Author Note: This is my new fanfiction :) Please R & R - Reviews are love x


Darkness had long set over Elsinby covering the quaint town with an air of mystery, but also a tinge of sadness as for the third night in a row, Jill found herself unable to sleep, her head swimming with thoughts of the last time she and Gordon were together; the day Caroline had awoken from her coma. He had looked so fragile.

She had wanted to gather him into her arms and hold him. But she couldn't; he wasn't her lover anymore, he was Caroline's husband. She had seen the blatant regret in his eyes as he announced Caroline's recover but she couldn't do a thing about it.

Jill sighed heavily and turned to face the ceiling. Lights danced across the cream aertex every time a car rolled past her flat and the headlights shone through the slight gap in her curtains. She didn't mind anyway; she knew she wasn't going to get any sleep.

For a split second she wondered if she would ever sleep again before dismissing the silly thought.

She couldn't remember the last time she had been like this over a man but then she knew undoubtedly Gordon was the love of her life. She knew she could never feel the same way about anyone else the way she did him.

He had made her feel complete; he made her feel secure, loved and treasured all at the same time. She ached when they were apart and tingled when they were together. Jill was not someone who liked to show her emotions, she tried to be the strongest person in any situation but with Gordon she so frequently allowed her walls to crumble that it felt natural to share everything with him.

Often after a hard day where one of her patients died and she usually go home, drink wine and brood but until then she started going to him, allowing herself to relieve pent up emotions; whether using him as a sounding board for her frustrations or a shoulder to cry on when everything became too overwhelming.

Tears formed I her crystal eyes but she angrily swiped at them, erasing their existence. She hated being awake when the rest of the world was asleep; it made time feel like it had slowed down or stopped completely. It provided plenty of time to reflect on the last few days events.

She remembered waking up in Gordon's arms before the call about Caroline's miraculous recovered had come through. She remembered the cold icy feeling of dread that had settled in her stomach, mainly because it had remained there since, only now it was laced with depression.

The past 3 days seemed like an eternity as Gordon had apologetically explained he needed to give his marriage another chance for the sake of his children. She hadn't cried then; she simply explained that she understood and she could cause no trouble from him. She hadn't cried that day; she worked her surgery with a semi-cheerful smile. She didn't cry when Lizzie bade her goodnight or when she got into her car and drove home.

The coldness of the flat combined with the loneliness eventually brought the tears to her eyes as she had poured herself a glass of wine. It suddenly occurred to her when the harsh winter hit and her boiler would pack up as it had done the year before, Gordon wouldn't be there to make her a fire and warm her with his body.

After the first two hours of crying exhausted her but she still couldn't sleep and eventually she felt numb until she through the same scenario the next day and the day after that until forever.

Three days ago she had woken up the happiest woman alive and now uncharacteristically for her, she suddenly didn't feel like living anymore. She tried to chastise herself, she had never based herself on a relationship with a man before but this had been different; she didn't know how or why but it had. She hadn't realised she had been crying yet again until the shrill ring of her telephone broke her thoughts and she realised her cheeks were wet. She threw a hesitant glance at the clock; 2.13am.

She thought it would have to have been the hospital; no one else would call her that early.

"Great." She murmured as she pulled on her flannel beige dressing gown over the checked shirt and loose pyjama bottoms she wore. Both too big because they belonged to Gordon.

She shivered as the cold penetrated the layers of clothing and dug beneath her skin; separating flesh from feeling.

The shrill calling continued as she padded barefoot across the landing towards the front door to where the phone lay at the end. She picked it up hastily, raising it to her ear.

"Doctor Weatherill." She spoke loud and clear, but thanks to her heavy crying session, her voice was thick and made her sound as if she had been awoken from a deep sleep.

"Hello." A soft voice answered. She recognised it immediately; it was the same voice that had whispered sweet nothings to her every time they made love.

"Hi." She almost whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" He replied lovingly; his concern for her made her heart ache.

"Erm… no. I couldn't sleep." She admitted, to which he replied that he couldn't either before the pair lapsed into silence, neither daring to breathe.

"Jill I know it won't change anything, but I needed you to know. I love you. I love you so much." Gordon's voice cracked slightly, indicating the entire sincere truth and depth to his words. Jill sank to the floor, tears streaming down her cheek and choking her.

"I know," she finally strained. "I love you too."

Gordon took a shaky breath and for a moment, Jill thought he was going to cry.

"I just wish…" He started but Jill cut him off.

"Don't please." She breathed and on his end, even though she couldn't see him, he nodded understandingly.

"Just remember, please." He responded softly before she hung up the phone, unable to hear anymore as thoughts of their last morning together flashed through her mind and swam before her eyes.

She remembered how passion had ignited in a matter of seconds. How he had tenderly made love to her before encircling her in his arms afterwards as he told her how beautiful she was and how he had wished she had been the mother of his children, how he wished she was his wife. She remembered how this had made her cry and how he had lovingly kissed away her tears and they settled into a comfortable silence, their legs entwined tightly together. The last time she slept.