matt doesnt have enough shit on his desk

you're going to be called over to a private meeting room tomorrow

and she will ask you to sit down as she slowly and quietly closes the door with a look of pain in her eyes

"matt..." she starts, not yet making eye contact. "let's talk about your recent performance metrics"(edited)

you rub your hands nervously, "what would you like to talk about?"

"matt..." he pauses again. "your not meeting your weekly deskoration standards like your peers"

matt starts, "you see, i haven't found any father ted funco pop fig-" he stops as the team lead's face snaps over, eyes locking into matt's powerfully and immediately.

"you're NOT meeting your weekly DESKORATIONS requirements", shouted the lead

"you are going to punch out, march down the road to the mall and enter gamestop and buy the goddamn garbage out of their bins if you have to"

matt absolutely loses his shit, suddenly hulking out as he tears open his pearlescent turqois button down shirt and revealing his zweihander. belching out a gutteral warcry, he drives his elbow with the weight of his body as he reaches back to draw the blade from the sheath it rests in. the lead, taking the surprise blow fully to the face, is launched backwards through the pane of frosted glass and out onto the office floor. sliding on her back through the rubble of safety glass shards, she uses the sudden momentum to roll back onto her feet as two hidden wrist blades free themselves of his tasteful long-sleeve button up blouse, a light blue with small yellow flower print. after sliding on her feet and coming to a halt, she then kicked a pile of the broken glass into matt's eyes.

blinded, matt dove forward into a karate roll. continuing the roll, he swung out his zweihander and began to spin in a whirlwind in an attempt to strike the lead with the pure radius of his retaliation.

the lead, watching the storm of a swinging blade and debris beginning to head her way, readied herself to jump over and strike with a killing blow. however, as she reared down, she saw the trajectory of matt's maelstrom and realized she would carve through his best employee's deskorations. she bit his lip, conflicted with all of the scenarios and choices racing through her head.

knowing the importance of the deskorations, she noded to herself slowly. then, with just a shift of weight, she launched herselfstraight for the swirl.

lead and blade met, and while the blade remained constant, every inch that met became a dark red mist. as the lead disappeared, matt and his blade slowed down. only CENITMETERS from the closes desk, did the blade finally stop and rest on the ground as matt regained his bearings from his hurricane. after his dizzy eyes rolled back into place, matt reached down to all that was left of the lead. picking up the engagement ring the lead had just been given the other day, matt carried it over to his desk, placing it tastefully to the left of his laptop. matt beamed at his new deskoration, his next neighbor took a peek and gave a thumbs up, and matt got back to work

the end