is unforgivable!
He was about to pick up his lance to cleanse the cursed place of the sorcerer when a voice called out for him.
"Hey, you! Don't you know that leaving your weapons around on the street is dangerous? At least seal them into something, like this!" A man with gravity-defying white hair told him, tapping a sheet of paper with weird markings.
With a poof, a four-pointed iron star appeared on his hands.
That was the last drop.
"WHERE IN THE FORNICATION AM I?"
