a/n: rated t for: general angst, minor language (such as "what the hell" or "dammit". & maybe some blurred swears), depressing infertility/low feritily & maybe a suggestive joke once.

hope you enjoy :)

ALSO ALSO ALSO I GOT MY FRIEND HOOKED ON KEEPER AND SHE SHIPS SOPHITZ AND I JUST SKKSJSKSJS. I'M SO PROUD.


They'd started trying almost immediately after they had gotten married. And if they were being completely honest with themselves, some part of them may have even been trying before they were married—"accidentally" forgetting or conveniently skipping the pill and stuff like that.

Ever since they'd confessed their rather deep feelings for one another and had decided to give dating a shot, they'd always discussed having a little bundle of joy in their future. All that they desired in their life were children—or even just a child—to coddle and coo over. Little Vacker babies to share their lives with.

And after walking down that aisle, they both knew they didn't want to wait. They both wanted one and there was nothing holding them back.

It wasn't like elves could have financial problems like humans, and the only thing that would ever hold Sophie back from having a kid were two variables.

A) The scary thought that the father of her baby would abandon her because he had only wanted something like a one night stand, or just didn't want the responsibility of another living being. However, she could rest very well and very easily with full confidence that that would never happen with Fitz.

And her second variable, was B) the pain. She'd always been concerned when she was younger about the unbearable pain she would have to endure in order to get a child, but praise the Council that elves didn't have pain during labor.

So, with her only two determining variables checked off the list, why not get started early?

They tried right away on the night of their honeymoon, wearing matching grins on their faces as they crawled into the large bed in their new house. Their house—all to themselves.

Being freshly married, the experience would have been a little thrilling on its own, but the fact that they were trying to have a baby somehow made Sophie's insides squirm and flutter more than she thought possible.

They spent their entire honeymoon doing the . . . do . . . over and over and afterwards they both agreed that they were equally exhausted, but had thought they gave it a very good chance.

Sophie cried the first time it didn't work.

She cried occasionally whenever she was frustrated or in immense pain, but she tried to hold back from crying as much as she could. And this was definitely not one of the times that she could contain it.

There was a bit of a flash of disappointment in Fitz's eyes as she came out of the bathroom, covering her mouth and sobbing. She didn't have the test in her hands—he guessed it was discarded in the trash—but he didn't need to look at it to have his answer.

He shook off his disappointment and sadness, taking over his role as protective husband as he held her closely to his chest. Her body shook uncontrollably from her sobs and he felt more than a little helpless.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, Soph," he comforted softly, rubbing her back and kissing her temple. "We're young. We've got time, alright? Lots of time. We'll be absolutely fine. We'll just try again, okay?"

Sophie refused to try again for a bit, setting aside the time when Fitz was away at his work and when she was at home and off, to research fertility and other variables of elvin pregnancies. The more she delved into the search, the more she discovered.

She should have guessed it, but it felt a little weird with how powerful and advanced the elves were to know that infertility was a thing that could occur. It wasn't common—in fact it was quite rare—but she was beginning to feel that she was infertile.

Maybe it was because of the way the Black Swan has tweaked her genes and it has occurred accidentally without them realizing. Maybe the rebel group had entirely planned on finding a way to make her infertile. Maybe it was just something that occurred naturally to her and her body.

Either way, she had a dreading feeling in the pit of her stomach that it wasn't just a one time thing.

She brought it up with Fitz and he immediately denied her theory, trying to convince his wife that it was all in her head. It happened sometimes where completely fertile couples just didn't get it on some tries, right?

But then they tried again and it failed. And again. And again.

And after months and months of constantly tiring all of their reserves in every attempt to get the baby they so dearly wanted, Sophie was beginning to lose hope. And she was exhausted from it all. It just felt like unneeded drama for a hopeless case.

Sophie and Fitz sat on their bed, a light sheen of sweat covering their bodies from their latest efforts. She cuddled close to him, regretting putting on such warm, thick pajamas—she was burning.

Her only option was to either put on new pajamas or move further away from Fitz. Neither of those were happening, because she was too tired and lazy to get up from the bed and change all over again, and she didn't want to leave her husband's embrace.

He kissed her forehead, snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her as close as she could possibly get until she was practically being smothered. Not that she really minded: she liked his displays of affection. Most guys didn't do that.

"I'm sure we have it this time, okay?" he whispered into her hair.

She nodded, nuzzling into his chest and slowly falling into a deep slumber.

She got her period three days later.