A oneshot by xxpiratexx (Rose)
Summary: What does a Marauder do when he's bored? Why, bother his pregnant wife, of course!
A/N: Super sorry for the long wait! Enjoy anyways. That's all. Seriously. Super short Author's Note.
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James Potter, stretched out to maximum length on his favorite green sofa, is bored.
Not a good thing.
When Marauders are bored, dangerous things usually happen.
Usually? Are you kidding? Dangerous things always happen! So many dangerous things happen that when a Marauder is bored, numerous people have learned to expect to expect the unexpected!
The unexpected becomes expected and reality is twisted. Or, you know, just scrapped and replaced with…you guessed it…something that isn't reality!
Talk about crazy.
Back to James Potter. The Bored Marauder…being bored….right there…on the couch. He is plotting with his devious little mind.
It is definitely time to expect to expect the unexpected, and get out a super-large trashcan, because reality is about to be pitched.
James Potter has stayed bored for five minutes. Well, maybe not bored…he has been plotting something.
James Potter, Marauder Extraordinaire, has taken five minutes to plan something. Five whole minutes! His elaborate scheme is about to be put in action.
The Bored Marauder is examining his surroundings. He reaches up to where a paper lotus is hanging and takes it down. He then tiptoes over to the fuzzy dice, which placidly sit on a piece of furniture, and picks them up as well. He deftly places the paper lotus where the fuzzy dice once innocently sat and hangs the dice on the ceiling, where the lotus hung not forty-five seconds ago.
He resumes his stretched-out position on the sofa, waiting for his wife, Lily, to notice his dastardly deed.
He decides that his position is not innocent enough, and instead of being worthless (though, of course, a Marauder is always worth something, even when they are worthless), goes to make Lily a post-shopping snack.
He takes out their festive Mexican bowls and fills one to the brim with his homemade salsa ("Just about the only thing you CAN make!") and fills the other with potato chips.
As soon as he adds the last potato chip to his perfectly innocent pile, the door opens and Lily and her shopping bags enter the room. As soon as the shopping bags are placed in their rightful positions, Lily takes a chip and heaps it with salsa and eats it as only a hungry pregnant woman can.
Lily looks around, then gasps. "JAMES! JAMES POTTER! You…you…horrid, insensitive, BEAST!"
James has taken up his 'innocent' pose and does not say anything.
"I PUT the PAPER LOTUS there for a reason! And the fuzzy dice were supposed to be over there, not hanging on the ceiling like…paper lotuses! I read about Feng Shui, and I redecorated to match all the standards for a happy, safe home, but YOU just HAVE to ruin everything by…"
James tunes her out and picks up his wand, replaces the fuzzy dice where they once sat and hangs the lotus from the ceiling once more. Then he snickers to himself, and his 'innocent' rays send out an even stronger signal.
"Lily, dearest, what are you talking about? The dice and the paper lotus are right where you left them."
"No, James, they are most CERTAINLY NOT—Oh."
"It's all right, darling."
"I must be going senile," Lily muttered to herself with a half-smile.
"It must be a side effect of pregnancy." James quipped.
"James! How…"
But Lily's retort falls on deaf ears, for James Potter, Marauder Extraordinaire, has resumed his position on the couch and, no longer bored, is drifting off to sleep.
Rest assuredly, everyone, for though James is occupied now, be prepared to expect to expect the unexpected tomorrow. James is thinking of changing the color of the curtains.
